OpinionatedJM Reviews

Dumb and Dumber To (2014)

Thank you Jim, Thank you!!

[10/10 · 19 March 2015]

It had been a long time since I had laughed to the point of weeping, thank you so much for going back out to the battle again! a hero has been sorely missed in an era of self aware lack of humor. This one might be the best of the whole series it really knocked me for a loop, maybe because it's been a while since I actually laugh out loud at a comedy to the point of having to rewind because I missed what they said next on account of actually laughing my a** off!

And to the haters who watch a movie called dumb and dumber and god knows what you expect.. whatever.. I have no time for you.. go.. do whatever you do on your computer..

Locke (2013)

Read this Spoiler it will not ruin the movie for you, you'll thank me for it!

[5/10 · 2 September 2014]

OK so the movie is not that bad just some self righteous dude talking in his car the Whole Time! I'm serious this dude is sitting in his car picking up the phone all the time and talking in his car for the entire length of the movie! If it doesn't bother you to watch a movie in which a dude only talks in his car the WHOLE TIME... then this movie is totally up your alley.

If on the other hand you'd rather not watch a movie which could work perfectly as a radio audio-only drama, then don't watch it because like I said before the movie just shows him in the car the whole freaking time!!

All that to say that I would still watch it again even though the guy sat in his car the whole time all by his lonely self slipping in and out of his accent... he still managed to pull off a decent performance.. all alone .. by himself.. in his lonely car..

you get my drift.. I hope!

The To Do List (2013)

Just good ol' fun for non-prudes

[9/10 · 3 November 2013]

Excellent fun movie, just great entertainment from a perspective hardly ever seen from Hollywood, I hope it gets a bigger bang from word of mouth than it did at the box office, I was surprised that it had such few viewers! hopefully because of the cast more people will pick it up! loved the performance, only thing that stopped me from giving it a full 10 was that they had to play it like she was just.. "studying" instead of being gratified by the experiences, but that was the only thing that seemed to pull off any punches although yeah it's more likely to be that way for a young woman? so anyway just great all around, watch it! and tell a friend! this movie deserves a way higher rating!

Malicious (1973)

Transgressive in a fun way

[10/10 · 9 April 2012]

This film is excellent! does away with norms and moral regulations that seem to be the norm these days even in independent cinema, where things must in the end be "right" or explained from a psychobabble ethical point of view blah blah..

This movie surprised me in that in a very beautiful magnificent yet simple way explores the desires of youth with humor and honesty, fantastic ending, great acting, gorgeous visuals and I loved the soundtrack!!

I would love to see this in HD because the color treatment is great and that soundtrack would be amazing to have.

Be Kind Rewind (2008)

Inspiring movie for film-makers

[10/10 · 3 December 2011]

I must be one of the only few people I know that Adore this film, but I also love the movie making craft and all the hurdles it entails, there is nothing like that moment when you say action! and you turn on the suspend belief button.

This movie makes that dream moment accessible to any artist and it does that with a lot of heart and humor, I personally found it to be so full of ideas and inspiration that I could hardly pass it off as only a comedy.

I think if you're someone who loves the art of making films this is for you.

The Ten (2007)

2 stories out of ten

[2/10 · 25 January 2008]

Basically there is just too much "man with man" homosexual activity for my liking, a lot and pretty extreme, it doesn't really help the punchlines much either, at the time I watched it there wasn't keywords to warn about it so I ended up cringing.

There was about 2 good segments one with that gorgeous Gretchen Mol (3:10 to Yuma)that I enjoyed very much and was basically the cutest funniest thing I've seen in a while, she's just lovely, so all wasn't lost. Also the idea of blending all the different stories into one was pretty good although not well executed.

