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Reviews
A.M.I. (2019)
Avoid like the plague!
I don't have much to say that wasn't already said in other comments. The casting and acting were terrible, the plot was full of holes, and the ending was just ridiculous.
To make matters worse, the main actress actually was told to put a real cat in a choke hold! Even if the cat wasn't actually being choked, why would you force an animal into that kind of position?! It's animal abuse.
Also, I hate the fact that when they show what the main characters pills are for it says 'bipolar'. Way to paint a bad image for people who actually have Bipolar Disorder. I'm so surprised that Netflix allows a show like this.
Knock Knock (2015)
A Poor Man's Funny Games
After seeing Funny Games years ago and loving the concept of two villains just wanting to have some "fun", I was really hoping for the same type of great story in a more modern setting. I had my reservations, but I still went into this excepting something at least decent.
What I actually got was horrible acting from Keanu Reeves, lots of plot holes and a bad script, and two girls who were the only saving grace in the whole movie, thanks to their charisma and energy. To make matters worse, the audience is forced to sit through what I feel was a constant slight against men, based on some of the dialogue and overall feeling throughout the movie. At times, the usage of social media "culture" is so obvious and shoved into your face, that you can't help but roll your eyes.
I'm giving this a 4/10 because I enjoyed Lorenza Izzo and Ana De Armas' acting, but I'm sorry to say that everything else was horrible and no one should have to sit through even 30 minutes of this movie. Eli Roth should be embarrassed.
All Hallows' Eve (2013)
Better Than Expected
I sat down to watch this movie, expecting the absolute worst, based on the 4.6 rating. What I found instead was actually a pretty decent movie, with a creepy atmosphere, an even creepier clown, and entertainment worth more than such a low rating.
I admit, along with everyone else who liked it, that the acting was somewhat stiff and awkward at times and some scenes seemed to drag on way too long, but the fun cheesiness of the movie far outweighed a little bad acting.
If you can enjoy a campy, low budget movie and/or are terrified of clowns, you shouldn't overlook this one. Just don't sit down with high expectations or you'll probably be disappointed.
Unfriended (2014)
If you love screaming, this is the movie for you.
I've seen a lot of people mention this movie since it was released, and I finally got around to seeing it. Now I'm wondering why anyone was talking about it at all when this is one of those movies that you wish you could actually erase from your memory.
The entire movie was a combination of screaming, Mac, Skype, and Facebook noises, and the occasional disappointing jump scare. Unlike a lot of other bad movies I've seen, I honestly can't think of one redeemable thing about it. None of the characters were even relatable, much less likable.
Take my word for it. Don't waste your time or money on this movie.
Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)
Give it a chance
I'm a huge fan of the Paranormal Activity movies, but even I know you can only make so many, so I was a bit skeptical about whether this one would be good or not. I did enjoy this one though, despite it's several flaws.
For me, these movies are refreshing from the usual "five teenagers" horror movies. Despite the fact that they're horror movies, they create a very down to earth feel from the beginning. Had you not known previously that they were going to end up being scary, you'd think these films were just about an ordinary family, going about their day. They lounge around in their pajamas without makeup, their house is a mess, littered with toys, magazines, and clothes, they crack jokes and argue. Everything feels very ordinary. That's what sets the mood the most for me. Things feel so normal and then turn so quickly into something frightening that you feel it could happen to anyone.
The movie has it's flaws, such as a lack of parental character development, plot holes, and a rather untidy ending (although, I'm sure they'll tie it together in the 5th installment this year), but I don't think it's as terrible as everyone has made it out to be. There were several jump scares, a few funny moments ("I think they mean something." "Yes, shapes.") I'd say, give it a try unless you already know that you dislike the Paranormal Activity series based on the previous films.
Intruder (1989)
Cheesy, gory, hilarious
If you're expecting anything out of this movie beforehand, don't. Don't watch it for Bruce Campbell (he's hardly in it at all), or because you think it might be something like Evil Dead, or because you think it might be another typical 80's slasher. Intruder exceeds all expectations.
