mswatsoninc Reviews

Saltburn (2023)

More like a 6.5....

[7/10 · 15 January 2024]

The overall rating of Saltburn on IMDB is 7.1...that seems slightly more generous than I'd give it, but half points aren't allowed....

Scrolling through the numerous reviews on this sight, the reference to "The Talented Mr. Ripley," the 1999 film starring Matt Damon, Jude Law, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Cate Blanchette (based on the 1955 novel by the same name), are plentiful...there's a reason for that--if you saw Mr. Ripley, which I did upon its release, the parallels are undeniable: first there's the plot, then there's the hype...both films have been lauded, both films were underwhelming in their own rights...I don't hold Ripley in the esteem that many on here obviously do...it was an Ok film that fell short in my book....but, on to Saltburn....

If you've managed to scroll through and read all of the reviews and have, somehow, inexplicably found your way to mine, you know the players, and you know their play, so I'm not going to bore you with a plot recap...we'll go to the pros and cons....

Pros: There are some good performances...I guess I was slightly more impressed with Jacob Elordi than many on here...he's beautiful, he plays the role of the privileged and lazy playboy effortlessly, and he has a genuine charm, if not an adolescent temperament...his casting was obvious, because it's not too far fetched to see why people are meant to be drawn to him...the camera loves him, so why shouldn't we? I bought it...Rosamund Pike and Richard E Grant play the British upper class parents who live in an obscene castle, with obscene wealth, and a forced sense of charity with aplomb...Pike especially so--and if there are lines to laugh at, odds are she's the one delivering them (her dalliance in lesbianism comes to mind)...well, maybe not so much a laugh as a chuckle, but there is some humor there...their tone deafness and their being oblivious to the real world is where most of the humor comes from...they ooze fake sentiment...I liked the Farleigh character--the sexually fluid, sinister, dark sheep, party boy...Archie Madekwe fleshes him out, and makes him interesting...he has a few moments before he's cast off, never to be seen again...the visuals are lush, but devoid of actual substance and attachment--which is the mood of the film, so it helps weave the narrative...

Cons: ...it's a LONG weave...Saltburn clocks in over the 2 hour mark, but it feels exponentially longer than its actual time...it drags...a lot of the decadence for decadence's sake could've been shaved off...Carey Mulligan is introduced, and has the potential to be the Helena Bonham Carter-esque "cookiest character" in the film as "Poor Dear" Pamela, but her role boils down to nothing more than a cameo--at most, 10 minutes of the 2 hour plus--so, just when you're wanting to get to know her, she leaves (although, the reaction to her offscreen death is another chuckle)...the "shock for shock's sake" scenes didn't disturb me, I just don't like it when I'm spoon fed just how crazy someone is meant to be...did I need to see Oliver suck sperm bathwater, perform oral sex on a menstruating teen and the end results, or take his clothes off in the rain and dry hump a fresh grave to know he was a little off? My first instinct is, no--I don't, but that brings me to the problems I had with Barry Keoghan's Ollie...

He's the central character, and I'll say that he shows definite commitment to the role, but the casting is problematic....fine as an actor as he may be, Keoghan showed all 31 of his years when juxtaposed with Elordi, Madekwe, Allison Oliver (who plays Felix's sister, Venetia), and the rest of the clan at Oxford...so much so that when he is aged 16 years at the end of the film, he looks exactly the same age as Rosmund Pike's Elspeth when they have their "chance meeting" at the cafe near the film's conclusion...there's nothing particularly attractive about him (except his surprising physique), and he's not terribly endearing, yet everyone wants to take him under their wing and take care of him...if there was any kind of expression to his face that went along with his performance, perhaps it might've been more believable, but as it stands, it's not...there had to have been other options for the role of Oliver, but maybe they couldn't have got the funding for the film without Keoghan--it happens, but who knows?

The real con is the plot predictability....the minute Farleigh's email to Sotheby's is revealed, you knew Oliver did it...the minute Felix's body is found in the maze, you knew Oliver did it--so much so that the only shock is that Felix was poisoned...I'd have bet money he'd have been impaled by the antlers that Oliver was wearing at the party the night before...the minute Felix gets in the jeep to take Oliver to see his allegedly widowed mother, you knew it was all a lie...in fact, the only shock at the end, when you find out that Oliver had a hand in every death in the Catton Family--save the father (or, did he?)--the fact that he's talking to a nearly dead Elspeth instead of a detective was the only surprise...it was hardly the "The Usual Suspects" revelation that Emerald Fennell was probably intending, and came across as more "Oh, look how clever I am"...he deflated the tire on Felix's bike, he had money at the pub, he's typing nonsense on the computer at the cafe, he put razors next to Venetia's tub--I get it--I'm not clutching my pearls...the film ends with Oliver dancing naked around Saltburn...yep, still crazy even with all the goals met, the wealth achieved, and all that's happened...we get it....

I didn't hate the film...I didn't love the film...I'm not even sure I "liked" it...much like Mr. Ripley 25 years ago, my ending feeling was, "Meh"....

May December (2023)

Niche Film

[8/10 · 22 December 2023]

People see movies for all sorts of reasons...recommendation, actors they enjoy, plots that sound interesting, directors they like, award nominations, etc...what brought you to this movie says a lot about whether or not you'll end up enjoying it...

If you were a child of the 70s or 80s, you'll remember the sensationalism behind Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau, the undoubtable inspiration behind this script...the initial scandal was covered pretty much around the clock back in the days before incessant 24 hours news, the internet, and social media...she was jailed twice, but they went on to marry and have three children...but, unless you're an avid reader of People Magazine, their story kind of floated away, until they divorced many years later and picked up some publicity when Letourneau died in 2020, which may have been the catalyst to writing this script--who knows?

