Conan The Destroyer (1984) Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Grace Jones, Wilt Chamberlain, Tracey Walter, Mako, Sarah Douglas, Olivia d'Abo, Pat Roach, Jeff Corey, Sven-Ole Thorsen, André the Giant and Ferdy Mayne Directed By: Richard Fleischer Review THE MOST POWERFUL LEGEND OF ALL IS BACK IN A NEW ADVENTURE. After the first Conan film making it big at the box office a sequel was on the cards an not just a sequel but apparently Arnold was signed on for a ten year contract with Deno De Laurentiis, the plan was to produce a Conan movie every two years. After watching this I wish that was the case. Conan the Destroyer features the hero (Arnold Schwarzenegger) as he is commissioned by the queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas) to safely escort a teen princess (Olivia D'Abo) and her powerful bodyguard (Wilt Chamberlain) to a far away castle to retrieve the magic Horn of Dagon. Unknown to Conan, the queen plans to sacrifice the princess when she returns and inherit her kingdom after the bodyguard kills Conan. The queen's plans fail to take into consideration Conan's strength and cunning and the abilities of his sidekicks: the eccentric wizard Akiro (Mako), the wild woman Zula (Grace Jones), and the inept Malak (Tracey Walter). Together the hero and his allies must defeat both mortal and supernatural foes in this voyage to sword-and-sorcery land. This follow-up was made to address the issues fans had with the first movie. They put in a higher fantasy element and the film was more outlandish and colorful much like the comic from Marvel(funny actually) from the 1970s-1993. It left fans of the first film disappointed(shocked I am not) many cited the change of tone and push for a more family- friendly approach as the wrong way to go but on the plus side some critics felt it was a fun sword/sorcery film that was obviously faithful to the Marvel comics, since Edward R. Pressman suggested that the writer of those comics Roy Thomas write the script. The ending was suppose to have a demon instead but things seemed to expensive and they had to be scaled down. Roy and Gerry weren't happy with the end result of the script. Universal and Dino wanted to maximize profits for the sequel and the best course of action was to try and reduce the rating to a PG and appeal to younger viewers. Arnold expressed his concern on the reduced violence he felt they were going to alienate the fans and would cause problems with its success, but he still had fun making the film. Arnold is back and he does a pretty good job in the film, I can't necessarily say that he was just as good as he was in the first because I don't think hes that good here but hes still the person that will always come to mind when I think of Conan. He put on an extra ten pounds for the role. Sarah Dogulas who plays queen Taramia is just as great as she is in another comic book movie Superman II. Grace Jones plays Zula a character who was originally a man and created by Roy Thomas in the Marvel comics. Olivia d'Abo in her film debut and was only 15 years old at the time of shooting plays the beautiful princess Jehnna, for her film debut she did pretty good but was mostly screaming every time she got captured which for some could be pretty annoying but it didn't bother me. Tracey Walter plays Malick a thief who works along side Conan and is a bit of a coward who doesn't care much for the quest. Mako is back as Akiro the wizard to help Conan fight off other wizards along the way and is only other returning cast member from the first movie. The movies visual effects are still pretty great despite usage of blue screen. But the miniatures are the effects that are the best, like the castles and expand the world. The beast the wizard turns into is a nice design but doesn't give the actor much to do with his facial features. The winged creature that he also turns into is also nicely executed. The films goal was not only to capitalize on the success of the first film but to also make a more comic book style sword and sorcery adventure. The story and other characters do feel pretty weak given how good there performers are. The film does have quite a few problems such as that and can suck you out of it if your looking for something more. The tone is also not consistent with its first movie which is kind of problem considering how masterful I think that movie is. Conan The Destroyer is a fun watch but don't expect the first movie. Its goal was to have a higher fantasy elements and be more colorful towards children. With that in mind I think its great as a stand- alone film not as a sequel and I'm a huge sucker for sword/sorcery. It has good performances and great action and music but it is weak on story and side characters. Call me crazy but I still love it just as much as the first but for totally different reason I'm giving Conan The Destroyer a five out of five.
Reviews
188 Reviews
Conan the Barbarian
(1982)
Conan the Barbarian (1982)
22 November 2017
Conan The Barbarian (1982) Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sandahl Bergman, James Earl Jones, Max von Sydow, Cassandra Gava, Ben Davidson, Gerry Lopez, Mako, Valérie Quennessen, William Smith, Luis Barboo, Franco Columbu, Nadiuska, Jack Taylor, Sven-Ole Thorsen, Pilar Alcón, and Jorge Sanz Directed By: John Milius Review THIEF. WARRIOR. GLADIATOR. KING. This is the big one, the most recommended sword/sorcery movie. This created that sub-genres boom in the 80s for being pretty successful at the box office. Based on Robert E. Howard's most famous character, the film follows the most famous sword/sorcery character Conan as a child he watches his family get slaughtered right before his eyes. Young Conan is taken and enslaved until he is disbanded to learn how to become a killing machine. Conan becomes a thief with his new companions Subotai and Valeria. After having stolen from a serpent group, the king asks them to rescue his daughter the princess. Now Conan and his companions must use there skills to rescue the princess and put an end to Thulsa Doom. The film has very little dialogue which amplifies the performance of each actor on screen. Apparently not only did Arnold get acting tips from James Earl Jones but he also had to slim down a little for those awesome moments when he would have to spin the sword around. Max Von Sydo who plays the king Osric wanted to take on the role for his son who is a huge fan of the comics and he thought it would be a lot of fun. Sandahl Bergman who plays Valeria was a professional dancer had to learn how to do all her own stunts in the film nearly losing a finger in the process. Gerry Lopez was a good friend of the directors and John thought he would be good for the part after a screen test. Mako plays the Wizard and is the narrator, this dude well hes just awesome. The effects in this mostly still hold aside from the obvious blue screen in the opening of the film. We can assume that is why the director chose to go low-key on the fantasy element. That way he wouldn't have to rely on too many effects. The best effect in the film however is the giant snake in the temple of doom. Basil Poledouris the composer of the film had composed two hours of music being attached very early on. The director had envisioned this film with very little dialogue. Its a fantastic score that keeps you in tune with the film. They made it production wise as a very believable world as if this might have happened long ago. I wasn't really disappointed at the fact that there is no big battle between Conan and Doom because throughout the film I knew that most memorable thing about this film would be its performances, music, direction and overall story. This is a grand epic tale. Conan The Barbarian is one of the greatest fantasy epics but I choose to see it as more dramatic adventure film than anything else. I heard that Arnold and Chris Morgan have being trying to bring back Conan, Arnold has come back as the terminator I only hope he makes a big return as Conan sometime soon. I'm giving Conan The Barbarian a 10 out of 10.
