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nickcarr
Reviews
Masters of Horror: The Screwfly Solution (2006)
One of the worst
I've now written reviews for several of the MoH episodes, and this is among the worst. An interesting premise at the beginning is completely abandoned by the time the credits roll. If watching people things they never would in real life amuses you ("let's check out the basement!"), then this is your show. Except, it's not amusing or entertaining - it's just annoying.
The extent of the virus is never, ever showed. I can very much overlook the fact that it affects men only, as the resulting situation is very, very frightening. But then things deteriorate as daughter lets OBVIOUSLY deranged dad into the home, and ultimately dies at his hands. The woman flees north, and runs into a few tens situations. Then, some sort of spirit or alien or something appears and saves her (things that make you go HUH?). Or something. Then, she is huddling for warmth. The end.
Awful. These directors are mailing this tripe in.
Masters of Horror: Pro-Life (2006)
Sooooooooo bad
I'm not sure if Carpenter is looking to raise questions on abortion, and make the really heavy-handed and obvious point that a woman should be allowed an abortion if Satan is the father, but it drags on and on. Ron Perlman is laughable. The baby is really stupid looking, basically a crab with a baby head mounted on it. You can pretty much see the material on the Satan costume. What a mess. This episode has about five minutes of story and 55 minutes of tedium. Very, very bad. And the ending is just ridiculous. After learning his baby is dead, does the devil destroy the abortion clinic and kill everyone in a huge, bloody, gory, uproar? NO! He just puts his head down and sulks out of the room. Terrible.
Masters of Horror: The V Word (2006)
Absolutely pathetic
I have a feeling that strict horror fans are the ones writing positive reviews of the Masters of Horror episodes, as they have been mostly abysmal thus far. This episode in particular is particularly awful - the first half absolutely does not make use of its creepy setting. The reasons for why the kids go there is questionable, and the backstory surrounding the protagonist and his father is absolutely idiotic. Halfway through, the episode completely shifts gears and turns into a vampire story, and gets even more ridiculous when the revelation is made about who the head vampire is. The show practically caves in on itself by the time the end credits roll. What a waste of time. Avoid like the plague.
Masters of Horror: Dreams in the Witch-House (2005)
OK beginning gets worse and worse
I love HP Lovecraft, and I fully support any filmmaker who attempts to bring his work to screen. I'm not a stickler on retaining the original material - Re-Animator and Dagon both department significantly from their sources yet capture the Lovecraft tone better than any other attempt.
And to some degree, Gordon does some good stuff with Witch House. At the end, however, I have to concede that it's pretty badly done. Some of the concepts, including "angles," are tedious as hell to read in the original short story and just plain goofy on the screen. The rat creature is the most ridiculous, laugh-out-loud bad make-up job in recent memory. And any logic the film tries to string together falls apart in the last fifteen minutes. I totally appreciated the gruesome ending, but it didn't make up for the multitude of unanswered questions. How does this crap keeping getting greenlit? The house itself, which should be a centerpiece of New England foreboding, is pretty disappointing. Ezra Godden is always fun to watch, and does a good job here.
Masters of Horror: Family (2006)
This was absolutely horrible
This episode of Masters was, like a good majority of them, stupid, boring, and ridiculous - and ultimately, NOT SCARY. This could easily have been condensed to 30 minutes. The scenes involving Harold talking to the various skeletons around his house are laughably bad, and drag on endlessly. You figure out the ending pretty early on, and when it finally rolls around, the shock is all but lost.
Basically, this 1) not scary, 2) not gory, 3) not funny, and 4) very stretched. To call the director a Master of Horror (um, we'll all conceded American Werewolf, but why else? Twilight Zone? Innocent Blood? Come to think of it, Blue Bros. 2000 was pretty scary) is a stretch.