KingMFreak Reviews

South Park: Tonsil Trouble (2008) Season 12, Episode 1

Better then the Fancy New Vagina, at least

[8/10 · 12 March 2008]

All of the advertisements for the newest season opener promised that tonight's episode would change everything. And did it? Not really, at the end of the day Cartman and Kyle are still fine. The show didn't significantly change like it did when Kenny died or Mr. Garrison had a sex change three years back.

The premise of Tonsil Trouble is one of South Park's more ludicrous ideas, that Cartman, while having a tonsillectomy, accidentally receives a blood transfusion that contains AIDS. Kyle finds this all too ironic, and when Cartman finally blows a fuse, he infects Kyle with his AIDS. Then the two discover that basketball player Magic Johnson has AIDS but hasn't died, the secret being he sleeps with his cash in his room. Apparently waving cash at AIDS will kill it.

As far as South Park goes, this was a good episode. It had some funny moments (Cartman and Kyle arguing over the HIV positive line), and had the same loony ideas that I find so amusing on South Park. However, it didn't stand up above any other average South Park episode.

Of course, this being the premiere episode a lot of pressure is always on to offend to the highest level (such as the 42 utterances of the N-word on last season's opener). If you look back at some episodes, you'll find that they aren't as bad as you thought, they were just brought down by the expectations set. Hopefully this season will get better, because if the rest of the season is like this, then South Park is finally losing it's jazz.

Also, tonight's episode introduced a brand new opening. I actually look forward to the montage of clips for the previous seven episodes, and this one kind of meshed everything together from the past eleven seasons. Still, it always keeps those opening titles interesting.

South Park: Guitar Queer-o (2007) Season 11, Episode 13

Disappointing Episode

[6/10 · 9 November 2007]

This season South Park has had many great episodes, a good sign there's a lot of life left in them. But unfortunately, South Park has hit a down turn in probably the least interesting episode of the season (though we'll have to see what next week brings).

It's kind of hard to blame Matt and Trey for not having anything original in this episode, since they just came off the massive and impressive Imaginationland Trilogy, probably one of the greatest South Park story lines. But when I saw the announcement that Guitar Hero was their next target, I was excited for some new and original biting commentary on the game.

Instead, the story follows the overdone arc of the rise and fall of rock stars. It's fine when South Park uses clichéd story lines, but only when they have a new way to do them. I don't much like Stanley's Cup, which finished off the 10th season, but I do admit I admire how the episode ripped on the Mighty Ducks sports formula in a very shocking way. The closest that this episode comes to shocking is Stan and Kyle attending "coke and sex" parties.

Basically, Stan and Kyle reach 100,000 points on Guitar Hero and are signed up to try and smash 1,000,000 points live (kind of like Steve Wiebe from King of Kong). Then Kyle gets replaced and Stan and Kyle have a row but in the end decide their friendship is more important.

At the end of the episode the do manage to reach 1,000,000 points, but instead of unlocking Superstardom (which I guess is what happens), the game tells them that they are fags. Ha ha, okay, so people who play Guitar Hero are fags. That's REAL original. It feels like Matt and Trey weren't even trying. But like I said, I guess they need a break after Imaginationland.

South Park: Night of the Living Homeless (2007) Season 11, Episode 7

Fitting Finish

[8/10 · 18 April 2007]

And yet another run of South Park comes to an end. This wasn't as strong an episode as I'd hoped for, but Night of the Living Homeless was a stronger finisher then Stanley's Cup, Tsst, Bloody Mary, or Erection Day. It still can't hold a candle to Woodland Critter Christmas and Goobacks, but few episodes can.

Night of the Living Homeless is a spoof of the zombie genre, done in a way only South Park would think of. Instead of flesh eating zombies, the entities are homeless that request change and seem to survive off of it.

Randy and other residents are locked in the Community Center, though this time on the roof, where they can survey the scene. A particularly funny moment is when one member finds out his home is gone, and becomes homeless, leaving Randy no choice but to shoot him.

Meanwhile, the four boys set out to solve the problem, with the whole story behind the homeless takeover trying to convey a message, but being seriously uninspired. South Park is at it's best a lot of the times when it is being ridiculous. Matt and Trey played it safe this week, and didn't really critique the homeless problem, just lampooned it.

