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The Accountant (2016)
Truly a gem of a movie
Sometimes you go through life feeling the gloom wash over you that maybe... you've seen every movie worth watching and they just ain't making anything worth watching anymore.
Then... you realise.. hey.... I haven't watched the accountant. And you watch it. And it takes you on this wonderful journey of marvellousness.
Just so good. I watched it like i was witnessing an event not watching a movie. My wife who had also not seen it... for all the same reasons I hadn't (its probably gonna suck - accountants are not fun) also felt the same way (it totally did not suck it was so awesome).
Its 5 years after the fact. Trust me when I assure you, I am not a fake the rankings at IMDB spambot, this movie is incredible.
Jupiter's Legacy (2021)
I tried, really i did, but it fails the basic "let's make you care" test.
Starts out pretty well, lots of action. Character development is going well... then..
It all pretty much grinds to a halt.
The characters go down cliche road.
Angsty immovable dad.
Cant please dad but am trying son.
Angsty you were never there for me daughter.
Wifey who supports hubbie, but tries to get him to inch towards reasonableness.
Oh please. The end result?
You not only don't like any of this winey bunch, you don't care what happens to them either. Zero investment.
God I wanted to like this. So little Sci fi rolling out... but.... it's drivel.
The New Mutants (2020)
Nothing happens
For just so long. No plot, not character development, no suspense.
Dull AF.
Avoid.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)
what a dogs breakfast
Where to begin?
a. Zero empathy with the actors. You just don't care what happens to them. b. Sorry Mr lead... you just don't cut it. Oh i can see the look they were going for and the voice is very keanu reeves... but sorry man, those bage under your eyes make you look like you have kidney failure and you are too skinny to be a genuine action hero. I would sit you on your arse, and Im a paunchy middle aged male. And face pulling is not acting ms female lead. God damn so many closeups of a face pull. Gratuitous. c. Completely disjointed concept, a bunch of cobbled together scenes. d. Just so much unnecessary nonsense. The tourist look? How flat was that! The forgetting the birthday? How could that matter, when their relationship was yet to be established? Just terrible film making.
One almost walked out on this one, i even got up.. then I realised I was at home watching a DVD, it was cold and raining outside.... and it was still a coin toss. I only stayed because my wife had made popcorn.
A Hologram for the King (2016)
Wow.... a movie written by a darmass American who has never left their mom's basement
I'm giving this movie a 2... because there is a chance that something happened after i walked out that was worth watching.
Oh the clichéd characters! I swear Tom Hanks was cast because... well... its Tom. We give a damn what happens to Tom right?
Well no.. Not in this movie. Couldn't care less. I was too overwhelmed by the ignorance of the writer.
Dude. There is no such thing as an international drivers licence. All it is... is a document that certifies your licence is not fake. I've traveled the world.... always just used my REAL licence when hiring a car.
You've made up a problem, to ensure Tom hires a car.. that is just not true.
Yawn.
The Nice Guys (2016)
Wow how could this piece of rubbish score above a 2?
Just terrible. Woeful script, terrible over acting, stupid premises that just needed to be accepted.
Where to start? How about with Little Miss Sunshine. Go watch the first 5 minutes of it. In the first 5 minutes all the central characters are introduced, they are flawed but special... immediately you bond with them and care what happens to them. You are on board.
Then watch this piece of dodo. In the first 5 minutes we are introduced to many of the main characters. We immediately could not care less about them as there is nothing alluring or special about them.
Ryan Gosling is funny when he is simply trying to be cheeky and cute. When he is doing it in an understated way. In this movie, he is doing slapstick and its hopeless. Russel seems to think because Mel Gibson did action and comedy he can too. He can't. Just not funny. At all. Like, as funny as an abortion not funny.
Oh woe is me the ridiculous scenes where 500 bullets are sprayed from a machine gun and they hit everywhere around the hero but miss the hero.
Just tripe. Not funny. Not clever. Barely watchable. I watched it 3 days ago yet forget how it ended - perhaps its a self defense mechanism from my brain seeking to erase this terrible experience from my memory... or maybe the movie is just that forgettable
Blindspot (2015)
Yawn
Must we be subjected to these clichéd, badly written, wooden acted nonsense shows? I shudder at the budget of this piece of schlock.
