Change Your Image
nilssonbst
Reviews
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Jason on a boat yo
Friday the 13th movies are a guilty pleasure for me. They are cheesy, dumb, full of boobs and Chads.
Jason is some sort of Zombie monster that has 0 motivation for what he's doing. He's also stealthy as a fox in spite of being enormous and noisy. Nobody ever feel like they should worry about their friends.
UNTIL NOW!
So yeah, first of all - the biggest plot hole ever - how did Jason get on a cruise by taking a small boat to a harbor? Just roll with it.
What's bad about this movie is that it just sucks. They're on a boat instead of nature and Jason it totally out of his element. It feels like watching Dawn of the Dead or something, and then people just die one by one. The cuts in the movies are horrible, the plot points stupid, I don't know, this movie really didn't do it for me.
7 movies in the woods, 1 on a boat and partially in New York. One terrible movie, even for a "it's so bad it's good" franchise.
War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)
Whole lot of nothing + deus ex machina = meh?
OK, first the good.
- CGI
They were really proud of making the monkeys - sorry, apes! - look good in CGI.
- The beginning
Got a Vietnam-vibe going on with the beginning of the movie, and the "Donkeys" felt like South Vietnamese fighting the Vietcong. Ended after 10-15 minutes.
Now the bad
- The story
There was no story. They were captured, they escaped, the end. Ceasar wanted to get revenge, decided not to since the "Colonel" who killed his wife and son was broken anyway from "muteness"-virus. They left.
- The "war"
There was a conflict going on in the background, but that's pretty much it. Like the apes stumbled on to something we have no idea about. This is a non-existing story.
- Deus ex machina
Since the Colonel's army lost (the colonel committed suicide) after 5 minutes of battle, the "enemies" had to be dealt with somehow. I know! Avalanche kills them all! THE END!
The movie has no story, no character development, nothing. Without the other two movies we wouldn't know why Ceasar was the hero of the movie at all.
There is no movie here. No movie at all.
THE END
Meh?
Stranger Things: Chapter Seven: The Lost Sister (2017)
Huh? Sequel bait or... what is this?
I don't think anyone knows why #008 was in season 2 at all. Her band of misfits start the whole season (5 minutes in episode 1 and then fade to intro) and this is "their" big episode.
I understand that the point was to develop Els/Janes character and to set up a plot for the future with Dr. Brenner (papa), but this just falls flat. It's like El is introduced to a totally different TV- series altogether set in a totally different location and new people that are basically never heard of again.
Let's just say it and be honest - this gang of misfits just plain sucked. The group had no chemistry, all are forgettable and 008 seemed like she was acting with "serious face" in a junior high school play. She was awful, the worst actress in the whole series! It seemed as if this episode had a completely different crew working on it, or they were told to "QUICK! SET UP A SEQUEL" from corporate executives.
The bus ride home felt like watching El return back to her TV-series after being part of some spin-off. The old lady wondering why she was there felt like the audience wondering "why the heck did you go there?"
I hope the Duffer Brothers fix this and cut 008 and her crew off the show completely. They don't belong in Stranger Things, and truly their appearance in episode 1 should be cut away too. I think the show would benefit from a re-released episode to explain Els new look in a different way, and not include 008 and her crew.
Yes - it was THAT bad, and in order to really show that this is just a spin off it begins and ends with a bus ride and they are never heard of again. Completely pointless.
I liked the dark scene with Mike, good as always, and the mother character in the beginning is interesting. The rest... why? Oh why? Oh why?
Blade Runner 2049 (2017)
Blade sleeper
I'm a huge fan of Blade Runner and have loved it since I saw it on VHS-tape back in the late 90s with my dad.
The 2007 Final Cut on Blu Ray is a masterpiece, and the movie had a 25 year mystery that finally came to rest. It's what makes movies magical.
Blade Runner 2049 is not that....
I think there is a huge category of people who love Blade Runner 2049. It is the same people who love movies like 2001 A Space Odyssey or Arrival. People who "wonder" over extremely slow movies with a heavy focus on visuals, and no real focus on story, characters or philosophy.