The shock moment of the episode comes when a scientist shoots himself in an attempt to avoid the homeless. This is the first time a suicide on South Park goes wrong, and we watch the poor man miss his brain and then attempt to shoot himself many times while he painfully dies. Another inspired South Park moment.

Overall, the episode was funny, but it was kept from being great by withholding any real commentary on the homeless and sticking straight with the zombie shtick. The ending is somewhat funny, but nothing new.

Now we must wait until October for the next batch of episodes. It's a long haul, but South Park must be applauded for it's run. The show seemed to be running out of steam last season, but now it's back in full form.

South Park: D-Yikes! (2007) Season 11, Episode 6

Surprisingly Good

[8/10 · 12 April 2007]

Usually around this time in the South Park run, the episodes get a little stale. However, I felt that D-Yikes was, while nothing special in the South Park spectrum, a well done episode.

Herbert Garrison (now Janet) has been the shows most diverse character. He started as a straight man with a talking puppet (Mr. Hat) who hated gays, but eventually found he was gay (and in this process Mr. Hat disappeared). Garrison stayed gay for several seasons, providing some great story points (Death Camp of Tolerance). In season 9, he was unfortunately made into a woman (or so he thought), and eventually forced to stay. The Garrison character stopped being very funny, and now is actually amusing again. Now she's a lesbian.

Garrison, after being dumped again, meets a fellow female at Curves who brings her to the bar Les Bos (see the pun?), a lesbian bar. Garrison discovers "scissoring," in the most graphic sex scene on South Park since Dawkins made love to Garrison last season.

Then the show turns into a 300 spoof. I have to admit my feelings on this are very mixed. 300 is a rather easy target, and the jokes they make are fairly predictable. However, it is still funny to see how they dramatize things. Several times a character does something meaningless (like bite a chip) and the whole sequence slows down to emphasize the action. Garrison making coffee is probably the most inspired use, making fun of how 300 constantly goes to slow-mo for its action scenes.

The whole Persian thing was a bit forced, but then I have to admit I didn't get the Persian joke (where they came from or what group they were making fun of, if any). I won't speculate too long, but when Xerxes and Garrison scissor, it's one of the funnier and more graphic scenes I've seen.

Very little is seen of the four boys, except when they hire Mexicans to help do their homework at write essays. The Mexicans think they mean Eses (I'm not sure how spell that, but the latino slang for friend) and is one of the funnier moments of the episode. Otherwise the episode isn't anything special.

It rises above the lice episode simply because it once again reinvents Garrison for the better this time (the Mayor's reaction, "You're a lesbian now," is priceless). Garrison is one of the most conceited characters to walk South Park's screen, almost as bad as Cartman. Hopefully episode 7 will whet our appetites for what will come again in the future. We can only hope.

South Park: Fantastic Easter Special (2007) Season 11, Episode 5

Keeps on going and going and going...

[9/10 · 4 April 2007]

Wow. All I can say is, South Park has amazed me this season. There has only been one weak episode so far, and the other four have been pretty good to really great. This week added another strong entry to the Season 11 repertoire: Fantastic Easter Special.

Suffice to say, South Park has run this long and never done an Easter Special. They send up the Da Vinci Code, as Stan learns his father is part of a secret organization that protects the real story behind Easter. When Bill Donohue messes things up, it's up to Stan to discover the secret and rescue the bunny Snowball.

The last third of the episode is by far the best part of the whole episode. Trapped in a cage together, Jesus (who hasn't made an appearance since the end of season six) and Kyle are trying to get free to prevent disaster. When that proves futile, Jesus decides to have Kyle kill him so he can resurrect where the problem is. This is probably the biggest laugh of the season, as Kyle makes Jesus, "promise not tell Cartman." And then Jesus dies in the most hilarious fashion.

The rest of the episode only directly copies one scene from the Da Vinci Code when it makes a random stop at some British scholar guy's house (we never learn how his name was acquired by Stan and Kyle). He explains how St. Peter was really a rabbit, and how the Catholic church denies this constantly.