Kull the Conqueror
(1997)
Kull The Conqueror (1997)
20 November 2017
Kull the Conqueror (1997) Starring: Kevin Sorbo, Tia Carrere, Thomas Ian Griffith, Litefoot, Roy Brocksmith, Harvey Fierstein, Karina Lombard, Edward Tudor-Pole, Douglas Henshall, Joe Shaw, Sven-Ole Thorsen, Terry O'Neill, Pat Roach, John Hallam, and Peter Petruna Directed By: John Nicolella Review COURAGE CONQUERS ALL. Epic this was not. The 90s is when sword & Sorcery movies really turned into even major stinkers. This is based on another Robert E. Howard character Kull of Atlantis. It makes sense considering the most financially successful sword/sorcery film was Conan another one of Robert's characters. This I feel bombed because woof. Not to mention before he created Conan he created Kull. This was even suppose to be the third Conan movie. The sword and sorcery genre was even making a comeback but mostly on television with Xena and a Hercules show with Kevin Sorbo as Hercules who would be Kull in this movie. A barbarian named Kull becomes ruler after defeating the old king in battle, thus receiving his crown. But direct heirs of the king, trying to topple Kull and regain the throne, bring an old witch queen Akivasha back to life. Their plan backfires, however, as Akivasha plans to have her demon lords rule the kingdom alone. The only thing that can stop her is the breath of the god Volka, and Kull. The film starts off with text about a demon that's read to you. Apparently the movie thinks we're idiots who can't read. If a movie has text I don't think it should ever be read to you. We cut to Kull battling men in an army to join the ranks of the kingdom. It is given the word that the king was assassinated Kull kills the kings killer and is proclaimed as the new king. The more with move on the more bored I got, it doesn't help that the film has no charisma. Everyone here looks like their bored as hell which made me bored. The action scenes some were okay others were just lame. The special effects and production design are terrible almost as if they were made for a TV movie. The end when you see the demon in its full form is some horrendous CGI. The backdrops look like there green screen in some shots, I bet they were. The direction from John Nicolella is just as awful as the production design. He should have asked for a better script and done a better job at shooting some of the fight scenes. The only decent I can say about this movie is Karina Lombard is one hot woman. Kull the Conqueror is not a great introduction to the character and is another poor adaptation on one of Robert E. Howard's characters much like Red Sonja, only thing is this is even worse. I'm giving Kull The Conqueror a one out of five.
The Scorpion King
(2002)
The Scorpion King (2002)
20 November 2017
The Scorpion King (2002) Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Kelly Hu, Michael Clarke Duncan, Steven Brand, Bernard Hill, Grant Heslov, Peter Facinelli, Ralf Moeller, Branscombe Richmond, Roger Rees, Sherri Howard, Conrad Roberts, Joseph Ruskin, Esteban Cueto, Nils Allen Stewart, and Amy Hunter Directed By: Chuck Russell Review WARRIOR. LEGEND. KING. This is written by the king of popcorn movies (in my opinion) Stephen Sommers. After making it big with two mummy movies he wrote this as the start of a spin-off series for the character in The Mummy returns. In the notorious city of Gomorrah, an evil ruler is determined to lay waste to all the nomadic peoples of the desert. The few remaining tribes, never natural allies, have to unite or perish. Knowing their enemy relies on the visions of a sorcerer, they hire a skilled assassin, Mathayus to eliminate the visionary. After infiltrating the enemy camp, Mathayus discovers that the sorcerer is in fact a beautiful woman. Rather than eliminate her, he takes her deep into the desert badlands, knowing that the ruler's henchman will stop at nothing to rescue her and bring her back. Seriously wounded in the ensuing battle, Mathayus must find the strength to lead his scrappy band of allies back to Gomorrah for a final confrontation. This film is going to go on my guilty pleasure list whenever I make such a list. This film came out in a time when wrestling was big and popular which is why it's produced the WWE. They got the WWE's most charismatic and likable wrestler The Rock. The Rock does a fairly great job considering I do believe this is his first movie role. Kelly Hu who played Lady Deathstrike in X-Men: United is the beautiful sorceress Cassandra and she's just hot. She pulled a good performance but did I mention she's hot. Michael Clarke Duncan is also in this as Balthazar and he was doing pretty good not as great as some of his other performances but I believe he knew what kind of movie he was in. You can tell its written by Stephen Sommers because only Stephen would have Mathayus as the badass hero, Cassandra as the beautiful love interest and Arpid as the comic relief. Much like Van Helsing, Anna, and Carl. His films are very clichéd, adventurous and action packed. They've made for great fun. This film has great ton of action and has that adventure vibe. It even looks like The Mummy Returns in production design but that's probably because it's a spin-off set in Egypt. The direction from Chuck Russel is pretty good, he's done great films like the mask with Jim Carry and A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors tow films I really enjoy. This time around its like he saw the script and said you know what lets have fun with this and tried to take care of the actors so they can put out a good performance. Some of his shots in the action scenes are not always great but that's just from like one scene where Mathayus is about to shoot Memnon but then shoots the guard who's about to ax the kid. Once he gets down from the roof there was like this really bad shot from the camera as he fled. Apparently The Rock is a method actor so in that scene where the fire ants are about to eat his flesh those are real ants he said apparently even though they look fake. The Scorpion King is a fun action-adventure fantasy romp that tries to be just that and nothing more. It has good performances, some pretty decent direction and fairly good writing, some poor shots and effects but its fun from beginning to end. You can ask The Scorpion King no more than that. I'm giving The Scorpion King a three and a half out of five.
Labyrinth
(1986)
Labyrinth (1986)
15 November 2017
Labyrinth (1986) Starring: David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly, Toby Froud, Shelly Thompson, Brian Henson, Ron Mueck, Frank Oz, Shari Weiser, Christopher Malcolm, Dave Goelz, David Barclay, David Shaughnessy, Karen Prell, Timothy Bateson, Rob Mills, Warwick Davis, and Natalie Finland Directed By: Jim Henson Review WHERE EVERYTHING SEEMS POSSIBLE AND NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS. Apparently this film failed at the box office, I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it could of been due to the fact that it's very lighthearted. But since its release on Video and its many re- releases on DVD & Bluray it has gained a cult following. Frustrated with babysitting on yet another weekend night, Sarah – a teenager with an active imagination – summons the Goblins from her favorite book, "Labyrinth", to take the baby stepbrother away. When little Toby actually disappears, Sarah must follow him into the world of the fairy-tale to rescue him from the Goblin King! George Lucas had hand in not just as an Executive produce but also had a hand with the shooting script for this film. He did a lot of other great works after Star Wars (this and Willow) but he must of lost his way with films like The Phantom Menace and that Indiana Jones movie that will never be spoken of. Terry Jones from the Python group had written a script that was much different from what Lucas, Henson and Laura had in mind. But many changes were made because of the star of the movie, David Bowie. The director of photography Alex Thompson made another beautiful looking movie that went along with Brian Foud's production design. Alex Thompson had worked on Legend before hand which is my favorite fantasy film it's a no wonder this film's photography look just as amazing. The opening credits with CGI owl was impressive at the time, but now it just feels like a cheap effect. They're are even some scenes were you can just tell it's green screen. The puppeteers crafted some amazing work with their most notable one's being the characters of Hoggle, Ludo, and Didymus. Jennifer Connelly had only done a few commercials before working on this film, I just took a look at her audition tape for the film and I can see why she got this role. She got cast not only because of how good she was but because Henson thought Jennifer was a girl growing out of her childhood. In the film you can see that Sarah's character is trying to hold on to her childhood with stuffed animals being shown almost all over her room. Jennifer was only fourteen at the time. My favorite moments are when she's interacting with Hoggle, Ludo and Didymus and the ballroom scene if only for the sheer reason because she looks like a beautiful princess. David Bowie not only delivers an amazing performance for the movie but provided it with a pretty good soundtrack. He did four tracks Underground, As The World Falls Down, Magic Baby and within you. The two I most enjoyed were "As The World Falls Down" and "Underground". Magic Dance is another good one I believe a lot of you will enjoy just depends on taste I have a very strange taste in music. Labyrinth is a delightful little children's film that is much better than most and has great acting, music, direction and puppeteer work. The film doesn't have the best story or even use of CG, but it still holds a place as an amazing fantasy musical and children's film. I'm giving Labyrinth a ten out of ten because of how much I enjoyed the film and is definitely very re-watchable.
