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Ripley (2024)
Perplexingly Dull Choices
Imagine having access to millions of dollars, the villas and oceans of Naples, and your pick of gorgeous, complicated men to play Tom Ripley and Dickie Greenleaf. Now, imagine saying to yourself, "Nah!"
Instead of making interesting choices that complement the wealth of source material from the book, you decide to squander it all with a lack of common sense, taste, and cultural appreciation. You shoot in black and white! You cast actors in their 40s with the emotional range of rocks to play youthful sex Gods! You cast an oddly young man to play Freddie Miles to make your leads look even older and less interesting!
Every single choice - from Herbert Greenleaf's bizarrely working-class wardrobe to the badly dubbed opera singer's lipped-synced performance to the lack of color when shooting Picassos and Caravaggios or ocean views to the nearly as dull as Gwyneth Paltrow - is more dull and boring than the next.
Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)
Surprised How Much I Liked It
Before the movie even came out, I read about what a let down it would be. The reviews here on IMDb have echoed the same chorus. But, especially since Future Man, I happen to enjoy Josh Hutcherson, so I knew I'd watch it.
Unpopular Opinion: Five Nights at Freddy's is a pretty great movie.
I liked the Saw-ish beginning with plushies, and I almost misjudged the movies based on the lack of gore (pulling punches in horror movies is a pet peeve). When it got into the story though, referencing the kidnappings in the 80s and the ghost children and all that, I have to admit that I really got sucked in. Oddly enough, the movie made me feel a bit deeply about what was happening.
Based on that video game, this was a lot more than I was expecting. Not a bad movie at all. I enjoyed the direct references to the game and think the filmmakers did a great job developing the game's ideas into some scary stuff.
Leave the World Behind (2023)
Tedious
Typical US self-obsessed nonsense. Terrible performances and worse direction. Truly awful writing.
I read a review claiming the book to be pretentious but, no, not this movie, essentially subreddit garbage "philosophy" put to film. The characters were unlikable and shallow and written to display "depth" through forced complexity that really just made them all inconsistent. The performances ranged from former A-listers phoning in impressions of themselves to newcomers pushing too hard. The dialogue was self-consciously "cool" and so unnatural it was distracting.
Ever go to a nice restaurant only to have it spoiled by a trendy hipster who's opinion that macaroni and cheese should use Guyere over Sharp Cheddar feels inauthentic and scripted off an Internet forum? It's like that.
Knock at the Cabin (2023)
Screws up every movie he makes!
I've said it after every single movie of M Night's - why on earth do they keep letting this guy make movies? His camera work is like a college student who's just seen Citizen Kane for the first time, and he manages to turn any actor's performance into hollow, wooden 6th grade school play. He completely ruined the ending by drastically changing it from the book. The book wasn't great itself, but, I remember, when finishing the book, thinking, "I'm really glad the book ended like that - it could have gone another way, and I would have been upset about that." Well - they went the other way!
I do like that he sets all his movies in Pennsylvania, because I'm from Pennsylvania - but I doubt anybody else cares. I liked the actors, and I thought the gay couple was both realistic (finally!) and extremely sexy. Shyamalan does good, surreal disaster-type scenes.
The Power of the Dog (2021)
So boring.
Jane Campion is an overrated director. This movie was boring as sin. People who say they like it are lying out of pretentiousness. It is impossible to like this movie. Terrible.
Nightmare Alley (2021)
Great Adaptation
I enjoyed the book and this adaptation. A little slow in parts and maybe too isolated to certain locations, but it was an absolutely beautifully shot and acted film.
Escape Room: Tournament of Champions (2021)
A fun extensión to the last one.
I thoroughly enjoyed the last escape room, and, despite its clunky opening, I had a really great time with the one. Some of it was nonsense, especially how some of the characters behaved in ways that seemed really unrealistic, but I don't mind because I like the different rooms and clues.
A Classic Horror Story (2021)
Predictable and Heavy-Handed
The very final moment of this predictable movie was a chat sequence where a viewer of the "movie" says, "We Italians don't make good horror movies," or something like that, and then he gives the movie a thumb down. This was just another "message" in a long line of ridiculous statements that made no sense in the actual world; the main Italian horror movie that people might know outside of Italy is Suspiria, and that's widely known as a classic. Got that thumbs down right, though.
