BloodStone Reviews

Godzilla (2014)

Saw the New Godzilla Film last night and...

[9/10 · 16 May 2014]

it kicked ass! A H-U-G-E improvement over the 1998 Tri-Star bastardization(I know, that's not saying a whole helluva lot but still..). A very intelligent, plausible approach that wasn't insulting to your intelligence & stayed faithful to Godzilla's true origins. The film had Lots of drama & excitement plus a few surprises. There's also a new nemesis for the big guy that can only be described as a cross between the monster from Cloverfield & Gaos (from the 90's Gamera films). Can't really go into too much detail without possibly spoiling it for others.

Positives: Good story arc (kind of reminded me a little of the plot from "Gamera Guardian of the Universe"). Great performances from Bryan Cranston & the guy who played Dr. Serizawa etc.. Good (not great)monster action. The tsunami & various other scenes of chaos & destruction are awesome.

Negatives: Godzilla is all CGI & that might take some getting use to especially for those traditionalists like myself who grew up with the suitmation approach. Godzilla is thicker in the body & neck & his roar is slightly different. Don't worry though, his atomic breath remains intact but is not over-used. The other negative might be that they went a little long on the human drama. It also would've been a nice touch that as the credits rolled at the end they would've used Ishiro Honda's original Godzilla theme music.

Overall: A definite see for fans of the Big G. 8/9 out of 10

Halloween II (2009)

Welcome to Rob Zombie's Crapfest part 2...

[3/10 · 1 October 2010]

Finally saw Robie Zombie's 'Halloween II' & was wondering if anyone here could please tell me what the *beep* I just saw (& don't say the obvious "a horror or slasher film")? Because what a convoluted cliché ridden mess of a film H2 truly is. I thought RZ's Halloween was a shameless bastardization of the MM character but, that film still had some decent moments in it. But H2, outside of the brutality had really nothing going for it. Multiple Laurie dream sequences, weird ass white horse & mommy moments, Michael looking like Grizzly Adams, Dr. Loomis going from a concerned, professional psychiatrist in the 1st film to a self absorbed, money grubbing whore with no conscience, Michael's body missing for 2 full years & yet nobody seemed concerned? When the film started out, I thought, "hey this might be pretty decent afterall" with everybody getting hacked to $hit, a body pit filled with butchered hospital staff & Laurie trying to escape etc.. just like in the original H2. But alas, it all went downhill FAST after that (Weird Al-in a horror film?? C'Mon!!). Just like in the first film, I didn't enjoy or care for the characters & Loomis was the least likable. Michael Myers might as well have been Jason Vorhees for all intents & purposes, the ending was terrible & lastly, I never ever felt like I was watching a Halloween film. I rented H2 for 50 cents & in truth that's about all it was worth. The scuttlebutt around the net is that they are planning a H3. Good god I hope not! 4/10.

Superman/Batman: Apocalypse (2010 Video)

Another solid effort from DC animation studios

[8/10 · 30 September 2010]

"Superman/Batman Apocalypse" is yet another winner from DC Animation. Good story, great chemistry between all the characters, lots of action/fights & pretty good animation. The story takes place after the events of the excellent "Superman/Batman: Public Enemies". I wish I could go into specifics on how S/B Apocalypse starts out but it would give away the ending of S/B PE. A meteor crashes in Gotham Harbor & of course Bats checks it out. It is a ship with strange writings on it. After many awesome mishaps, it is discovered that the lone occupant of said spacecraft is none other than Superman's cousin from Krypton who is confused, scared & highly destructive. Superman of course wants to give her a chance, Batman doesn't trust her & smells trouble. Now before any of you here start to think " Oh great, a Barbie movie with Supergirl" let me reassure you, it's definitely not. She's never even referred to once as "Supergirl" during the course of the film. Wonder Woman, Darkseid & yes, even Doomsday make significant appearances in the film (especially Darkseid who has his own evil designs for the cousin of Superman). Overall: a 8/10 & one definitely worth checking out even for casual fans.

Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010 Video)

The Best Batman film to date bar NONE (including TDK)

[10/10 · 30 July 2010]

Just saw/bought 'Batman: Under The Red Hood' and it's FANTASTIC! The best Batman film I've seen bar none (& yes that includes TDK). A solid 10 out of 10. The Storyline is very captivating, well told & the characters are very strong. We get a deeper look into all the emotional baggage Batman has to carry with him all the way to the grave. The Red Hood, is a very interesting character study especially as the film unfolds & we start to suspect who he might be. The Joker is even more evil in this film than I've ever seen him be. In fact, he's so far removed from being like the 1990's incarnation as to make even Heath Ledger's portrayal look almost sympathetic by comparison. The very beginning of B:UTRH is startling, disturbing & not soon to be forgotten. In short, this Batman film is not to be missed especially if you're a fan of The Dark Knight.

