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Kyllandra
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Frontière(s) (2007)
Lame Goy Slop Entertainment
Massive spoilers so you've been warned. This movie makes Texas Chainsaw Massacre look positively sophisticated and that movie is 40+ years old. This could have been at least a serviceable survival horror if not for the so-called Nazi plot. "The father" keeps yammering about pure blood and then accepts a pregnant Arab girl into the family to dilute the race he claims to want to preserve? How many brain cells is the script writer lacking? I'm gonna go with ... a lot. Or are you trying to send the message that whites are mongoloids so you gotta mix it up so as not to make baby cave dwellers? You are clearly high on your own ignorance and smug. You got the plot twisted alright. This would have made sense if the thugs were actually French and the final girl was a blonde or something but they just made this movie silly AF with this confused purity mumbo jumbo. I'm guessing the script writer loves him some lax and cream cheese on a bagel. Idiot. Watch if you want to be mildly entertained. You will miss absolutely nothing of value if you skip this one.
Crawl (2019)
100% lols
Yeah, because every time a hurricane hits Florida gators be like, "it's open season, hoomans." They go buck wild. Must've been all that cocaine they did in the 80s, amirite? Just what is the entertainment industry doing? Because the industry definitely isn't entertaining us anymore. They stopped entertaining us in favor of pushing political agendas and anti-white narratives. I guess that is what you resort to when the creative juices stop flowing and you run out of ideas. It'd be funny if it wasn't so pathetic and frankly boring. I did laugh at this movie tho. A lot. It's just so stupid; gators be like nom nom while this girl is swimming around as though she has infinite breath control. I guess she is part mermaid or whatever. At least movies like Anaconda, Hard Rain, Daylight were entertaining. Just as silly and far out but interesting enough to keep you entertained with a decent script and watchable actors. Hell, even Waterworld is more entertaining and engaging than this. Put this movie on if you need background noise or something. It's frankly barely suitable for that. It's worse than Sharknado. I gave it two stars because the FX were alright, but I wish the entertainment industry would stop pushing their twisted ignorant agendas and capitalizing on wedge issues and get back to entertaining us instead. That's all we want.
The Little Stranger (2018)
A Review of The Reviews
Why are people always saturating their reviews with political commentary like all of such verbal discharge? I guess because most movies are pushing a political agenda which is 99% pro leftist globalism and anti-freedom, anti-patriotism, anti-capitalism, anti-Christianity, anti-sovereignty and most importantly anti-white male.
This review is in response to the insufferable donk using his review space to push his political agenda which is apparently anti-Brexit. If this review gets passed the Jannies on this app, I am sure it won't remain up for long, because truth must needs be buried to keep the sheep from questioning their enslavement, but I hope at least a couple of people get a chance to read it before it "gets taken to Brazil".
I live in The EU, so let me tell you what The EU is in case you didn't know. The EU is collection of countries that have been manipulated into enslavement and ultimately self-destruction by joining an organization headed by unelected "officials" who make decisions for the citizens of these countries without their permission or vote. PERIOD. The singular purpose of this diabolical institution is to abuse, control, manipulate and ultimately enslave and impoverish the citizens of once sovereign states to keep them on the hamster wheel powering those who appointed themselves as their leaders. It empowers the political elite while enslaving the "commoner" and ultimately adding to the list of fallen "great nations" like Egypt and Rome. We have seen this repeated throughout history. Globalism, subversion (aka brainwashing and manipulation), and cultural relativism are the methods by which the EU is attempting to murder entire nations on this once great continent.
The "movie reviewer" who laments the passing of Brexit is so wholly ignorant that they actually believe The British Empire is in the latter stages of the proverbial throes of death because of Brexit which hasn't even happened yet and NOT because of The EU which The UK has been a part of for many many years??? How can anyone be this dumb? Sadly, this kind of ignorance accounts for a terrifying number of the world's population. Muh Gawd. Kind of ironic that Europeans, particularly the British, are constantly criticizing Americans for their alleged lack of intelligence.