Natalie Portman plays an obvious Method Actress in the role of Elizabeth, tackling the role of Julianne Moore's Gracie, a now 50 something wife to Charles Melton's Joe, now in his early 30s...they had a Letourneau-Fualaau-esque history some 20 years earlier, but have managed to marry, stay married, and have 3 children, the youngest of whom are graduating from High School when the film takes place...Elizabeth wants to absorb every aspect of Gracie: what she does for a living, what her hobbies are, what her life looks like now, and, eventually, what drew her to Joe and what keeps her with him--and how that's effected them and everyone else in their lives...so deeply ensconced in Gracie's character, that as the film goes on, she's becoming her...a little too much (much like Portman's Oscar winning turn in Black Swan)...

A few things that I think get overlooked: there isn't one weak woman in this film, but many weak men...it would be easy to categorize Gracie as "unstable" or "unhinged," but she is more of a puppet master...she uses her "naivete" (which she refers to as a blessing in the film--a crucial characterization that I think gets glossed over as dialogue filler) to control, manipulate, and eventually tame everyone around her to her advantage...Moore does this with her usual subtlety, and she's great...Elizabeth hides the insecurities all actors inherently possess behind graciousness, humility, grace, and good intent, but her true goal comes out eventually: she's playing a part to gain trust, then she'll exploit whatever she can to further herself...the other women, most notably Gracie and Joe's daughters, Mary and Honor, are onto their mother--and, rather quickly, become onto Elizabeth...the men don't fair so well...

Despite great performances from Portman and Moore, it is Charles Melton and his portrayal of Joe that steals the film...he plays a young man who had to grow up quickly, but never really did--because he wasn't allowed...his man-child is understated and full of nuance, down to his fascination with Monarch Butterflies--a symbolic presence throughout the film...he's not conventionally "sexy" (he gained 40 pounds for the role), but his dad bod was the perfect touch...a toned and trim Joe would've been to easy to understand...Melton's Joe tells his story in a revealing way, with glimpses of brilliance that surprise and intrigue...I wasn't familiar with Melton's biggest role in Riverdale--I've never seen it...but, if you came to the film expecting his Reggie, you'll probably be disappointed...I don't know if Melton will win the Oscar, but he deservedly should for this breakout role...

The ending has been mentioned a lot on here...when Gracie brings up Georgie's bombshell that he dropped on Elizabeth earlier, in the film's final moments, and Elizabeth seems stunned, Gracie reveals herself fully with the line, "Insecure people are dangerous, aren't they? I'm secure. Make sure you put that in there"...she is no one's frail damsel in distress, on the verge of collapse, like the cakes she bakes...she's a shrewd, calculated controller, who's every move is with purpose and gain...it leaves Elizabeth wabbly, like the rug has been pulled out from underneath her, and it shows in the film's final scene....

This film isn't quick in its storytelling, and is very character driven...Savannah is the backdrop, and if you've ever been to Savannah, it loves a good story and takes its time telling it...that's the undercurrent of the film's mood....

8/10.

American Horror Story: Winter Kills (2021) Season 10, Episode 6

Had Me To the Very End...LITERALLY....

[2/10 · 23 September 2021]

You literally could've ended "Red Tide" with Episode 5, "Gaslight," and it would've at least ended on a high note, with just as many loose ends..to say I'm disappointed after the carefully crafted first five episodes of AHS: RT (yes, I'm one of the few that appreciated Episode 4, the "flashback" episode, "Blood Buffet"), would be an understatement...

What happened to Billie Lourd's character, Lark? She just kind of disappeared for no reason...where was Doris? I guess eating a raccoon in a cemetery is our final image. What happened to the State Trooper who refused to listen to the City Council about the missing Police Chief after her body is discovered in the ocean by fishermen? In fact, great opening scene as it was (and, it was), in retrospect, with the "ending" they chose, what was the point of that? We'll get to the ending in a minute...

This installment of AHS, much like previous seasons, didn't have a lot of innocents, save Doris and Chief Burleson, who both didn't fare well, but, the best of the bad went very quickly in this finale...truthfully, once Belle Noir and Austin met their fate pretty quickly--in, to my mind, in the laziest and most unimaginative way possible--after getting their urgency to do something about the Hollywood people by being threatened by Code Enforcement (ummm...really? Seriously? Code Enforcement?), I was completely hopeful that, if you're going to get rid of your most sinister characters like that, something equally shocking and sinister must be coming up...unfortunately, I was wrong...if you didn't see Alma killing her father, Harry, soon after Belle, Austin, and the Pale People were out of the way, then, maybe you're new to this series...it was as predictable as predictable could be...I was only surprised that it happened nanoseconds later, and not after a couple of commercial breaks...

When "Three Months Later," appeared on the screen, after one of the aforementioned commercial breaks, and we suddenly saw a sunshine filled screen, after five episodes of a dark, cold, Massachusetts backdrop, I knew it was time to cue Fonzie, rev up that motorcycle, and tell the shark he's on in five--there was some serious "Jumping the Shark" in our future...The Chemist, Ursula, and Alma, with baby in tow, have relocated to Sunny LA, and if P-Town gave them a character studded Bon Voyage Party to send them on their ways, we surely didn't see it...somehow (don't ask, I didn't), the Chemist has been able to infiltrate the LAPD to weed out bad cops, and give them the Muse Pill, turning them into Pale People, and marvels at the swift justice they receive for killing innocent tourists on the street...Alma has turned into a slightly less endearing version of Claudia, from Interview With the Vampire, and Ursula is, well, Ursula...I thought feeding Alma a Street Hustler was a nice, macabre touch--but, that novelty wore off when she killed her first chair competition at an audition a few scenes later...