Predators (2010)

Predators: A step down from All the others including AVP & AVP2

[6/10 · 15 July 2010]

Man is this film a MAJOR disappointment. I found the entire premise ridiculous even for a Sci-Fi film. A Predator(s) somehow collecting all those lowlifes from wherever with no one ever noticing or seeing anything (not even the captives themselves)& depositing them on another planet to hunt later.O'KAY!! Why not just hunt them here on Earth just like in the first 2 films? Why go through all that complicated bull$hit? What amazes me is most of the folks here who bitched about AvP & AvP:Requiem allegedly being crap, don't seem to notice or care that the same elements that they disliked in those 2 films are present in this one. Predator helping a human against ANOTHER PREDATOR no less NOT an alien species. Not only that but help him try to steal their only ride off the planet?-C'mon! The woman in AvP at least proved her worth & honor in battle against the Aliens & saving the life of a Predator. This guy in Predators-not so much. Why didn't the Predator just kill him then battle the other predator? Also "Predators" contained a group of boring ass characters. I didn't care half as much about them as I did Arnold's or Danny Glover's groups. Also "Predators" was a virtual retelling of the 1st film. And now there is supposedly a inner-species war between the elders & the younger predators-wtf? In retrospect maybe they should've gone with that storyline a bit more. And Topher Grace's character no more looked or acted like a convincing serial Killer than Pinnocho from Shrek. I know he tried to come across like a Ted Bundy but failed. And finally, wtf is Laurence Fishburne doing in this picture-a filled out filler? Not to shabby for a guy allegedly living on scraps on a foreign planet for a decade no less? These group predators looked like & acted like a tamed-down versions of their kin from Predator 2. Where were the different weapons they used (I.e. the net, the spear,the disc etc..)? At least with AVP we saw something fun & different with a further insight into the honor & hunting codes of the predator clans. With "Predators"-nada! I like AvP Requiem better (yes I said it!) because it was more fun-more carnage, gore, mayhem & suspense. It took them decades to make another Predator movie & this is the best they could do? Damn, I haven't felt this letdown since I went to see George A Romero's rancid "Land of The Dead" movie. 6/10

Hulk Vs. (2009 Video)

All you fans of ole' "Jade Jaws", this ones for you!

[9/10 · 31 January 2009]

The DVD has two relatively short stories, Hulk vs Thor & Hulk Vs Wolverine. Hulk vs Thor is the best of the two & the action is off the charts. The story is well conceived & well executed & the animation is good (not great but good). I'd give a brief synopsis of Hulk vs Thor but I'm afraid it would give to much of the plot away.

Hulk Vs Wolverine,is also pretty good in its' own right, but the fight scenes between Hulk & Wolverine aren't nearly as extensive as in Hulk vs Thor. And much of the story has to do more with Wolverine, his past & all the troubles that come with it (meaning SaberTooth, Lady DeathStrike, etc..). The ending is quite inconclusive & kind of a disappointment. And in case anybody is thinking "kiddie cartoon", guess again! It's got plenty of blood & violence to warrant it's PG-13 rating. Definitely one for the fans.

Rating 9 Large Green Fists out of 10

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

Like GORT, this film is a HUGE disappointment.

[5/10 · 14 December 2008]

I got 4 words for you. "Stick with the original". Why? 1)The ending negates the entire purpose of Klatu's visit. 2)Yes, GORT is all CGI & is a huge disappointment. 3)The message is not the same as in the first film & is not as clear cut. 4)Keannu Reaves showed more acting range in "The Mattrix" than in this film (aka he's more robotic than even GORT was from the original). 5) The demonstration of alien power to mankind is totally pointless because it comes AFTER an even more powerful demonstration takes place. It's a real shame too because the way T.D.T.E.S.T remake started out with such promise of something special but 2/3 of the way it fell apart; the message lost, GORT reduced to a Biblical style joke coupled with a muddled ending. I would add more but, it might spoil it for others who may still want to see the film. If you must see this flick, I suggest renting it when it comes out on DVD. Spending anymore than $3.00 to see this movie is a waste of $$.