The Princess Bride
(1987)
The Princess Bride (1987)
14 November 2017
The Princess Bride (1987) Starring: Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Mandy Patinkin, Billy Crystal, Wallace Shawn, André the Giant, Chris Sarandon, Fred Savage, Carol Kane, Christopher Guest, Annie Dyson, Malcolm Storry, Margery Mason, Peter Cook, Mel Smith, and Peter Falk Directed By: Rob Reiner Review It's as real as the feelings you feel You know its hard having to review a movie that most people have seen while, you haven't because this on Rotten Tomatoes top 75 fantasy films and movies that never should be remade, I agree don't remake this. In the fairy-tale adventure 'The Princess Bride', a young boy falls ill and is read a legendary bedtime story by his visiting grandfather that immediately comes to life. The story is a classic tale of love and adventure as the beautiful Buttercup is kidnapped and held against her will in order to marry the odious Prince Humperdinck. Her childhood beau Westley, now known as the Dread Pirate Roberts, attempts to save her. On the way he meets an accomplished swordsman, a super strong giant and a few bad guys to rescue Princess Buttercup. The boy being told the red the story should bother me but if your an older person, such as myself I believe it resonates because you would want to tell a magical tale such as this to your own kids or just some kid, someday. I knew that it was going to start with an Ill child being read the story before going in so that's another reason it didn't bother me so much. The story the boy is read has swashbuckling adventure and like every good fairy-tale true love. The story mostly focuses on Westley, Buttercup and Prince Humpdinck. The Princess falls for Westley who in the beginning is a farm-boy but they grew apart for five years. He is trained by pirates as he tells her when they meet again. She thought him dead for those five years and she is taken back to her castle. Speaking of Princess Buttercup I can see why Forrest Gump love Jenny so much, she is a beautiful princess. The dialogue in this movie is super great, no wonder it's one of the most quoted movies ever. "Life is a disappointment." "Anyone who says otherwise is trying to sell you something." But then there is one of my favorite lines "My name is Inigo Montyo you killed my father prepare to die." The music for this movie, I didn't notice a score for this movie. But there is a great that was nominated for Best Original Song in the 1988 Oscars. I'm of course talking about the song "Storybook Love" I gave it a listen on you-tube after I finished the movie. As I write this review I'm still listening to it, I love this song. It is now my second favorite love song right behind Bryan Ferry's "Is Your Love Strong Enough". The Princess Bride is a film that most others I know have seen, its one of the most quoted movies ever(for good reason) it's got Andre The Giant, a beautiful love song and all of these things come together to make a timeless classic and my second favorite fantasy movie of all time. I'm giving The Princess Bride a ten out of ten.
Legend
(1985)
Legend (1985)
13 November 2017
Legend (1985) Starring: Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, Tim Curry, David Bennent, Alice Playten, Billy Barty, Cork Hubbert, Peter O'Farrell, Kiran Shah, Annabelle Lanyon, Robert Picardo, Tina Martin, Ian Longmur, Mike Crane, Liz Gilbert, Eddie Powell, and Mike Edmonds Directed By: Ridley Scott Review (Directors Cut) THERE MAY NEVER BE ANOTHER DAWN ADVENTURE HAS GOT YOUR BACK After his success with Alien and Blade Runner Ridley Scott wanted to do a fairy tale movie. Ridley Scott hired writer William Hjortsberg, being a fan of his work. Ridley Scott credit aside from direction was that he mostly wanted there to be a unicorn and for the villain to be named Darkness. Legend revolves around Jack who must stop Darkness, for darkness plans to kill the second unicorn so that he may come out of his dungeon. Princess Lily was shown the unicorns by Jack, she touched one and has unwittingly led the unicorn to its death due to her innocence. She is kidnapped with the second unicorn, now her friend Jack with the help of Gump and screwball must save the unicorn and her or the land may plunge into an eternal darkness. They shot this film in a 007 stage in pinewood studios so they could achieve the lighting for Scott's vision, the trees are mostly made out of plastoid Styrofoam and the set was extended with mirrors. The direction and production are what help make this movie give it that enchanting fairy-tale feel. Ridley even brought the fairy-tale genre back to its roots with this film in the beginning when we meet Jack and Lilly the lighting which he wanted shows the child-like innocence within most fairy-tales you see in Disney films but as the film progresses it shows off its dark and Grimm aesthetics. Assheton Gordon's (production designer) set also had real tress and birds, with the noise inside it made it so difficult to record the dialogue and so some of the lines had to be dubbed which can be off putting for some people but it didn't bother me because when it is quite noticeable in the scene in which Lily is crying her facial expression says it all. But it did not work in Tom's favor when he was with the wounded unicorn. Mia Sara and Tim Curry as Princess Lily and Darkness are my two favorite actors/characters in the film. At one point the stage caught fire and the 007 stage burnt down. Luckily it was rebuilt in 1985. The story is very simple and is full of action, adventure, horror, romance and suspense. The movie mostly focuses on Jack, Lily, and Darkness as you can imagine by my synopsis. There are four cuts to this film, this is the only I have or ever will see. Because it doesn't contain the tangerine dream musical score and Darkness is hidden throughout most of the movie making his reveal that much more of a surprise. Rob Bottin who worked on the Thing 1982 had the difficult task of visualizing all the creatures in the world of Legend. Ridley wanted the character of Darkness to be sexy but also half goat, Rob felt there hadn't been a definitive version of the devil on screen and he clearly succeed with his creation. this is my favorite of his work. If anything because of how intimidating Tim was behind all that makeup. The music of the film is quite lovely and creates a transcendent and child-like feel for the film. Jerry Goldsmith's that is, I did not hear the tangerine dream music. But if there is one piece of music from the theatrical cut of this film that I did listen to its Bryan Ferry's "Is Your Love Strong Enough". I saw it on the back of the cover under bonus features and was curious by the song title and Gave it a listen. I love that song, it may be, no it is my favorite love song. Legend in my eyes is a masterpiece, while I may agree it has weakness's the film is a deeply entrancing experience that make up for what I consider to be the ultimate fantasy film. I know for a fact that this is a film I will be re-visiting very often and I do recommend you give it a watch (both versions) but decide which version is your favorite. I'm giving Legend a 10 out of 10.
