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The Descent (2005)
Good horror flick, but its importance is exaggerated
The Descent
As a lifelong horror fan it takes a fair bit to get me excited about a fright-flick these days, but 'The Descent' had me rubbing my hands together. Back in 2002, British director Neil Marshall did the impossible and breathed new life into the werewolf archetype with his gory indie film 'Dog Soldiers'. I was lucky enough to interview him around the time of its DVD release and he was obviously a guy who knew his horror. So when I heard that The Descent was being hailed overseas as the scariest thing since 'The Blair Witch Project', I was pumped. Neil Marshall with more than $5 to spend? Hell yeah!
'The Descent' starts out well, with a flashback road accident that is the stuff of nightmares enough to make even a hardened horror veteran flinch in his seat. The present-day narrative begins as we are introduced to Sarah, a woman who has recently lost her daughter and isn't taking it well. Juno, supposedly Sarah's friend, is an outwardly tough woman who has more or less abandoned Sarah in her time of emotional need.
The estranged pair meet up again at a log cabin deep in the American forest, where they join a group of acquaintances thrill-seeking women who plan to rappel down into an underground cave and squeeze through its tight shafts to get their kicks. (Strong yet believable female characters an all-too-rare cinematic achievement.)
They're a good mile or so underground when a rockfall blocks off the way they came in. No problem this cave is supposed to have two ways in and out, and the girls ask Juno to check the guidebook for information. Trouble is, the risk-loving Juno has taken them to an uncharted cave, hoping to claim it and name it. As they search for a way out, it becomes clear they aren't alone in the complex subterranean system. Something else is in there with them
and it's not friendly.
Neil Marshall, what have you wrought here? 'The Descent' is like a deformed hybrid of 'Aliens', 'Pitch Black' and 'Predator' that fails to measure up to any of its forebears. For a sadly short 20-minute period, 'The Descent' does create a cloying sense of claustrophobia akin to 'Aliens', and as he did in 'Dog Soldiers', Marshall caters to horror buffs by weaving homages unobtrusively into the plot. But these elements only serve to make the other 75 minutes a bitter disappointment.
So what exactly is wrong with 'The Descent'? Cheap frights are one problem the unconvincing CGI bats that burst out of the cave entrance are an unpleasant entree hinting at the meal of the horror clichés to come (including those tired old 'Look behind you!' moments). The overuse of high-speed shutter is another in small doses it can give a scene a frenetic feel, but Marshall employs so much of it that it's often hard to tell what's going on at all. Lastly and this would be forgivable if everything else was up to scratch (see Pitch Black) the science regarding the cave creatures is all over the place.
Now, there are two versions of the film out there, one for UK audiences and one for US audiences. The UK version (which we got in Australia) has a rather more ambiguous ending. But frankly both climaxes are unsatisfying and make The Descent seem like a $9 million version of the stories we all wrote in primary school that ended with, "
and then I woke up."
By no means is The Descent a bad horror movie. The central premise is good, the acting more than competent and some of the sets are exceptional. But its significance in the overall history of horror films has been grossly exaggerated.
Cracking the Da Vinci Code (2004)
Intellectual fairy story
If you're not one of the 450 trillion* people who have read Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code, for the purposes of this review you should know that it is an adventure/thriller in the tradition of The Celestine Prophecy that unearths a conspiracy theory surrounding the church and the falsification of history, specifically Jesus Christ's mantle as the only son of God. Some of Brown's book is based in fact, and it's this which documentary Cracking the Da Vinci Code sets out to explore.
An interesting premise soon turns to farce as a bunch of unwashed intellectuals make fanciful interpretations of Leonardo Da Vinci's artworks, then move beyond the borders of common sense by claiming the carved cubes in a Scottish church might actually be a code that unlocks the truth about the Christian religion. It's so wacky, you almost expect them to burst out laughing but nope, they're deadly serious. Adding insult to idiocy, the Yank narrator mispronounces "Thames" and "Edinburgh".
It's entirely possible that Christianity was adulterated somewhere along the line for nefarious purposes, but this undergraduate fairy story takes us no closer to discovering the truth or anything else.
*This may not be the exact number, but it's probably pretty close.
Bride & Prejudice (2004)
Fun but ultimately pointless
From the director of the indie hit Bend It Like Beckham (2002) comes this modern reworking of Jane Austen's 1813 novel, Pride and Prejudice. Replacing the aristocratic Bennet family of the book are the well-to-do Bakshis, led by their silly mother and taciturn father. Mrs Bakshi is determined to see her daughters married off to nice rich Indian men, but the arrival of an American, Mr Darcy (Henderson) and an Englishman Mr Wickham (Gillies) sets hearts aflutter. As with any Austen work, matchmaking and misunderstandings ensue.
Contemporising old literature can be worthwhile Baz Lurhmann's interpretation of Romeo & Juliet is ample proof but in no way does Austen's most famous work benefit from the Bollywood treatment. We learn nothing new about the characters and the added racial platitudes only weaken the script. Further, the overlong song and dance routines serve no purpose and really slow up the start of Bride and Prejudice when it is supposed to be snaring our interest. Chadha has tried to cram too many ingredients into the one movie, giving it an indistinct flavour.
When it's not preoccupied with bells and whistles, Bride and Prejudice is actually quite a good film. Chadha's talent for combining humour with drama is evident and the actors do a fine job, but with so many adaptations of the material already on offer, it's a bit redundant.
The Beast (1996)
Aussie "talent"
This went over pretty big in Australia when it first aired, thanks mostly to the local cast and the fact it was plugged to death by the network beforehand. It's never been seen since, which should tell us something.
My key recollection (and this was eight years ago now) is that it contained the most appalling digital effects I have ever seen. It also featured the tasty Laura Vasquez (from Home and Away), but she went nowhere much after this. Good luck finding a copy - I think they probably destroyed the masters. Or at least they should have.
I enjoyed Jaws as both book and movie, so I thought I'd give Benchley's novel of The Beast a try. It wasn't bad, even if it was pretty much just Jaws revisited.