Americans are still free. EU Citizens? Not so much. You jelly? Who is the nation of dummies then? The one who willingly hands over their independence and then defends their own enslavement; each and every pro-EU drone.
Fact: The British Empire was established BEFORE joining The EU. Since it has joined the EU, the people's independence, personal safety and wealth have been slowly chipped away at and the parts sold off to the highest bidder. The British have gained NOTHING by being members of The EU but instead have made redundant and impotent resulting in the loss of personal independence, personal safety, morality, societal strengthening traditions and culture, as well as personal and national wealth among other things. The fall of Britain is pretty spectacular if not utterly depressing. But Brexit is an attempt to get some of that power back through sovereignty. I guess that reviewer wouldn't know anything about that, now would he? (She/it/whatever) I wonder how long it will be before a government Rottweiler aka law enforcement crony is knocking on my door to arrest me for "thought crimes".
The Movie isn't about Brexit. It's not about "toxic" masculinity. It's a ghost story using well-known movie tropes and some decent actors. However, like most modern film, it's mildly entertaining but still highly forgettable and the talent has been ultimately squandered on a subpar script and mediocre direction.
If the entertainment industry really wants to make a worthwhile horror film, they should adapt the books 1984 and A Brave New world into film. Now THAT would be horrific.
PS. Americans, educate the leftists in your country or suffer the same fate.
El Hijo (2019)
Lol kk
That's what I said when the movie ended. That's all it elicited and the only response that was warranted. I, on the other hand, should get a free month of Netflix for watching this dreck all the way to the non-ending. Actually, after all the horrendous "nutflex originals" featured on this left-wing agenda pushing mongoloid of an app, I should get a lifetime of free viewing which I would spend watching Friends anyway. At this point, if you want to be entertained, you need to reach back into the entertainment industry's past about 20 years to get it.
The following is a "cliffsnotes" version of the plot. Warning: spoilers 'n sheeeit.
Norwegian woman (so obviously a man-hating feminist) wants a baby uber bad. Decides that instead of going to a sperm bank, she'll succubus some poor unsuspecting beta-male, get herself good and knocked up, and do her part for 'the movement' by ruining and then ending this man's life in the process.
Womyn: I'm pregnant.
Beta: kinda yay
Womyn: I was cold and awkward but you ain't seen nothing. Each day I'll get 12 new batches of pregnancy hormones, I'll invite Scary Poppins to help me through "confinement" and OF COURSE alienate you in the process.
Beta: K, queen. Ima go paint me a Jackson Pollock knock-off and then wonder why only a handful of people show up to my gallery openings. Love you!
Womyn: Byyyyyeee. Oh, and when the baby comes, I'll lock you out of the room and then scream like I'm giving birth to the literal spawn of Satan. After that, you'll only get to see the baby like sometimes. Then your friends and I will gaslight you and make you think you're crazy for wanting to see your child more than a couple of times a week. When you finally grow a pair and fight back, I'll end you cuz All Men Are Bad and I've got massive amounts of girl power. That is what you get for not staying in my shadow like a good little beta-boi. Good news tho, your ex will get custody of the baby apparently and you will kinda sorta get vindication when they Totally Spies my lab and peep Scary Poppins in charge of another child. Idk. Maybe it's your baby like split in two and clonoroonied. Or maybe I had twins and hid the other baby from you the whole time just for funsies. Maybe we're all aliens. IDK. Teehee C U Next Tuesday!
The End.
Viewer beware! This movie doesn't have a point and it's not even remotely entertaining. It is 100% a waste of your time.
PS. I don't know why people think there are two different babies meant to be the same character. The movie appears to take place over a 20 month period. The little crib lizard grew up and got hair that darkened. The epilogue takes place two years later so obviously the succubus found a new victim. I don't think it's meant to be like a Changeling thing. It's more likely that the production company didn't have enough babies on hand to fill the role. The Hollywood elite ate most of them.