Willow
(1988)
Willow (1988)
13 November 2017
Willow (1988) Starring: Warwick Davis, Val Kilmer, Joanne Whalley, Jean Marsh, Billy Barty, Kevin Pollak, Gavin O'Herlihy, Patricia Hayes, Rick Overton, Pat Roach, Tony Cox, Phil Fondacaro, David J. Steinberg, and Mark Northover Directed By: Ron Howard Review ADVENTURE DOESN'T COME ANY BIGGER THAN THIS. A sword and sorcery movie with the leprechaun and a batman, I gotta check this out. After Geroge Lucas made it big with Star Wars he went on to produce many other films like Howard The Duck, the Indiana Jones movies, and this one. It is foretold that a born princess will bring the downfall of an evil queen. Queen Bavmorda hunts the child down until the child is picked up by a dwarf named Willow. Willow must protect the princess Elora with the help of Mad-mortigan and he just might become an amazing sorcerer. I had to find this film on youtube since my father wouldn't get me the region-free DVD. This is a film that I just adored from beginning to end. It made me a bigger fan of Warrick Davis. I like that he had a starring where he wasn't wearing some silly costume. Val Kilmer was super funny especially considering his haircut I mean he just looks weird. I think George Lucas was not inspired by the lord of the rings necessarily but the Hobbit because this is what the Hobbit with Martin Freeman should have been. Ron Howard directed this and he opted to make a fantasy film that would stand on its own with other greats. Willow is a sword/sorcery epic that needs to be seen it truly is amazing I felt it was a little slow in the beginning but it is such an amazing film. This is high class adventure at it's finest I'm giving Willow a nine out of 10.
Red Sonja
(1985)
Red Sonja (1985)
11 November 2017
Red Sonja (1985) Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brigitte Nielsen, Sandahl Bergman, Paul L. Smith, Ernie Reyes, Jr., Ronald Lacey, Pat Roach, Terry Richards, Ronald Lacey, Donna Osterbuhr, Lara Lamberti, Hans Meyer, Francesca Romana Coluzzi, Stefano Maria Mioni, Tutte Lemkow, Kiyoshi Yamasaki, and Tad Horino Directed By: Richard Fleischer Review A woman and a warrior that became a legend. Apparently Arnold uses this to punish his children, I can see why. I was dreading what I was in for when I heard about that and having just finished it I'm going to read a Red Sonja graphic novel that shows this character at her best because if anything this is her weakest. Red Sonja is a film based on Robert E. Howard character about a woman who is left for dead after her whole family is butchered and she is violated. It is because of this she does not trust men. But when her sister is killed and the talisman is stolen by Queen Gerden who intends to use the talismans power to rule the world. Red Sonja accompanied by two men and a boy must destroy the talisman and defeat Gerden. The film only has two redeeming qualities, the first being is how short it is and the other being all the cool sword fights in it. All the good things about the movie end there. The acting is some of the worst I have ever seen even from Arnold an actor who can be very good. Brigitte Nielson is a beautiful woman and with a better script could maybe make a good Sonja and the kid can be quite annoying but surprisingly didn't bother me that much. The acting still sucked. It didn't work in the actors favor that the dialogue was just the worst. The camera shots from the director are not that good either if anything most of it is standard but then there's one scene where Sonja and Kalidor are sitting by a tree and I felt that the camera was shaking a little. Red Sonja is a film that comes together as a poor attempt to give a great female sword and sorcery character her own series, I could enjoy this as a guilty pleasure movie but there were too many problems for me to ignore, it's not as bad as I was expecting and is leap and bounds better than Supergirl which is another female lead movie that tried to capitalize on her male counterpart but that's not much, I'm giving Red Sonja a 4 out of 10.
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016)
7 November 2017
When this film came out I wanted to see it in theaters but missed the chance. The wizarding world of Harry Potter is something I've really grown to enjoy over the years, even though I don't watch them all the time on freeform channel station (I swear they give those movies every damn weekend). Now we have a new chapter and it's a pretty good ride. Set in 1926, Newt Scamander arrives at the Magical Congress of the United States of America with a magically expanded briefcase, which houses a number of dangerous creatures and their habitats. When the creatures escape from the briefcase, it sends the American wizarding authorities after Newt, and threatens to strain even further the state of magical and non-magical relations. The film does have quite few issues, I mean even it's conception is weird. Apparently this is based of a book that's based of a textbook in Hogwarts. The actors are all good choices my favorite being Eddie Redmayne as Newt. Colin Farrell was also good as Percival Graves, Katherine Waterson was good as Tina, I'd say most of the actors were good. Except Ezra Miller he was just playing some weak emo kid. The problem with the characters is that even the main ones like Newt, Tina and Queenie. They were all quite uninteresting. The best character in the movie is actually revealed at the very end of the film and is played by Johnny Depp. When Johnny Depp plays a pale weirdo it usually isn't good. Unless everything else is and he's only weak link. The ending was kind of good but I was hoping that the events of the film who would lead to the consequence of the wizarding world being exposed to muggles and would be left open to explore that in a further film. The best thing I can say about the ending is that it feels like a complete when I watch it. The special effects were good and they seem to be keeping David Yates on directing the rest of the wizarding world movies, I mean he's been on this franchise since Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix( which is the first Harry Potter film I saw in theaters and went back saw the rest became a fan and finished the series). You would hope David Yates directs other types of films soon to expand his horizon but the direction was good. If any I wasn't big on the writing for this movie. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is a nice start to this prequel series set within the wizarding world with good actors, effects, direction but just overall poor writing. I'm giving Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them a three out of five.
Jack the Giant Slayer
(2013)
Jack The Giant Slayer (2013)
6 November 2017
PREPARE FOR A GIANT ADVENTURE Bryan Singer a director who I quite like for his work on the first two X-Men movies and even Superman returns direct an action based on an old fable film (which was kind of like a trend with Snow White & The Huntsmen). With one of the co-writers being Christopher McQuarrie who has written a lot of Tom Cruise films I like. They together give us Jack the Giant Joy-ride. The story of an ancient war that is reignited when a young farmhand unwittingly opens a gateway between our world and a fearsome race of giants. Unleashed on the Earth for the first time in centuries, the giants strive to reclaim the land they once lost, forcing the young man, Jack into the battle of his life to stop them. Fighting for a kingdom, its people, and the love of a brave princess, he comes face to face with the unstoppable warriors he thought only existed in legend–and gets the chance to become a legend himself. I wasn't expecting much with this I just watched Snow White & The Hunstman recently and that was just not very memorable aside from the action. This film didn't have a lot of action in it so it had to rely on everything else to ignite my excitement. I was pleasantly surprised I didn't hate this, there are two big problems I had with the movie. My negatives with this film are obvious, the most obvious one being the CG it looks good in some moments but then when it looks bad it looks really bad. The film had some terrible effects at moments. The opening where Jack's father and Isabelle's mother tell them the legend of the beanstalk the story is shown in the form of some terrible animation effects I mean I see better animation on Nickelodeon it's that bad. The ending got me angry it set up a perfect ending but then they ruin it by cutting to modern day. Everything else I quite enjoyed especially the actors. Nicholas Hoult as Jack was an awesome casting choice, he was the best part of the movie. Ewan McGregor was good as Elemont and Eleanor Tomlinson I thought was great as Isabelle. The direction by Bryan Singer is very good he seems to have crafted the goal for a movie like this a fun adventure and that's what this movie needed to be and he succeeded. Jack the Giant Slayer is by no means a perfect movie but I do believe it's a great one, it's the best of these recent fable-action movies that I've seen and I'm a big fan of myths& legends, it has great acting, some great action and is a fun romp from beginning to end I'm giving Jack The Giant Slayer an eight out of ten.