Next time please warn the viewers about the all over the place and over the top homosexual acts, it could help also gear the movie for the specific demographic that will enjoy it,

Snakes on a Plane (2006)

So bad it's good (I can finally say this confidently)

[6/10 · 27 December 2006]

Forget the attack of the killing tomatoes or killing bees or etc B movie... This is the new cult classic! who cares about the totally forgettable plot or incredibly mediocre lines that were so lamely delivered at the beginning, once The Snakes got rolling the film was all about beer and popcorn! Man I'll just shut up because I was just expecting some dumb pg13 comedy but hey! it was just some dumb pg13 comedy that happened to be rated R with nudity lots of gore and nasty language, totally up my alley!

So get your beer and have a great time watching all the things you wanted to see happen on a film (and they look good too)

Rosario Tijeras (2005)

Soapy?

[5/10 · 20 December 2006]

Could have been better.

It was like watching a glorified soap opera with the added bonus of nudity.

I felt somethings were overdone because of the lack of an intriguing plot, for example the back and forth in time felt more as a Deus ex machina to pull things along, I must say there were a couple scenes that will stick with me so it's not THAT bad, I just don't see what the hype is about except for the hot woman with fake tits which don't look half bad the way she carries them, there is an interesting play of characters but I feel maybe too flat, I'm not sure what it is that is missing.

The Apple (1980)

Awesome, contrasty, and so on and so forth

[10/10 · 3 December 2006]

Is it so bad that you just have to write about it? probably.. does it hit a sweet note in your rejectionist mode? does for me.

This strange flick is one I will always remember, and the way it gets hated makes me love it even more, and you will watch it and you will hate it, and then someone will like it and that's the way it's gonna be.. but mostly hated after all. and that is enough to make me feel the love I'm taking a side on this one, just rating it a full 10 for the heck of it, yeah I know it's not a masterpiece of mind-reformatting software, yeah it show things you might feel uneasy about.

Give it a shot you just might hate it. :P Or love it like I did, but I doubt it will leave you opinion-less

Running Scared (2006)

What is this trying to be?

[4/10 · 28 June 2006]

This movie tries to be too many things at one time and fails at them all! The "twists and turns" feel more like cheap tricks attempting to divert the viewer from the lack of a decent plot.

Like an exercise trying to mix and match a western with a music video on crack and a typical Hollywood thriller and oh! Try to throw a little mixed-up nothing-to-do-with-the-movie horror in there as well. Sure.. it had some half way decent stylistic points and Sure.. a couple of nasty shots that make you feel like puking, but apart from that it was hollow, kinda like they realized the script was so hollow that they might as well just attempt at making it pretty confusing.

Lame.

The Aristocrats (2005)

Not so entertaining

[2/10 · 27 April 2006]

Don't get me wrong, I think toilet humor can be hilarious, it's just not so funny after 5 minutes of hearing about fecal matter and incest, and then it goes on for the whole duration of the documentary.

I can see how this joke might'v been somewhat funny as in seeing a person load on the most disgusting things they can think of and wondering WOW! where did all that come from, but hearing it more than once starts getting old, and fast.

The editing did manage to keep it spunky and moving along, and there was a Christopher Walken impersonation that was great so I'll give it a couple stars for that.

The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)

If you felt comfortable with Fast and Furious.. rock on

[4/10 · 25 April 2006]

I will not by any means compare it to anything truly weighty and not found lacking, BUT it is fun watching Vin Diesel interpreting Vin Diesel for the nth time (kinda like watching Shack missing a penalty again).

In sci-fi you get used to looking for the special effects.... TERRIBLE, in the video game sense, at the beginning of the movie I decided "I'm just gonna pretend it's fun to watch video game effects" and then it was cool, until I saw the special features on the DVD where the special effects guy takes it all so seriously! but even that gave me a good laugh.

There wasn't anything too special about the story either but it's one of those films you can just get together and have a good time with, where you can bring you girlfriend along and her friend and you can all just laugh and comment about all the goofy stuff going on and have a beer or two.

Mobsters and Mormons (2005)

I feel like someone stuffed a dry cracker up my _ _ _ (fill in the blanks)

[1/10 · 12 December 2005]

I don't know how I managed to sit through this unfunny, blah, unworthy to be called cinema, piece of dry granola. I guess just so that I could give it a fair review, HA!