There were many ways they could have wrapped this installment up--many mentioned on here already (someone mentioned Doris killing Alma, which I like the idea of)...the move to LA, while stupid and pointless, especially with the three most unlikely of villains to survive, might have been forgiven by a final scene of an adult Alma, back in P-Town, purchasing TB Karen's last painting, the one left on the beach after she killed Mickey, and after her suicide, and taking it home to a now elderly chemist, being cared for by Lark (remember her? The writers didn't), and still making her pills, with Ursula still manning the franchise in LaLa Land, if you had Ursula live that long at all, which, now that the series has ended with her unscathed, I wonder why they kept her one note, typical selfish agent, heartless character around like they did...but, they chose to have Ursula hijacking a Writer's Seminar, pushing the Muse Pill on potential screenwriters, and causing a blood bath of carnage in the streets of LA, with a stupid voiceover, while the Chemist skips town with the baby, seemingly nonplussed, musing about giving the baby everlasting life...sloppy and, honestly, who cares? If the writers didn't, why should we?

It's all over now, and "Death Valley" starts next week...if "Red Tide" is foreshadowing for what's to come, I guess, like most family reunions, which the AHS Anthology, with it's regular pool of amazing actors, seems to be, we can expect it to start out great, until Cousin Wayne gets drunk, knocks over the buffet table, and ruins the whole thing right before desert....

Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (2019)

Having "From Dusk Til Dawn" flashbacks....

[27 July 2019]

Well fleshed our characters-the ones that are fictitious, any way-and brilliant acting (especially from Leo and Brad), and a story that slowly (emphasis on slow) sucks you in as to where the fictitious storyline and the true crime story will end up...Tarantino has that ability when it comes to screenwriting...then, you get to the climax, and he hands it off to a 14 year old gamer boy, and says, "Finish it"...said the same about "From Dusk Til Dawn"...if you consider that one a classic, consider this one as 2.0...if you were unfulfilled the first time around, odds are high this film will leave you in the same predicament when the end credits roll....

Venus (I) (2006)

"Venus" Mythology

[6/10 · 22 October 2007]

Here's the mythology of "Venus" that's going around...people would lead you to believe that this is Peter O'Toole's Oscar winning performance at long last. I love O'Toole as much as the next film enthusiast and stage fanatic--but, c'mon. He's had his chances and has been seriously overlooked in the past. If this truly is his swan song from film (and I, for one, hope that it isn't), then, this was more flattery for the man than substance for the film--and I really wanted to like it, but, 6 is as high as I can go.

O'Toole plays the septuagenarian thespian, Maurice Russell, who has fallen for his "old fruit" fellow once actor, Ian's (Leslie Phillips) great niece Jessie (Jodie Whittaker). So smitten is Maurice that he dubs the 20 year old diamond in the rough "Venus." This is a plot pregnant with possibilities, but, becomes raw and uncomfortable pretty darn quick, I'm afraid. When I found out that this film is based on a book from the same guy who was behind the book-to-film "Mother," I wasn't a bit surprised. That was another film that went dark rather than illuminating and raw instead of real. I'm not saying that "people of a certain age" can't be sexual and sensuous, but, there's no need to make them degraded, either. The oft mentioned scene where Venus allows Maurice to sniff her fingers for a tattoo is nothing but demoralizing. But, I have to say, all of the scenes that were between Venus and Maurice--or at least the one's that centered around rewarding him for his gifts--seemed staged and awkward...for the actors, not the characters.

I was far more interested in the relationship between Maurice and his estranged wife, Valerie (Vanessa Redgrave--always fabulous). Their time together on stage is brief, but, those are the scenes with the most meat in them. It was in these scenes where I could see where the film was trying to go, but, it had no idea how to get there. Also enjoyable are the diner scenes with Maurice, Ian, and their friend, Donald (Richard Griffiths). The language that seemed to offend a lot of viewers didn't bother me. Having been backstage most of my life, that's how actors talk--so having three semi-retired old actors speaking that way seemed for some reason normal.

In the end, I knew what was going to happen, only the details were somewhat unknown. Venus's sudden Epiphany seemed a little forced to me and everything got wrapped up a little too tidy. These are all script problems--the actors did their best with what they had.

In the end, if nothing else, I hope this makes O'Toole rethink his retirement. He needs a better vehicle to go out with...this, sadly, wasn't it.

Farce of the Penguins (2006)

Define Farce--Doesn't That Mean Funny?

[2/10 · 27 September 2007]

I'll admit, like many on this message board, I was duped. I looked past Bob Saget and saw Samuel L. Jackson, Whoopi Goldberg, Christine Applegate, and Mo'Nique. I know, I know--how stupid of me for not picking up on the "Full House" alumni that are also in the credits. When you burn you learn.

This could have just as easily been written by a quarantined group of pre-pubescent boys under the influence of whippets. You'd have to jack hammer the gutter to find traces of what they pass off as humor. It was crass, gross, juvenile, and seemed a hell of a lot longer than the run time would have you believe. Potty humor, fart jokes, genitalia, and a sprinkling of the "F" word are the crux of all intended laughs in this schlock. And don't get me started on the editing--had this been an AV project at your local high school, it would have been laughed out of the most remedial of classes.

I had been wondering what happened to Saget. He should go back to wherever he was hiding and stay there until he passes 8th grade.

Madea's Family Reunion (2006)

"I am my mother's daughter"--Oh, yes, that's a line from the film

[2/10 · 4 September 2007]

Having grown up in the rural south, I am well schooled when it comes to home grown Christmas trees and the run of the mill cedar tree. But, I'm afraid all that working knowledge of sap couldn't have prepared me for "Medea's Family Reunion." Those of you who are diabetic, I would avoid this sickeningly sweet melodrama at all costs.

My one hope is the girls hanging from the ceiling during the over the top wedding scene towards the end were well paid for the hours they must have been dangling there. Is that a spoiler? Oh, lord...let me spoil it further....

Let's see...we have molestation, family dysfunction, marrying rich, domestic violence, overbearing mothers, and a saccharine soliloquy from Cycelie Tyson to-boot. Oh, and let's not forget the beat the crap out of the child for laughs angle. Honestly, does any one edit films anymore? "Madea's Family Reunion" is like the worst soap opera, after school special, public service announcement, and bad Flip Wilson homage rolled into one. Tyler Perry made the mistake of directing his own script. Of course, one could argue that his sitting down to write it might have been his first offense.