Thor: Ragnarok
(2017)
Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
6 November 2017
Marvel comics was once my favorite brand of comics but these days not so much. They have disbanded all their classic characters Peter Parker, Bruce Banner and even Tony Stark with stupid replacements like Miles Morales, some Asian Hulk and RI RI Williams as Iron Woman, so I'm not a fan of their comics anymore. Marvel Studios has been great I have loved all their films except for Iron Man 2 and then came Spider-Man: Homecoming which is undoubtedly one of the worst things I have seen done to my favorite superhero. Now comes the third Thor film and Thor has been the weakest even though I do love both movies but this, this is cool. Thor has been going around through the nine realms trying to find answers about the Infinity Stones but as we see is captured by Surtur the fire demon. He escapes and returns to Asgard Once there he sees that Loki has taken their fathers place, he demands Loki to take him to father. After they find Odin they are greeted by Hela who destroys Thor's hammer and as the two brothers try to escape through the Bifröst, Hela plunges them both into a different Realm. Now Thor must get the help of old and new ally to help him return home and prevent Hela from destroying Asgard. The opening scene with Surtur is my favorite part of the whole movie. I was just so excited to see him since in Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes cartoon he appeared briefly but he wasn't around for much. If any big gripe I have with the movie it's that I wanted to yet again see more of him and just Thor fighting. But it was great to see him finally. This is the funniest of the Thor movies and when I heard about this I was super concerned because I am not a huge fan of comedy and for a movie with a fire demon to have comedy kind of gave me a bad impression before going in. But the jokes mostly hit with me. Chris Hemsworth is funny. When they announced Tessa Thompson as Valkyrie I was very opposed to the idea, I have expressed in my review of Spider-Man: Homecoming that I hate it when comic book movies change the race of characters. It's even just as bad when they do it in Norse mythology or any myth and legend, that's not how history has shown or described them to be so to change it is just wrong. We can excuse it for Heimdal because Idris Elba is a good actor but I had no idea who this chick was, but she was great in the movie. I'm not a fan that they changed her race, Valkyrie is a white blonde. But Tessa did pretty great so I'll allow it, let's just say that's a nitpick. Cate Blanchett as Hela the Goddess of Death was amazing. Some might say that shes not that great of a villain but I disagree she's called the Goddess of death and Odin's daughter who fought alongside him. She has a clear goal of destroying her father's land because she is the goddess of death. Battleworld, where Thor meets up and battles the Hulk is a great looking environment. The fight with the hulk was great and it was great to see Jeff Goldblum have fun with himself and everyone there. The best thing about this movie is its aesthetic, the movie looks beautiful. Like a 70s or 80s high fantasy movie. That's what mostly appealed to me in this movie it was cool to see in a Thor movie. Director Taika Waititi is also in the movie voicing Korg who is one of the best new characters the MCU has introduced recently. He did a great job directing this film, I wouldn't be surprised if Kevin Feige and the studio decided to keep him around to direct another Marvel project. Thor: Ragnarok is the best of all the Thor films. In a time where I believe the Marvel cinematic universe is beginning to show more cracks, Thor: Ragnarok still gives us one big fun adventurous ride with our favorite asgardians and the big green Hulk, not to mention the best music video of the Immigrant song. I'm giving my favorite Thor film a five out of five.
Snow White and the Huntsman
(2012)
Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)
4 November 2017
Snow White and The Huntsman (2012) Starring: Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth, Sam Claflin, Ian McShane, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost, Toby Jones, Eddie Marsan, Bob Hoskins, Sam Spruell, Johnny Harris, Brian Gleeson, Vincent Regan, Noah Huntley, Liberty Ross, Christopher Obi, Lily Cole, Rachel Stirling, Hattie Gotobed, Raffey Cassidy, Xavier Atkins, Izzy Meikle-Small, Anastasia Hille and Elliot Reeve Directed By: Rupert Sanders Review THE FAIRY-TALE IS OVER This is one of the films that ran for a little while I feel was trend of taking classic fairy tales and making them darker and turning them into big action films, this is one of them. It's got Kirsten Stewart who does not have a good reputation in the film world what for being in the Twilight movies. Ugh those hunks of garbage. But if you told me I would enjoy watching this I would have called you crazy, but I thought it was quite fun. After the Evil Queen marries the King, she performs a violent coup in which the King is murdered and his daughter, Snow White, is taken captive. Almost a decade later, a grown Snow White is still in the clutches of the Queen. To obtain immortality, The Evil Queen needs the heart of Snow White. After Snow escapes the castle, the Queen sends the Huntsman to find her in the Dark Forest. The Huntsman betrays the queen wishes and teams up with Snow White and trains her for battle to take down the evil queen. I like the idea of this film, still not a great main lead choice though. Snow White is supposed to be pure and filled with wonder, yet still strong and fierce in this movie. But every-time we see her she looks like she just woke up from a coma. Chris Hemsworth as the Huntsman that seems like a good choice but he's just playing the same type of character as he did in Thor. Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna was the best performance in the movie. She was a great casting choice and villain in general. The pacing was a little bit of an issue it felt a little drawn out. Like that scene where she's thought to be dead and the Huntsman is talking to her, that went on way too long for my taste. The CgI was pretty good and the action scenes are great. It would have been great to see more of the dark forest, I mean they face one giant troll and that's it? Pretty weak don't ya think? I would have expected for there to be dangers around every corner for a place known to the land as the dark forest. Rupert Sanders does a fine job directing the film but some of the scenes in the end are shot a little close when the battle inside Ravenna's castle is going on but aside from that he does pretty good. They opted to make a fun dark fairy tale film and with that they succeeded. Snow White and The Huntsman is a very flawed film but it can still be enjoyed for some, with one poor performance, bad writing on The Huntsman a bit of pacing issue yet still a fun decently directed film with a great villain and performance from Charlize as the Villain I'm giving this a three out of five.
Excalibur
(1981)
Excalibur
2 November 2017
Excalibur (1981) Starring: Nigel Terry, Helen Mirren, Nicholas Clay, Cherie Lunghi, Paul Geoffrey, Nicol Williamson, Corin Redgrave, Patrick Stewart, Keith Buckley, Clive Swift, Liam Nesson, Gabriel Byrne, Robert Addie, Katrine Boorman, Ciarán Hinds, and Niall O'Brien Directed By: John Boorman Review FORGED BY A GOD. FORETOLD BY A WIZARD. FOUND BY A KING. The tale of King Arthur and his knights of the round table, they need no more films for this is perfection. A great representation of one of the greatest legends ever told. The myth of King Arthur brought to the screen. Uthur Pendragon is given the mystical sword Excalibur by Merlyn. At his death Uthur buries the sword into a stone, and the next man that can pull it out will be King of England. Years later Arthur, Uthur's bastard son draws Excalibur and becomes king. Arthur's evil half-sister Morgana sires a son with him, who may prove his downfall. This film is brought is brought to us by great British thespians and I say that because it shows. It's great work, I loved it. The main lead Nigel Terry who plays Arthur when we first see him in Camelot I immediately thought to myself yep that's a perfect choice for King Arthur. Same when I saw Nicholas Clay as Sir Lancelot and just about everyone cast int this picture. The pacing of this movie was great as well. The story movies along in a brisk pace and tells its story in a great amount of time, it's not too long or two short it feels just right. The director John Boorman I feel wanted to tell the whole tale of those wielded Excalibur and make a faithful interpretation of the myth of King Arthur. This one adventurous fantasy that should be experienced especially for those who are fans of the tale of king Arthur. I'm giving Excalibur a five out of five.