Iron Man (2008)

One of THE BEST Marvel Movie Adaptations Since X-Men 2 & Spiderman 2

[10/10 · 2 May 2008]

I caught a matinée showing of Iron Man today & let me tell ya, if you're a Marvel fan, you won't be disappointed (& I don't even consider myself an Iron Man fan)! Robert Downey Jr. does a fabulous job, the CGI is not really noticeable, The SPFX compliments the film & doesn't overwhelm it. The characterizations are strong & likable, good dialog & plot & the action level is just right. Even if you're not a comic book fan or even a big fan of Iron Man, you should still find plenty of well paced entertainment & fun from this picture. Definitely a 10/10 in my book. My only hope is that The upcoming "Incredible Hulk" film is done this well.

Cloverfield (2008)

Cloverfield: A thinly veiled soap opera disguised as a "monster movie"

[2/10 · 18 January 2008]

Let me get right to the point. This film sucks major AS$!! One hour & 25 minutes of run time & MAYBE 1 minute total of actual footage of the monster. Plain & simple, Cloverfield is nothing more than a soap opera that incidentally has some ambiguous giant monster with a few cheap scares thrown in. And to make matters even worse, the film is done entirely with a hand held digital camera & the inept individual holding it either has had too much caffeine or it's his first time using the damn thing. Because it's all over the place. My seven year old could've done better camera work-WORD!! We actually get more footage of the ground than we do of giant monster mayhem-no lie. And the first 20 minutes of Cloverfield will bore you to tears with vacuous frat party chattering that amounts to nothing more than filler. No explanation of where the beast came from, how it got here, why it is attacking New York... in fact no real ending to the film. Even the critter's progeny aren't given enough air time & they resemble 2nd rate leftovers from "Starship Troopers" One other note to pass along; most folks when they are being attacked & gnawed on by let's say a pit bull are not worried about their damn camera. They're interested in just one thing-RUNNING! But not in Cloverfield! Also, most folks I know do NOT want a camera stuck in their face non-stop when they are having a personal crisis/tragedy (but gee they're just so darn tolerant in Cloverfield). So the argument some may use of "realism" to defend this rancid turd of a film is laughable. The producers of Cloverfield obviously must have seen the success of "The Blair Witch Project" and thought to themselves; "WOW! Hey let's cash in! Except we'll have a giant ambiguous monster instead of a witch legend." Problem with that is, once word gets out on how rotten this film truly is, they won't even come close to the box office take of TBWP. Warning: If you're prone to motion sickness DO NOT see this film because you WILL be queasy before the credits roll.

Bloodstone's recommendation: Save your money & go rent Peter Jackson's King Kong or a cheesy Godzilla film. Both would be vastly more entertaining & you won't even need to take a Dramamine before hand.

BloodStone's Rating: 2 out of 10

I Am Legend (2007)

Better than I expected.........

[8/10 · 14 December 2007]

"I am Legend" is actually (I really hate to say this being a HUGE Vincent Price fan) better than "Last Man On Earth.'Legend' is very reminisent of 28 Weeks Later & "The Descent" in regards to the appearance & mannerisms of the sub-human beings who dwell in the darkness. The air-born plague in Legend is also very similar to 'The Rage Virus' of the 28 Days/Weeks films in that these sub-humanoids are as violent & unrelenting. They are NOT the shambling weaklings of director Ubaldo Ragona's 1964 film (which in turn asks the question; why aren't they given their present situation?). I am Legend does contain a fair amount of suspense with very little to no blood or gore. And I fear that will be it's undoing at the box office because Legend's two recent predecessors "28 Weeks Later" & "The Descent" had more than their fair share of the crimson goo. Irregardless, I am Legend is still a very good (albeit not an original) film, with a very solid performance by Will Smith who plays Colonel Dr. Robert Neville (this is what now, the 3rd time Will Smith cinematically tries to save the world). However, I wouldn't be surprised if Will Smith doesn't pick up his second Oscar nomination for his performance in this film. *Note; I have not read the novel by author Richard Mattheson so I do not know how the film compares to its' literary counterpart.

BloodStone's Recommendation: I am Legend is a good film & one worth buying a ticket for.

BloodStone's Rating: 8 out of 10

The Mist (2007)

Makes The Fog look like Romper Room

[10/10 · 20 November 2007]

*Thanks to a local radio station giving away free passes I was able to go to an advanced screening of SK's "The Mist" last night.

