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brighteyedpoem
Reviews
The Phantom of the Opera (1989)
Lists of Phantom Accuracy and Devil Midgets
The following are reasons that this atrocious movie (which defiles the name of Gaston Leroux by including his name in the credits)is grossly inaccurate: -Christine is from the future. From New York. And friends with Molly Shannon.
-It's set in London -Erik MAKES A PACT WITH THE DEVIL.
-Erik has a last name. Desler??? -Erik has sex with hookers.
--Erik has NO MASK, but sews the FACIAL TISSUE of other people to his face.
-Erik reappears in the 80's, with computers, and Christine DAY proceeds to rip off his face.
The following are reasons that this atrocious movie is accurate: -The rat catcher.
In conclusion, all midgets are the devil.
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The Man Who Cried (2000)
The Man Who Liked Horses, but Not Plots
I am hesitant to give any film with Johnny Depp lower than a five. Yet I'm pretty sure that Johnny Depp wasn't actually in the movie. Rather, it was a cardboard cutout of Johnny Depp, brooding, with his shirt half open. Other things were mysteriously lacking in this film, such as an ending...and a middle...and character development. Well, there was that moment that Johnny Depp cried. I found myself waiting after the credits for more plot development. And did ANYONE notice that Christina Ricci cannot sing? At all? Though that little girl singing Dido's Lament was probably the best moment in the film. In conclusion, Johnny Depp likes horses.