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Reviews
Phantom Fun-World (2023)
Iconically bad
Terrible acting- the main actress is particularly bad. She takes "quiet timid girl" to astonishing new lows. As a scream queen she was hilariously bad too- My favourite scene was when her brother gets abducted by the phantom on the worlds smallest merry go round and she just stands there wailing as it spins instead of trying to chase them.
The kills come out of absolutely nowhere (particularly the first one where the killer appears randomly from behind a wall). They're pretty awful kills too- the worst being when her friend gets killed in hilarious slomo. The phantom does these tiny little slices with his kitchen knife instead of stabbing. It's truly a sight to see.
The set pieces are wild- the theme park is made up almost entirely of wooden planks and plastic sheets. I have no idea why there were so many employees there so late at night when the park hadn't even opened. All the while the phantom fun world voiceover is playing randomly too. Why have it on when there are no customers??
The characters make some wild decisions too. After defeating the phantom they inexplicably decide the try and burn the entire building to the ground. Without even trying to see are there any survivors. There's also a fantastic scene where our leading lady finds her mother (stabbed with 6 knives sticking out of her abdomen!), she's completely coherent speaking full sentences, not bleeding out, and she decides to "PUT HER OUT OF MISERY?!" Not even a vague effort to try and save her. Nope. Time for mommy to die, there's no hope for her! Best part of the whole movie, I was honestly lolling.
Overall, I think I'd actually recommend this solely for laugh factor. It was so cheesy, really terrible plot choices, a script that they probably wrote in an hour, just so so funny.
Ame o tsugeru hyôryû danchi (2022)
Annoying kids scream for 2 hours
The good: the animation is nice, begins with some great potential. I liked the spoiled girl Reina who is the only one who acts in an understandable manner as a 12 year old who has just been transported to some alternate dimension on an abandoned apartment building.
The bad:
1. All the other characters are irritating to no end. Particularly Natsume who may be the most annoying character ever put to film. She constantly whines, puts her friends in danger, makes ridiculous decisions, and she has this awful habit of crying then when someone tries to comfort her "oh no I'M FINE *big fake smile*". She even has the cheek to slap her best friend after they try to save her life.
2. The story really goes nowhere. It's really heavy handed in trying to have these kids learn lessons but what's the actual message? Letting go of the past? An apartment building not being able to let go of its tenants? It's overly long with minimal pay off. It seems to literally be "apartment carries kids to sea, apartment then lets kids go back to their own reality".
3. The world building is really poor. It starts off interesting- apartment building mysteriously transports them to sea. There's a black blob under the ocean that seems mysterious and spooky- do they elaborate on this? Absolutely not! They come across places from Natsume's memories at sea- does it fit into the plot? Nope! The character of Noppo and that other girl at the Ferris wheel aren't really delved into either. Who are they? Spirits of past children or guardians of those areas? No idea! Also why was there a Ferris wheel from Reina's past but this was all due to Natsume? Why no memories from the other kids??
4. The amount of times a kid slips and has to be caught dramatically by another character is ridiculous. I began laughing every time it happened.
Overall, meandering plot, terrible characters, poor dramatic devices, a world that isn't elaborated on at all, overly long runtime. Some pretty animation that's about it. Would not recommend.
The Blackening (2022)
Not much horror, not much comedy
Unfortunately was lacking in both departments... starts off very promising but unfortunately doesn't deliver in horror or comedy aspect. Some chuckles here and there. But the worst part is that the killer (who actually has a pretty scary mask etc) ends up being not scary at all, and the kills are minimal. As in barely any characters die. There's maybe 3 kills? 2 of which happen at the very start....
It was as if they were scared to kill off their characters. The whole premise of racism / white supremacy etc would've hit home so much harder had they actually been killing off our beloved black characters. And the defeat of the killer at the end been so much more satisfying.
All in all- both comedy & horror blue balls with this one. Wasted potential.
Goosebumps (2023)
Bland generic teen "horror"
Absolute nothing about this is scary.
The first episode descended into bad laughable CGI for it's "horror" (if you can even call it that).
Then the haunted mask episode happened and had the character wearing the mask turn sexy and desirable. And then turn into a literal internet "troll". GROAN. I couldn't watch the rest.
Way too much cringey "cool slang", awful attempts at humour, a bad script very obviously written by people who have no idea how teenagers talk. Very riverdale-esque.
The original goosebumps is camp, it doesn't take itself too seriously, it was horror for kids but wasn't afraid to get dark and at times actually pretty scary (see the original haunted mask episode). Mostly it was FUN.
This reboot is soulless drivel. Massive wasted opportunity. Avoid.
See How They Run (2022)
Half baked
Has all the elements to make a really fun whodunnit but for some reason doesn't quite live up to its full potential..
The best thing about the movie is Saoirse Ronan who seems to be having the most fun onscreen and brings a few laughs.
The rest of the cast are very blah. The supporting characters aren't fleshed out and end up completely forgettable.
As for the murder itself, it's hard to care about it when you don't care about the characters. The end reveal is very lackluster.