I was looking for something new but its just so patronising to be fed this drivel.
The reason the Martian is kicking it? Its fantasy sci fi that is believable. Nothing about this show is remotely believable and i find myself having to shut it down before I reach the end of an episode. A full episode is just too long to suspend even the remotest link with reality. Everything hinges on lucky guesses, coincidences and tenuous links. I can't warm to a single one of the characters.
I've tried, 4 episodes.... nup. Bleh. I'd rather gargle liquid cat poop than put myself through another episode of this schlock.
Trashy nonsense.
Paper Towns (2015)
Bland
OK... this was not the worst film I've seen, not even a bad film. Nat played a role he is getting typecast in, Cara... seemed to be playing herself as a teenager but who knows, when i see her in something else I will be able to tell how much of her character she created, and how much was just her. Both leads put in good if not memorable performances.
The problem was the edit of this movie. It races towards a conclusion that is pretty predictable, and ends with a "The Outsiders" style narration... just with the poignancy and deepness being set up in the first place to justify the final narration.
I was left feeling a tad disappointed. Nat had done so much better, in similar roles, with better writing for his character. Cara. Well. No judgment on her performance, I do want to see her again.
Truly though? As beautiful/weird/unique looking as she is? As half decent as her acting is? Those eyes and brows? What caught my attention most about her?
Her voice. I didn't even know she sang but hearing her talk I knew she must be a "singah" googled it and wallah!
Curious about seeing her again.
Dark Matter (2015)
No. Just no. Wow.
Why is it the Americans take a great concept, and then insist on crapping it up?
a. Oh look at us, god damn we are all so beautiful. b. Like cheese? Here, have it laid on with every possible clichéd line you could imagine. c. Don't forget clichéd action scenes. Only in episode one, and we've already seen a bad guy killed, by that old chain on a pulley, wrap it around his neck yank him up method. It would have been so much easier to simply smash his head on the ground. d. Oh the groan worthy fight scenes
Sorry. Such potential spoiled by formula direction.
Avoid.
Just Before I Go (2014)
Really good film
Excellent character creation, simple but thought provoking concepts.
Those expecting something like American Pie will be disappointed, its kind of more a movie for grownups.
Dramatic comedies are super hard to get right. Too much humor and the drama is overshadowed, too much drama and not enough laughs and the humor seems totally misplaced. The mix here, is really well done.
The humanity of everyone involved was awesome.
I was expecting a lot less, I just got watched it as a time killer and was so pleasantly surprised. In the same week I watched Jupiter Rising which was kind of the opposite quality.
Characters you didn't care about. A ridiculous plot that required all common sense being suspended.
Jupiter Ascending (2015)
What a stinker. Absolutely Horrific
Where to start?
a. Whole premise of the move is ridiculous. Good science fiction must be believable, this was just stupid. Everything about it.
b. WoW! The worst music accompanying actions scenes ever. I wanted the actions scenes over so i didn't have to listen to it.
c. Oh please, mandatory love interest between leads was so forced and not even close to being developed or believable.
d. Oh the use of music video style special effects for actions scenes. Its a movie Mr director, not MTV
The ending? Sorry. Didn't make it. I walked out. First time ever for me in a science fiction movie.
Save yourself the trouble if you are thinking of watching this movie, just punch yourself in the face, it will be less painful.
Boy Meets Girl (2014)
What a treat
A movie is the sum of its parts, its got to be interesting, be cast well, be believable even when its science fiction of a fairy tail and the characters... well... you have to care what happens to them.
Though the story line is closer to fairy tail in today's world than reality, the performances are so good you don't think about this at the time.
Ignore the 1 star from digital pimple, I am yet to see any reviews from said person higher than a 2.
Michelle(the lead) was so credible as Ricky it leaves you pondering if the story is autobiographical though it clearly isn't.
Just superb.
Bending the Rules (2012)
I've seen less wood in a Gay Porno
Wow. I've seen better student films. Where to start?