Nothing funny at all in this, all I have to say is latter day saints have way too much money on their hands, to just start making propaganda movies. Oh well everybody does it. Every character in the movie was annoying and you just feel bad for the poor wannabe be bishop brother who just seems to be living in the middle of the most uncomfortable neighborhood in America.

I guess you can't really blame the LDS's for not having a sense of humor, so if this movie helps them chill a bit all the better.

I'm just posting this here as a warning for the Unfaithful, if you wanna see a good film starring LDS's watch Trey Parkers "Orgazmo" (1997) now that's a decent film!

OK now this must be some worthwhile review!!! because it's the one with the worst ranking on my puny list

Bad News Bears (2005)

Best Sports Movie in Years

[8/10 · 3 December 2005]

I was skeptic at the beginning since it starts with a slow pace but I enjoyed this movie a whole lot, breaks apart almost every sports film cliché we have become accustomed to, fun performances and raunchy dialogue, for me it was kind of a laughing to your insides movie.

It's a pretty basic movie, little story not particularly pretentious, fun dialogue and situations but definitely not your "family friendly" flick, because of the libertarian use in language and straightforward non-hypocritical characters. In spite of it all it really is quite harmless and tame, fun, feel good, etc... I give it a good rating because I hadn't seen a sports movie that defies the "sports formula" in a while.

Whisky (2004)

Subtle as a Serpent. (Harmless as a dove? I don't think so)

[10/10 · 1 September 2005]

And the bite is memorable.

I've been somewhat ... reluctant about long atmospheric mood setting shots where the fast-forward button becomes irresistible. The thing with this movie is that if you -like me- become fascinated at the beginning it's impossible to fast-forward anything as "indulgent" as it may seem, everything is directly (not even poetically) related to the movie, so much detail and so underplayed like our everyday lives.. Except it looks so pretty, and it all just hits you like a ton of bricks.

I'm not completely sure about the absolute need to know Spanish in order to enjoy this film, because the acting is superb. You could almost follow the movie by watching the expressions and body language.

Naked Lunch (1991)

Not a "movie" per se

[1/10 · 7 June 2005]

This is one of those movies worth warning watchers about, I've been interested by Cronenberg's surreal settings and mastery at creating an unsettling aura, but bugs with "talking anuses" is definitely a good place to draw the line, this movie really pushes that agenda, very in your face, so if sexual ambiguity is not your bag you will be a bit bothered with about 50% or more of the film.

I don't know when it started happening in the movie but it all started looking like a set, not very impressed with that department or the special effects either, most of those bugs didn't look too realistic, terribly plastic, but then again I'm not sure if this movie was intended to be quality cinema, it was probably more of an artistic whim

The Ladykillers (2004)

Left with a hunger for Gospel Music and Allan Poe

[7/10 · 25 March 2005]

Everyone seems to be focusing on how this is such a bad "Coen" movie, thankfully I didn't really care who made this movie when I turned it on.

Fantastic performance by Tom Hanks! It was fascinating how he makes his character so genuine, so fresh. If watching Hanks work is your only reason for watching this movie - it's good enough, you absolutely forget about Tom Hanks and fall in love with "the professor". The other characters are also lovable and entertaining I personally loved "the general" and let us not forget the choir, makes you wanna step into a church if only to hear those ladies sing

My big qualm about the movie is the ending; I just didn't feel a climax in the movie. Something went wrong there what can I say, you can't just not have a good ending, so I'm gonna have to give this a B, but a healthy B, since Hanks single handedly made it an enjoyable experience.

Timeline (2003)

Terrible Production, but it gets to be mildly entertaining

[3/10 · 21 March 2005]

I must say it's one of those movies you must have absolutely nothing else to do in order to actually stay sitting down for the first half an hour, which is totally boring and just overall BAD. It's like if you were watching something out of a TV series like what... Sheena? or one of those Hercules things, makes for good couch potatoing but definitely not for a rental.

