Change Your Image
mhenderson40
Reviews
L.A. Noire (2011)
Good, not great, game
I don't want to retread previous reviews, so I'll thank Mojo for summing up the game rather nicely. LA Noire hits all the right notes, but unfortunately the song is Rebecca Black's 'Friday'. Since San Andreas, Rockstar's been edging away from the anarchic, total mayhem that made Rockstar and Grand Theft Auto household names. Instead, we have more story driven content, more linear paths through the games, and even though the map in LA Noire is gargantuan, it's as interactive as a block of wood. Each 'mission' feels like a guided tour, with the guide rushing from one exhibit to the next, never really getting the time to soak in the environment and take my time looking around. Side missions are called 'street crimes', and the repetitive nature of the cases carries over to these missions; after completing 15/40, I just quit bothering with them altogether. The one area where LA Noire stands heads and shoulders above the competition is with the story-line itself.
Tornado Valley (2009)
Seriously?
I'll give this one a (huh?) out of ten.
In terms of plot, we have another Twister clone, only without the budget, and without the F/X, and apparently without a screenwriter who's seen the last 17 Twister clones already made. Compared to most Lifetime fare, Tornado Valley really doesn't stand out from the pack, good or bad. It's a bland, formulaic, run of the mill childhood tragedy, adult baggage, dysfunctional family flick that keeps Hallmark and Lifetime from being 24 hour infomercial channels.
Now for the good stuff. We have the Storm Protection Center in Norman, Oklahoma (in reality, the Storm Prediction Center in Norman), a name which got some giggles from me. What, they have a national storm shelter in Norman? "Hey, there's a bad storm, let's head up the Storm Protection Center."
Then there's Matilda, a device that looks like a plasma globe from Spencer's Gifts at the mall, which can not only help with predicting when and where tornadoes will, but will also prevent "billions of dollars in collateral damage". Huh? So, I'm to believe that Matilda can teleport crops, forests, and office buildings out of the path of a tornado? Maybe it's the funky patterns in Matilda's plasma globe that will distract the tornado from hitting people and buildings?
Remember to keep an eye out for the eco-nadoes. No trees, grass, or small forest animals were injured in the making of Tornado Valley, because these tornadoes only eat humans, houses, and tractors, refuse to drop any hail or rain, and are only slightly windier than a ceiling fan. Could be Matilda working subtly from the start...
Fringe (2008)
I'm not sure if I like Fringe
It's really hard for me to get a feel for this show... I really, really want to like it, but Anna Torv's performances are more wooden than a park bench, and the twists are so commonplace that they fail to achieve any sense of wonder; except wondering how long this show will last with its current set of writers. John Noble and Joshua Jackson, however, are managing to carry this show along, albeit at a limp, and I recall another show where a couple of actors managed to carry things along until the writing and the other actors were able to get up to speed - Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If anyone recalls David Boreanaz in season one, it would be hard to imagine him ever becoming a leading man in two shows following his departure from Buffy. Perhaps Anna Torv is just in need of time to catch up as well.
Night of the Living Dead (2006)
Bad Brains
Some movies suck and others suck the life out of the fabric of the universe -- the latter is true for Night of the Living Dead 3D. High school talent show level acting, oatmeal face makeup, and dialog written in crayola on construction paper, NOTLD 3D has everything except for charm, wit, or that occasional saving grace of 'B' film, unintentional humor. Look! It's bad acting in 3-Dimensions, rather than the plain ole two we mere mortals are stuck with until the holo-projectors show up in the cineplex.
On a scale of one to ten, -200 would seem a fair score, but I feel IMDb needs a more quantitative rating system for films that defy rating - The Gigli Scale. The higher a film rates on the Gigli Scale, the more soul-sucking, time and space fabric ripping it is. While only Gigli currently scores a perfect ten on the Gigli Scale, Night of the Living Dead 3D certainly is a worthy contender to dethroning the current world champion of suck.
Kaw (2006)
Mad Crow Disease
Kaw! The name pretty much says it all. Other reviews have sliced and diced the retread plot, while others have made the obvious connection between this film and Hitchcock's classic, so I'll take a different road and bring up a rare 'gem' from the 80's.
Kaw! isn't so much a remake of The Birds, as it is a tribute to 80's Spanish classics like Beaks: The Movie (Ataque de los Pajaros - http://imdb.com/title/tt0092625/). Unlike Beaks, however, Kaw! lacks the sheer idiocy of it's ancient ancestor, and firmly treads the line between over the top and comedy. For this reason, I found it to be far inferior to Beaks and barely watchable at best. Sure, the Bird/FX are superior, but where Beaks was like the unintentional Naked Gun of nature attack films, Kaw! stands firmly rooted in it's mediocrity, afraid to break with it's conventional Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie trappings and let it all hang loose.
Being a aficionado of bad film - Sci-Fi channel has been a boon to people with like tastes - I really expected more from Kaw! than it delivered.