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Reviews
Sledgehammers at Dawn (2013)
So much fun!
Welcome to the Forsaken Zone, also known as Rural Minnesota, which has broken away from the US to become a sovereign nation where all the crazies are kept because one in four of them turn out to be sort of...funny. In the head. And they like to kill folks - and, umm, that's not even the cannibals. Poor Frank (Patrick Casey) - he left the Zone for LA, but has been pulled back because his father, the King (Jerome Casey), has died, and there is a kerfluffle going on about who is next in line to rule the Forsaken Zone with a firm sledgehammer. Machinations a la Game of Thrones is surely afoot, and pits brother against brother over who will rule the land, fight the cannibals, and win the lovely hand of Mug (Sarah K. Bizek), the adorable sex-trained handmaiden who can only say "Mug". Ohh, and watch our for Hell Holes! We did warn you that this film was silly... ;=8)
Automata (2019)
Ummmmm....hehhh??? :=8/
I would say this moovie was very cowfusing, except that it was also exceedingly boring as well. There are some nice locations (probably the whole reason the moovie exists in the first place), and some nice costumes, and for the moost part the acting was decent - but the meandering, wobbly, WTF story will leave you scratching yer head so mooch you'll think the moovie gave you head lice. There are lighting issues and udder production problems too. For an indie effort I suppose I have seen mooch worse, but this is a stinker through and through - so if you expect that, maybe this flick won't let you down too much. But if yer looking for a top flight horror flick, I moost inform you that you will be sadly mistaken. Good think my Dollar Tree blu ray also came with the dvd, 'cause the blu ray would not work! If yer looking to pad your horror cowllection with a cheap indie for a buck, maybe this isn't bad, but I feel really sorry for anyone who paid moore than a couple of dollars (pounds??) for this stinker.
:=8P.
Blood Predator (2007)
Laughed Myy Butt Off :=8D
Incredibly poor and dismal POS! I admit, I bought this movie in a group dvd just so I cud watch El Chupacabra VS the Alamo, with Emilio Estevez, thinking innocently that clearly THAT had to be the cheesiest stinker on the whole disc - boy was I wrong! If it weren't for the random boobage that crops up from time to time this would be MST3K fodder, or at least grist for the Rifftrax mill. Shockingly bad in every possible way, and a total hoot!
:=8D
Milfs vs. Zombies (2015)
ZOMBIE SQUIRREL!!!!! :=8D
Silly, fun, graphic, and outrageous - if you want a zombie flick that has all of this PLUS a zombie merman, a zombie squirrel, AND a leather daddy, then this is a must-see movie! Those wacky folks at Fuzzy Monkey Productions have cooked up a doozy here, and if yer in the right mood it is certainly a lot of fun. Director Brad Twigg is the master of mayhem, and keeps the film moving along at its twisted, ridiculous pace, filled with zombies, buts, gore, and enough sight gags to please everyone. The actors are generally very good, with a few inconsistent performances- but the film is really carried by Rosanna Nelson (Killer Campout, Wrestle Massacre), she is the beating heart and clear-headed brain of the picture, and she is definitely the character to root for. In fact, all the MILFS were very good, especially the always lovely Andrea Marie.
The movie also has some pretty decent special fx for a low budget/micro budget film - besides the wonderful zombie squirrel (who really needs his own movie!), there were some seriously squeamish and cringe-worthy gore scenes, especially the one with sex goddess Ophelia Rain - and if you got yer hooves on the 'special edition' of this movie, you know exactly which scene I mean! I may never forget that one!
The Fuzzy Monkey folks always put out quality product, kids, and its worth checking out each and every title they put out - but MILFS VS Zombies will always be my favorite as it has moore humor and overall zaniness than some of the udders, which is always big fer me.
The MooCow gives it two huge hooves up!
:=8D
Bonehill Road (2017)
Solid Effort from Vet Indie Director
Todd Sheets has been around; from his direct-to-video releases back in the early 90's up to the latest rejuvenated films of the last 4-5 years, Todd Sheets has been making low to micro budget horror flicks that generally satisfy the desires of his fans for gore, violence, and overall good horror story telling. His early efforts do not compare at all with his current work, although they are wacky fun in their own right. But Todd Sheets has served an apprenticeship in his craft, and we as fans and viewers have gone along for the ride for close to 40 pictures.
Bonehill Road is Todd Sheets' werewolf peon to the classic fur-and-fangs shredders of the early 80's, like The Howling and American Werewolf in London. But its also a mash-up of those traditional werewolf stories with his own traditional sadistic stalker/torture victim tales. This is both a strength and a weakness, IMO, because it opens things up story-wise that might not have been done before, especially with werewolves; however, it also feels as though the gore effects are in there mainly to cater to his longtime fans - Sheets isn't known as the King of Splatter for nothing.
But he has really grown as a director and writer: the cinematography is very good, the shot selection really stands out, the pacing is good, and all of the actors really shine, thanks to the director. In a way, my feeling is that he has grown beyond the splatter effects and should concentrate on telling a good story with good characters - he has shown with this film that he can do that, and maybe even jump to the mainstream. He's done the splatter thing and the sadistic killer thing, and now I feel that he is ready to move on - after Clownado, of course!
Shouts out to Eli Greer and Ana Rojas-Plumberg, who made for an excellent, believable, and sympathetic mother and daughter team, and really carry the movie. And as usual, the always wonderful Leanna Quigley only adds to the panache of the cast, although I personally would have liked to have seen her with a beefier role. Douglas Epps's schtick is a bit much for me, personally. The splatter effects are decent, though not always believable, and frankly not always necessary, especially in the scenes where the camera lingers on them for gross-out effects. Maybe its because I am old and ready fer the glue factory, but I cud do with a lot less than that. The practical effects are pretty darn good, cowsidering the budget, and are refreshing to see - no obvious CGI here! The transformations are a bit slow and laborious, but overall believable, and the werewolf suits and masks were very well done.
Todd, you've come a long way since Prehistoric Bimbos in Armageddon City (still my personal favorite!), keep up the good work. And for those of you who want a good werewolf movie with a couple of twists, this cud be the one for you!
:=8)
Ouija House (2018)
"RAHHHHH!!!!"
Witchcraft mumbo-jumbo conflated with a ouija board moovie filled with plot holes and ridiculous plot cowtrivances spoils what might have been interesting little gem of a flick. A few decent performances are wasted because the story lacks any kind of cohesion, and nothing makes any kind of sense. Characters get possessed and yell "RAHHHHH!" and bang their heads against the wall because letters from the ouija board are underneath the wall paper, but if you cover them up again the demons go away, or something, i just have no idea. Poor Carly Schroeder plays some kind of graduate student (!) whose 'thesis' involving witchcraft has to do with her own family of 'good witches' who fight against an evil warlock named Roka who sacrifices babies and infects the trees, which get turned into evil houses, and who is trying to force open a doorway to some evil dimension is as laughable and ludicrous as it sounds. There are a few decent effects, a very nice setting, a few decent performances, but little else to recowmmend itself.