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Lost in Fuseta - Ein Krimi aus Portugal 2 (2022)
Thanks GEZ
The first movie of the German public broadcasting that I've watched in years and a stark reminder of why I sold my TV years ago. Flat, boring, foreseeable, just like all the other German. But while privately owned broadcasting stations can do with their money what they want, this is produced with the money I'm forced to pay every month without even possessing a tv or a radio for that matter. The fact that I'm forced to pay of 19 bucks a month so that people produce that crap actually makes me sad and angry. It's like daylight robbery with added insult and mandated by the state.
Watch if you're looking something boring to fall asleep to, avoid otherwise.
In the Shadow of the Moon (2019)
Welcome to the abyss once called cinema
I'd have given this a 5/10 from a purely technical point of view. There are glaring plotholes and the usual inconsistencies that plague most sub-par time travel movies - no biggie here. However, when the motivation of the time traveler gets clearer, this flick takes a sinister turn.
The message that hollywood - represented by netflix once more - sends again and again is crystal clear by now. I don't have to spell it out for you, since every single one reading this comment - no matter your political affiliation - knows exactly what I mean. The only question that matters is:
Do you agree? Do you accept the message? Do you suppport the message? Do you propagate it yourself? Or do you resent it? Do you even openly oppose it? The camps of those who are willing to give clear answers, being fully aware of their consequences, grow by the day. And with the size of the camps on both sides of the great divide grows the anger, and the divide itself grows with it.
Imagine if the roles were reversed, would you still support the message?
If you'd be the one to shoot an innocent man because you're convinced that he will do evil in the future; if you see your action, and only yours, as the only righteous one; if you commit a crime against humanity to prevent a crime against humanity, you have become the very thing you're trying just so hard to eradicate. If you agree with the message, then you gazed into the abyss for too long, and I've come to tell you that the abyss gazed back into you.
I'm sick and tired of the message, and I'm sick and tired of them. Their actions made me care and without their actions I wouldn't have to act. But what can a man do, when he wakes up every day just to find the abyss gazing into him?
Get Out (2017)
A well crafted racist travesty
I won't go into the details of the film, because there is no need to once you know the premise. The premise is: Whitey evil, black man best.
All the black characters are solely filled with positive attributes, all the white characters are nothing but negatives. If the roles were reversed, there'd be a huge outcry, but of course in this day and age, noone would dare to make such a movie.
"Get Out" is just the latest of a long, long line of anti-white movies, enjoyed by the regressive left, celebrated by so-called critics who'd not dare to speak poorly of this movie, and hyped by the plethora of anti-white POC.
The thing is: I bet that with every movie like this, there will be more (white) people waking up to what the media is doing, more people will see the blatant double standards, more people will get sick of the ruling narrative. The pendulum will inevitebly swing back. Do you really want to fuel a race war? Because with an endless tsunami of racist stuff like this, a race war is exactly what you'll fuel.
I am sick of it
The story, if it wasn't for the travesty described above, would've been ok, albeit nothing special.
A Quiet Place (2018)
Predictable, cringe-worthy, average, artificially heart-wrenching
Set in a post apocalyptic world that is overrun by monsters without a backup story, who can shred through metal and really must hate thunderstorms, surviving is hard. What makes surviving even harder is that everybody has an IQ of 83. Albeit the nameless and dim-witted characters can write down "sound proofing", the concept of glueing stuff to walls seems to be too complicated to them, although their lives depend on it.
Besides not talking, their biggest hobby seems to be getting each other in trouble
by constantly making grave errors. This concept, that works very well for "The Office" is not suited for a movie like this.
Predictable, cringe-worthy, average, forcibly heart-wrenching and frankly the tiny bit too stupid. Despite a very interesting setting, this was a massive let down.
Green Room (2015)
Zugzwang
I never watch trailers and go into movies with knowing as little as possible.
This movie stunned me.
I could applaud the acting, the pacing, the realistic violence or the story as a whole, but what kept me at the edge of my seat was the human nature of the characters. They all clearly have underlying motives for what they're doing and subsequently are all constantly put in fierce Zugzwang.
Everything in this movies makes sense. People simply do what they have to do and constantly try to shape their own luck. They are no idiots, they just keep finding them in impossible situations and try to make the best out of it.
This movies is excellent in what it's trying to do and I can highly recommend it.
Das Boot (2018)
One of the best things to turn off
The title tells us that this series sets out to be about a submarine and its crew, like the original 80s classic did. What we got feels more like a pseudo-tough telenovela and is an insult to both Das Boot and the viewers.
The first slap in out faces is the absolute mess of an unnecessary subplot about a mostly female resistance group they force upon us. A plot that does nothing to further the story we came to see, but gives the series plenty of chance to virtue signal and drag out the show.