If you want to see Tyler Perry do bad drag and think it's funny, I'd say watch this film. If you want to see every emotion in hyperbole acted out on the screen in front of you, and if you still have the wherewithal to endure it, watch this film. If you're looking for anything of substance, outside of a Judge Maybelline cameo, I'd look elsewhere.

Beauty Shop (2005)

Bad Perm at the "Beauty Shop"

[5/10 · 2 September 2007]

"Beauty Shop" is harmless. Harmless in the sense that it tells a story, isn't necessarily offensive, and goes into the old reliable bag of tricks when it comes to entertaining.

If you, like me, have panned down the cast on IMDb.com, you'll see quite an eclectic bunch of actors. Alfre Woodard, Queen Latifah, Keven Bacon, Andie MacDowell, Alicia Silverstone, Mena Suvari, Dijmon Hansou, and Keisha Knight-Pulliam--it's as random as random can be...well, so is the script. And, as a result, so is the movie.

Kathy Griffin does an entire act on feeling nervous when white people start speaking black around her--it makes her feel awkward. Now imagine Andie MacDowell shaking her now developing booty and Alicia Silverstone freaking a black man on the dance floor. I think if you were look up the word "awkward" in the dictionary, these two plot points would appear as references to the emotion.

Queen Latifah can't seem to break that aura that you're watching a person playing themselves. Try as she might (or is capable of), she can't make us believe her chemistry with Hansou is realistic, and, though you like "Gina," she can't really make us commit to it, and I can't really say that you like her enough to care that she's having a hard time. All of the supporting characters are basically stereotypical--no one is spared, whether they be the the black girls in the shop, the wannabes who try and adjust, or the white characters who want to fit in that just can't seem to--ergo, we get laughs for situational comedy rather than actual funny writing. And the biggest revelation is that a character that everyone is convinced as gay turns out to be just a metro-sexual who has a prison record and likes white girls. Sorry--that's not enough to make me strive to look past the forest and see the trees.

I know we are being asked to not judge a book by its cover, but, Silverstone's phony "hick from the sticks" accent was waring on my nerves far too much to pick up that message...and, I still can't get past Andie MacDowell being a pivotal character in this film. Her acting prowess is debatable, and she seems to just show up whenever a Southern accent is required in a film. But, it was somewhat nice to see how a former "Cosby Kid" turned out after what must be a huge cross to bear if you're looking to carve out an acting career for yourself.

A League of Their Own (1992)

"A League of" Its Own

[8/10 · 12 August 2007]

I'm sorry...call me sentimental. Call me a softy. Call me for dinner--but, I just flat out love this film.

This is one of those films when I'm bored and flipping through the channels and I see that it's on, I inevitably end up catching it at whatever stage that it's in and I watch it. The way that Penny Marshall put this together is absolutely seamless. It's almost poetic.

The story centers around the start and first season of the All American Girl's Baseball League, and, more specifically, the sibling rivalry that unfolds between Dottie (Geena Davis) and Kit (Lori Petty). It is quintessential Women's Lib incarnate.

Kit doesn't want to live in Oregon forever, while Dottie, who's husband is off at war, is basically biding her time until her husband returns. So, when the scout shows up for a local game, they both have different motives.

Not a situation is overlooked while piecing the plot together. We see that, like that horrible country song reminds us, war is hell on the home front, too. Women become widows, underdogs become heroes, and interesting supporting characters abound. You just can't help but be engaged.

I saw this film in an actual theatre when it was released, and the theatre was not packed at all. But, to an individual, everyone left the theatre not only talking about what they'd seen, but, smiling ear to ear. I'd waste a Saturday afternoon for this film any day.

The Last American Virgin (1982)

Don't Throw It in the '80's Sex Comedy Genre So Quickly

[7/10 · 12 August 2007]

Ahhh...the '80's. 1982 makes me think back to the really crazy time we were facing in America. Fresh off the "Do What Feels Good" '70's, "The Last American Virgin" comes as a wolf in sheep's clothing as yet another 'teenage sex comedy' from the glory days. Oh sure, there's sex, but, I can't think of another movie--OK, this and "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"--that really wasn't killing time between topless teenage scenes--there was some pretty good stuff here amongst the cleavage.

The movie follows three hormonal friends. Gary (wanting to lose his virginity), Rick (stud incarnate), and David (overweight, but, not inexperienced) as they try desperately hard to make sure Gary joins the world of manhood. But, a funny thing happens on the way to the kegger--Gary falls for Karen (pretty brunette who loves the bad boys), and can't seem to follow through with any sexual conquest that David and Rick can facilitate. Only trouble is, Rick and Karen get hot and heavy and Karen skips a period. It's Gary who is by her side as she goes to get her abortion, and it's Gary who truly cares. But, who is Karen dancing with by film end...Rick. Subtract the "R" and add a "D" where necessary.

What separates this film from others from the '80's we think about is that, by god, they attempt some real drama here, and not of the "my parents just pulled in the driveway variety." And, you know what? I bought it.

It wasn't sloppy. It wasn't far-fetched. And, when Gary sees Rick dancing with Karen at the house party at the end of the film, I actually felt sorry for the guy. Our teenage Romeo actually believed in unrequited love--and when his heart was broken at the end, it all sort of touched me.

So, all the T&A aside, there's an actually pretty believable and engaging story here. Oscar worthy? Not by a mile, but, I don't know that I'd lump it into the "let's get laid" category, either. Like "Fast Times at Ridgemont High," they actually were trying to do a true film here, letting the hi-jinx in between fall where it may.