So far this season, South Park has offended by using the N-word 42 times, annoyed gays with it's Cartman Sucks episode, and really riled the British with Queen Elizabeth II's suicide at the end of The Snuke. Now the Catholic Church has been hit again, and they probably won't let Parker and Stone off easy (remember the Bloody Mary episode?).

One thing I admire about South Park is it continues to make headlines with it's various episodes, from the Jesse Jackson episode to the Queen Elizabeth episode. Catholics shouldn't really be offended, since this is a send-up of a book that initially offended the Catholics. The only bad Catholics in the episode are Donohue and his team of ninjas.

Episode 6 and 7 is where the season usually starts to lose it's steam. By this time Parker and Stone have been working full throttle on each episode, procrastinating as long as they dare. I appreciate they're ability to throw together a good episode, but sometimes I feel the final episodes would be better if the team hadn't run out of steam on the last episode. Our last season half finales were Stanley's Cup (mediocre), Tsst (okay, but not a good finisher), Bloody Mary (only remembered because of the controversy) and Erection day (worst of the above mentioned). Woodland Critter Christmas and Goobacks were two great season half finishers for the 8th year. Hopefully Parker and Stone have saved up some really good stuff for us. We can only hope.

South Park: Lice Capades (2007) Season 11, Episode 3

Weak Third Show

[6/10 · 21 March 2007]

Season 11 was going strong for two episodes, and the streak has sadly ended with Lice Capades, a rather dull addition to the South Park library. This time around, lice is the big issue, and the creators an interesting take on it.

Two parallel stories are followed, one with Clyde (one of the lesser seen South Park kids) acquiring head lice and then hiding this fact from the other kids because he fears he will be punished and humiliated.

The other story follows the lice living in Clyde's head, as they seem to have set up a colony and flourish. The storyline follows that of a basic disaster movie, providing the funniest moments of the episode, as when Clyde uses lice killing shampoo and we get to see how they react.

I was very excited for this season as Matt and Trey announced that their writer's retreat was rather successful and they had more then enough ideas to fill the season. Evidently they were lying, as this felt like another one of their last ditch efforts that they made in a matter of days. Sometimes those episodes work, other times they don't.

Or maybe too much thought went into the episode. Overall, it's rather dull and doesn't contain a real "shock" moment (except maybe the ending shot), and no real big laughs. It was nice to see them get back to a basic storyline that really had no preachy messages for us, but at the same time, it felt like a very dry episode.

Maybe it's because I was so excited for last week's episode (and that I loved it so much) I spent all my energy for a while. I didn't really feel compelled to watch it.

I'm still waiting for the 24 episode, which will probably my night in heaven, as 24 and South Park are my two favorite shows and seeing them merge is like a dream in heaven. We'll see. Matt and Trey just need to remember that the original stories can work, they just need to be interesting (see Scott Tenorman or the Woodland Critters).

South Park: Cartman Sucks (2007) Season 11, Episode 2

Hilarious Second Episode Proves South Park still has it

[10/10 · 15 March 2007]

Last year I was worried that South Park might be losing it's edge, but last night's episode proved me wrong. Cartman Sucks is one of the freshest and funniest episodes to date. The episode doesn't deal entirely in the realm of original social commentary, but instead focuses on putting a twist on the classic story of Cartman pranks Butters.

Cartman has been having Butters spend the night at his house and while little Butters sleeps, Cartman does terrible things to him (like making him a mustache from cat crap, or sticking a tampon on his mouth). When Butters once again spends the night, Cartman does one of the stupidest things ever: he puts Butters' penis in his mouth and takes a picture.

The boys inform him that this makes him gay, and the only way to cancel this out is to stick his penis in Butters' mouth. While he is doing this, though, Butters' dad walks in with horrible assumptions. Cartman quickly flees, but Butters' father makes the horrible assumption that Butters is bi-curious.

Meanwhile, Cartman can't find his photo and assumes Kyle took it and will show it to the whole class for show and tell. He spends the whole night trying to stop Kyle, but when he comes to no avail, he decides he'd rather expose himself.