Everything about this movie was heavy handed - the acting, the story, the "message," even the beautiful imagery was just too much. It had a lot of the right pieces, but it didn't have any real style. Everything was dialed up, so it all just felt like noise.
1BR (2019)
La La Land
This movie took me back to my 10 years of "recovery" in Los Angeles. Even now, I still feel I'll be punished for writing this. Nothing's quite like LA!
The Forever Purge (2021)
For me, one of the better ones.
I really did enjoy this movie, the plot, the acting, and the direction was very good, especially the one-shot steadycam sequences. The original Purge movie subtly dealt with issues of class and race, but by the last movie, the series had jumped the shark with these issues. For me, this reincarnation of the theme handled these social issues with more sophistication while not being too politically correct or sensitive - I felt like i was still watching a horror/thriller. I especially like how the brief conversation in the truck opened up the white character enough to fully resolve his prejudices through teaming up with his alliance; this seemed real, unforced, and somehow relevant. "We're together now."
Fear Street: 1994 (2021)
It was alright.
I thought the movie was fast paced and definitely fun. I enjoyed the mashup of horror genre elements; imo the story managed to include a lot of references without getting too cheesy. I really did like most of the casting, except the casting of Josh made no sense at all. Simon was a great character, and he should be the one to move through the next movies, hopefully he does return. This actor was also great in Woman in the Window, and I'm looking forward to more from him.
The hair and wardrobe people should never work again. There are a LOT of talented people in Hollywood, and you need to move aside and let real artists do their work. Have you even ever heard of the 90's? Are you all "90's babies" who were actually 9 years old in 1994 and think you "know" the 90's? The set people got it right with those amazing throwbacks in the mall, but you literally did nothing. What a missed opportunity. Shameful. SMH.
Sinister 2 (2015)
Tries too hard.
A few mistakes right off the bat: having the ghost kids talk, making the murder videos a little too creative, and too many demon appearances. I liked the deputy character from the original movie, and didn't mind the family storyline or the storyline between the brothers; maybe the script could have been imagined with all of those exposition scenes with the kids happening off camera? Left more of a mystery to what was going on between the brothers? More mystery needed in general, I think.
On a positive note, the first Sinister is so terrifying that this one watched directly aftercan help you get some sleep.
Karla (2006)
Ridiculous Portrayal of Evil
Paul Bernardo was an absolute monster, but so was his wife, Karla Homolka. If you aren't familiar with the case, as I wasn't, there is a ton of information online. The couple's victims were young girls, raped and videotaped, and the ensuing torture and murder seemed to escalate. Homolka took part in all of it, even bringing a 15 year girl home as a "gift" for her husband and flagging down girls to their car to be kidnapped.
The movie's depiction of Karla is ridiculous. She's portrayed as helplessly naive, girlish, cutsey, stupid, hopelessly in love, and innocently involved in sadism. Over and over, the movie plays out it's moronic pattern, nonsensically depicting weak protests as if to exonerate her, but actually unable to escape her real participation in sick, sadistic child murders. Her furrowed brows of concern and averted glances while participating in rape, torture, and murder do nothing to shield her. In one idiotic scene, Karla gives the poison to the girl herself and then, afterwards, shudders and argues over what she's done. In another, she takes a shower to seemingly cleanse herself from the sin of keeping a Catholic school girl in a closet. Absolutely not - this woman was a serial rapist and killer, and the portrayal doesn't even seem to make sense to the actress playing her. The thing is, she actually did all these horrible things, and, sheepish glances or arguments or not, sheepish glances and arguments still don't make this woman innocent.
Call Me by Your Name (2017)
Beautiful
This movie reminded me that I wasn't always so Goddamn old. I remembered how love used to feel.
The Odds (2018)
Great Indy Horror
Amazing what creative people can do with two good actors and $250,000. The excellent writing worked on two levels; one, the actual plot, and two, to remind me of a few past sociopaths I've brushed up against. There was nothing that could have been better imo; was just a really well done 7 star movie.
Prey (2019)
Fun but not great.