I feel like the movie thinks it's a lot smarter than it is. You get a lot of meta "whodunnit" mystery talk, and one character even mentions how every whodunnit is the same. And unfortunately, this movie really feels just like that- it doesn't stand out at all...
Barbarian (2022)
So much fun!!
So I was another viewer who went in blind. All I knew was the main girl (played fabulously by Georgina Campbell- soooo likeable!) arrives at a double booked air bnb and then her new "roomie" Bill Skarsgard disappears. Then the "fun" begins.
It's definitely a movie that can be appreciated by diehard horror fans as well as the more casual horror movie goer. And it's a lot of fun watching with people.
That's as far as I got. And I think that's all you need! Go watch it!
****Now if you want a few extra details with minor spoilers read ahead:******
- the film will at times make you feel like it's about to go into familiar horror movie trope territory and then it just throws the rule book out the window. Which makes it unpredictable and very fun.
- the movie is basically divided into 3 little character backstories showing how they end up at the house- our main girl Tess, our comic relief *ssh*le AJ (played very very well by Justin Long, a lot of laugh out loud moments), and a 3rd shadier character.
- Bill skarsgard is PERFECTLY cast as the "stranger" Keith. Because he usually plays creepo characters, it made me super suspicious of him from the get-go. Which is exactly the point. As is Justin Long who *usually* plays the silly nice guy.
- finally the movie's title is a play on words and by the end has you questioning who truly is the barbarian?
Overall fab movie! Pitfalls were a few insanely stupid decisions by a character at the start, but generally this is forgiven because it's just a blast. Also there's one little scene at the end involving a fall from a height which was a bit on the ridiculous side for me personally.
Just minor gripes though!
1BR (2019)
Average but generally entertaining
Starts off well, does some good character building, builds up good amounts of suspense and then throws you right into the main plot line.
The middle kinda drags. You do have to suspend your disbelief a bit as the main character discovers the "secrets" of her new apartment block.
Speaking of the main character- this actress was great! Really hope to see her in more things in the future cos she made me really care for her character.
I thought the finale was a good action packed and satisfying conclusion with a final twist I saw coming a mile off but still enjoyed.
Overall it's not a bad popcorn movie. But I wouldn't be going out of my way to recommend it to anyone.
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)
Way underrated!
This was probably my favourite of the original movies. It has great characters you can root for- even the "villain" is an interesting watch. Our heroine is fabulous! I loved her character.
As for the cenobites it's mainly pinhead who gets centre stage, and Doug Bradley is in top form. Probably his most menacing performance. As for the other cenobites, they're a bit OTT but still great fun!
The action is great, that night club scene in particular is wild. And the sfx are impressive.
Overall this is definitely worth a watch! I had a blast. It's so 80's, and really captures the sex and hedonism of that time periods.
Hellraiser (2022)
Return to form!
So Hellraiser 2022 definitely sacrifices the grit and dirt of the original in favour of polish, but I think it works! The cenobites have never looked better, and have a far spookier presence than the originals (sorry!). Jamie Clayton's pinhead is fabulous! The designs are pretty nightmare-inducing.
It does start off tamer than the original. With 2 essentially off-screen deaths I was beginning to get worried. But then as we hit the halfway mark it really kicks into gear and you get to see more of the twisted punishments the cenobites can bestow upon victims of the box.
Speaking of the box, it has a far more integral role to the plot and I really enjoyed learning about how it works, the lore behind it, it's "gifts". Really great stuff!
The main group of friends tend to be a bit cookie cutter "horror movie pals" and I can't say I was too attached to any of them. But the lead actress is pretty great and does a great job of carrying the film.
I would've liked to have seen a bit more of the sex and hedonism you get with the first movies. You definitely don't feel the same "grossness" of previous hellraiser entries. But it's a small gripe.
It's a real shame it wasn't a theatrical release because I reckon it would look BEAUTIFUL on the big screen. For future entries I'd be hoping for a bit more gore and filth but I think it's the best I've seen of the sequels and I really hope there's more to come! Watch it!
Deliria (1987)
Entertaining, stylish, memorable!
Honestly one of the best slashers I've seen. The owl mask is surprisingly effective. The kills are great. The characters are interesting. The music is top notch. There's some fantastic tension and suspense built. The plot is simple but makes a perfect setting for a great horror. Just watch it!
Final Exam (1981)
The worst slasher I've seen
I've seen a lot of slashers but my god this was dull. The kills are tame and uninventive. The story is all over the place- bunch of kids taking final exams, there's a bizarre "school shooting" plot line that meanders for an overstretches 20 minutes. The characters were actually largely likeable which makes it a shame everything else is so boring. Don't bother with it.
Head Count (2018)
Boring
There's a good creepy build up with the hot tub scene. Then it just falters off path completely. Doesn't go anywhere.
You can't really tell which character is who because none of them have a personality. So when you're supposed to pick up "the doubles" you really can't because they all look the same anyway.
Then the ending is just a complete let down. The creature sets up all these interesting suicide traps around the house only for the teens to pick themselves off in completely different random way.
Overall, good premise, really piss poor execution. Oh and the monster looks cheap