Let me be short & to the point; This film is GREAT!! "The Mist" makes Carpenter's "The Fog" look like "It's a Wonderful Life" (& I'm a big fan of The Fog). The Mist is very true to SK's novella with an alternative ending thrown in that is THE most depressing cinematic ending since Disney's "Old Yeller." The characters are engaging & the critters that emerge from the mist are THE most disturbing & skin-crawling creations since Peter Jackson's King Kong crevice creatures(HP Lovecraft would be proud). There is a fair amount of blood & gore in the film but it's not over-done or over the top. Suspense & characterizations are where The Mist draws its true power from not SPFX (most of the critters are CGI but it's done fairly well). Overall, I had a BLAST with this film. Director Frank Darabont (who has directed The Shawshank Redemption & The Green Mile)has directed one for the books gang & a film not to be missed or put off till it comes to DVD.

BloodStone's recommendation: Do not miss The Mist.

BloodStone's rating 9.5 out of 10.

Halloween (2007)

Nothing special or memorable (unlike the original)

[5/10 · 4 September 2007]

Well RZ did the unforgivable: He humanized Michael Myers. Thus destroying the mystique & aura of pure evil that encompassed his very essence. Instead we a get a MM raised by pure white trash. Myers is talkative & has a good repoire with his mother (even months AFTER the first initial killings) but then (for no plausible reason) turns on a dime into a stark raving mad psycho who says nothing for the next 17 years. And how did he become so incredibly strong & big by not eating? I never felt like I was watching "Halloween" because there was no significant tie in per say to the Holiday (the kid wore a mask 99% of the time anyhow). Naturally RZ ratcheted up the gore & shocks & threw in some nods to the original & it's sequel but many times John Carpenter's score was misplaced (i.e. used in places in the film where there was no need for it.) Oh and Sorry but, Malcolm Mcdowell is indeed a fine actor but he's no Donald Pleasance & I never really bought into him as Dr. Sam Loomis. The other girls in the film I couldn't have cared less about even if MM had decided instead to rape them all to death with a tree branch.Annoying little twats!

SPOILER WARNING..............................................................

It made little sense that MM would dig up his sisters tombstone if the only thing he was interested in was re-uniting with his baby sister not in killing her. And why was MM moved from his cell & for what purpose ESPECIALLY on 10/30? Why did MM decide THEN to "make a break for it?

RZ's film is a definite improvement over his previous two & it wouldn't be half bad if he had decided to make this type of serial killer movie WITHOUT calling it "Halloween" In short, this film did nothing to enhance the legend of Michael Myers rather it weakened it by making him into nothing more than your average run-of-the-mill serial killer.

Rating 5/10 {On a positive note: Danille Harris does show off her tits for quite awhile in the film :) }

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000 Video)

Asinine! Utterly Asinine!!

[1/10 · 26 August 2007]

Jack Frost 2. THE worst "horror film" I have ever seen. Why? 1)The premise is WELL beyond ridiculous 2) The damn thing doesn't even have legs to move on! 3) It escapes AFTER being completely submerged in Anti-Freeze (first film) 4) Get this...It travels all the way across an ocean of SALT WATER to a TROPICAL island to get revenge on the sheriff that did him in the first film. 5) "Killer Snowballs". I have yet to be drunk enough to see "Ginger Dead Man" so as of the writing of this, Jack Frost 2 hold the distinction of being THE stupidest "horror" film ever. Even Surpassing the inaneness of it's predecessor (if you can believe that!).

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Sam Raimi needs to do #4 just for Cinematic Redemption

[7/10 · 5 May 2007]

I'll keep this brief. Spiderman 3 is a bit of a letdown. Too many villains, not enough real story development & the story line many times feels rushed & clunky. The "evil" Peter Parker is mostly just goofy rather than menacing & dark. It is my understanding that the writer who penned the 2nd film really wasn't involved as much in the development of this third film. And it shows. Spiderman 3 has plenty of entertaining moments for sure ( Bruce Campbell has a hilarious cameo) but, Spiderman 3 suffers from a severe case of overkill. The Sandman is cool but slightly under-used. Venom is a mere shadow of his comic book/animated self & the battle between Harry & Peter Parker is one of the better moments/fight scenes in the film. I think Rami needs to do # 4, take his time & try to get some cinematic redemption. I predict once the word gets out on Spiderman 3 (about a week or so), the box office returns will be a big letdown when it's all said & done.

BloodStone's Recommendation: Spiderman 3 is worth a look if your expectations aren't sky-high.