Aside from a plot with an unforeseen twist, there are some really great, original camera angles, lots of gore, quirky, weird characters, and hilarious moments that will leave you laughing for days. You'll love the purposely terrible acting, the great one-liners (Don't you see?! I'm just craaaazy about this store!), and the fact that someone gets beat up with a severed head!
This movie is definitely recommended to anyone who loves corny 80's slasher movies with a lot of dark humor. You can't go wrong with it.
Evidence (2012)
Video game meets found-footage movie
Though many people hate them, I'm a huge fan of the 'found footage' genre, and I'd have to say that this is by far one of my favorite 'found footage' movies. It constantly leaves you guessing, right up until the end, but just when you think you might've figured it all out, they hit you with something else right up until the end of the credits.
There are a lot of little nuances that I think make this film great. For one, much like the Paranormal Activity movies, the characters are named after the actors. I think this was done on purpose to bring more realism to the movie. Also, there are a lot of bizarre "clues" (such as the dozens of jars filled with a white powder inside the abandoned house) lying around that might help you form your own opinions about the movie.
I also really like this movie because it plays out like a video game. If you're a fan of video games of the horror genre, this might remind you of something like Metro 2033 meets Killing Floor meets Silent Hill. Honestly, this was probably my favorite aspect of this movie.
Many people will criticize this movie, calming it doesn't make any sense, that it was stupid and unoriginal, or even boring. Pay no attention to them. For this movie, the audience needs to have a great imagination, doesn't mind filling in the blanks, and is content to continue guessing and piecing things together on their own. If you think you're up to it, give this movie a try and make a decision about it on your own.
The House of the Devil (2009)
Tribute to the classics falls short
I really loved many aspects of this movie. As a fan of 80's horror, I was eager to see this after finding out that this was actually from 2009.
I thought that it stuck to the whole concept behind 80's horror movies perfectly. The slow progression, the building suspense, the few or complete lack of special effects (not that it was needed), the great camera angles, and even the mixture of 80's hits and suspenseful music made this movie really great. It was honestly very refreshing from the usual CGI-laden horror movies we have nowadays.
The only reason I don't give this a higher rating is because I felt that the ending did not live up to all the suspense that had been created. Things really started to build, but as I looked at the timer and saw only 30 minutes remaining, I wondered if they'd be able to tie everything together. Unfortunately, I don't feel that they did as the ending felt too rushed. Instead of great climax and fulfilling ending, the movie just seemed to fall flat on its face, leaving the audience unsatisfied and with questions.
Nonetheless, I still recommend this movie to anyone who is a fan of 80's horror as I felt that Ti West did a wonderful job capturing that era. It certainly wasn't a bad movie, and I'd even consider watching it again. Maybe just don't get your hopes up too much.
Archipelago (2010)
A very artful film
This is one of those movies that you either love or hate. Being a rather "artsy" film, it will hardly appeal to the majority. It's a film that requires much patience and understanding in the subtleties of human nature and emotion.
There are many things that are appealing to the senses and many things to take note of. The camera hardly moves, giving the audience a chance to explore and take in the entire scene. They're left to pay attention to whomever they wish for as long as the scene continues. The entire movie is drenched in a certain stillness; from the somewhat drab color tones to the soft-spokenness of the characters. Often times, scenes are simply shots of the landscape, accompanied by the song of birds or the crashing of waves against the shore.
The thing that I praise most about Archipelago is Hogg's ability to capture the subtle, mundane aspects of humanity. Whether it's the scene in which Edward accidentally steps on a book laying on the floor and mutters a quiet, quick apology while preoccupied with thoughts of straightening a picture on the wall or the frequent awkward silences between the family, all is done in such a tastefully boring but natural way that many directors and actors fail to capture it properly. For me, that alone is what made this movie so profound.
This movie has gotten a lot of undeserved criticism in which people have claimed it to be boring, trite, and too tedious in detail. I say, ignore the criticism and watch it for yourself before deciding whether you'll like it or hate it. This is definitely not a film to ever be overlooked.
Sinister (2012)
Recommended for the casual horror movie fan
As usual, every time a new horror movies comes out, people flock to the internet to review the "best horror movie ever" and declare how terrifying it was. Don't except this movie to be anything of the sort.