Butters is sent to Camp New Grace, where you "Pray away the Gay." At the camp, each child is assigned an accountabillibuddy. Butters, of course, has no idea what's going on and takes everything with the cheerful optimism that makes him such a beloved character. The campers continually commit suicide as they decide they'd rather go to hell now then be persecuted.

Cartman's storyline ends with one of the greatest laughs I've had in awhile, and the episode becomes one of the new greats. It really doesn't make any original statements on the issue of gays, though it has tackled this subject several times in the past. The basic message is that everyone should have the freedom of choice and religion is the great hypocrisy to freedom of speech: religion bans free speech.

But what I loved most about the episode was how Cartman's prank turned on him, and he went to such desperate measures to protect himself until he decides to expose himself. The picture itself is eventually seen, but Cartman is placed strategically in front of the screen to block any graphic elements. You get the idea though.

This is also the first episode to strongly suggest Cartman's sexual orientation. In past episodes we've had several indicators as to what his preference is: In the Condoms episode he watches Butters put on a condom; in the Simpsons episode, he claims to have gotten semen by meeting some guy in an alley, closing his eyes, and sucking it out of a tube; having tea parties with his stuffed animals; dressing up like Britney Spears and making out with a cardboard cut-out of Justin Timberlake; and so on and so on. Making Cartman actually come out of the closet would probably be a stupid decision on the creators' part, instead of just providing strong hints of what Cartman prefers.

Cartman Sucks may not contain a strong social commentary, but it basically is what I wanted: an episode more focused on an entertaining plot, rather then entirely on an issue. I half expected Ted Haggard to make an appearance, but the guys are leaving him buried for now.

South Park: With Apologies to Jesse Jackson (2007) Season 11, Episode 1

Still going strong

[8/10 · 8 March 2007]

Many believe South Park has lost its steam and is finally winding off the path of greatness and down a very rocky road. It's true that after ten years, it is starting to get pretty difficult for Matt and Trey to keep the episodes fresh AND funny. I believe they hit their peak with Season 8, which provides some of the greatest episodes and is the greatest season.

South Park has always been known for providing its viewers with great political satire, often taking our stances and shaking up our beliefs on an issue. The latest episode, With Apologies to Jesse Jackson, contained so many hypocrisies it could be claimed as one of the most ironic episodes of the show's history.

The episode starts off with Randy on Wheel of Fortune about to win it big, solving the last puzzle. In the biggest laugh of the show, he gets his choices up to N GGERS (the category is People That Annoy You). Randy utters the N word, while the correct answer is NAGGERS.

This, of course, starts a whole media storm, while Randy is called the N!gger guy. Meanwhile, Stan and Token suffer differences over this event and a short person (Dr. Nelson) tries to talk to the school about racist comments. Much to his disdain, Cartman finds him hilarious.

And so the show continues with Randy being persecuted and Cartman fighting the midget. The episode starts out strong, but then starts winding down a long road of mixed messages. Randy meets Michael Richards and some other guys who muttered the N word, and together they get the term N!gger guy banned by Congress. Meanwhile, Stan realizes he doesn't understand Token because he never will, and Cartman defeats the midget.

With an episode like this, it's hard to know where Parker and Stone stand and what we are supposed to think. They come to three conclusions that defy each other and together make no sense. Usually we are given their perspective in the end, but not this time. This could be another way for them to reinvent the show, by now not reaching one conclusion, but several.

Overall, it probably wasn't as strong a start as, say, Good Times with Weapons, Cancelled, and even The Return of Chef. Granted, it was much better then Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina. I highly anticipate what Parker and Stone will do next with the show. Just one request: Make a good episode that doesn't spoof our culture. Usually when they stray from satire, they enter a whole world of trouble (Garrison's Vagina and Erection Day especially). Good Times with Weapons, Woodland Critter Christmas, and Scott Tenorman Must Die are all terrific episodes that don't really question our culture. Let's have another one of those, please?

The Astronaut Farmer (2006)

Can't quite lift off

[6/10 · 3 February 2007]

I received free passes to an advance screening of Astronaut Farmer and figured, "what the hell, free movie in advance. I'll take it." I proceeded to the theater, which was packed with children and adults of all ages. I settled into my seat and let the magic begin.