Bloodstone's Rating: 7/10

Ghost Rider (2007)

A very solid comic book adaptation

[8/10 · 17 February 2007]

Ghost Rider is one of those rare films for ole' BloodStone because before walking into the theater I was expecting it to be subpar (mainly because of Nicholas Cage-I have nothing against him). I was wrong! Ghost Rider is a very good comic book adaptation. Cage was very believable as Johnny Blaze, the effects were very well done, lots of humor, demonic images & overall just a fun movie. If you're expecting gobs of gore well.. keep waiting because this film has little to none. Is Ghost Rider "Spiderman 2" good? No! Is it "Daredevil" bad, No! It is however a very solid film with something to offer everyone, IF you like these types of movies.

BloodStone's Recommendation: Ghost Rider works, is loads of fun & worth wasting almost 2 hours of your life on...IF, IF, you dig comic book films. If not, you may be bored with it.

BloodStone's Rating: 8.5/10

An Inconvenient Truth (2006)

An extremely flawed piece of non-sensible propaganda

[1/10 · 13 January 2007]

Let's be honest shall we? Al Gore no more TRULY cares about the environment than most folks care about contacting foot fungus. It's a hook! Make no mistake, Al Gore is a POLITICIAN! Three years ago he was busted/ticketed in his home state doing 70 mph in a 55 mph zone driving NOT a hybrid, a Yugo, or even a Geo Metro but a LINCOLN (go google it if you like)! Or how about the fact that Mr. Gore & his Hollywood buddies continue to use private fuel-guzzling jets to attend the premiers of "An Inconvenient Truth." Not to mention his house in Tennessee yearly uses as much power as 20 average homes do. So much for conservation huh, Al? Anyway, it takes a mere minute to subjectively look at "An Inconvenient Truth" & discover the main fundamental flaw. While the film parades out many seemingly impressive scientists to tell the audience the EFFECTS of supposed "global Warming" there is not one scientist to tell us with ANY degree of certainty the supposed CAUSE of it. For example: I can take a hundred folks out to a parking lot & they can point out an automobile which is not running right. BUT can they tell you with any degree of certainty WHY? Generally not! A second flaw, just how accurate were the weather instruments 100 years ago (the toilet wasn't even invented yet)? What did they have, a June bug in a match box? Hell, even 50-60 years ago? Therefore, how do we know with ANY degree of confidence that the planet is "getting warmer" when the records of yesteryear are highly questionable at best? Or that man is THE sole cause of it? The answer is we don't & Science is NEVER a consensus. Forty years ago, Newsweek Magazine did a cover proclaiming a "New Ice Age". The real truth is that any 6th grade science teacher well versed in Earth Science will tell you that Volcanic Eruptions, Solar Activity & El Ninos have more to do with our eradicate changes in climate conditions than supposed "Global Warming." Finally, what Al Gore fails to adequately address is; even IF America decides to follow the global gospel according to Al & implement everything he recommends, how are we going to get the rest of the world to follow suit when we can't even get them to agree on something so obvious as terrorism? Answer: It's wishful thinking, Mr. Gore & you being a former VP of the USA know it! If the folks who produced "An Inconvenient Truth" were really honest, they would have titled their film "Al Gore Wants Attention." But what I'd really like is for someone to ask the former VP this; why were two of the planet's biggest polluters (AKA China & India) EXEMPT from abiding by the Kyoto Accords? Finally, in the winters of 2009-2011 with 49 out of 50 states experiencing record cold temperatures & Las Vegas getting 6 inches of snow, how is that "Global warming?". Now there is the real "Inconvenient Truth" for Mr. Gore & company. Well that & the fact, that it's now public knowledge that the scientists proclaiming global warming were caught red handed suppressing contradictory data & fudging the numbers. Time to find a new gig, Al!

Saw III (2006)

(sigh) More torture, more gore & more of the same

[7/10 · 4 November 2006]