If I could pick one word to describe this movie it'd be 'mediocre'. Everything about it, save for a few basic things, was just drab and not worth writing home about. The special effects were nothing spectacular and the overall plot is average at best. Honestly, it was just your typical, modern day horror flick.
That being said, I think the acting was very good and convincing, there was a good balance of slight humor and jump scares, and the Super 8 films were quite creepy and unsettling.
If you like movies like Insidious, I think you'd enjoy this movie. It's nothing special, but if you're in the mood to experience a few quick scares, I'd recommend this movie to you.
Joint Body (2011)
A bittersweet movie worth seeing
This movie is severely underrated and unknown yet I have no idea why. Everything about it is absolutely fantastic. The acting is great and believable all around (hats off to Mark Pellegrino especially) and the plot is well-written and kept me wanting more until the very end.
The only reason I'm not giving this a 10/10 is because of the rather odd ending that I couldn't make sense of. I don't think it takes away from the movie or would put anyone off from re-watching it though. Maybe you just have to leave it up to your own imagination as to what happens.
I'd definitely recommend this to anyone who is a fan of Pellegrino's work, or just someone who enjoys a great underrated movie. With so many fast-paced movies out there, this one is bound to treat you to something a little different than usual.
Bad Meat (2011)
A little crazy but good!
Before I decided to watch this, I sifted through dozens of reviews, most of the claiming that this movie was beyond terrible and that no one in the right mind should see it. I decided to see it anyway.
Surprisingly, it was much better than I expected. There was plenty of gore for those who like it bloody, some funny scenes, great acting (especially from Mark Pellegrino), and a fairly decent plot. The only problem was that some of the plot was a little confusing and the audience is left with a few loose ends. I don't think those things took away from the movie too much though.
Honestly, I don't regret seeing this movie, and I don't think people should be put off by the lack of good reviews. It's not the greatest horror movie ever made, but it kept me interested until the very end, so I'd say it's worth watching in my book.
The Woman in Black (2012)
Classic but unique
As film makers continue to churn out more blood and guts to hungry fans, a classic haunted house movie is a breath of fresh air.
Daniel Radcliffe has grown up and out of his Harry Potter days, doing a fantastic job on his own, in this incredibly creepy movie. Everything from the house itself, to the people who inhabit the town, to the dull gray ocean keeps you on edge. There are definitely scares and jumps aplenty.
My only complaint is that I felt the plot was a little shallow. There were many frightening scenes, but not enough background information, which I felt took away from the overall eeriness of the movie. I had hoped that all would've been resolved at the end, but was sorely mistaken and was left feeling empty and disappointed.
Overall, it's a great movie to see when you're alone on a stormy night and feel like being terrified until dawn. It'll definitely have you flipping every light on in no time at all.
Dead Set (2008)
Absolutely fantastic
If you're a fan of zombies, this movie, above all others, is for you. Don't even bother reading the rest of this review. Go watch it now.
The concept of using a Big Brother setting was a brilliant idea and worked very well. Whether you loved or hated the characters, they were unique and set apart in their personalities, and the acting was fantastic and believable.
One of the most amazing things about this was the special effects. I've never seen such realistic movie gore; it's definitely not for the sensitive, because they is a lot of blood, guts, and brains in this movie. The zombies were well-made, too. The makeup and acting was far from any cliché zombie you might've seen before.
This was simply wonderful, a movie any true horror fan will love. You won't regret seeing it over and over again.
Excision (2012)
A brilliant change of pace
I settled in to watch this movie, thinking it was a low-budget horror film. How delighted I was to find that it was so much more than that; a beautiful change of pace from the usual movies that Hollywood likes to pump out.
AnnaLynne McCord's character, Pauline, is played to perfection as an awkward, pimply high school girl with a lust for blood and sarcasm. Her dreams of necrophilia are poetic and slightly reminiscent of Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange, with it's brightly-colored futuristic minimalism. No wonder Malcolm McDowell was in it!
If you aren't too sensitive to taboo topics and are looking for something different than the usual boring film that big-name directors like to hock up, this is definitely worth watching.