Monty Python and The Holy Grail (1975)
1 November 2017
This was weird experience but hilarious. Aw man what a great way to start fantasy month with this medieval dark comedy. I don't know much about the Python group but Terry Gilliam the director I've heard about from two other films of his I wish to see like Time Bandits and The Brothers Grimm. King Arthur, accompanied by his squire, recruits his Knights of the Round Table, including Sir Bedevere the Wise, Sir Lancelot the Brave, Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-As-Sir-Lancelot and Sir Galahad the Pure. They receive a message from God to go on a quest for the Holy Grail. Throughout their quest more silliness ensues. The beginning of the film when King Arthur is looking for knights to recruit is maybe my favorite part of the film. But as they are then given their quest I find myself laughing more and more. It's a relevant comedy with lines like "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. If I went around saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!" The taunting French guard was also super hilarious. The directors are great I had only heard of one which I mentioned earlier was Terry Gilliam. Terry Jones, he did two of Python Movies Life of Brian and Meaning of Life. They have a great comedic style. This film is just completely off its rockers. Monty Python and The Holy Grail, is probably the best comedy I have ever seen. It's as relevant now as it was in 1975, hilarity will ensue, cows will fly and we will all run away from rabbits. I'm giving Monty Python and The Holy Grail a five out of five.
Van Helsing
(2004)
Van Helsing (2004)
1 November 2017
Van Helsing (2004) Starring: Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, David Wenham, Richard Roxburgh, Shuler Hensley, Elena Anaya, Will Kemp, Kevin J. O'Connor, Alun Armstrong, Silvia Colloca, Josie Maran, Tom Fisher, Samuel West, Robbie Coltrane, and Stephen Fisher Written & Directed By: Stephen Sommers Review ADVENTURE LIVES FOREVER Hello Kiddies your pal the Crypt-Critic here with a tale about a time long ago, a time called the 90s. During this mystical time a group of wonderful folks had the idea of remaking all the classic Universal movie Monsters. This Era brought us gems such as Bram Stokers Dracula directed by Francis Ford Coppola and two I haven't seen like Mary Shelly's Frankenstein and Wolf with Jack Nicholson. Now it was time for The Mummy to return but instead of making it horror, they turned it an action/adventure extravaganza directed by Stephen Sommers who went on to do the sequel. Both of which made money, it was only a matter of time until Universal would give him there monster properties. Stephen Sommers opted to do a franchise with all of the other monsters with the main focus being on the great and legendary monster hunter of them all VAN HELSING! Famed monster slayer Gabriel Van Helsing is dispatched to Transylvania to assist the last of the Valerious bloodline in defeating Count Dracula. Anna Valerious reveals that Dracula has formed an unholy alliance with Dr. Frankenstein's monster and is hell-bent on exacting a centuries- old curse on her family. This movie is a great big fantastical adventure from start to finish. The movie gives us great performances from Hugh Jackman as Gabriel, if they so happen to go with the original Van Helsing Abraham I think Hugh could pull that off as well if they give him the same great make-up from Logan. Kate Beckinsale is always a plus, if a movie's got Vampires, werewolves and Kate Beckinsale I'll see it because that is my biggest guilty pleasure. Richard Roxburgh is a pretty damn good Dracula, he has one scene that I really like where he's like "No! I have no heart, I feel no love, no fear, no joy, no sorrow, I am hollow and I live forever." The score for this movie is cool it gives off the movies epic adventure vibe. I'm pretty sure this film is inspiration for a new Van Helsing named Liesel Van Helsing, daughter of the original Abraham Van Helsing. They both have a similar attire. The direction from Stephen is great it's sad to know that isn't directing movies anymore if any he should be in charge of the dark universe. The special effects are terrible though, that I will not defend. But I had to much fun with this experience that it just didn't bother me. The wolf-man and designs of Dracula and Frankenstein's Monster also made it less bothersome , I loved the designs of the monsters. The werewolf transformation is also cool and very different from other werewolf films. Van Helsing is the kind of film you don't take seriously, you just grab some popcorn and go on a fantastical adventure with Hugh Jackaman and the sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy and did I mention sexy Kate Beckinsale. I'm giving Van Helsing a five out of five.
Revenge of the Creature
(1955)
Revenge of The Creature (1955)
2 October 2017
Revenge of The Creature (1955) Starring: John Agar, Lori Nelson, John Bromfield, Nestor Paiva, Grandon Rhodes, Dave Willock, Robert Williams, Charles Cane, Clint Eastwood, and Brett Halsey Directed By: Jack Arnold Review Hello kiddies your pal the Crypt-Critic here, now here's an amazing creature feature sequel, probably even so good we'll need to get revenge on Hollywood for not making enough of these types of movies. In this sequel the creature from the black lagoon is captured by scientists and transported to an aquarium in Florida. Professor Clete Ferguson has opted to help the aquarium keep a hold of Gillman while studying the creature. Helping him is Helen who is a college student also looking to study the creature. The Creature is obviously attracted to Helen and one day grabs her and breaks out and unleashes his rage upon the land in the name of love. I just really enjoy this film its a lot more fun for me. This film was made to capitalize on the success of the original film. Its the same kind of fun creature feature sequel you would come to expect out of this monster. The gillman has more screen time which is cool it's always expected to see more of the monster or killer in sequels. The acting is quite good, acting was a lot different then but that's just cause time was different either way for what it was it was amazing. This film is one of the best sequels and would be the forefront (I believe in many horror sequels) I'm giving Revenge of The Creature a five out of five.
Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954)
1 October 2017
Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954) Starring: Richard Carlson, Julia Adams, Richard Denning, Antonio Moreno, Nestor Paiva, Whit Bissell, Bernie Gozier, Henry A. Escalante, Sydney Mason, Perry Lopez, Rodd Redwing, Ricou Browning and Ben Champman Directed By: Jack Arnold Review FROM THE AMAZON'S FORBIDDEN DEPTHS CAME THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON Hello Kiddies your pal the crypt critic has returned! :) This time I'm even stronger than ever! This is a film that will make your ladies shriek because she will love this freak. A tale about forbidden love from an amphibious creature. Creature From The Black Lagoon tells the tale of an expedition team of marine biologists looking for the remainder of a fossil of a creature from the Devonian age. They come across an amphibious creature who traps them in the black lagoon so that can Kay's beast after just one look at her. The team have to find a way out before it's too late. The movie was made during the atomic age where people weren't necessarily frightened by the likes of Dracula, The Wolf-Man or Frankenstein's Monster. Universal went into production on the creature from the black lagoon which was inspired by a myth about a race of dangerous half-human, half-fish creatures living in the amazon river. It's a beautiful looking film, probably my favorite film in Black&White, I would love to see a remake someday but it has yet to come. They go for the King Kong, beauty&beast kind of story between the Creature and Kay. I don't blame him she was very beautiful, which is why he's my favorite of the universal monsters- a monster who has a heart full of love but is seen as hideous and just can't catch a break. The acting is pretty good, it was different time so they spoke different but it still holds up. Jack Arnold has done quite a few monster films I believe, this is probably the one most hold in high regard. What can I say that hasn't been said already Creature From The Black Lagoon, it holds up, has a great story and I just love this film. I'm giving Creature From The Black Lagoon a five out of five.