Well I'm a week late & a few dollars short but I've finally seen "Saw III" (Buddy 3:16 you owe me a cookie now-chocolate chip if you please :). Anyway, Saw III IS better than Saw II & almost as good as part 1. In this particular installment the director & the writers both prove they are some really twisted bastards as they go on a grisly torture & death rampage. There is one scene in particular involving dead pigs that's sure to turn stomachs & another giving the viewer an updated version of the medieval torture device The Rack. In fact, that's all this film really is, is gore & torture. Oh sure there is the obligatory end of the film plot twists but outside of that, the film remains like its' predecessors un-scary, grisly, & of course shocking. Jigsaw is now on his deathbed, protégé near his side with a kidnapped female doctor who is given really no choice but to help prolong Jigsaw's life or literally die trying. Now for the customary Saw snafu's: 1) How does a dying bed-ridden man with rookie in tow find the time to discover these human "lab rats"? 2) How does" " " " " " " " " " " find the time or strength to concoct these elaborate death traps? 3) Why are all these potential victims so damn stupid? The blindly open doors with writing on them & don't think to stick something in the door jam (like a shoe) to keep it from locking behind them. 4) It took me 5 seconds to figure out how someone could find & capture Jigsaw-have a electronic bug implanted in your body & then let Jiggy & protégé capture you. Cops trace it, find the hideout & end the game.

*MILD SPOILER*

I can't see any way that the producers can make a Saw IV especially one with Jigsaw. I say end it now, on a realitively high note.

Bloodstone's Recommendation: Saw III is decent movie going fare & worth wasting a couple hours & bucks on. Is it great or classic?-Oh hell no!

Bloodstone's Rating: 7.5 out of 10.

Surf Nazis Must Die (1987)

WARNING: Watching this film WILL turn your brain to mush!

[2/10 · 22 October 2006]

This was a $1.00 blind VHS purchase from Hollywood Video (mainly because Iam such a fan of Troma's "Monster in the Closet") & to be frank....IWANT MY DOLLAR BACK!! What an utterly banal, stupid & nonsensical film this truly is. Hell, I don't even really know where to begin in describing this putrid film which looks like it was shot on a $99.00 budget(complete with ultra amateurish 'acting'). And what's worse, it's not even funny bad either! SNMD takes place in the future sometime after the great "California earthquake". Supposedly the police force is all tied up with restoring order in Los Angles and that leaves the beaches free for roaming gangs of surfer thugs . Let's see..we have, the Samuri gang, the pipe fitters (or whatever their dumb names were) & of course the Surf Nazis. The Surf Nazis all have names like Adolph (the leader-o'vey!) & Eva (his nasty bitch of a whore), Menglea..well you get the picture. We get plenty of surfing scenes, some terribly choreographed "fight" scenes, lots of meaningless filler scenes & very little T & A or sex (the gore is also minimal). The Surf Nazi's allegedly own the waves & the beaches & shakedown the local businesses. So one would think that these lunkheads would be armed with something a tad bit better than knifes & stabbing weapons-NOPE! Anyway, the Surf Nazi's kill a son of a very cantankerous middle-age, overweight, black woman. And so (naturally) we have a Troma-ized re-enactment of "Big Bad Mamma" & her subsequent revenge. She also happens to be the only one in the film smart enough to buy a gun & grenades (get this) from one of the Surf Nazi's main suppliers . The rest of the film continues to wallow in the swamps of absurdity as the viewer logically asks "if these Surf Nazi's are so bad ass, how come they can't dispose of one lone, over-weight, middle age black woman?" and "How come none of these boneheads ever heard of a gun"?

Bloodstone's Recommendation: Watch "Surf Nazis Must Die" ONLY if you're suffering from insomnia or you want to lower your IQ ten points.

Bloodstone's Rating: 2.0

Monster Man (2003)

Monster Man is a Monster Mess!!

[3/10 · 8 October 2006]

Last night, I am sitting in my TV room, beer in hand, bowl of pretzels on the TV tray & I decide to put the movie "Monster Man" into my trusty VCR. Expecting a fun-filled, gory, crash & bash cheesefest of a movie. What do I get instead? One of THE most silly, stupid, unfrightening & predictable films I have ever had the displeasure of sitting through. And what's even worse, all during the(& I use this next phrase loosely) "sex scene" the girl keeps all her clothes on! I'll make this summary short & sweet: mix "Dude Where's My Car" (about a good 1/2 of the film) with a very watered down "Hitcher", add a redneck version of the antagonist from "I Madman" as the primary villain & finally some incoherent black magic mumbo jumbo & you'll kind of get a clue how rotten this movie is. It's also utterly predictable throughout. The only notable factor to this buddy movie disguised as a "horror film" is that some of the moments between the 2 guys (even though the "hero" is one MAJOR annoying geek & the other is a Jack Black clone) are kind of funny (just mediocre funny i.e..like most of SNL skits). Other than that, "Monster Man" is a monster mess! 3/10 (This one I'll be handing out at Halloween time-just hope after the person views it I don't get my house egged or worse)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

A very noteworthy installment to the series.