American Dreamz (2006)

"American Dreamz," Entertainment Nightmare

[2/10 · 7 August 2007]

"American Dreamz," had it been made about ten years ago might have been considered cutting edge and satirical. But, with the dumbing down of America, we get the dumbing down of satire and edge, so, the premise of media making fun of itself--with everything going on--is redundant, and thus we have the 21st century's answer to hypocrisy.

So...wouldn't it be great if two of the most overrated topics in media today, reality TV (specifically "American Idol") and stupid politics (unaminmously, the Bush Administration) collide in a satirical approach to make us all look at ourselves in the mirror and examine what our culture has come to? Well, before viewing "American Dreamz," my answer would have been, "no." Having sat through it, my answer is a resounding, "HELL, NO--WHAT ARE YOU, CRACKED?"

The "geniuses" behind this nightmare that tries to tackle reality TV, stupid leadership, terrorism, celebrity exploitation, studio totalitarianism, unpopular military involvement, US popularity abroad and the almighty dollar must have been drinking bong water if they thought this was any kind of important parallel into our lives. I saw "Wag the Dog" right around a decade ago, and even then--as comical as I found it given political temperature at the time--compared to this tripe almost seems not only sophisticated in retrospect, but, dare I call it more pertinent.

Satire only works when it hits a nerve. "American Dreamz" couldn't hit a nerve if it used a sledge hammer, and no one who could count themselves as someone capable of sitting through it would even care about the message it so clumsily tries to relay. You lost us at Mandy Moore.

How Stella Got Her Groove Back (1998)

Stella's Groove Isn't Lacking--She's Just Plain Dumb

[4/10 · 4 August 2007]

Picture if you will, Stella (Angela Bassett). She's single...she's rich...she's got a great job--but, alas, no "on paper" man in her life that will make her feel complete. So, she goes off to Jamaica with her oldest and dearest friend (Whoopi Goldberg) in desperate search of her "groove." In the land of sand and sunlight, she happens upon Winston Shakespeare (Taye Diggs), who is half her age and finer than frog hair, and she is in a dilemma about exactly how she should handle the situation. I wish I had her problems, trust me.

If I were Stella and had someone like Winston chasing after me, I'd be on him faster than a duck on a june bug...however, practical Stella is all caught up on the age thing...is anyone still with me? He's hot, he's young, and he's after me, and I'm going to QUESTION that? My first question would be where do we put the furniture, but, no--it takes the death of a good friend to make her embrace the fact that she should give into something as, uh-hem, debatable as Taye Diggs...OK, ladies, are you with me? In unison--"GIVE ME A BREAK!" If you're still on the fence, rewind and watch that pool scene again. I'm waiting. OK--now, we're all on the same page.

This premise is flawed as flawed can be. I don't care if she has a child--any woman with a child should have her thinking cap firmly in place atop her head to know if he was a true, purebred dog, you'd have known it by the next morning, and still wow your girlfriends with the tale. He has been nothing but gallant, and yet we're supposed to sympathize with her...I don't think so.

Stella creates her own drama while most of us would have been riding off into the sunset. In the end, the Terry McMillan autobiographical version didn't go EXACTLY as planned, but, hey, in a perfect world Stella had it going on from the get go. The "groove" could be, and in the movie was, reaffirmed in the shower. If my only problem is we don't like the same movies, I can assure you I would have forgotten about it by the first shower scene. But, if having to see Regina King made it all work out, I'm all for it. She's great as always.

Watership Down (1978)

"Watership Down"

[10/10 · 3 August 2007]

When HBO wasn't 24 hours a day, and when animation meant child friendly, I happened upon "Watership Down" in my youth. I remember loving the film--watching it as often as HBO showed it, and not understanding the magnitude and adult themes because--hey, I was young and innocent and still wondering why the laugh track was going crazy during a "Three's Company" episode.

While adulthood hasn't made "Three's Company" fair so well in my opinion as far as comic genius (I found out what the laugh track was insane about, and wasn't chuckling nearly so loud), "Watership Down"--as clichéd as the old adage is--like fine wine has gotten better with age. I recently was SHOCKED to see mainstream cable showing it the other day and curiosity allowed me to set aside the thousand things I had to do just to watch it. As a footnote, when you ever have the opportunity to ignore responsibilities and indulge in a childhood whim, DO IT, and thank me later.

I was immediately sucked in by the opening scene--but, appreciated the poetry that escaped me in my "tweens." Fiver was there, as was Hazel, as was Blackberry, Dandilion, Bigwig and Keah--the rambunctious sea gull who cracked me up as a kid.

For those of you completely in the dark, I'll summarize as best I can: Totalitarionism leads to revolt and revolution in the world, and rabbits are not immune. Fiver, a prophet, has a premonition about "blood on the field" and gloom, doom and death are sure to ensue. When the Chief Rabbit is unmoved, a gang of rebels, displeased with current warren conditions, decide the time has come to break free and start anew. Only seven bucks and one doe, Violet, escape the rabbit police brigade to break to freedom. Violet is soon snatched up by a hawk, one of the "thousand enemies" that rabbits have to avoid, and the males are left with a dilemma, starting a warren with no females.

Keah, the gull, is wounded by a farm cat and, when healthy finds Efrafa, a communist type warren where many are ready to leave. Haizenflay, a rebellious doe, assists in the overall plan when an undercover Bigwig goes inside to lead a rebellion.

This is a VERY adult animation feature. There is graphic violence, sporadic adult language, and definitely existential themes that would be lost on the frequent Disney viewing kid. But, for adult wanting to relive a little bit of nostalgia, it's the perfect way to blow off an afternoon at home. I'm so glad I learned to love "Watership Down" all over again...kind of like finding it by accident, but, more fulfilling.

Sicko (2007)

"Sicko" is Superb

[10/10 · 26 July 2007]

Let me alienate as many people as possible by saying that I am a huge Michael Moore fan. A "Moorist," if you will. I've seen "Roger and Me," "Bowling for Columbine," and "Fairenheidt 911." I've read "Stupid White Men" and "Dude, Where's My Country." I'm hooked as hooked can be, and I love a troublemaker.

