bcalj Reviews

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

The Goonies goto war: As George W. Bush would tell you how WWII went down.

[1/10 · 21 December 2005]

You have to love a war movie, which just like 'Goonies' is based around a serious of characters, all of which have one defining characteristic, and go on a quest, finding out who they are along the way.

As 'Goonies' had the fat kid, the Asian genius, the smart-arse; 'Ryan' has the religious guy, the cowardly guy, and smart-arse, among others. As the 'Goonies' fought impossible odds, so too do the American soldiers of the 'Ryan' cast.

And WWII is seen as it really happened, with the Heroic American's fighting for the cause of good single-handedly, against those crazy Germans! Canadian's, British, French, and even Commonwealth soldiers don't feature on this Western front. And nor would they, with this being an American film starring Tom Hanks, they should be neglected from such "history". There's only room for the central character's and there quest for flag waving glory!

When this film was first released it was sold as being so accurate it was a history lesson within a piece of entertainment. But blood and guts don't make for accuracy. And American's, for whom this was meant only saw war as a glorious celebration of the stars-n-stripes. To this day, America has used WWII not as a warning, but as a starting point. Lost in this film was the supposed anti-war message, with nationalism the resounding lesson that this filth passed onto it's American viewers. George W. Bush must surely love this piece of violent film making at it's worst.

Forget about this Goonies rip, and just check out the original, it's far less offensive, and a lot more entertaining.

Blood Hands (1990)

"Re-al-ah-taye!"

[1/10 · 10 October 2005]

From Top to Bottom, one of the best ever! 'Blood Hands' is masterpiece of film making, and a truly great movie.

'Blood Hands' is a film which puts reality first, and chooses not to live in a fantastic world of simple brutality, unlike other martial arts films produced by less visionary talents. This film exists in the here and now, with only the present as it's guide, and as it's bible to the world around us. We learn about kick boxing as it really is; and are taught that vengeance will always have its price.

We see the reality of violence, and are warned of its nature. Yes, this tale is a complex morality piece, and one that exposes hidden truths within us all. We see how perpetrators of heinous acts can be undone, and how justice will provably.

We see, reassuringly so, that the institutions that bind our society together, also bind the world of 'Blood,' keeping the film relevant to the public. One such institution is that of the police, and police work is the heart of this film. All central characters study clues, and do their best to find the killers of a kindly foster-child raising couple, and an angry supermarket owner. As everyone knows the only real clue to any serious murder would be a gaudy, and somewhat campy object left by the killers at the scene. They leave such fantasy crime fighting devices as eyewitness accounts, fingerprints, and DNA-testing behind. These count for nothing in the real world.

As well as being beautifully atmospheric and incredibly realistic, we also see a technically well made film. The dialogue and acting stand out, with a super grasp of both fundamentals being displayed upon screen. With supreme acting talent on show, including such stand-outs as star Sean Donahue leading the charge, not too mention a dynamite script, one with a real message, so we feel for the characters. We realise that this is more than just a movie. This film is showing us a way of life.

Morality, with an emphasis on the youth of today, is given the highest degree importance. Young people now know that "vio-lence is a re-al-ah-taye of our lives." Such lessons are missing from today's pictures, and this one is superbly delivered to the audience.

'Blood Hands' is a film of love and openness. There is a most touching coming out scene where a young man named Bruce hollers to his evil father that he wants to just be himself, "I just wanna be Bruce! I just wanna be Bruce!" We feel for him, and his character is shown to survive the events depicted vividly on screen, despite his mullet, and the many severe beatings he takes. He can live, as he renounced evil, and walked toward the light. Again, such moral messages are left behind in martial arts film of today. 'Blood' is about The Love.

'Blood Hands' raises the bar and lets you into the world of danger associated with top level kick boxing, and lets you love it's characters. Could this be the definitive martial arts film of our time?

Whipped (2000)

The worst film of all time.

[1/10 · 11 July 2005]

It just seems bizarre that someone read this script, and thought, "This is funny! I mean, it's so hilarious it just has to be made!" Who was this person? Is he or she the person really responsible for this? Are they the one's who owe me for my time, more so than the director/writer?

This film stinks in most every way possible. There's no one shred of good dialogue, and not one likable character. And the story...

I prefer the 2nd worst movie ever, Hulk Hogan's "No Hold's Barred" to this by quite a considerable degree. It seems almost Shakespearen in comparison.

The ending is padded out with several minutes of outtakes, and it's still under 80 minutes. The outtakes include cast members laughing at the 'hilarious' mistakes they've made, and things that went wrong on the set of this 'comedy.' Glad to see someone laughing in someway, with some connection to this 'film.'

Nothing in this film is funny. Nothing. It just goes on, and on. It's truly that lame. I love films that are so bad they're good. This is so bad it's...something, but I don't know what, and hopefully will never find out.

Amanda Peet doesn't suck outright, and is in fact the only half good thing about this wannabe film. But, that really means little.

Avoid at all costs.

Saving Silverman (2001)

This movie IS funny...

[8/10 · 11 July 2005]

...Only due to the comedic excellence of Jack Black and Steve Zahn. Amanada Detmer and R.Lee Ermy also rock in support, along with the one and only Neil Diamond.

The reason why this film was not a riot was due to (multiple)bad title's, poor direction, and by implying to the public that the tosser from American Pie and Amanda (Whipped) Peet were the main characters. They are not! They are seriously unfunny! But Jack Black and and Steve Zahn carry this film and lift it to occasional points of hilarity... making you yearn for a non-sequel follow-up in which they get to do even more of the same.