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greatestreviewerever
Reviews
See (2019)
Goddamn atrocious
We got as far as the introduction to the screeching Queen Kane which was utterly laughable if it wasn't so annoying. Seemed to be a mockup of TWD's Governor & Malificent on a bad day. Or perhaps an attempt at Largetha playing the role of the Governor. I just couldn't go on. Prior to that yes the pretty birds cinematography were fetching, but I've got fetching all around my house, doesn't really add anything when the content is lacking.
Note that ridiculous is my go to word for this movie, nothing else came to mind.
So before that I was just curious how they could pull off, prophecies are always a favorite of mine - nothing better than Conan - so I figured ok cool dystopian world, awesome scenery, high ranking actors, crazy plot & children to save the future...let's give it a chance. Nope. As all the other bad reviews suggested, none of it is plausible. The worst is its hard to believe or understand or rationalize that after essentially apocalypse mankind doesn't get one bit better. Idiotic ideology, war-making, witchcraft it's heretical, walking whips, a giant boulder "wall" held up by nets, blind axe-wielding the blind, 6th senses that defy the laws of their other non-existent achievements, symmetry that seems impossible as well as pointless, some sort of voodoo knowledge but no modern day today skills or understanding whatsoever. How do you sew a person up, make a fire's cook a meal, on and on. Not to say blind persons today don't survive independently, but we've got hundreds of resources, products, support things that without question make life livable -this is no comparison to that. Ridiculous.
And last what the hell is that language, knots In a string?
Basically the Bird Box meets Planet of the Apes meets Pathfinder.
Glass (2019)
50 minutes in, about that much less, my husband has been asleep for 20
I'm not even sure right now a 3 is appropriate. I'm not sure I'll watch the rest if I turn it off now, which would probably lower my star rating to a 2, so I'm committing myself to finishing it. I know it's a movie, fiction of horror or thriller or supernatural (?) whatever but I really take offense when writers take umbrage with facts & reality & try to sell us paying customers a bill of goods that is as bologna as swiss cheese. Yes I know I am supposed to believe someone can walk on the ceiling so why should I be bothered when a few random individuals circumvent the law, take citizens into medical custody & do "experiments" on them without due process? Or have an actual serial murderer in this hospital with a small setup of lights to keep him under control, as obviously people are going in & out of the "secure" rooms without much effort, even while supposedly on camera? Or this same murderer & another walk thru the hospital without detection, make noises that SHOULD wake the dead, kill someone without any warnings signaled, take over the com & open doors without alarms. JHC. What stupidity. Sure yeah anything can be accomplished in a movie without boundaries & some semblance of rationality & reality. I can watch Chowder too & be entertained just as surely.
And yes, the inane dialogue was just that, pretentious, pointless & a pandering mess. Ok so I'll allow that James McAvoy pulled off being a dozen or so over the top characters for a few seconds to a few minutes a piece, I don't think that's quite a magnificent feat so much as how much he can change his voice, tenor and inflect accents while bulging his very impressive muscles, but so can a lot of actors and comedians. Give me something with more depth and meaning & I'm sure he will earn his oscar.
I am now 1:25 into it, yep getting worse by the minute. I am about to drop out of this fight.
The Punisher (2017)
Love Punisher & as they wanted HATE Russo & Kristin
**spoilers** Sensational "hero" show. I've loved Bernthal since the first day in the walking dead, but nothing could prepare me for his brilliance as Frank Castle The Punisher. It's like watching Rambo, my teenage hero (oh please can the Hollywood gods remake Rambo with lead Bernthal?!?!) on hotness steroids. I mean there's nothing like Stallone in his prime ammaright? Bernthal matches. I'm not a copper movie kinda gal, I'll watch dateline for that, but damn I love me some awesome underdog beat-the-living-s##t outta the bad dude shows.
Just FYI I don't know all the actors names so I'm referring to most by their character. On the flip side of that are the other characters & actors. The casting is really spot on, I hate Russo with a passion & the lingering sickness of him just has me curling my toes at his ghastliness. I can't see that the actor is actually a decent guy in real life, he pulls his pathology off so well - yikes! And Kristin wow I'm not super pumped by her in particular but hey acting is great, she's very believable as the biggest moron psych ever to exist, every. Single. Time. I'm like "really??? You're going to go on the other room & call the cops now right?!" Russo somehow knew she would be a willing victim, crazy. I don't want to delve into that, it's possible but not likely so the whole storyline there is beyond twisted & those two pull it off great. Nutso Bonny/Dumont & whacko Clyde/Russo. I adore Curtis, Amy is amazing - she is going places! - and Madani does a good job. Honestly she's the worst of the lot for me. Obv she's trying to pull some tormented, conflicted but strong agent of the law but it comes across cliche & afflicted. She's a decent actress but the character play is confusing & well hell maybe she's not that great actually! I like her, she's beautiful & I liked her tremendously in season 1 so I do think it's a bad combo of her not able to pull off this conflicted psyche plus a bad character development. She just seems to have one eye-rolling exasperated expression the whole time, even with Kristin drinking for hours there's not much of a personality change. IDK. They needed the character to tie them together but it's rather weak. And weird really the first couple episodes with sharing the apartment & such. No reason to knock it down at all for that flaw but it's interesting to think if it could have been even better with someone of Michele Pfeiffers caliber in that role. Or Massie Williams. Now on episode 12 I'm again super stoked they brought Karen in for a cameo, she's one of my favorites in this genre & really overall, she got under my skin in True Blood & I've adored her ever since.