The original Blade Runner is more similar to movies like Moon, Donnie Darko, Fifth Element and the likes, but Blade Runner is more like Stanley Kubrick's 2001. The tone is completely different, and this is a snooze fest with extremely stale characters.
Ryan Gosling is boring, Harisson Ford is boring, Robin Wright is OK, Jared Leto is terrible. The movie is not about them, it's about soundless visuals. If you are deaf you will definitely enjoy the movie.
The movie is dull, and like many others have said - I looked at my watch wondering when the heck this 2h 45 minute mess of a storyless, characterless movie would end?
I hoped so much for the movie, but I'm sad to say that this is really, really bad.
Don't bother with this one, rewatch the original instead.
Life (2017)
The alien must be Superman.
This movie is so stupid.
Our well trained astronauts stand absolutely no chance against this 1 day old organism that somehow grows superhuman strength and intelligence (in spaaaace) and can survive absolutely everywhere without problems.
Why not rename it to "Astronauts vs. 1 day old (evil) Superman?" That would make a lot more sense. Everything goes wrong, and I mean everything, all until even the surprise (?) ending. The movie is truly, very bad.
The casting is really what makes the movie so sad. I loved Ryan Reynolds for the 20 minutes he was in the movie - by far the best character of them all. But Gyllenhaal... this was not his best movie, what happened?
The movie deserves a B-rated cast at best.
Summary: can Evil baby Superman beat a couple of humans? The answer is yes. THE END.
Ender's Game (2013)
Great graphics, poor and loose storytelling
This movie... is so dumb.
The first part of the movie tells a copy cat story of the ending of Independence Day and then the movie is basically the plot for Independece Day 2 "50 years later"...
Enter our main character. If it wasn't for that his name is in the title I would forget his name. A couple of great actors are in this movie and all their talent is wasted - even Harisson Ford and Abigail Beslin.
The main character is such a wet blanket on par with Bella in Twilight. He is supposed to be a cool commander, but he is a skinny dork. Then they spend half the movie playing Space Quidditch, and then they go on to training for battle. This "Space Quidditch" has NOTHING to do with the actual job at hand - it is just DUMB.
The Aliens they are supposed to fight we know nothing about, and we really never see them or understand what their intentions are. The Aliens in Independence Day are underdeveloped, but still classical. These are just dumber versions of the Arachnids in Starship Troopers.
And then there is THE HORRIBLE ENDING!!!!!
My God, the ending is SO BAD! All of a sudden the kid has a connection to the poor little aliens that he ends up completely murdering and he wants to make amends. This story relates nothing to anything.
This movie is just a bunch of loose ends. It is like watching 6 different stories in the same universe with different main characters. After the movie I still don't know what it really is about.
THE END?
The Dyatlov Pass Incident (2013)
Good opening, HORRIBLE conclusion
WOW! I mean... WOW! I actually do recommend watching this, because you will never have seen something like this before.
The movie starts quite well. + Good actors + Atmosphere + Pacing
Really, it does well! You like the characters relatively well and the snowy landscape makes you feel "in the mood" for horror. Just 1 small problem.... THE PLOT! It is like they were filming a real documentary in the Ural mountains and then just realized, "uhm... we need to do something?"
The main character talks about seeing a door in her dreams - but this is so underwhelming that you forget about it, but sure enough the door is there and they go inside.
Inside they just pull the plot straight out of their butts and even though they are in Russia they talk about the Philadelphia experiment and that this is where it must have happened. This comes OUT OF NOWHERE!
They add some of the worst CGI that belongs in a 2003 video game and add teleportation and a time travel element, even though this has not been hinted of at all before. It is like the movie missed 1 hour and teleported (hur hur) to the end.
You just sit in aw as they just randomly come to the most bizarre conclusions of nuclear power reactors, keeping "things" out, and yes - teleportation, Philadelphia Experiment and time travel, even if none of them can read Cyrillic.
When the movie ends you just sit there and wonder - WTF?!
Perfect 5/7 WTF?! moment, and therefore worth a watch. Otherwise... 3 stars only because of the opening. NOT SCARY!
Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)
Quickening vs. The Renegade Version
It is so weird to read people's stories here. I couldn't believe what I was reading, when I saw this movie as a kid I loved it, and when I watch it today I think it's awesome.
So... I did some research.
It turns out that most people have watched Highlander II: The Quickening, which is supposedly a real piece of dodo. The Renegade Version, however, well... it rocks! I love the settings, the opera music in the beginning, the cool sci-fi storyline, everything has the raw 80's look and it's wonderful.
This is not a slow movie, and there are a lot of things to appreciate. It has two great actors in the lead and a great supporting cast. What more could you ask for?
Check it out, it is really good.
The Cove (2009)
Eyeopening, but by the wrong people.
The Cove is actually not that bad. You learn the horrifying truth about the dolphins which is not particularly known (I didn't know this before the documentary either). Thing is, I can't stand the people who made the movie.
They are super rich and the main "activist" exploited dolphins in movies for 10 years effectively creating the dolphin-craze. They join together with rich young 21st century hippies and try to get good footage but any means necessary.
The people are enormously rich as I said and they don't have to worry if dolphins make it or not, they will still be well of. Those minds they are trying to change rely on the dolphins for their economy. It's like the US civil war, when the north no longer needed slaves they began to become morally aware.
That's how life works, between dolphins and man, dolphins are gonna lose. You need to be rich to think these ideas.
Two of the hippies are worth mentioning, a guy and a girl. She's the type of hippie that "wants to be a dolphin" it's like watching South Park. The guy doesn't have a single line in the documentary and my guess is: he's simply amazingly stupid. He looks incredibly dumb.
Ending comments So if this wasn't such a "in your face" documentary by rich extremist I'd like it, but now I'm just laughing at the people which unfortunately takes away the attention from the real problem: The dolphin killers.
Word of advise: next time you make a documentary - make it about the subject and not about yourselves.
Broken Sword 2.5: The Return of the Templars (2008)
Nostalgic moment in game play
Broken Sword 2.5 is a wonder. It's not been created by Revolution Software, it's strictly designed by hardcore fans to the original games.
It follows the structure of the first 2 games and use most of the settings from Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars. The background are however re sketched in to brighter higher resolution colors and the 2D character George looks more smashing than ever! Perhaps the backgrounds where a little bit better in the original games (in a nostalgic point of view) but the characters have really evolved.
The story is quiet decent, a follow up of what happened to the templars and even Khan makes an appearance. Some of the settings are however there only for show and doesn't evolve the story, but I loved it still the same. You get to revisit the Café, Nicolles apartment, Mountfacoun just to name a few places. You even get a visit from Duane - the CIA agent in his own mind.
The game play is superb, but the pussels are perhaps a bit easy - plusside is no frustration. The background sound is excellent and it never gets boring. It's a fun game to play. You have your inventory bar at the bottom of the screen, you combine objects and talk to people. The game "feels" the same as the original.
They try to make the dialog in the same way as the original games, and the contains a lot of humor. The only thing missing is Rolf Saxon's voice for George Stobbart. The voice cast is for now strictly German speaking, but the subtitles (made in the same way as in Broken Sword I & 2) are great - plus that English subtitles are on the way.
It gives you a solid 3 - 5 hours experience and it feels like being a tourist in the environments the first games was made in. But you are only a tourist, you don't get the 100 % feeling from the dialogs.
Another minus is the ending - It's great, don't be upset - but it's a moral choice from George's side that is out of place.
For an Independent game, it's a solid 10, but if we look at the big picture some reductions must be considered. I rate the game after how true it is to its core + entertainment.
Final verdict... 8. I can proudly stand by that number.
Great, great work!!
Mammoth (2009)
Not that fantastic
What can I say about this movie? It consists of three stories that are somewhat connected, but very loose. The movie is really slow and nothing really happens, and in the end everybody comes home and that's it.
Anti-globalization movie, gone bad - home good. I found the situations very stereotypical, it's nothing you haven't seen before. You understand what's gonna happen before it does, it never really gives you a shock. There is a whole lot of better movies out there.
The only thing that saves the movie from a solid 3 stars is the acting which is great. Thumbs up.