As far as the story, which has uncountable holes, it finally kinda picks up with all the battle stuff and ridiculous ploys and I must say I stayed all the way to the end just to see how more ridiculous it was gonna get, I was somewhat entertained with the sword fighting and all that.

Oh by the way the acting was terrible!!! The photography contrived and just unexplainably lame.

Metropolis (2001)

Visually stunning, emotionally crippled

[3/10 · 16 February 2005]

A magnificent musical score I'll say that! The animation was decent and perhaps stylish, for some reason the whole jazzy blend with the round cartoons reminded me a bit of Fritz the Cat.

If you're looking for an interesting story and fascinating characters that actually make you feel something go look somewhere else (may I suggest Hayao Miyazaki) there's plenty of explosions in this one and exciting landscapes but no suspense if you know what I mean. I haven't read the comics so I don't' have that whole angle maybe that's why the story wasn't very gripping.

I guess my final word on this would be "Style over Substance".

Dogville (2003)

A movie about hate

[4/10 · 23 January 2005]

I guess it's worth mentioning that the storytelling is good.

But it's just about hate and more hate begetting more hate.

Redeeming qualities: acting, storytelling. That's about it. The rest is about embittered people, nothing substantial or actually deep about the characters, it's like they have all chosen to be superficial in the sense that there is no good in them. I wonder what he was thinking of when he made this movie.

Too many comments about how the talk at the end is so great about arrogance and whatnot, utter BS, It's almost irresponsible to put something like that in film except that it actually portrays desensitized feelings we must be aware about.

Darkness (2002)

A lot of Clichés but man it gave me the creeps

[4 June 2004]

I'll just put it this way: It took me a couple minutes to snap out of it after the end of the movie, yeah it does take a while to build up but it just keeps getting scarier, and the end was pretty accomplished - I won't say good because I'm not a big Horror fan anyway as i think it does affect your dreams eventually. but If you wanna get creeped out watch this movie alone.

As far as the acting I think it was pretty Decent, nothing really outstanding but they keep you interested.

A lot of loose elements and I think I missed a bit of what the "dark story" was exactly about but it doesn't matter as I'm sure if you try to figure it out you'll find more holes than in a swiss cheese, it's more a mood kind of movie.

Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

It's funny but not Hot

[5/10 · 22 May 2004]

(I guess some of these could be SPOILERS but I think you would like to know before watching it) It's funny!! hell it's real funny BUT it's NOT HOT I read all these reviews saying that it was smutty like 70's films blah blah.. the only thing that was halfway smutty was some long gay scene that is just not what 90% of the people wanna find in a funny film, but for the rest I'd say there was some funny as hell acting, NO PLOT just funny sketchy bits, and a lot of black humor (i don't even know what the 80's where about and it cracked me up) anyway I thought it was better than your average stupid Adam Sandler flick, and if u can get the funny stuff and overlook the lame You'll have a ball ;)

Mulholland Drive (2001)

I thought it was going to be a mystery/drama/thriller.. But!

[1/10 · 24 April 2004]

(Spoilers) (someone said this movie was better if they don't spoil it for you but I wish someone had told me this was like surreal/performance art/gore stuff instead of the thriller/drama/mystery category it's usually put in, because I might have actually enjoyed it like I do some of those MTV snippets in the middle of shows)

Great scenes, Art direction, Hot women making out, and it starts out really good like the feeling of wow this is dark and weird But! I must say I felt cheated by the time the movie ended, so many great characters that could have been an awesome part of a dark complex but interesting plot, like the cowboy and the landlady and so on... but then I felt cheated because nothing really gets resolved but I just find out that I was in some sort of nightmare dreamland were I'm supposed to make my own conclusions as to what the story was or was there a story? etc etc... like if the director had all these great dreams that he could have tied together for a grand finale but then he got lazy and said hey I'll just throw in all these goodies that people can get hooked on and hmm.. well they're idiots so I might as well leave them high and dry

It's hard for me to say it's a "bad movie" because there was a lot of good stuff in it, but if you're just looking for a great mystery/suspense movie you're gonna leave empty handed