[8/10 · 6 October 2006]

* MAY CONTAIN SOME MINOR SPOILERS* Well kiddies, just got back from taking in an afternoon matinée of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; The Beginning" & I got 4 words that best describe it: BRUTAL,GRUESOME and INTENSE! The film is gorier & more unrelenting than its predecessor from 2003. And actually we learn almost from the start, that Leatherface isn't the antagonist who got the whole grisly ball of wax rolling, it was his Uncle-the Sheriff wannabe (played of course by Lee Remey). We are shown the would-be mother of Thomas Hewitt (aka Leatherface) giving birth to the deformed child right on the floor of the slaughterhouse where she works. She abandons (well, we are led to believe it was her) said child in the dumpster behind the slaughterhouse where he is subsequently discovered by a hobo woman & taken to his permanent place of residence. From there, we are shown snapshot glimpses of his early childhood (I use this next term very loosely) "development." Fast forward to 1969, where little Tommy is now 30 years old, face covered virtually all the time with a dingy blue scarf, and of course he is employed at the local slaughterhouse where he's referred to in usually hush tones as "retard". All is "well" until the day when the place is shut down by the Texas Board of Health for obvious & serious health code violations. The little town down in Texas is now a ghostville USA because of the plant closing and the only inhabitants left are the deranged Hewitt clan (sounds just like Michigan under Governor Granholm-LOL). During the remainder of the film we see how dear old Uncle transforms little Tommy from a mere butcher of dead animals, into the chainsaw wielding maniac we've all come to know & love so well. And as a pleasant bonus, we also are given glimpses into why the "Sheriff" is such a twisted wacko. TCM for what it lacks in suspense, it more than makes up for with gruesome deaths, intensity, some gore & sheer madness. Wait till you see how the old dude in the wheelchair (from TCM 03) gets in that exact condition (both shocking & hilarious). Some of the scenes do mirror those from the original (dinner table scene from TCM 74) & others from TCM 03. So yes, a little of TCM the Beginning will feel like 'old hat' but then again we're not talking Shakesphere here. I also think many will be surprised at the ending of this film. Is "Texas Chainsaw Massacre; The Beginning" as good as TCM 74?-NO! But it does offer one thing I wish the original 74 version had done. We find out exactly why, the family are cannibals & it has nothing to do with having the best bar-b-que either. This film is a good (not great)installment in the series. My only real complaint outside of the lack of suspense, is that we are never really shown Leatherface's mug. I can't decide if that is a good thing or not or intentional on the directors part to perhaps keep the mysterious aura of Leatherface intact. Side note: I do hope this is the last of the TCM films because I feel there is nothing left of interest to do with this franchise that we haven't already seen.

BloodStone's Recommendation: A good, noteworthy addition to the TCM legacy & definitely worth a look.

BloodStone's Rating: 8.0

See No Evil (2006)

A violent, gory, fun-filled slasher romp!!

[8/10 · 24 May 2006]

Well, I'm a few days late but what the hell....! Anyways, the word that best describes my reaction to "See No Evil" was....SURPRISE. The film is actually pretty good. There is definitely an ample amount of blood, gore & action in the film with a modest amount of suspense. It hearkens back to the good ole' slasher days of the late 70's & early 80s. Think "Madman" meets Leatherface with a dash of Norman Bates and you'll get a good feel for this flick. While SNE is thin on plot (most horror films are), it kind of makes up for it in the violence/methods of killing, the gore, suspense & the fact that Kane does a great job of playing the highly disturbed Jacob Goodnight. The title of the film comes from the fact that Jacob plucks out the eyes of his victims using just his fingers & stores them in big jars. Why?? You'll just have to watch it & see (pun intended). There are certain cinematic elements lifted from other horror films most notably Psycho, TCM, & Madman but they're not blatant. Finally, SNE really doesn't go into territory we long timers haven't seen before & granted, SNE is no "Pyscho" or "TCM 74" but it certainly merits a look imo.

BloodStone's Recommendation: Take in a matinée showing of "See No Evil" Bloodstone's Rating: 7.5/10

Hostel (2005)

Nothing to it! Merely torture for torture's sake!