I certainly hope they'll do a season 3 but it seems Netflix comic hero shows are a struggle to keep going.
Outsiders (2016)
Unique idea, horrible execution
Boiling it down to steam - is everyone absolutely as ignorant, naive, moronic, weak & irrational in this whole damn county? Seriously pathetic.
This is essentially an adaptation of a modern cult, and with the stories being told (rumors) as well as the proved crimes committed, how in the he!! is it possible for such a group of people to go unbidden for years upon years? It's not. After so many "peaceful" groups gone awry (Waco) I cannot see this as being at all possible, even in backwoods cool country.
How does this Big Foster just keep doing what he does? It's as stupid as the bad dude in Walking Dead. And yes, I stopped watching that too when he was introduced. Why not just kill him? Many had many opportunities yet every one went haywire, as if he was possessed of some protective powers. Obviously a lunatic like that won't just stop his violent way. Absolute power...
And as another said, where did all the luxuries come from? That's a whole lot of robbing. Yet they don't have any gardens, or livestock, even chickens running all over. Okay. Not realistic.
How is that inbred big Foster is so keen, so intelligent, yet so stupid? I mean the dude figures sh*t out that is just so vague, so not obvious, but NO ONE ELSE CAN FIGURE OUT A DAMN THING! Okay. Not realistic. He's a brute, not Socrates.
And what is that voodoo sh*t that is a "real" part of the show? Come on! Is this just pure fantasy or fiction? And so many pretty inbreds - yes absolutely they are inbreds, there's no way around that. It is proved science, no alternative facts here, that inbreeding creates a whole mess of physical and mental deformities & disabilities, to put it mildly.
And that music, dear god hello 80's.
It just got worse after about Episode 4, I saw the writing on the wall right off, but didn't realize it would go SO off the rails so quickly.
I am about through with Season 1, not sure I'll waste my time on season 2, but definitely not surprised or disappointed that I will not have the opportunity to even entertain being entertained by a season 3.
The Huntsman: Winter's War (2016)
Pretty bad
That's all I feel it is worthy of stating in this review. If you're super bored and there is seriously NOTHING else on or in your libraries at your fingertips - watch this. Otherwise literally watch anything else. Well not anything else, there are movies I would rate under a 3, but there are an infinite (yeah) amount 3.1 & up.
Into the Badlands (2015)
Ridiculous unbelievable waste of AMC revenue from TWD. Just throw in the towel AMC
I agree with Aaron Farro, but I am not even going to try to be as eloquent, it's not even worth that effort. Best thing about it was where it was filmed - where Django Unchained was. OK I must elaborate a bit: horrible acting, B movie (if that) screen play, awful timing, unbelievable plot, stupid unfleshed characters. Why are we the audience treated like complete ignoramuses, even in days of far-fetched fantasy and horror?! So Ryder survived huh? Shhh-uuure. Baron whatever never told Sonny the story of how his father was killed or how he became a blood-thirsty whoremonger before that leisurely jaunt down the poppy fields? Whatever. This (latest) brutality of killing the Dr. and his wife now alters Sonny's perspective and life goals in one fell swoop? Pathetic. And doesn't make him enduring as a hero to me one iota. Child's play.
Back to binging on Jessica Jones.
Open House (2010)
So horribly horrible
I made my husband turn it off because I can't imagine any women could be as useless and pathetic as Alice - and as an actress, she's terrible too, with that odd smirk she has she's not believable at all. Anyway home sick so I finished the movie and oh my gosh why did I waste my time! At least I was multi-tasking. I love how she had plenty of opportunities to escape or attack David and she bungles it each time, the stored bodies in the ice chests, the not-at-all nosy neighbors (should have put the house in the country or something), And finally, the end: how does someone with a steak knife in the eye have such wherewithal as Lila? And such perfect aim! As for Alice, one less breeder I say, what a milksop, your damn chain is a damn weapon! Oh but she's only had it on for a week or more, no doubt she forgot about it altogether. And that guy/friend at the end, what a complete douche - oh gee you're chained in the basement, smells like rotting death down here, you're covered in blood, a bloody woman is on the floor, you've been MIA for awhile, but what's that you're saying, R ye shuere heehaw??? OK OK just wait, let me call the police - UPSTAIRS - cause it's an emergency they get here but not an emergency that we get the F out! Come on, seriously?! Someone said it was like a high school film project, I agree, since no one seemed to take the characters, the plot, the acting or the viewers seriously! I'm willing to bet a few people (sis, sis's bf) were in this movie gratis, just to get it produced, which was a sad mistake. I don't know why I let movies get me angry, but they do, the ones that waste my time and make me feel like everyone involved must think the audience are complete Nimrods. I know there WERE some Nimrods out there that liked this movie, or at least didn't dislike it, but I'm afraid to know what movies are on their top ten list - and they probably are the first in line to see the next Saw, Final Destination, or Paranormal Activity (#3 Baby!!!!!) hahaha.