The Green Inferno (2013)
Mixed bag o' crap
Well, what can I say about this movie? It sucked. And tbh, the movie that "inspired" this one, Cannibal Holocaust, sucked too. It's hyped as being classic horror, but sometimes I think people bestow the "classic" label on anything old these days. That movie was barely watchable and only the last 20 minutes were even remotely interesting. I felt nothing for the characters and was happy to see them all get their well deserved deaths. The theme song was fairly haunting though like most Effed up movies from the 70s early 80s but that's just about the only memorable thing about it.
However, that is still more than I can say for The Green Inferno which is a movie that you will see, be mildly entertained, and then forget. The only thing you may remember is how horribly acted this film was. I get why directors use unknowns, but at least use unknowns who can act. The acting was so wooden you could chop it up and keep your house warm for an entire winter. Maybe two.
I hated every single character in this film too and felt nothing but LOLs when they met their demise. I was hoping "Kaycee" who was the only smart character apart from "Amy" who decided to take herself out of the equation before the Pygmies could get to her, would decide to go with them at the last minute so she could get killed too. Absolute worst actress I've ever had the displeasure of watching. Something tells me a bunch of these actors did porn.
"Check me out! I made a real movie. Never had one acting lesson!"
The hell you say ... *eye roll*
I'm starting to think Eli Roth is on his way to being another M. Night Shamalammadingdong; made a couple of decent movies early in his career and then nothing but pretentious flops. It's like they just stop trying.
I just don't get it. I really don't. Do these people WANT to be seen as washed-up hacks? Eli Roth IS talented and this movie could have blown the original out of the water. It's like once these entertainers become famous and successful they lose that fire in their bellies and their movies/music/performances etc. amount to little more than a disappointing waste of time.
I gave this movie 4 stars because I didn't look at my phone the entire time the movie was on; I didn't want to miss the wildly unlikable characters getting the chop.
I'm probably going to watch knock-knock too despite it having terrible reviews as well. Morbid curiosity motivates me to see if that movie is as bad as this one. I'm sure I'm going to be gifted with more horribly wooden acting since Keanu Reeves is starring in it.
Speaking of "wood", Eli Roth clearly has a big one for Lorenza Izzo. If he's going to keep giving her parts because he's banging her the least he could do is pay for some acting lessons.
Don't pay more than a dollar to see this movie.
Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
The Original Found Footage Film?
If the dude who made this movie had never been born, would that mean we would never have been exposed to these garbage found footage films? Ah, if only wishes could come true.
Sometimes movies are heralded as classics just because they're old. This is one of those films. It's not a classic horror like The Shining, A Clockwork Orange, The Amityville Horror, or even The Entity. It's just an old overly hyped torture porn flick.
If you're into that, watch it. I watched it for free, so I'm not fussed about the hour and thirty plus minutes I lost on it.
:: SPOILER ALERT ::
It only starts to get disturbing or even interesting after about an hour into the movie and frankly, the most disturbing part of the film is the apparently needless slaughtering of the animals and the savage on a stick. For a low budget film those "special effects" looked pretty d*mn real far surpassing most present day films of the same caliber that had/heave a MUCH bigger budget. I hope they at least fed the dead animals to the villagers. Poor turtle.
Didn't feel the least bit sorry for the "environmentalists". Their deaths were well deserved. Don't f*ck around with the tree people. Live like a savage die like a savage.
Overall, the movie was MEH. I give it a six because it's fairly watchable, the effects are excellent, and it is thought provoking provided you've got more than two brain cells rubbing together.
Who are the real savages?
I'm going to say, the human race as a whole.
Vikings (2013)
Re: An American try on European history....
I am responding to a reviewer who claimed the show's inaccuracies are "an American try on European history" also claiming to be a historian who works in the field every day. For someone that is so bothered by inaccuracies he might want to consider the fact that the the show is actually made by Irish, British, and Canadians. Yes, I know Canadians are technically Americans too, but try telling them that.
"Vikings is an Irish-Canadian historical drama television series written and created by Michael Hirst for the television channel History. Filmed in Ireland, it premiered on 3 March 2013 in the United States and Canada."
Michael Hist is British.