Astronaut Farmer is the story of Charles Farmer (Billy Bob Thorton), a man who used to work for the military, but was forced to retire to save his family farm. He dreams about going into the inky blackness of space, a place he has aspired to reach for a long time. So he sets out building a rocket in his backyard, which soon draws the attention of NASA, FAA, FBI, CIA, and the press.

When you go into Astronaut Farmer, be prepared to throw the laws of physics and logic out the window, as this one tries to be real, but suffers from a few flaws. First, the rocket is built in Billy's garage, which is made of timber. Timber would incinerate immediately on take off. Good idea? NO! The movie also pulls out the cliché handbook and takes an example from every chapter. The looming bad guys, the goofy sidekicks, the bank's foreclosures, the family tension, failing now and succeeding later, and poor jokes. The movie is entertaining enough, but there's something wrong with a movie that's 100 minutes and feels like 2+ hours.

Would I have purchased tickets to see this? No, but I probably would rent it on DVD. It is a good film for the family though, so on that level I'd say see it (the movie is rated PG). Or just wait until it comes to DVD and rent it for the family then. Fun movie, but only worthwhile in a family environment.

South Park: A Million Little Fibers (2006) Season 10, Episode 5

The Worst South Park Episode of all time

[1/10 · 19 October 2006]

There is hardly anything redeeming about this episode. It is so crude, vile, and not funny that its purpose is defeated. I can stand the crudity to South Park to some degree, but I draw the line at talking assholes and vaginas. I was so polarized when I saw this I couldn't laugh about it afterwords. Most South Park episodes polarize me and then I laugh at them later (Scott Tenorman, for one). The only funny image from this movie is a gun popping out of Oprah's fly. But that image is boring after three seconds.

Don't see it. Towelee is proved to not work as a main character by this episode. You can only find a talking towel so funny for so long.

The Sandlot 2 (2005 Video)

Ruins the memories

[1/10 · 16 June 2006]

When you're tired of having fun on a Cruise ship and want to relax with the movie and the only thing on is The Sandlot 2, you take the opportunity. Hey, the movie is free, and I can sleep when the sun goes down (though that rarely happens in Alaska during the summer days).

At first, The Sandlot 2 looked like it could turn out to be a decent kid movie. Sure it was evident they had rehashed the first one based on characters (the smart-ass fat kid, the look-a-like brothers, the leader of the pack, and the nerd who doesn't fit in). And I don't remember what it was, but at first, the movie tricked me into thinking it was going to be good.

I have fond memories of the first Sandlot movie. I first saw it when I was nine and was instantly wrapped up in its story of one summer for kids in 1962. That movie also had some very un-clichéd elements, including the fact that it was a baseball movie that didn't end with the big game, but rather, a kid running from a "killer dog." What is so sad about this film is that it is a reconstruction of the first one scene for scene. The only new addition are female players, who are so annoying that you want the boys to win, especially when David (Max Lloyd-Jones) and Hayley (Samantha Burton) face off in a pitching-hitting match.

The movie also includes a character that is supposedly the younger stepbrother of the original film's narrator (the narrator in both films is director David Mickey Evans). His role is to get something (a spaceship model) lost in the "Great Fear's" backyard (this movie's The Beast). Why the model is so important is not something I will divulge, as it will take too long.

This sets up the movie to spend the next twenty minutes showing the kids coming up with improbably difficult ways to retrieve the item with no success, until finally the hero steps up and gets the item back, and ends up running (or in this case the wuss bikes) for his life (we even get a scene where he is running through an alley knocking over trash cans). Then the kids find out they just could've asked a blind James Earl Jones to retrieve the item, instead of putting us through all that pain.

Why did I endure the movie when I was on a cruise ship and had the option of turning the movie off and doing something cooler, like sit in a hot tub? I don't really know. I was drawn in to see how much of the movie was copied, and if you've seen the first movie, you no doubt already know everything was stolen. They even have a rivalry team that wants the Sandlot, and whom they have a verbal contest with (the insult "Plays like a girl," is even thrown in, though this time from the other side).

Overall, The Sandlot 2 is a terrible movie. Terrible. Awful. Dreadful. Appalling. Dire. Bad. And poor.

