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Reviews
The Hangover (2009)
Old Ugly Cash-Cow stupid Stupid STUPID STUPID
Wow. I was completely shocked. Let me start by saying that reviews for this have perhaps been...fantasies. Complete fabrication. To see this movie and enjoy it you must do two things: A. Be between the ages of 9 and 14. and B. Watch "Dude Where's My Car?" instead. The Hangover is overstuffed with Hollywood comedy convention to the point where I'm sure it will make a couple crafty movie executives a whole lot of money. I swear I have seen every scene in this movie in different movies(different in that they are funny). If you think you're smart, and you want to get a big cheap ego-boost from guessing everything that's about to happen in a movie, by all means have a ball. But I WANTED to enjoy this. I took my mother to this movie on her birthday. Sure, she loves a good blow-job joke. But she can't even look me in the eyes after I actually paid for this.
I was laughing here and there (at Zach Galafianakis, without whom I would have stabbed someone). The actors were doing funny things, sure, but those were mercilessly edited into absolute garbage-pile stink-machine nothing. I LIKED Old School. I Loved Superbad. I like a lot of popular Hollywood movies. I'm not a snob, even if I sound like one. I am just so full of FURY that there are real people in my hometown who will applaud when something like this occurs in front of their eyes. I hope I'm not being too critical. (I'm not)
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
Absolute Genius!!!
This is truly the worst movie I have ever seen, but it really goes beyond that. Something this stunningly terrible simply had to be done on purpose. Every joke, every "special effect" every background, every costume is done without any kind of thought as to not looking like it was done in under fifty seconds. This film brings artistry to sub-mediocrity. Something so basely horrible defies the physics of cinematography. I could not make a worse movie if I spent absolutely no time at all making it. Someone really, really tried to make this piece of gold stink like a thousand dead scatologists. If you have a dollar on you the next time you pass by your local dollar store, do yourself a favor and revel in the worst thing you can imagine.
Caché (2005)
Absolutely Perfect
Many who see this movie walk away not absolutely sure what happened between the main characters of this movie, and nowadays that is a very rare accomplishment. Personally, it has been a long time since I have seen a movie that I didn't understand right off the bat, but this makes a person truly pay attention to what is being said, and to truly think about what that dialogue means. Cache captures human realism like very few movies can, and it takes a student of humanity to do it like Haneke has. There are a lot of extreme and important subtleties that make this film hard, but once you've gotten it, it hits a powerful and very emotional note.