This isn't an American show unless you're willing to admit that Canadians are Americans too.
So, I guess that review is an idiot's try on criticizing Americans.
Nice try ...
Moron.
Marco Polo (2014)
Netflix delivers another winner!
People badmouth Netflix all the time for having crap movies and not updating enough and they are right about that ... seriously.
Dear Netflix,
We don't want to see movies like "Sugar daddies" or "Disaster LA .. The Last Zombie Apocalypse." Please stop wasting space with these movies that never get watched anyway and start uploading movies that are actually entertaining. You're charging us 79kr (like $8, 119kr premium = 12 dollars ish) a month and a metric ton of us subscribe, so you can definitely afford to offer better movies. Don't be greedy. Also, start thinking about offering a separate service for children like Netflix Kids and put all the children's movies on it. This will give us Adults more room, if space is an issue, for movies we actually want to see as well. You can even charge people separately for it. Netflix is for teens and adults not babies.
Thanks in advance!
Rant over.
There is one thing that Netflix does well, however, and that's generate awesome original series and I LOVE that they put an entire season out there so we can binge watch it! I absolutely hate being forced to wait a week or a month especially when I know they are already done filming. It's like being forced to put a book down at the end of a chapter just when it's getting good. EFF THAT!
Anyway, I don't think I've seen a bad Netflix original yet although they did just announce "Fuller House". That might be their first official failblog. lol You can put that crap on Netflix Kids too, please.
At any rate, Marco Polo is .... awesome. I mean, if GoT is a 10 then Marco Polo is definitely a 9.5 and it should definitely have a higher score on IMDb. There are dead boring series out there that have a higher rating. That's really annoying.
Obviously there are some bad reviews out there, but seriously slash ignore those. Some guy was all, I had to turn it off a couple of episodes in because I didn't want to subject my wife to the gratuitous nudity. OMFG! The 1950s called, they want their nuclear family back. LOL This guy must be a Mormon or other such noob. haha I guess he's never met a little show called Game of Thrones.
A couple of others complained about the nudity as well and I'm frankly at a loss about that. It seems fairly sparse to me. I always find myself befuddled when people complain about sex and nudity but have absolutely nothing to say about the copious amounts of violence in these shows. Chop off a dude's hand? No worries. But show some boob and people lose their minds. How backward is that?
Anyway, some other reviewers promised a series hook at three episodes. It took me two. It's that good. You will want to watch the whole thing all in one go and don't be surprised if you find yourself pausing the show to look stuff up on the internet regarding the history of the Mongolians and the silk road.
Marco Polo is just an all-around enjoyable experience! So don't miss it!
The Final Girls (2015)
It's good
My reviews are written under the assumption that the reader has already (wisely) passed up the opportunity to watch the movie "on the big screen" and is wondering whether they should pay for the rental or just wait for it to come out on whatever streaming service or premium channel they subscribe to.
After reading many of the negative reviews on IMDb, I went into this film with fairly low expectations. Overall, this movie is definitely worth the rental. I don't think you will regret spending the money on it particularly if you're a fan of the genre. Despite its obvious flaws, all of which have been outlined here in great detail, this film is entirely watchable and definitely entertaining.
Taissa ain't no Vera, but she definitely holds her own and she is turning out to be a fine little actress herself. Definitely someone to watch.
Some reviewers have criticized the film for being PG-13 and I definitely understand their point. Personally, I like boobs with my gore so I tend to agree, but I have to say that it was rather nice to come away from a horror film feeling sort of uplifted rather than grossed out or slightly depressed albeit thoroughly entertained. It was kind of refreshing.
Watch this film. It's worth the 4-5 dollar rental.
I Spit on Your Grave 2 (2013)
Not as good as the first but WAY better than the third
My reviews are written under the assumption that the reader has already wisely passed up the opportunity to watch the movie "on the big screen" and is wondering whether they should pay for the rental or just wait for it to come out on whatever streaming service or premium channel they subscribe to.
I'm on the fence about this one. If you're a fan of the series/franchise and/or you've made the mistake of watching the third installment which is total garbage despite having the original actress in it, then I say go ahead and pay for the rental. You will be entertained.
