usgator Reviews

Marina Monster (2008 Video)

Simply awful

[1/10 · 11 September 2014]

I am not sure if I am able to review this movie since I could only stand to watch about 10 minutes of it. Then again, maybe that makes me even more qualified to comment on this waste.

Without a doubt the worse "fish that eat people" movie. People literally fall, or are pushed, into the water and a fish (not sure what kind since I didn't stick around long enough to identify) appears instantly and eats them all, at the same time! You don't actually see anyone get eaten they just disappear under water.

Seriously, avoid this one, there are no redeeming values at all in it. Terrible on all levels.

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

The first and still the best

[10/10 · 2 August 2013]

I am not sure how to go about reviewing this movie since it is my favorite of all time. I watch it every Halloween, without fail, as well as several other of this type. We are talking about a 30 year span here and I still love it!

As a MAJOR horror movie buff since the age of about 10, this is the ONLY one that ever terrified me. I saw it in an extremely cut version, as a Saturday afternoon TV movie, and it still left a big impression on me. Most of the "gory" scenes were cut but it still scared the heck out of me. Everything about this movie works: from the claustrophobic atmosphere to the black-and-white cinematography ... and everything in between. Director George Romero is, and always will be, the king of the flesh-eating zombie movies.

This is the gold star of low budget horror flix. If you have not seen it, and are a horror movie fan, this is a MUST see. Do NOT hesitate, see it now, but remember this movie was made in 1968 and much of the shock value has faded as it has been done in 1000 movies since then. Keep in mind that THIS is the film the pushed the "gore" envelope and was the first modern zombie horror film and you can not help but be impressed. Once you see it you will also be compelled to see Romero's equally good sequels ... "Dawn of the Dead" (1978), "Day of the Dead" (1985) and "Land of the Dead" (2005). The other 2 ("Diary.." and "Survival ..") are not up to par, but still better than most of the other movies of this genre, no matter what the "critics" on IMDb say.

In closing, I cannot recommend this film enough for the serious, and open minded, horror movie fan.

Still a Teen Movie (2009)

Just simply awful

[1/10 · 3 June 2012]

Okay, this movie is just plain bad, on every level, from direction to acting to cinematography. I know it was made quickly, and on a VERY cheap budget, but that is no excuse for this bottom of the barrel crud. The title makes it seem (to me anyway) as if it a sequel to "Not Another Teen Movie", but it has nothing to do with it. Basically it is just a bunch of swear words and nudity. Normally this is not a problem, especially in a movie of this type, but even that is badly handled.

IMDb forces us to submit at least 10 lines for a review but I am not sure what I can say about this film so I must keep typing. It's not easy.

Do yourself a favor and pass this junk by.

Electric Zombies (2006 Video)

It doesn't get worse than this

[1/10 · 3 December 2009]

Unlike most of the "modern" zombie movies like Dawn of the Dead, the zombies in this film are people under mind control and commit acts of suicide and/or murder after receiving a call on their cell phones. I can relate, I had the same urge while watching this crud.

Plot: Something about mind control, government agents, drug dealers and undercover cops. Hard to follow, not because it's a complex story, it's just that trying to follow the awful editing, sound, cinematography, acting, etc makes it not worth the effort. It's so jumbled and incoherent that I gave up trying and started counting the slats in my window blinds, I have 26 of them.

Acting: The "actors" kept sneaking glances at the camera while woodenly mumbling random, made up sentences, well, the ones I could actually hear.

Casting: The drug dealers look about as harmless as puppies and the undercover cops couldn't crack a case unless it was labeled 'Budweiser'. The top government agent appears to have picked his clothes out in the 70's while on vacation in Panama.

Dialogue: I dunno, couldn't hear most of it.

Sound: Two flavors 1). So low you have to turn up the volume all the way and then ... 2). Scrambling to turn it down when someone yells, or hellishly loud rock and rap blasts you out of your peaceful slumber.

Lighting: None, nature provides it all. I guess that helps stretch the budget a bit further.

Editing: Slowly fade to black and slowly fade back in. Repeat.

Music: Extremely loud rap or heavy metal with very explicit language. Your neighbors are gonna love hearing this while you frantically reach for the volume control. None of the songs seemed connected to the movie in any way, and were chosen for no obvious reason.

Cinematography: Hand held camcorder with all the fuzzy, grainy, out of focus fun that goes with it.

Special effects: It's amazing what a $3.00 "Halloween Makeup Kit" from Walgreens can do for your film.

Overall: 1 out of 10 stars. I gave it a pity point because at least they had the wisdom to have one not-too-bad looking gal give us a few flashes, it helps a bit. Also, the lowest score you can give is one, so I had no choice.