This film, be you Democrat or Republican--or anything in between---should scare the ever living hell out of you. It doesn't choose sides between donkey or elephant, it simply states the scary facts that our European friends have known for quite some time--our health care SUCKS. As someone who since childhood has been forced to take chronic medication, the fact that my medication costs a relative nickle in Cuba cut me to the core. Let me go a step further--living in Key West, FL, I'm closer to Havana than Miami (90 miles compared to 150 miles)--anybody got a boat? To know that a doctor can be called in Paris at any hour of the night for free, to know that you can have a child in London without worrying about expenses--and, getting your cab fare home, if you don't mind, and to know that the only questions you're asked in Havana is your age and name when you are seeking medical attention is an absolute travesty! And, for those of you still choosing to see the Emperor's New Clothes, if it doesn't work in countries far older than ours, DON'T YOU THINK THEY WOULD HAVE CHANGED IT BY NOW???? Even if you're a Reaganite, THATCHER DIDN'T TOUCH IT! Blair wouldn't have dreamed of it! I know if I had a terminal illness where'd I'd be headed--Air France, baby, all the way. In fact, when it was brought up during the film by an audience member that a mass exodus to France might be in order, we all cheered! All you nay sayers out there have obviously never been really sick and in need of help, and if you have and are still unmoved from this film, you've obviously drank the Kool-Aid and will still fear the Burkha no matter what logic is banged over your head. Kiss your gun that the constitution allows you to have under your pillow. It's a sad state when you'd rather carry a semiautomatic than be able to insure your children and loved one's physical health. While you're holding your gun and cursing the terrorists, pray you don't shoot yourself in the foot. Blue Cross won't cover it.

We'll rally around so much in this country, it's a shame we don't see that the rest of the world, through the red, white and blue, can see us for what we are...money hungry Darwinists...you know--survival of the fittest.

Hairspray (2007)

"Hairspray" Fizzes

[4/10 · 25 July 2007]

Being well over the age of sixteen, seeing the original film in a theatre, and trying hard not to seem as old as I feel having sat through this schlock, I'm prepared for all the Grinch style pooh-poohing that this review will undoubtedly garner--so have at it clicking that "did not help" button all you want when it comes to your take on my opinion. I hate to spoil your summer valentine, kids, but, here goes....

To say that I'm a little disappointed would be like saying John Travolta looked a little stupid. But, wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let me be perfectly blunt...I am a huge John Waters fan and loved "Hairspray" when it was released in the late '80s. I was stunned when they decided to update the film version for the Broadway stage, and really thought it was an idea that would leave as quickly as it appeared, but, it became a hit. When I saw the Broadway production with Harvey Fierstein, and realized they were using totally different music from the film, I was blown away and left the theatre humming "Good Morning, Baltimore," "Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now," "I Can Hear the Bells," and "You Can't Stop the Beat." It was just as joyous, high energy, campy and fun as the film had been. All my initial trepidations were squashed and I became a fan of the stage version as well.

And now, we have a film version of the stage version. How could it possibly go awry? Simple...let Hollywood--an institution that Waters has always bucked--get a hold of it at long last. By hook or by crook, they've taken a fantastic story and sucked all the joy, camp and fun out of it. Gone are the outrageous hairdos. Gone are the notions of telling a serious story without taking it too seriously. What we have now is a funeral dirge ballad during a race protest, an off the wall bollixed pseudo-affair between two of the characters, the dropping of great songs from the stage for stupid and pointless production numbers that make you cringe, an underused Michelle Pfieffer, an overused and out of place Christopher Walken, and one of THE MOST embarrassing performances ever captured on film by John Travolta in his ridiculous attempt to tackle the role of Edna Turnblad.

Honestly--Divine is rolling over in his grave and Fierstein is thanking his lucky stars he wasn't involved (Oh, what a crime the producers wanted to have STAR POWER--Fierstein would have won the Oscar for just showing up on the set. Oh, the humanity). Let's just cut to the chase--Travolta turned a big, brassy, campy character like Edna Turnblad into a cowering, slow learning, knuckle dragging mental defective. And what--tell me, WHAT--was up with that accent of his? It wasn't Southern, it wasn't Baltimore, it wasn't anything but annoying and made him come across as, no offense to anyone challenged, Down's Syndrome. When he sang, all you could hear was "Sandy, can't you see, I'm in misery?"--you ain't the only one, John. Really, once the show closes on Broadway, is THIS going to be our reference point? TRAVOLTA??? This will be our Edna Turnblad to live in infamy? Outrageous. Had he been even REMOTELY passable in the role, the rest of the film's flaws might not have seemed so bad. But, he wasn't and they did.

But, Travolta isn't solely to blame--oh, would that it were that easy. Hokey Hollywood tried to add major plot twists (Wilbur Turnblad and Velma Von Tussle getting caught in a passionate moment? Pu-leeze!!) and heavy handed moments (Queen Latifah's candlelit march on the TV station) into what should have been one hour and forty five minutes of uplifting good fun. But, what's the kicker? The final number of "You Can't Stop the Beat"--when the entire company on stage is supposedly all together totally reformed--has Velma angry and fired, Amber limping and still miffed, and Lil Inez with a tiara on her head. Oh, and if you look really closely, you can see Ricki Lake making a cameo in the stands. In a word...YUCK.

The one high point of the entire film is the discovery of Nikki Blonsky. Blonsky's Tracy Turnblad is every bit the star of this film, but, her cute approach seems a little forced after a while, given all the sturm and drang she she's surrounded by.

If you consider yourself someone who has a broader musical reference beyond that of "Rent" and "Grease," this one doesn't even come close to being a home run. I guess "Chicago" is the only thing close to a success story Hollywood has been able to come up with of late.