The crew of the submarine meanwhile is a farce of a military unit. Constant arguments and fights, physical confrontations between the man, torture even, not punished or even commented on by the officers, the crew often doing what they want without receving commands. While the crew of the original Boot were complex human beings, the writers of this show chose sadists, traitors and walking stereotypes in general to be their vessels. Several scenes are outright cringeworthy in their exaggeration, entire streches bearly watchable because of how absurdly set up it is.
This show combines the worst elements of German and American cinema and should be avoided.
2/10
Nightflyers (2018)
Just don't
An absolute chaotic mess of a show. Literally nothing makes any sense whatsoever. The characters are neurotic idiots, the rules of what's possible and what's not are nonexistent, there is absolutely no coherence in the abomination they call a story.
I've sat through all 10 episodes and believe me when I say, I won't get better.
Avoid.
Fury (2014)
Great production value, bad movie
A typical American war movie. Great production value, great effects and visuals, pretty to look at. The story however is rather dull and often not credible. What makes the film just bad is the often seen, stupid-as-bread behavior of the German soldiers. They all seem to suffer from the stormtrooper-syndrome, being unable to hit anything and charge into enemy fire while trying to attack tanks with their bear hands and small arms up close, just to get mowed down like lemmings. Laughable. Fury also features what must be the kindest rape scene in the history of movies. If the director decides to include a brutal face of war like that (and I think it's definitely good to do that) it has to be done in a credible way. But the way it turns out in Fury it's more that Emma is just a cheap slut who, silly enough, falls in love with the soldier after just a few minutes.
The climax of silliness is of course the final scene, where the heroic soldiers die their heroic deaths as expected, while taking out a whole battalion of aggressively shouting SS-Lemmings.
If you want to watch a proper war movie set in the second world war, watch "Das Boot" or "Stalingrad", if you want cheap entertainment without surprises, watch Fury.
Outlander (2014)
Hero saves damsel before she is being raped - but don't be sad, there will be sex!
***MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD - if you should actually care***
I was not aware that the series was based on a book, but since I am very interested in the topic of travelling back in time I decided to give it a try.
I managed to watch all the Episodes available so far (the first 9 episodes of season 1) before I had to ragequit the series.
I am a 27 year old male and it was pretty obvious very soon that this series is aimed at girls, especially young and/or desperate girls it seems. The whole time it looked like a teenage girl's wet dream. Still, it could develop in a interesting way I thought, with rich character development, a story full of interesting historic facts, depicting the rough life of the time including how the characters had to make harsh decisions, etc. pp.
Oh how wrong I was.
So far the series followed that tough, "smart" (not so smart as it turns out) and constantly horny 20th century woman who accidentally travels back in time. She spends her time thinking about two things: 1. How to travel back to her time, back to her husband 2. When to bang Gingerguy (who is obviously not her husband)
The series asks us intriguing questions such as: - Will she sleep with Gingerguy? (Just kidding, of course she's going to) - When will she sleep with him? (after ~6 weeks) - How awesome is Gingerguy actually? (very awesome obviously, what did I expect...he is nothing short of a hero!)
Aaaand, well that's actually it. 9 hours into it and I could summarize the plot with less than 30 words.
The latter seems way more important to her, since within six weeks she actually only tries to get back twice. Ah, love sweet love.
In this series you may expect fascinating elements, such as:
- The flattest villain of them all (unlike the awesome villain of another starz series, "Da Vinci's Demons") who tries to rape the damsel after exactly 97 seconds during their first encounter. - The flattest hero (Gingerguy) of them all, who is wrongfully punished and pursued by the villain ever since the villain wanted to rape Gingerguy's sister. But damn is he awesome, infiltrating a whole castle all on his own, just armed with an unloaded pistol, to save the damsel right when the villain wants to rape her the second time. Thankfully Gingerguy saves her in time, oh boy was I nervous. - Rough, Scottish man-talk - Green meadows and green hills - Houses made out of stone - Naughty thoughts and sexy talk - An upcoming catfight between the damsel and some girl who also wants to bang Gingerguy
To be fair I haven't read the book, but judging by the series it seems oddly familiar with a certain kind of book. In German these books are called "Groschenroman" or "Schundroman" (Penny-novel or Garbage-novel). The defining characteristic of these piles of paper is always a damsel in distress who is a great human being, but incapable of doing...anything in the end. So she needs the stereotypical, flat, flawless hero who is going to rescue her. Thankfully those stories somehow always seem to end well, so no tears must me shed.
The sad part is that the topic had a huge potential! I don't want to blame starz, because the series is actually made quite well. The pace, the visuals, all is fine. It's the source I "blame". "Blame", because I realize there are people out there who like these kind of boring, wet dreams, and I won't judge them.
So if you like - rape fantasies - perfect heroes - boring villains - or the Scottish accent then this series is for you.
For everyone else there are a lot of good series out there to watch.