Clockstoppers
(2002)
Clockstoppers (2002) Review
15 August 2017
Clockstoppers (2002) Starring: Jesse Bradford, Paula Garcés, Robin Thomas, French Stewart, Michael Biehn, Julia Sweeney, Garikayi Mutambirwa, Lindze Letherman, Jason George, Ken Jenkins, Tony Abatemarco, and Brian J. Williams Directed By: Jonathan Frakes Review THE ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME, IN A FEW MERE SECONDS. After I saw the Nostalgia Critic review this looked liked something I would enjoy, like one of those early 2000's teen movies, like Get Over It and The Nice Guy. I don't give them much credit but I do like those films. Until now, Zak Gibbs' greatest challenge has been to find a way to buy a car. But when he discovers an odd wristwatch amidst his father's various inventions and slips it on – something very strange happens. The world around him seems to come to a stop, everything and everybody frozen in time. Zak quickly learns how to manipulate the device and he and his quick-witted and beautiful new friend, Francesca, start to have some real fun. As we all now when Zak gets the watch he first uses it on accident, then his love interest finds out and after the plot shows up. That just seems very standard in these types of movies. It's very cliché in that manner. The acting is okay, there's nothing really special about the film, the concept of time travel has been done before. Not much is new with it. The effects they hold up pretty well for a 15 year old movie. This was also during the time when they was a bunch of spy movie's for kids, like Spy Kids, Agent Cody Banks movies and this. Clockstoppers is nothing special, its just a fun popcorn flick, that you can watch with your kids that's just decent. I'm giving it 6 hypertime watches out of 10.
Power Rangers
(2017)
Power Rangers (2017) Review
15 August 2017
Power Rangers (2017) Starring: Dacre Montgomery, Naomi Scott, Ludi Lin, Becky G, RJ Cyler, Elizabeth Banks, Bryan Cranston, Bill Hader, David Denman, Sarah Grey, Matt Shively, Anjali Jay, Morgan Taylor Campbell, Erica Cerra, and Robert Moloney Directed By: Dean Israelite Review TOGETHER WE ARE MORE I am not a fan of Power Rangers, they're obviously just a rip-off of Ultraman which I find to be far better. If you don't know what Ultraman is look it up its the same thing but in Japan. Saban's Power Rangers follows five ordinary teens who must become something extraordinary when they learn that their small town of Angel Grove — and the world — is on the verge of being obliterated by an alien threat. Chosen by destiny, our heroes quickly discover they are the only ones who can save the planet. But to do so, they will have to overcome their real-life issues and before it's too late, band together as the Power Rangers. I was mainly watching this for the action and fight scenes which they're very little of in this movie. It does have a cool opening sequence with Rita killing the other rangers on some far away planet, I'd like too see that movie instead of this one it looked a lot more interesting than the actual movie itself. Jason is getting into trouble by stealing a cow(what the heck) and ends up in detention meets Billy, they find the ranger crystals with three other teenagers on the mountains Zach, Trixi and Kimberly. When they decide to go back because they become super strong after having been in a car crash they soon discover a spaceship underground where Alpha five voiced by Bill Hader is there to greet them. Zordon is awaken and tells that Rita Repulsa is coming to collect gold to build Goldon(I think it was called) and will destroy the earth. I liked some of the actors like Bill Hader as Alpha five was cool and Bryan Cranston but not the main squad. They just seemed forgettable the only memorable one is Trixi and that's just because she's played by Becky G who's just hot. I liked Elizabeth Banks costume and performance as Rita Repulsa, even if she was one dimensional as a villain I really didn't care. I don't know anything about Power Rangers except that was stupid cheesy and fun, this movie tries to be that but fails. I mean it should have been forty to fifty minutes in and see the suits and I mean all of them not just one but no we got wait through teenage bull that looks like Chronicle. I'm giving Power Rangers a 4 out of 10.
The Mummy
(2017)
The Mummy (2017)
12 June 2017
The Mummy (2017) Starring: Tom Cruise, Sofia Boutella, Annabelle Wallis, Jake Johnson, Russell Crowe, Courtney B. Vance, Marwan Kenzari, Javier Botet, Selva Rasalingam, Dylan Smith, Chasty Ballesteros, Rez Kempton, Shanina Shaik, Vera Chok, Tyrone Love, and Sean Cameron Michael Directed By: Alex Kurtzman Review Back in 2014 right when I saw Dracula Untold I heard that Universal was trying to make a cinematic universe out of there monsters. Dracula, The Wolfman, Creature From The Black Lagoon, The Mummy, Dr. Jeykell & Mr. Hyde, Van Helsing Frankenstein & his monsters, I thought it was the coolest idea. Dracula Untold is not a part of this however, I knew it wouldn't be because they said The Mummy would they just added an end credit scene to that film just in case. The Mummy movies with Brendan Frasier I don't like them because they seem like great action/adventure movies but it has Brendan Frasier and he's not an action star and I find it unrealistic he would be able to defeat a mummy because he's never done any action movies before or after that. But again they made this film with a lot of action but dark and creepy with good horror and at least this time around they got a real action star my main man Tom "crazy" Cruise. The Mummy has Nick Morton who is cursed after releasing Ahmanet. Nick is a thief who steals antiquities and sells them on the black market for a higher price. After being cursed Jenny finds him and he keeps seeing his partner and having visions of Ahmanet. She wants to use Nick to bring back Set and reclaim her rightful place as queen. This movie wasn't as bad as the reviews are saying not to say it has no flaws cause it's got some, trust me. I heard that this just one big set up movie, how? All there is a bunch of easter eggs in prodigum, it's not like Henry said this is Dracula who's over in his place, this is a monster made by a man named Frankenstein, there's another guy with a situation like yours who becomes a half wolf half man, no just stuff in jars. Tom Cruise was great he gave it his all, Annabelle Wallis was good not great, and the standouts are Russel Crowe and Sofia Boutelli. The action is amazing especially in the beginning where I said it feels like the uncharted movie Sony should be making but won't because there idiots. One of my favorite things about the movie is the cinematography or the atmosphere I might say like when it's shot in the dark it looks visually creepy and then you see the corpses walking around and Ahmanet and the last like ten/thirty minutes that was cool. Oh and the Cg is great, not bad at all. But the thing that it really got wrong was the jokes felt very forced, and I like Jake Johnson as an actor but he was super annoying! Aside from those two things nothing much else bothered me, no resolution I heard one review say, no it has one but then it leads it open for a sequel later and well it was okay. Got some flaws but it's fun it's dark I had fun. I'm giving The Mummy a four out of five.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)
28 May 2017
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) Starring: Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem, Brenton Thwaites, Kaya Scodelario, Geoffrey Rush, Kevin McNally, Stephen Graham, Martin Klebba, Orlando Bloom, and Keira Knightley Directed By: Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg Review Back when I saw the first Pirates of The Caribbean movie with my family in our home I had a lot of fun watching, it was adventurous, the sword fights were plenty ( I love love love love love sword fighting) and shot really good but since then the series has gone completely downhill. Captain Jack Sparrow is pursued by an old rival, Captain Salazar, who along with his crew of ghost pirates has escaped from the Devil's Triangle, and is determined to kill every pirate at sea. Jack seeks the Trident of Poseidon, a powerful artifact that grants its possessor total control over the seas, in order to defeat Salazar. When I saw the opening sequence which is Henry Turner going to The Flying Dutchman to see his father Will Turner played once again by Orlando Bloom I knew the ending of the movie. The main reason I think they keep making movies is not because it makes money but also because of Jack. Who in the first movie was really cool, he's lost his coolness since then. I mean he looks like a drag queen or something and is like the worst pirate in the beginning of the movie, I mean he steals nothing, isn't adventurous and not once does he go like to Salazar Oh now I remember you. Everyone else I liked in the movie like Barbossa is a lot more interesting when you find something out later in the movie. Henry Turner he has cool like quest to get his father back, Carina is known as witch because of how smart she is all of these characters where way more cooler than Jack. The action wasn't all that great either I mean it was just lame. There were barley next no sword fights. Which was very disappointing. Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is the best Pirates movie since the original but that doesn't make it entirely good movie. It is fun on times and the acting is pretty good with interesting characters but hopefully the next Pirates is the last Pirates, I'm giving Dead Men Tell No Tales a three out of five.