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

Somewhat satisfying wrap-up

[8/10 · 26 May 2006]

The one thing I liked about X-Men: The Last Stand is that the ending was, overall, satisfying. Most, if not all, comic book movies I have seen aggravate me because the end is almost an anti-climax, holding me in suspense for the next installment. I would be very happy if the series stopped here. We already have two spin-offs slated for next year, one called Magneto and the other called Wolverine.

I guess this is fitting, and explaining the back-stories of these two characters would probably be impossible to do in one sequel. However, a fourth X-Men movie would not draw me because this movie spends a lot of the time killing off or destroying the powers of its principle characters (two main ones are dead before half-an-hour has passed).

The movie's storyline centers on a new medicine that has been discovered which will supposedly cure mutants of their gifts. The source comes from a child mutant called Leech (Aaron Eckhart's son in Thank You for Smoking, Cameron Bright), whose power is to rid other mutants of theirs when around him, and whose DNA provides the makeup for the medicine.

This causes Magneto (Ian McKellen) to declare war on the homosapiens, especially after one character is unintentionally turned human. His main sidekick is Pyro (Aaron Stanford), who can manipulate fire. Other mutants worthy of mention are Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), Storm (Halle Berry), Phoenix (Famke Janssen), and Beast (Kelsey Grammar).

The movie's one vital flaw is that it throws aside all further character development for the stunning action sequences and character killing. The new character Angel (Ben Foster) is the reason this cure is first produced, and yet he only gets three scenes. Then there's the relationship between Rogue (Anna Paquin) and Iceman (Shawn Ashmore), the latter beginning to show interest in a new girl, Kitty (Ellen Page), though this triangle is hardly developed. Rogue mopes in the shadows while Iceman and Kitty share a special moment on ice.

The list of underdeveloped characters goes on and on and on. Brett Ratner has an eye for the action, as Phoenix provides some rather stunning visuals when she enters her more hectic moments, and when Magneto lifts up the Golden Gate Bridge, I was truly stunned. The visuals overall where impressive and left me satisfied.

Although X-Men: The Last Stand has a sense of finality, it doesn't achieve the satisfying wrap-up that The Return of the King achieved with its six endings. Still, I recommend it because it is great fun, and if you've been keeping track of the series you'll want to see how the war resolves. I advise to watch either of the earlier films first if you haven't in a while, because this movie provides little-to-no recap of the earlier events.

The Island (2005)

Three viewings = disastrous movie

[4/10 · 24 May 2006]

The first time I saw The Island, I found it to be an interesting movie, with an excellent premise and fun chase scenes. On a second viewing I was bored to tears by it but still recognized it as okay. And now I have viewed this movie in an Essay Fundamentals class as a parallel to the book we're reading, Brave New World. And, viewing it with people who hadn't seen it, I was entertained again, but the movie annoyed me to no end.

I was surprised by the sheer lack of people in my class who had not yet seen or even heard of this movie. Hollywood really needs to step up their advertising campaign, especially since this movie is so ridiculous that it entertains on a low level. Product placement is in no shortage, as we see advertisements for Aquafina, Xbox, and MSN Search, to name a few.

The story, in case you don't know, involves a society of people who are told that they are the lucky survivors of a global contamination and they are awaiting passage to The Island, nature's last remaining paradise. And now I'm going to spoil the rest of the movie. In reality they are clones whose sole purpose is to live, awaiting the island, until their sponsor, or identical person in the real world, needs their assistance with organ transplants or a new heart. The idea is to extend your life for the price of 5 million dollars.

One clone, Lincoln Six Echo (Ewan McGregor), figures out the truth and escapes the complex with his best friend Jordan Two Delta (Scarlett Johansson) and spends the rest of the movie running from the baddies.

What really pains me about this movie is that it could've, I repeat, could've been a terrific movie. It could've been a chilling sci-fi parable of our desperation to live longer, and to some degree it achieves this. But the endless chasing of the two characters in the second half is hard to sympathize with, as we see endless innocent bystanders getting mowed down by Lincoln's antics.