Be warned however that this film seems to have been made with a downgraded camera. In some shots the camera is so shaky it looks like someone is making a home film similar to those detestable found footage films. I truly hate those movies. Seriously, Hollywood STOP MAKING FOUND FOOTAGE movies. THEY SUCK! We don't like them.
Fortunately, this isn't one of those but the shooting is pretty awful in some scenes. You might want to take a dramamine before you watch. lol
That said, I also want to add that there is in fact more abuse and it seems to go on forever. At one point, my husband wanted to skip to the revenge portion of the film because he felt like it was getting depressing to watch the protagonist's abuse, but I denied that request because I wanted to feel something for this character. I wanted to feel that her actions which are fairly heinous were justified.
I've read a couple of reviews where the author claims to have not achieved this level of empathy for the character and while I'll agree that the actress has an annoying voice which does detract slightly from the feels, I personally, did start to feel empathy for her and was actually a little disappointed that she didn't torture her assailants a bit more. I realize that there are time constraints while filming, but it seemed as though her torture went on while theirs was relatively quick. Also, "mother" got off WAY too easy. One can only hope the cop eventually slammed the lid, locked the box, and left her there.
Another reviewer chastised the film for painting Eastern Europeans in a negative light and made the assertion that this is because Americans are just dumb. The creator of the original 1978 film is from Palestine. He also co-produced the remake and the sequels. Trust me, the idea that Eastern Europeans are scumbags is a stereo- type believed by many.
We don't all believe that, but as an American living in Europe who has also traveled to Eastern Europe and experienced the culture first hand, I can say that they didn't get the reputation for being the great do-gooders of the world for a legitimate reason. Theirs is a culture that is less than genteel and you are far more likely to encounter a scoundrel than an idealistic volunteer for the World Health Organization. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck ...
At any rate, it's ridiculous to criticize a population of people just because you don't like the way another population of people is portrayed in a horror flick. It has literally nothing to do with the "watchability" of the film.
Bottom line, pay for the rental if you're into the series. It IS entertaining. Do NOT, on the other, pay for the third installment. Wait for it to come out on the premiums or streaming services and only watch it if you're extremely bored. The third installment is THAT bad.
I Spit on Your Grave III: Vengeance Is Mine (2015)
How does this movie have such a high rating? 5.6 is too generous!
How is this possible?! I have seen WAY better movies with a lower rating = proof that the IMDb system is severely flawed and there are clearly people being paid to write positive reviews and give more stars than the film deserves but I guess we all already knew that.
The only thing interesting about this movie were the flashbacks to the original which was actually really good.
Everything was just bad in this one. The direction, the script, the acting. Woof. Would not recommend. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT pay to watch this. Wait for it to come out on whatever streaming service you're already subscribed to and watch only if you literally have nothing better to do which should be never. If you never get to see this film, you will not have missed anything. I promise you that.
Hidden (2015)
A short and honest review ...
An interesting setting, very decent acting; this movie is definitely entertaining and there are moments when you will be on the edge of your seat even if you're a seasoned horror fan. Also, it has an interesting little twist that we don't see often in movies such as these. I would have liked to have seen a bit more development along those lines, but it's nevertheless well worth the 4 dollar rental. So, you can safely NOT wait for it to come out on Netflix or whatever streaming service you use. Watch it now! It's worth it!
I am going to watch Extinction next since it seems to be a movie that is similar in genre and also has some pretty decent reviews. I hope it's as good as the real reviews say it is and I'm sure you know what I mean by "real reviews". I'll be back to report once I've watched it and I'll let you know which one to wait on if you're on a budget and need to choose between the two. :)
Flesh and Bone (2015)
The Truth about F&B (spoiler alert!)
This series has been heralded as a gritty masterpiece and what Showgirls should have been. To that I say, "settle down, bro."