[5/10 · 18 May 2006]

Yes, I'm a little slow in getting to this film (having Quetin Tarritino's name attached to this film is probably the main reason). Anywho, I disliked this film. The much talked about "soft core porn" first half was barely interesting (seen better in other "R" rated stuff). The second half was just plain disturbing. "Hostel" is a film for those who may enjoy "films" like "Faces of Death" or perhaps watching explicit home movies of Nazi death camps. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind gore if it serves a purpose or adds to the suspense of a film somehow, but torture as an entertainment medium is just tasteless & needless IMO. I felt as though I was watching a snuff film. Is this the future of horror, no story driven plot just shock value & torture?? A teenybopper game of who can look at gore & torture the longest without getting squeamish, sick or turning away?? After watching "Hostel" I just felt as though Eli Roth's main driving goal was to out gross & out shock "Saw". After watching "Hostel", I feel the need to take a long hot shower.

Bloodstone's Recommendation: See "Hostel" if you really get off on torture for tortures sake.

BloodStone's Rating: 5/10

Silent Hill (2006)

Nothing Special for sure.....

[6/10 · 21 April 2006]

Well kiddies, just got back from a matinée showing of "Silent Hill" and all I got to say is........wait for the DVD. "Silent Hill" is stylish, good cinematography,(although video game-ish in spots) slightly creepy, not scary, ambiguous in some areas & at times banal. The film is almost an amalgamation of the following films (most notably) "In THe Mouth Of Madness", small elements of "Gothica", "Hellraiser", and Michael Soavi's "The Church." Although SH isn't as good or entertaining as 4 out of 5 of those aforementioned films. All I can figure is, that the video game must be more captivating & fun than it's cinematic counterpart otherwise they wouldn't have produced 4 of them. Warning: Those of you who detest lots of CGI in your horror films you will NOT be happy. Also, can't understand why Silent Hill was rated "R" there really isn't that much gore except at the end. Is the MPAA that overly sensitive to a little blood letting? BloodStone's Recommendation: See Silent Hill only IF you feel you MUST or are a HUGE fan of the game (I have never played SH so....); otherwise you ain't missing much imo. BloodStone's Rating: 5.5/10 for good acting, cinematography, stylish in some parts, slightly creepy atmosphere, and unfortunately little else.

Horror Castle (1963)

A bland and banal film

[4/10 · 5 April 2006]

Did this film ever suck!! It was a blind purchase & one I regret getting. The title of the film is based on an iron maiden type torture device which gouges out the eyes of it's victims via two large spike at eye level. However, the device isn't really used but only once through out the entire film for a grand total of one gruesome death (almosts don't count here). Virgin of Nuremberg is boring, has silly dialog, laughable musical score & a razor thin "plot" that made little to no sense. And all this "atmosphere" previous reviewers are raving about is over-hyped. Believe me there are literally dozens of good horror films with better "atmospheres". And to add insult to injury, the great Christopher Lee was under used. Only one gruesome death & a few non-eventful ones. I was expecting a almost sleazy, torture-filled, damn near exploitation horror flick. Instead I get something so bland horror wise, it could almost be shown to a group of elementary school children (probably put them to sleep). TVON was like a heavily watered down version of Mario Bava's much superior film, "Baron Blood." What a turkey! I sure hope Christopher Lee's "Whip & The Body" is better (it has to be).

The Fog (2005)

The Fog-a disappointment. :(

[4/10 · 15 October 2005]

The remake of John Carpenter's classic "The Fog" was just like I feared it would be, merely OK bordering on rotten. The original is still the better film by far. Blake & company looked good but, a little too much like leftovers from "Pirates of the Caribbean." And I didn't care much for (i.e sucked) the following: the method of the betrayal of the crew, the "Sea Grass's" encounter with the "Elizabeth Dane" (not nearly as cool or nasty), and the absurd "twist" ending. Plus I missed John Houseman's atmospheric story telling in the very beginning that so effectively set up the original film. (SPOILER ALERT) Also, too much death by fire for my tastes. And the death of the old lady that was babysitting that DJ's son was THE MOST stupid cinematic death in recent memory-no lie! I found it bordering on shocking that both John Carpenter & Debra Hill had executive producer credit on this turkey? I give "The Fog" remake a 4/10. Maybe someone needs to remind all these remake happy freaks in Hollyweird that sometimes less is more & CGI isn't god. That golden rule is why Carpenter's original is considered a classic & the remake will rightfully be relegated to the attic of forgotten films. Oh one more thing, I was running real late for the 12 noon showing (one other person in the entire theater besides me) so I stayed also for the 2:30pm showing (to catch what I missed previous) and maybe 6 besides me attended. NOT a good sign folks!