The other thing about this movie is that the trailer reveals precisely that McGregor and Johansson are clones, that the Island isn't real. Good job, marketers, now I don't care to see this movie. The only draw is Johansson, who is a beauty to look at, but whose lower set female voice provides with a hoarse scream that doesn't fit the bill of damsel in distress. Especially when she kicks Lincoln's ass at an Xbox game (which in itself is flawed because the clones are supposed to be conditioned to be nonviolent, and don't video games promote violence, especially Kung-Fu fighting ones?), and then cringes in the background as Djimon Hounsou folds his arms and sweats, helicopters flying overhead.

If you haven't seen the movie and read this review and got to this point, then I wouldn't bother seeing the movie. The twist is given away in the trailer (and in IMDb's plot summary), almost like The Truman Show, which my friend saw under the conditions of not knowing what was going on. He loved it. If you skipped to this paragraph and didn't read my review and don't really know anything about the movie, then it is worth a see.

Nine Lives (2005)

What's the point?

[7/10 · 21 February 2006]

There is something intriguing about a film that is described as, "Nine stories told in nine shots, each story featuring its own, unbroken shot." To see how Rodrigo Garcia, the writer and director of this film, pulled off this amazing feat is something to behold. The camera never does anything flashy, but simply puts us in the shoes of a distant observer to these nine tales, which usually incorporate grief in some way.

However, the movie's Achilles heel is the fact that there is no finalization to any of the stories told, and we are instead plunged straight into a new one as we try and collect our thoughts on the last one. While each character does stand on their own and become unique portraits of real pain, they are never finished. You almost feel like asking, "What was the point?"

The performances really do stand out in this film. Robin Wright Penn plays Diana in the one story that actually feels like it ended without leaving me suspended, which is probably why most critics say it is the best of the bunch. Holly Hunter, Sissy Spacek, and Kathy Baker are just another few of this brilliantly cast movie. Unfortunately, we weren't allowed enough time to know the characters, so I can't strongly recommend it to anyone.

Team America: World Police (2004)

A little to vulgar and offensive

[3/10 · 20 August 2005]

This movie is rated R for graphic crude and sexual humor, violent images, and strong language – all involving puppets. And this is no exaggeration. Team America: World Police is a dirty, low, sick, and mostly unfunny movie that spoofs terrorism and the way today's societies work.

I'll say right now that I enjoyed the first part of the movie. I found it to be funny (for the most part) and nice. But the last bit of the movie is so disgusting and vulgar, that I tried to figure out what went wrong with Trey Parker and Matt Stone's brain.

You might say that it is rather harsh of me to bring a movie's rating down so far when it was the ending that really killed me. I believe a lot of the movie relies on how it ends. I didn't much like War of the Worlds because I thought the ending was annoying, yet I give it a C+ because it still had some good sequences. This train wreck has nothing strikingly memorable, unless you count Kim Jong Il's solo, I'm So Ronery.

I did find the whole "America is infatuated with itself" theme funny. Team America is an independent organization that fights terrorism. In the movie's opening sequence, they destroy about half of Paris in an attempt to catch four terrorists; in another sequence, they manage to destroy the pyramids and the Sphinx.

The main character is Gary, a Broadway actor who stars in the play Lease and seems to have the ability to reduce audiences to tears. Team America's leader, Spottswoode, employs Gary to disguise himself as a terrorist and infiltrate their hideout in Egypt. Though the mission is successful, the destruction they leave behind causes protests (one outside the base, a hollowed out Mt. Rushmore, is lead by Michael Moore), which eventually leads to the capture of Team America's team and the destruction of their base. (When their computer is destroyed, with is called I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E, they yell, "We have no I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E).

The marionettes are interesting to look at, but they eventually grow tiresome, and you start wishing for some South Park animation to butt in. The marionettes do provide some funny looking imitations of such famous actors as Sean Penn (who wrote an angry letter to Parker and Stone after the movie's release), Alec Baldwin, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, and Helen Hunt, among others. They are all members of the Film Actors Guild (F.A.G), and their soul purposes in the movie is to oppose Team America, and be ridiculed & killed.