Whoopi Goldberg: The Word According to Whoopi (2007 TV Special)

Whoopi is Genius--The Best Kind of Philosophy

[10/10 · 27 June 2007]

Whoopi is just FLAT OUT cool. Her latest stand-up on Bravo is not to be missed in "The Word According to Whoopi." She analyzes how we speak, how we age, what is true, and, best of all, how we feel is OK.

Her story of the interaction with a rude child on a flight is absolutely dead on when it comes to how I feel. If you don't raise your child, I shouldn't clock in on your break. And, calling "stupid" the worst of all words couldn't be more true.

I'm paraphrasing, of course--but, for the full count of it all, check out the brilliance of "Whoopi" and "the Word." If it doesn't make you think, then, you don't have a brain.

American Psycho (2000)

So Disturbing That a Second Viewing is Out of the Question

[7/10 · 10 June 2007]

Do not, I repeat, do not watch this film if you're up late and are looking for some "go to sleep fodder." Scary as scary can be, I could't possibly think of watching this film twice. It was brilliantly done. Christian Bale was phenomenal in his portrayal. But, the graphic violence is just too believable to view again. I found it to be one of the scariest films I've ever viewed, because it was without a doubt believable in its writing, acting, and execution.

What makes his blood bath even the more scary is that no one knows who anyone is in this film. Which, in my opinion, is the reason, that in the end, he, himself does't know if he's done what he's done.

A send up to 80's over indulgence, "American Psycho" is absolutely worth viewing...ONCE

Notes on a Scandal (2006)

Notes on a Scandal

[7/10 · 9 June 2007]

I was so excited about the appearance of "Notes on a Scandal" on my On Demand cable that I immediately logged on. I had seen a preview trailer for it when I went to see "The Queen," and had been anticipating my viewing of it.

Let me get this out of the way, I could watch Judi Dench do a bologna commercial and be absolutely satisfied with her performance. That being said, she was perfect in her role as the sociopath Barbara preying on the whimsical Sheba (Cate Blanchette). Where some viewers categorize Barbara's obsession as being lesbian influenced, I saw a different angle. True enough, there were definite homo-erotic overtones, but, I saw it more as Barbara being the odd duck most of her life, and latching on--obsessively so--to the "perfect" girls she encounters in her adulthood...the same ones who both tormented her, and were the object of her envy in her youth. In that respect, she was more like a parasite with a motive on revenge due to an awkward life up until that point. But, this girl was different. She had a flaw, and it threw her for a loop. Not her normal prey. Why else would she be surprised by the outcome of her initial invite to have lunch? This "new Bohemia" caught her off guard, and supplied her with unexpected ammunition.

Now, lets get to the tabloid fodder. All I have to do is pick up a newspaper to see that teacher/student affairs occur. Something stuck in my craw about Sheba's obsession with the fifteen year old boy. Sure, there are countless examples to back up that it exists, but, I hardly saw it as a premise to base an entire film around. It screamed "Movie of the Week" on Lifetime TV, with Cheryl Ladd portraying a poor man's Mary Kay LeTerneau. But, if you've got to comment on what was given to you with the utmost of professional handling, I was also troubled by her "trust" in the "battle ax" (self-titled) Barbara to secure her secret. But, what ensued was VERY clever dialog and brilliant performances. I guess the material was the real scandal here.

Everyone of the actors showed up in superb form, and, though the material was rather flimsy, "Notes on a Scandal" can not go without recommendation. It's also refreshing to see a tour de force clock in well under the 2 hour mark.

Children of Men (2006)

Children of Men

[8/10 · 9 June 2007]

Since there is no 1/2 point system, I'll go 8--but, more like a 7.5.

Having not read the novel on which it was based, "Children of Men" came to me as story that--like most before it, and countless yet to come--probably didn't succeed in the transfer to celluloid with much satisfaction to those who loved the book. But, as a film, with no prejudice on my part, I was sucked in--but, it wasn't instantaneous, and I did leave with as many unanswered questions.

This is the type of film that you've really got to stick with. I can remember saying out loud to those watching it with me, "I have no clue where this is going," but, with the words still in the air, it took shape.

Theo, the "hero," is sucked in to a radical group formed from England's decision to deport all non-Brits. Society on a pandemic scale has broken down, and jolly old England is the only "civilized" country left on earth. In order to preserve their empire, all immigrants out. Add into the equation that no child has been born in 20 years, and you've got the kind of chaos built for the year 2027. Kee, whom I gather was a black prostitute, has surfaced to the rebels as the lone fertile woman left on earth and she's great with child. They think the birth of her child will add to their cause. She wants none of it, so she and Theo with midwife Miriam in tow, set out to find the Human Project, and their ship "Tomorrow" to take them away from all this.

It was an exciting film that really heated up in the last third. Parallels are drawn to the concentration camps and genocide of wars in our history, current and past.

Like many here on this board, I, too was sort of curious as to what was the cause of the sterility, and exactly who was this Human Project--but, through the writing, I got the sense that the characters in the story didn't know themselves, so I figured, "Such is life. I don't have all the answers, neither do they. Typical." If you're a purist to the novel, odds are, like every other screen adaptation, you're probably going to scream, "Blaspahmy!" If you just want a thinking film where you leave with questions that lead to discussions, you'll probably like it. I did.

Borat (2006)

Not the "Comedy Classic" You've Heard About

[2/10 · 7 June 2007]

I finally got around to watching "Borat," and have to say disappointed doesn't even being to cover it. I can appreciate all kinds of comedy, and mockumentary is one of my favorite genres, but, this film really confuses humor with jokes at someone else's expense.

