Change Your Image
doug-godsoe
Reviews
Highway to Hell (1991)
High brow (ish) and low budget
It is a pretty good movie, all things considered.
There are a lot of social, religious, and literary references that might go over your head, and others that might go under your feet.
So many cameos by emerging celebrities of the day that make you go, "Holy S-word! That's Lita Ford! With Ben Stiller! And his dad! Back when Chad Lowe was the star, and his older brother was awkward and unknown!"
So, if the names don't mean anything to you, then you won't get the bumper sticker joke of Pontius being your co-Pilot. If Hitler is some guy who is just used as a comparison to Trump, Mahatma Coat, probably wouldn't land with you, either.
Idi. Idi. Idi Amin, I am the baddest cat there has ever been. Chopping off arms of African babies since I was six years old. No arms against Idi, but there is a seat at a table in Hell waiting for you.
The references are dated, because duh?, but I found the movie entertaining enough to write a review. And but, but and, not and but, I have been drinking. Cheap vodka, mostly. Nostalgia motivated, vodka fueled, maudlin based, review: yeah, it was fine. Better than Disney.
History's Greatest Hoaxes (2016)
Squeezing the bottle for the last drop of profit
TLDR; not worth your time. Read the articles that are everywhere rather than wasting your time watching painful reenactments
Every one of these stories you have been told before. News outlets begging for their viewers to stay indoors because "aliens are among us." Or, a guy who "looked like" John Travolta was walking his cat on a leash.
Take all of that viewership and put it into one last, "We'll make a ton of money from summarizing this garbage!" and you'll have this show.
It's boring, bland, derivative, and completely uninspired. Like Whoopie Goldfish and Oprah what's her name. Headlines for money and fish & chips for free.
From what I can gather, Hitler was a guy, and an alien was dissected in Roswell New Mexico. Yes. There's a NEW Mexico. The old one is not so good. Coincidence? Yes, by the word's definition. Two unrelated things happening at the same time.
I paid Comcast for Internet and now here I am, writing reviews on a money grabbing opportunistic documentaries. Coincidence? Nope. Some would say inevitable. Blame Comcast and Al and Tippy for inventing the Internet.
The Saturn V Story (2014)
Weird Narration
With his thick British accent, everything the narrator says sounds wrong. Vernon von Brown? He's not even trying. It's an American story told unnecessarily poorly by a crew of non Americans.
Oh, I see! It's because in 1940 Britain was at war with the nasties, and Vernon v B was a German, so England made the American space program possible by single handedly defeating them. Hence the British narrator with marbles in his mowf. Makes sense.
Uhhm. Words words words. Need 84 more characters, and spaces don't count.
Let me tell you something: bison and buffaloes are the same thing. Both names are acceptable.
The Magicians (2015)
It starts out not great, but it gets worse.
This show isn't terrible, but it should have been canceled after season two. The basic story is there, but the writers seem incapable of moving the characters forward along any sort of development arc. The traits they have in the first episode persist with them to the end. They never grow in any meaningful way, always whining, wingeing, moping, and storming off when confronted by challenges. It's not a coming of age story, it's a doing stuff while being perpetually underage cringe fest.
Poor casting and directorial choices finishes the thing off. Five seasons is more than enough of this Narnia/Potter/Girls mashup.
Evil: 177 Minutes (2019)
Yes, they are insulting your intelligence
What a bunch of stupid this episode turned into.
Lemme see: dead 17 year old girl at autopsy. First thing you do is cut off her face... while she's still fully dressed in her soccer outfit. Did they even try to revive her before the autopsy?
Digital cameras do not leave ghost images from a previously used memory card. The technology doesn't work like old timey glass photography plates.
A PSYCHOLOGIST is not a trained medical expert, so why is she giving her opinions on medical practices? Psychologists don't prescribe medications; they are only licensed to charge money for pretending to care about your life problems. Do the writers not know the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist?
It's just really lazy writing that they are hoping the audience is too stupid to notice. The writers are the real demons.
Auggie (2019)
I hope his wife remembered the detergent
He's going to need to wash those pants.
Never has there been a time where I wish I were clever and not two bottles of wine in; so many memes, so many tropes!
My wife is becoming suspicious. We're always running out of tissues and I have been doing a lot of laundry lately.
"Who do you see when you put on the glasses?" An easy answer, "A dirtier version of you, and you're very enthusiastic about oral." A perfectly acceptable, completely unverifiable lie.
Are you more upset because your husband bought sex pants to have virtual intercourse with an imaginary AI, or that he built a fort in the living room with the good Egyptian cotton sheets?
There are worse movies out there than this one. It's American Beauty without the roses... and no Kevin Spacey.
Mary Kills People (2017)
Needs Better Writing
It's not really a drama about medical people trying to ameliorate the suffering of the terminally ill through youth in Asia, it's about a serial killer in disguise, but it should be written by someone who has maybe gone to a doctor at least once. Never mind the drug dealer with an existential ennui, it gets worse than that. Now, if I can find someone to put me out of my misery from watching this garbage.
Betty White: First Lady of Television (2018)
Needs More Betty White
Mostly D-list celebrities mugging for the camera, giving testimonials on her talent. Very meta.
Criminal: UK (2019)
No Comment
A band of British Boomhauers chewing through their lines. Ding dang, dang ole crimmminals, spilled chocolate milk on my dang ole t-shirt, I tell you what.
Sure, David Tennant was good, but everything else is no comment.
Atlantis (2013)
Needs more nudity
Overall, the story is less muddled and disappointing than Game of Thrones, but it could use a bit of tightening up and more adult oriented themes. A little nudity would go a long way. It doesn't have to be gratuitous, but it could be for no reason.
I like the idea of Hercules being just a loud mouth braggart with larger than life stories of his heroism, but I am not sure exactly how a time traveling Jason contributes to the narrative. He seems to have forgotten that he's from the future and should know how the story ends.
The show is not a literal retelling of the related Greek fables, because that would make it as boring as a Titanic remake (spoiler, the ship sinks). No, it's a buddy adventure series for tweens, along the same vein as Xena, Hercules, or Merlin. As an adult, though, I still think it would be better with some nudity, and maybe a little profanity. Nothing serious, just a little spicy HBO-esque dialogue.
Lucifer (2016)
Thank you, Netflix
Who wants to watch a romantic police drama with egregiously erroneous police procedures? (Season 3)
Who wants to watch the fallen angel and misunderstood Satan on a vengeance rampage? (Season 4)
So, you just found out, absolutely for sure, heaven and hell are real, but we still need to follow chain of evidence and warrant procedures. Really? Which storyline would you rather follow?
Thank you, Netflix, for fixing the errors of their ways. #killchloebecausesheistheweakestcharacter