onona Reviews

Prometheus (I) (2012)

Abysmal

[2/10 · 3 June 2012]

This wasn't just bad for an Alien film, it was simply bad film making in the broadest sense of the word.

Having avoided all the hype as much as I could, I went into Prometheus hoping for a decent sci if romp. What I got was a mess of a film, with bumbling, nonsensical and poorly developed characters, lazy script writing and a plot that was so riddled with holes and inexplicable events that I, like many others in the cinema, was checking my watch for much of the second half of the film to see how much longer I'd have to endure it.

The only positives I can think of are Fassbender's performance, and the excellent visual effects. Everything else was just a garbled mess. When an emotionless android is the most developed character in a film, you have to realise that something is deeply wrong.

Iron Maiden: Flight 666 (2009)

A must see for any fan of rock music

[10/10 · 21 April 2009]

Honestly, Maiden put most bands to shame. To see a band that's been going for so long, who still puts on one of the largest and most energetic shows around night after night, across the planet, is as exhilarating as it is touching.

Maiden have always commanded what is probably the most loyal and rabid fan base in the world, and yet they've never let the fame go to their heads. Here you see six totally down to earth men, playing music because they love it. And the crowds worship them for it.

This is an incredible documentary not just for fans of the band, but for fans of rock music in general. I daresay that if you go into this film not knowing much of their music, you're likely to come out a new fan.

The Prestige (2006)

The best film I have seen in ages

[10/10 · 28 November 2006]

Truly the most original and stylish film I have seen in many long months, The Prestige is simultaneously intriguing, shocking, dramatic and dark. It's so refreshing to see a film like this amidst the rest of the rubbish that Hollywood tends to churn out at this time of the year.

Beautifully shot, the film is visually stunning. The actors performances are all fantastic as well, and it's great to see Jackman in an unusually dark role - watching his obsession take over him slowly until he turns into a very unpleasant character was an interesting departure from his usual roles. Bale delivers a great performance as well.

I won't expand on the storyline as many here have already done that, suffice to say that although they deviated somewhat from the original books storyline, the films ending is nevertheless well-crafted and executed.

Definitely one to purchase for the DVD collection! A must-see.

Witch Academy (1995)

Worst. Film. Ever.

[1/10 · 10 August 2005]

This film is, without a doubt, the worst film in the history of the universe. Stay away from it, unless you want to be bored to the brink of death, and possible insanity.

How it is that someone could actually approve this script, shoot the film, edit it and then still have the audacity to think that anyone would actually enjoy it is really far beyond my own capacity to comprehend.

The only films that can come quite close to reaching the awful depths that this film managed to plow are The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3D and The Rollerblade Seven.

The Roller Blade Seven (1991)

The worst film of all time.

[1/10 · 13 July 2005]

This film is, far and wide and beyond any shadow of a doubt, the single worst and most contemptible film in the history of the universe.

It really *is* that bad.

Personally I have always enjoyed the guilty pleasure of a terrible film, and rented this one thinking it would be one of those. To my immense disappointment, it was not.

The script is delivered in a way that sounds as if they're reading the lines directly off placards, the story makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and the actual film looks like it was shot on a home video camera. I couldn't even finish watching it. It is even worse than "Witch Academy", and that's quite a feat in itself.

I cannot even begin to fathom how a director could shoot this film, and then still have the sense to believe it was decent enough to release.

Painful, awful, horrendous.