I don't think I've ever been more uncomfortable watching something unfold. The Bed and Breakfast scene with the elderly Jewish couple was appalling, and to think that these people were duped into someone else's punchline makes it doubly so. Like someone else on this post pointed out, the scene with the dinner party was also cruel. Under a different guise, these people were opening their lives up to someone--in their minds, helping someone fit in, and they were rewarded by someone insulting them as being unattractive, having feces presented to them at the dinner table, and having what they believe is a prostitute show up on their doorstep. The antiques dealer has his merchandise destroyed in front of him, and women on an elevator are the target of what boils down to as indecent exposure. Why is it that Pamela Anderson can be totally in the loop on what's going down, but, other people are totally lied to? When I found out that the villagers in the opening scene weren't completely in the know, that was sort of the straw breaking the camel's back for me.

If this is what "the next generation" believes to be cutting edge humor, then, our society is in worse trouble then I thought. It goes well beyond crass humor. I'm as liberal and open minded as can be, and I am a firm believer in freedom of speech and supporting the arts, but, "Borat" just seemed like a yuck fest that centered around little more than picking on the slow kid. I don't want to ever think that sort of comedy is funny.

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (1997)

Read the Book

[4/10 · 21 March 2007]

The book was amazing. If you know the history, you'll know that Berendt wrote the book initially as a travel guide, wound up getting to know the Savannah natives, then, oops--one of them is indicted for murder.

The transfer to film was painful. Romance was added that didn't need to take place, characters sat on the jury that would have NEVER gotten past a competent DA who could object, and several trials were condensed into one.

And, it's never a good sign when The Lady Chablis is WAY too old to play herself. She was supposed to be in her twenties when the story takes place. She looked every bit the 40's she was at the time of filming, and I have to say that she came across less funny than she did when I envisioned her character in my mind while reading the book.

If you love the movie--great. If you've read the book, you'll hate it.

The Usual Suspects (1995)

Not "The Usual Suspects"

[10/10 · 19 February 2007]

Everything a Hollywood script ought to be, "The Usual Suspects" is smart, savvy, and totally unpredictable--thank you for restoring my faith in script writers.

If you can honestly say you knew where this was going and where it was going to end, you're either institutionalized or a liar. I 'thought' I knew, until the last five minutes where Kaiser Sose's identity is revealed, and without giving too much away, Kevin Spacey delivers in spades.

Why this didn't win best picture, I'll never know, but, I will say that if you're totally in the dark about this film, and love a good 'who-done-it,' you'll be well rewarded if you give "The Usual Suspects" a try.

Roseanne Barr: Blonde and Bitchin' (2006 TV Special)

Rosanne, Your Show is Slipping

[4/10 · 19 February 2007]

I stayed up to catch "Roseanne: Blonde and Bitchin'" because its been so long since she's been on the stand-up circuit and I remember her being so hilarious in the '80s. Then, it dawned on me...the 80's were 20 years ago, and time had stood still...not in a good way, either.

As someone stated in another post, she was cutting edge in her day. The years have not been kind to her humor...the jokes fall completely flat. Even the live audience seemed sort of ho-hum about the entire act. She goes on and on about being a mom, being divorced, being fat, hating the president, hating the war--blah, dee, blah, dee, blah, blah, blah. She covers topics like getting old, dying her hair, dating after divorce, torturing her children--we've heard it all before from countless comediennes, but, funnier, sad to say. Then, she starts bashing men, and I actually cringed when I heard her use the same joke from 20 years ago about the male mind and road maps. It's like she stepped out of a time capsule.

When she started talking to audience members, I knew she was picking up on the fact that she was tanking. The "old" Roseanne would never have had to have lowered herself to audience interaction for a laugh. Then, following in the footsteps of Kathy Griffin and Joan Rivers, she immediately played to the gays. Unlike Griffin and Rivers, there weren't that many in the house...bad sign.

If you're looking for laughs, watch vintage Roseanne. It's still may not be as time relevant as it once was, but, it's much easier to take than 2006 Roseanne's feeble attempt to recapture stand-up success.

Prime (2005)

Suspend Your "Prime" Disbelief

[7/10 · 7 February 2007]

My Romantic Comedy Genre and Uma Thurman tolerance is quite slim, but, having said that, "Prime" could have been a whole lot cuter than it ended up being. That's a compliment in my book.

You have to get past the fact that, in all of New York, a recent divorcée, Rafi (Uma Thurman), could stumble across her therapist, Lisa Metzger's (Meryl Streep), eldest son, Bryan (David Bloomberg), in her long quest to "live outside the norm." Rafi is 37, David is 23--both prime numbers, for those keeping score. Rafi is hung up on David's age, and tells all to the therapist, who, in the beginning is all for it until she finds out that it is her son that is the object of Rafi's attention. What ensues is a very unpredictable Romantic Comedy that will have you wondering until the end.

Is this the pinnacle of filmdom? Absolutely not. Is the ending far-fetched? Possibly, if you're a die hard--but, what "Prime" has to offer is outstanding performances by, newcomer, Bloomberg, Streep (old reliable), and Thurman (I was just as surprised).

If you're home for the evening--I'd suggest "Prime." But, depending on your cup of tea, I wouldn't base my evening around it.

Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)

How Much Can Be Fabricated?

[10/10 · 5 February 2007]

I love how on February 5, 2007, with the state of the country and the world being what it is, people can still accuse Michael Moore of over exaggeration and his emoting of situations surrounding the fallout of September 11, 2001, in "Fahrenheidt 9/11." Where are we now in the US of A other than where Moore predicted we would be in his film? Where is Dubya's approval rating now--like an Oklahoma winter--mid to low 30's? We all have tons of money in our pocket--right? And, ah, yes, his recipe for success? SEND MORE TROOPS!! Osama Bin Laden hasn't been caught, and it's been almost six years. In fact, you won't even hear his name mentioned unless some archival footage has come out to the main news media about his disdain for what Dubya is doing now--and you can count on Fox News will be there to pick it up.

Lets face it, I put more faith in the goings on of the world today in Michael Moore than our current administration. In years to come, if we are still around to appreciate the omen this film produces, we'll all look at it with a big "I told you so" blaring right in our faces.