Of course, I'm not a big fan of Trey Parker or Matt Stone anyway. But I have seen the South Park movie, and found it to be a little vulgar, but still intelligent and fun (B-). I just wasn't ready for the vulgarity of this movie, and so I just have to give it low marks. Ebert pointed out that this movie pretty much insults everything about the war on terrorism; from the terrorists to the way we act. They pretty much target everyone. My question: will they ever put themselves under ridicule in their own movies, like they do so many others?

I hope they do. In the meantime, Team America: World Police offended me and so I do not think it deserves more then what I have given it. I just hope Parker and Stone's next movie is smarter then this one; they should look back on their South Park movie and take some pointers.

Cinderella Man (2005)

Not quite up to par with other films (mild spoilers possible)

[9/10 · 30 May 2005]

Boxing movies, it seems, are almost guaranteed to be great movies. We have Rocky, Raging Bull, and most recently Million Dollar Baby. I guess boxing is more interesting because it is more intense then, say, golf, or baseball. With boxing you can also provide well-developed characters and an emotional and touching plot. Clint Eastwood saw this and made the best boxing movie, Million Dollar Baby, which appeared out of nowhere in December and went on to triumph over The Aviator and prove that Oscar voters still sometimes get it right.

Cinderella Man is the true story of boxer Jim Braddock (Russell Crowe), who was at the top of his prime in 1928, but slowly became weaker and finally was expelled from the boxing commission in 1933. He lives with his wife Mae (Renee Zellweger) and three kids in a rundown apartment. They can't pay the electrical bills, and Jim's broken hand keeps him from getting any shifts at the docks.

But he gets lucky when his manager, Joe (Paul Giamatti), signs him up at the last minute for a quick fight to lose to the second place heavy weight champion. What was intended to be Braddock's goodbye ends being his spectacular comeback. He takes out the champion and wins the $250 purse. Things escalate and soon he is fighting Max Baer (Craig Bierko) for one of his final fights.

The boxing movies mentioned in the first paragraph are all about boxing, yet the boxing isn't really featured that much. In Rocky, there are two fights total; Raging Bull has plenty in the beginning, but they disappear as the protagonist gets older; and Million Dollar Baby's last thirty minutes prove that it is something quite different. Yet Cinderella Man contains plenty of well-shot, intense fights. During the final fight, I observed many watchers sitting on the edge of their seats, involved in the intense fights.

Ron Howard makes good use of the flash bulbs used then. Whenever fists meet face, and flash bulb is used exactly on the impact, which is more effective than Neo and Agent Smith fighting in lightning. The angles change with every flash, and there are some interesting point of view shots.

The movie's biggest flaw is the failure to tell us why Jim is such a hero to the people. There is a scene where Mae goes to a church to pray for Jim, and finds it filled with other people also praying for Jim. Yet why these people think that he is their hero, their inspiration, is a story I would've liked to see. They could've added five more minutes of why everyone admired him (besides the obvious).

Russell Crowe is as good as ever, though there is nothing particularly special. He works well with Renee Zellweger as the struggling family trying to support their kids. Zellweger also executes her role with full control and doesn't overact, which she could've easily done. Giamatti's performance isn't up to par with Sideways, but he's still funny as the pudgy manager with smart comebacks.

It's not the best movie of the year, but it is an early contender for some Oscar nominations, most notably for Giamatti and Zellweger. The movie won't go so far as to win Best Picture, but it just might receive some nominations. My recommendations go to boxing fans and fans of any of the stars in the movie.

Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)

Woke me up

[10/10 · 26 June 2004]

Before I saw this movie, I didn't know much about the war on terrorism or on Iraq. This movie woke me up and had a particularly strong impact on my beliefs in our government. Michael Moore is a smart guy, no matter how fat he is, and proves his point well. I'd name it the best documentary ever, and hope it changes people's views.

Who can forget Lisa sobbing as she read the last letter her son sent her before he crashed, or when she visits the White House and stands there sobbing in front of it, letting out all her hatred?

Who can forget George W. Bush stammering in all of his shots are repeating things he just said, tagging him redundant?

The most memorable part is when Moore confronts the congress members on the street and asks them if they would be interested in enrolling their children in the army. Of course, none of them do.

This is the most powerful documentary in America and I give it a full out 10 stars.