I have just finished binge watching this monstrosity of entertainment and a masterpiece it ain't. In fact, it is the dirty dog of scandalous TV and its bark is as delightfully vicious as its bite. I like that in a series and if you're even remotely interested in watching beautiful women dance en point and want to be entertained for a few hours then this is the show for you.
Are you going to learn how to go over the box? No. Are you going to truly get an inside look look at the life of a struggling dancer? Nah. So, if you're looking for that then you just pirouette up to the wrong stage. This is not a learning tool. THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT!
A couple of reviewers appeared to be just shocked to their pointed toes at the gratuitous 'this and that' and criticized the inaccuracy of this show's portrayal of ballet life and what an affront it is to their craft. Leave it two a couple of uppity wannabe "prima ballerinas" to think their niche in life really does "transcend". These folks need to transcend their egos.
There are loads of legitimate documentaries on the life of a dancer which, in fact, does include a lot of ugly things about the business (e.g. drugs, eating disorders, etc). However, we aren't watching a television series with the intent to douse ourselves in reality. We are watching these series and movies to escape it. We don't work our asses off all day to get ahead just so that we can go home and watch someone else do it. We want to be entertained and this show delivers that; entertainment.
That said, the plot and character development is about as thin as an anorexic counting the calories of a feeding tube which I can understand if more seasons are to come. However, if this is all we are going to get then I'll have to give it a FAIL stamp in that regard. The casting is great and there is some real chemistry happening among the actors, but the characters need a whole lot of developing and frankly so does that plot. Develop the former and the latter will fall into place, IMO. This show has the potential for at least three successful seasons.
Wanna watch some pretty girls dance en pointe and plenty of "gratuitous" sex with a little incestuous romance a la V.C. Andrews? Don't miss this one. In addition to being totally entertaining what this show does very well is give a vivid illustration of how even the most talented, creative, wealthy and beautiful people in the world can be dredges of humanity.
PS. The wacko bum was totally unnecessary and frankly just annoying. I kept hoping he would get hit by a bus the whole time.
Anna Karenina (2012)
Appalling
I started watching this film and literally stopped because of the silliness of the "stylization". I could not finish it. Don't get me wrong; I love a good stylized period piece. I loved Stoker. However, the implementation of "stylizing" the film in the form of a stage setting does not add to the film's richness. Rather, it takes away from the seriousness of the subject matter and is inappropriate. I was on the edge of my seat only because the fear was so great that they'd at some point break out into song and dance. If you want to see a serious adaptation of this novel done properly, watch Anna Karenina 1997 with Sophie Marceau. It is far superior. If you're reading this and want to know which version you should watch, do pick the older version. Sophie Marceau is phenomenal as Anna Karenina. Kiera Knightly? Not so much. She doesn't capture the heartbreak as well as Sophie does, in my opinion. It saddens me to think that people will see this version and not that one.
Anna Karenina (1997)
Superior
This adaptation of the film is FAR superior to the 2012 version with Keira Knightley. If you're reading this and want to know which version you should watch, do pick this one. The "stylization" of the other film is just inappropriate for the subject matter. It makes the film look like a joke in comparison. Sophie Marceau is phenomenal as Anna Karenina. Keira Knightley? She doesn't capture the heartbreak as well as Sophie does, in my opinion. It saddens me to think that people will see that version and not this one. Just putting that out there. P.S. Why does IMDb force one to write ten lines? They are also attempting to correct "misspellings". If I spell something wrong, it's meant to be. Fascists.
Plush (2013)
A short an honest review ...
In spite of the fact that I really enjoy watching Emily Browning and Xavier Samuals (sp) as actors, this movie stank. It wasn't cute or exciting and there wasn't any real chemistry between the actors. I saw a review written here that was entitled Classic Stalker blah blah blah. Not even! It was truly a let down in every respect. I could barely get through it. It's one of those movies that you don't pause when you have to use the toilet. Watch it only if you're totally bored and literally have nothing better to do. So, that should basically be never. If you want to see Xavier Samuals in a decent movie, watch Adore (Perfect Mothers). If you want to see Emily Browning in a decent movie, watch anything else with her in it, even SuckerPunch. Thank you.