Change Your Image
Renderking_Fisk
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Barnyard (2006)
Barnyard: Script should have been recycled into toilet paper.
Out of all the crap I've had to endure being a parent, by far the worst is the low-brow junk that's passed off as "children's entertainment." There are the movies that come into this house that are so bad and dreadful that I can't help but feel as if those who made the crap personally insulted my family.
I only have 24 hours to my day, and my kids aren't going to be little forever, so what time I do have with them is precious. This movie feels like someone stole some of that precious time while at the same time trying to pick the scabs on my eyelids.
No, really - it's that bad. Those who think that it isn't (or say so here, at least) are incredibly suspect. Those of you who have this thundering piece of garbage high marks are all on notice, I'm calling you out as studio shills.
The worst part of this movie had to be by far the obvious knock-off of other people's work, much of this felt as if this was an over-seas rip-off Gary Larson's "Far Side," and I wouldn't doubt that some of his people are talking to Nickelodeon's people...
Or, is it the bulls in this movie having no horns and have utters...
The "male" bovines having udders was explained in the October 2006 issue of Nickelodeon's official magazine, "Nick Magazine". In the letters page, one reader asked about the anatomically-incorrect cows(bovine) and whether or not it was intentional or not, and the magazine explained that the movie's director "thought it would be funny for the male cows(bulls) to have udders".
Know what? It's NOT funny. It's confusing, distracting and stupid. It's actually insulting to the audiences intelligence. Imagine George Lucas putting breast implants on Stormtroopers.
There's so much about this movie to hate, whether it's a kids cartoon trying to be edgy for adults, the demonic and down-right frightening coyotes, or the plot formula stolen from other movies, or that this had a great cast with a script that should have recycled into toilet paper.
Damnation Alley (1977)
"Rednecks and Truckers plow through Armagedon "
"Damnation Alley" - It was on yesterday on The Fox Movie Channel. Since I was stuck with our youngest I sat though the whole thing for the first time. End result: It's basically "Rednecks and Truckers plow through Armageddon
" Almost every film has a legion of fans and strong sycophantic fans and die-hard supporters. Last thing I would to do is insult those fans of this movie who are loyal to the FC, too. Well
uh, what can Uncle Ren say about this flick? It's
uh
uh
ah
it's original? It's classic 1970's SF Schlock? To quote "IMDB" - "A small group of survivors at a military installation who survived World War 3 attempt to drive across the desolate wasteland to where they hope more survivors are living. Hopefully their specially built vehicles will protect them against the freakish weather mutated plant and animal life and other dangers along the way." Sounds like a great film, doesn't it? With some decent writing and great acting, maybe they might have something here. Alas
they don't have much of anything here. The film looks very dated, taking all the cliché's about pop culture from the 1970's, CB-Radio Jargon, pour in Cold War Atomic War hysteria and mix with bad writing and hooky special effects and you can just about imagine what a "terrific" film this is.
Damnation Alley has that feeling that it was made for the Lowest Common Denominator, yet 20th Century Fox spent almost twice as much on this film as they did on Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. This is the perfect example of how it's not the budget that makes a film great, but how talent is everything.
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (2003)
No Other Reality Show Has Deserved To Be Canceled More
As a member of the "Conservative" and "Religious Right" I don't have any issues with Homosexuals, and I'll put it out there that I believe committed couples (some who have been in relationships longer then most straight people) should have the right to have Civil Unions or Gay Marriage (what ever you want to call it in your neighborhood.) Many (if not most) homosexual men and women are productive members of our society and contribute a great deal. They need and deserve to just be left alone and allowed to live their lives as they choose and reap the rewards or suffer the consequence of their choices.
I'm not a gay basher, I'm not "secretly gay and in denial," nor am I a "hater." Nor am I easily offended or put off by people with lifestyles that are different from my own.
With that said, there are too many aspects of "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" that are simply ridiculous. It's genuinely painful, harsh, embarrassing when it's not unintentionally funny by perpetuating stereotypes.
The most absurd aspect of the show is Carson Kressley (Spell check wants to replace that name with "Crassly" how appropriate
) trying to tell men how to dress. He understands what's "hip and trendy" and knows the basics of clothing construction, but Kressley telling men how to dress better is like asking a plumber how to fixed your clogged arteries and broken heart valve It doesn't fly.
The premise of the show is to try and turn sloppy straight guys into trendy stylish guys, period. Sadly, that never seems to happen when Carson does his best to turn these unsuspecting heterosexuals into "homo-looking heterosexuals" while trashing their own original style. Kressley is simply incapable (or blatantly unwilling) to dress sloppy straight men to look better or fashionable with out making the men look foolish or effeminate (or both.) He also performs his duties on the show with an air of indigence and arrogance that's a bit hard to tolerate.
Since the show's been canceled Bravo should have the guts to do a roll reversal: Five Straight guys do a makeover to make him a little less "queer." It won't happen because turn-about isn't fair play in some circles.