Oh the woeful script. A comedy? Not even a snicker of laughs in it. OH the wooden delivery. Who directed this rubbish. Can you not listen to an actor delivering their lines and not go "Oh! That doesn't sound right and make them do it again... properly?" Oh the music. I mean wow. It is so bad. Totally destroys any chance for the watcher to get into it. Worst ever.
How on earth is it a 5.1 star movie?
No redeeming features about this movie, I gave up after 20 minutes and instead went to Youtube to watch cats being stupid videos to try and wipe this rubbish from my brain.
Are You Here (2013)
Not funny. Couldn't finish it
OK with the two leads... you'd expect it to be silly and funny. With some quirky moments.
Instead... it was just silly. Not funny. Not clever. Not Quirky. Failed to create any desire in the viewer to care what happened to the two lead men who seemed bored and well aware they were participating in a cinematic piece of trash with the characters created just for the male leads to pull out their well worn one theme characters. Problem is... the script and the whole concept was simply not funny. Not dramatic. This was a film that simply ticked no boxes.
Sound design was always non existent except when it was clichéd.
Saved from a 1 by a beautiful performance from Laura Ramsey who got no top billing for some reason?
Even with her performance?
Total rubbish. Oh I like a c grade comedy as much as the next teenage boy but this was total pap.
Pacific Rim (2013)
oh my god how is this rating above 7?
What a giant turd of a movie. Hollywood at its worst.
a. An animal with a thermo nuclear device that shuts down digital robots. b. A massive robot built in ultra modern times... thats analogue... like the old warship from the 30's in "Battleship"? c. Two brains being necessary to sync with a machine? Oh come on. d. The only thing working against the beasties... the government shuts it down to build a too weak, too small wall around the whole world? as if that was EVER doable. e. An "Australian" speaking with an accent thicket than crocodile Dundee(hello - no one speaks like this) with a son who looks 10 years younger than him, who speaks with... what.. an English/us hybrid accent trying to sound Aussie but instead sounding... a bit kiwi?
Terrible casting, acting, dialogue.
And it rates a 7+ on IMDb?
Science fiction is supposed to be scientifically reasonable so you don't sit there going "bullshit".
This was a stinking pile of dog turd.
Man of Steel (2013)
What is with all the religious nonsense in SCI Fi these days?
Started with Prometheus which was almost unwatchably stupid... then we get Scientology speak all the way through after earth spoiling what would have otherwise been a decent movie... then we get man of steel.
When superman is wondering what to do.... he finds himself in church where the priest tells him to have faith. Not in God specifically, just to believe in something without evidence.
Then, he fights with the super chick from Krypton and she says she will beat him, because she evolved.... he of course beats her, showing creation is better than evolution....
Then the planes are sent in with "God Speed"
Clark as a child does a strongman feat, one of his classmates mothers says he must be from god.... i mean... WTF. Was Jesus strong? No?
Science fiction. Its about science, and fiction can we keep the magic sky fairy myth nonsense out of it please?
Oh... and the movie was drawn out, if i saw one more smashing super person into a building I was going to die
Prometheus (2012)
I registered after 10 years using IMDb just i could write a shitty review
With so little Sci Fi in 2012 i was hanging out for this, but wow, was i disappointed.
Characters could not have been more stereotyped, the the logic behind their personalities and belief systems made no sense, unless you assumed the target audience was mid west hillbilly Christians.
I mean come on. 99.9% of biological scientists even NOW don't believe in God... Religion is losing numbers hand over fist and you want us to believe the leading biological scientist on this team 80 years in the future is a die hard Catholic? Oh and some dangerous looking cobra thing rears up in a threat pose... and the junior biological scientist... what... goes to (insert profanity) pat it? The whole movie was one giant plot hole.
Its science bloody fiction folks, which means its supposed to be fiction, but cleverly done so the science parts seem believable. Otherwise whats the point? You cant enjoy a movie when every 2 minutes your mind is going "No Way"? As if they would do that, as if that would happen.
But the biggest disaster for me, was the 7.4 IMDb rating for this pile of .... which just cant be allowed to stand, thus my registration and review.