Logan
(2017)
Logan (2017)
28 May 2017
Logan (2017) Starring: Hugh Jackman, Patrick Sterwart, Dafne Keen, Boyd Holbrook, Stephen Merchant, Richard E. Grant, Doris Morgado, Elizabeth Rodriguez, Eriq La Salle, Elise Neal, Reynaldo Gallegos, David Kallaway, Frank Gallegos, James Moses Black, Dave Davis, and Julia Holt Directed By: James Mangold Review Back in 2003 I saw X-Men 2 United, after taht I became a big X-Men film fan. I knew very little about the comics but the few cast members that stood out to me where Halle Berry as Storm, Ian McKellen as Magneto, Patrick Stewart as Charles Xavier and of course my favorite Hugh Jackman as The Wolverine. I never wanted him to leave the role, but unfortunately all good things must come to an end. In the year 2029 Logan is an uber driver and he gets tasked with talking a young girl named Laura to North Dakota. He takes Professor Xavier with him and they pretty much go on a road trip half the movie fighting off this task force that wants to get Laura and the rest of the unnatural mutant children. This is a much smaller story and even though I prefer bigger sets, stakes, action and adventure. I was not displeased I really loved all the action in this movie and all the scenes with Logan interacting with Charles Xavier. As soon as you see Donald Pierce coming for Laura at Wolverine's crib your just like oh doucebag alert. If there is anything we should give this movie its that whenever there's a movie with violence towards children they cut away no matter if it's R or Pg-13. But here they don't do that. Hugh Jackman puts his heart&Soul in this final performance as everyone's favorite mutant. Patrick Stewart should win an Oscar even though he won't but his performance had me in tears. Dafne Keen was an amazing little girl she was pulling in her own with two award nominated actors and this is just her first movie. After seventeen years and nine X-Men movies I don't need anymore I've seen this franchise at it's lowest and highest. All of the old X-Men cast have finished thee movies. Logan gets a five out of five.
Kong: Skull Island
(2017)
Kong: Skull Island (2017)
28 May 2017
Kong: Skull Island (2017) Starring: Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, Samuel. L. Jackson, John Goodman, John. C. Reilly, Jing Tian, Toby Kebbell, Corey Hawkins and Jason Mitchell Directed By: Jordan Vogt-Roberts Review ALL HAIL THE KING Almost 12 years ago when I was 8 years old I saw my first Kaiju movie. The Peter Jackson interpretation of the original King Kong, it's probably my favorite three hour movie. But I do love it case in point. Later I saw the original and the second Kaiju film I saw in theaters was Pacific Rim and well you know what was third. After the success of Godzilla 2014 it seems that legendary pictures decided to go ahead and bring the second cinematic universe in film history the monsterverse. In this new iteration of Kong, Bill Randa of Monarch is given the go-ahead to go to Skull Island with a military escort. When they get there however they drop bombs unleashing monsters that killed Kong's family. Kong trashes the planes and destroys most of Colonel Packards men. James Conard teams up with Mason Weaver and a few others who crashed near them and learn about the island and Kong with the help of Hank Marlow who's been stuck on Skull Island since 1944. When they meet up with Colonel Packard and a few of his men they go searching for Jack but with the Skullcrawlers on the surface now it's up to Kong to protect them. This classical b-movie monster goodness. A major complaint fans had with the 2014 Godzilla was that they kept cutting the fights off and he was barley in the movie. You have nothing to worry about here folks when Kong's on screen, he's on screen and it's awesome! People complained that the human characters weren't that interesting but then again they're not boring so... yeah. The actors were great too. There were some silly moments like when Kong's about to eat someone and then it cuts to a guy eating a sandwich. The world of Skull Island is just incredible it was very cool that they shot on location and then in studio for the monster effects. This is by far my favorite iteration of Kong, it was great fun fantastical romp that was classic b-movie monster goodness with epic fights, decent acting and nice shots of the beautiful locations. I'm giving Kong: Skull Island a five out of five.
Guardians of The Galaxy Volume 2 (2017)
28 May 2017
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) Starring: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, Michael Rooker, Karen Gillan, Pom Klementieff, Chris Sullivan, Sylvester Stallone, Kurt Russel, Seth Green, Stan Lee, Ving Rhames, Miley Cyrus, David Hasselhoff, Rob Zombie, Ben Browder, and Jeff Goldblum Written & Directed By: James Gunn Review You know to me personally I think the Guardians of The Galaxy (2014) is a bit over-rated. Heck I even read a comment where someone said that the Guardians are better than the Avengers. I mean the characters not the movie but those same people who think that may put the movie higher than Avengers. Why? I'll never know. But I'll respect because they are cool characters. After saving Xandar from Ronan's wrath, the Guardians are now recognized as heroes. Now the team must help their leader Star Lord (Chris Pratt) uncover the truth behind his true heritage. Along the way, old foes turn to allies and betrayal is blooming. And the Guardians find that they are up against a devastating new menace who is out to rule the galaxy. I said I find the Guardians of The Galaxy (2014) to be over-rated and I don't like the opening of that film with Peter singing and kicking the little things that look like dinosaurs or actually more like raptors (I don't know what there called) because it was obviously played for laughs and was completely ridiculous. But the opening sequence where baby groot is running around while a battle is going on around him is pretty cool. I love the cast and Karen Gillian's Nebula is going through stake of survival so she can kill her father Thanos and her scene's with Gamora where sweet. Dave Bautista who is more that background physical actor and once admitted he's not that great actor was more fun this time around. Chris Pratt and Zoe Saldana who play my favorite's Starlord and Gamora where amazing I loved there chemistry in this film. Especially Starlord who grows as character when he meets his father Ego the living planet played by Kurt Russel and I love the scene where he creates this blue celestial ball and they act like a regular father and son playing catch with it. Michael Rooker is my Mary Popins, that's all I'm going to say about him. It was cool to see Sylvester Stallone I hope he's in the next one a little bit more, oh and Seth Green returns as Howard The Duck I doubt you'll miss him he has a pretty cool line. The film is a lot more about family just like the recent few Fast & Furious movies, well I know what family I want to spend more time with. Guardians of The Galaxy Vol.2 has more heart, with astounding visuals that bring this massive space opera (which is far better than The Force Awakens by the way) and it tone's down the humor which thank goodness, this was an an amazing chapter in the massive Marvel Cinematic Universe, I loved this film way more than the first so I'm giving Guardians of The Galaxy Vol. 2 a five out of five.
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