It's a somewhat fun movie, and I like Logan Miller - he makes me laugh, but his humor could have been used better. Terrible ending.
Dahmer (2002)
Great Acting
I had never seen Renner in a role like this - he's incredible. Perfectly portrays Dahmer as the saddest serial killer.
Eden Lake (2008)
Well Made, Poor Payoff
I really enjoyed the movie and felt for the characters and their heart wrenching moments. Had they not mattered to me, I might not have been so disappointed in the ending.
Tragedy Girls (2017)
No Better Than Its Satire
I don't like watching teenagers killing other students or their teachers, parents, etc. That's the point, you say? Well, I think the movie only exploits teen violence in the same "sociopathic" (to quote the movie) fashion as do the characters. There's no hope here, nothing but bleakness. It's not cool or good art to make nothing but ugliness from ugliness.
Wrong Turn (2003)
It's like this ...
You're under the police van, and he knows you're there, so grab the gun from the dead cop ... grab ... the ... gun ... from ... the ... dead ... cop ... GRABTHEGUNFROMTHEDEADCOP!!! ... Whatever idk these people deserve to die ...
The Pale Horse (2020)
Poor Adaptation
Not terribly bad, in and of itself, but if you've read the book it makes terribly distracting departures which detract rather than add to the original material.
Villains (2019)
It was about the acting.
I thought this was a movie where the acting really made it strong. The story itself was certainly strange and interesting, but not completely foreign to other black comedies. It was the charisma of the leads, their chemistry, and the believable yet dangerous quirky energy of the villains which made this work. Bill Skarsgard is fantastic, and Kyra Sedgwick is Hollywood royalty. Props to the director for letting the actors have room to live how these people would live, truthfully, under such circumstances.
The Invisible Man (2020)
The Invisible Man meets Gaslight
The movie was very good, in my opinion. A fun watch. Full of suspense, twists, great acting, and interesting surprises. I think Elizabeth Moss is extremely talented, and this was a great showpiece for her, demonstrating her strong ability to carry a movie pretty much on her own. The scary parts were scary, suspenseful, and the pay-offs were gory enough to be billed as horror.
I could have used more cool invisibility effects, more creative methods for finding the invisible man, and less of the flashing stuff. The explanation of his invisibility was fine with me; any more, in my opinion, would have detracted from the main story line. The man's obsession was never fully developed or understood, and that bugged me more than under developing the invisibility stuff.
This really had very little to do with the book, except for a few nods to the source material, but it stands on its own as a completely separate story with interesting, fleshed out characters. It was like elements of the Invisible Man mixed with Gaslight, an old play about a husband driving his wife crazy. Both are interesting, scary concepts and the ideas blended nicely.
The Neon Demon (2016)
An Extra Star for that Eyeball
I kept waiting for the vapid, empty secondary characters to do something to that vapid, empty lead. So, for that I was satisfied. It's hard to watch movies where I don't like any character. At one point early on, the lead literally admits to being in Hollywood because she has no skills other than her being pretty. It's just the worst kind of person living the worst kind of life; you're stuck for two hours watching a movie about people you'd ditch at a bar within five minutes.
Reviews are saying "all style, no substance," but I have to disagree on their being any style. The cinematography makes the film nearly unwatchable, and the actual fashion is super dated, like how you might imagine Vogue if you hadn't bothered to pick up an issue in 30 years. The final photo shoot was around a Los Angeles pool; you'd think that a film based around "fashion" would at least have a more fashionable, original idea. A pool in LA? Florals for Spring? Groundbreaking. That gold face makeup was cheap stickers on her face. That "hot" photographer not demanding she get redone was more shocking than that ending.
Now, all this critique is for what you can see; the film is so dark and so ... neon - take an aspirin, you'll need it for the inevitable migraine.
The ending of the movie would have been better as the opening premise, assuming the filmmaker had any interest in plot. A plot can carry a theme more easily than a theme can carry itself. The story, until the last 10 minutes, is weak and cliche and very boring. The most interesting thing was that eyeball, so maybe it could have started there.
Gretel & Hansel (2020)
See something, anything, else.
An awful movie, mostly about silly hats. I even fell asleep.