Dark Shadows (2012)
Don't even bother with this one
As with all Tim Burton and Johnny Depp films, I was excited to see this. I thought the idea of bringing back Barnabas Collins was a great idea and hoped it would live up to the highly-praised standards of the original TV series. Unfortunately, I was wrong.
It seemed as though this movie couldn't decide where it wanted to go. At one moment, it was about the battle between Barnabas and Angelique; the next, it was about Barnabas' infatuation with Bella, who we hardly saw at all in the movie once Barnabas was introduced. The entire plot was a mess.
I was surprised by the level of sexuality in this PG-13 movie. Who thought it was a good idea to insert a comment about a 15 year old and what she does when she's alone? I was also disappointed with the fact that Barnabas was portrayed as a vampire who apparently had trouble keeping it in his pants.
All in all, this movie was a complete failure. I was hoping they'd simply try to put a new spin on a show that was once greatly loved. Apparently not. Don't bother seeing this movie unless you haven't got a clue about the original Dark Shadows and simply like riding on the Burton/Depp train.
The Uninvited (2009)
You don't see these kinds of movies anymore
This has got to be one of the best movies I've seen in a long time; not sense Hide and Seek in 2005.
I sat down to watch this movie, thinking that, just like so many other horror movies, it'd end up being mediocre. I figured the twist ending that I'd read about would be easily guessed.
Instead, I was immediately pulled into the movie by the superb acting and gorgeous scenery. The music was also well done, really setting the suspenseful atmosphere.
The plot was full of twists and turns, leaving me guessing right up until the very end. Who knew it'd be such an incredibly unexpected twist of events? Unlike a lot of mystery-type movies, this one actually pulled everything together beautifully. There weren't any plot holes that I was aware of.
This was such a refreshingly creepy movie. If there could only be one perfectly crafted movie in the past 10 years, I say this one might be it.
The Innkeepers (2011)
Would've made a great book
I've been debating about what rating I should give this movie. I think it deserves well above 5 stars, but there's something holding me back from declaring 10/10 stars.
First of all, this movie instantly made me think of what it'd be like if Stephen King and Alfred Hitchcock corroborated. Stephen King is a master at creating an eerie atmosphere and fist-clenching suspense. Alfred Hitchcock is known for creating movies that don't need amazing special effects; a little music and some creepy camera angles is all he needs. Both of them are geniuses are spinning wonderful, rich stories.
This movie was indeed rich for many reasons. The main characters were dorky and likable. The supporting characters all brought a unique perspective to the story with their own problems and personality. The audience gets a little taste of everyone without any one character stealing the spotlight.
The plot was slow to build, which unfortunately, turns a lot of people away. After all, this isn't your modern horror movie. It relies on a good story, great acting and characters, and a suspenseful atmosphere to keep the audience interested. Maybe those who didn't enjoy it expected cheap scares or better special effects. In my opinion, the movie was fine without all of the bells and whistles.
My only problem was the ending. The movie built and built only to leave me feeling dissatisfied with the climax. The ending felt cheap and generic; not at all what I expected from a film like this. Nonetheless, I don't regret watching the film, and I hope others will give it a try despite all of the negative reviews.
Superbad (2007)
Better Than Expected
Before I begin my review, I'd like to say that I HATE teen movies. Almost all of them have little plot and lots of sex, sex, sex. It gets old. That's why I was very hard pressed to see this movie, despite all of my fiancés goading. I braced for the worst.
As it turns out, it was actually hilarious. Yes, it was full of sex. Getting laid was the entire plot. There were many great one liners and subtle humor involved though. There were some scenes that had me laughing well after the movie was over.
This movie isn't for everyone though. I hardly think older generations would enjoy it. Anyone who is uncomfortable with sex, cussing, and perverted jokes wouldn't like it either. On the other hand, young adults would like it. This is definitely full of "4chan humor", so you know anyone from there would love this movie.
The great acting, funny scenes and characters, and relatable high school humor will make up for all of the crudeness involved. Give it a try!
Chernobyl Diaries (2012)
Had a lot of potential
This definitely had a lot of potential. After all, any horror movie set in Chernobyl should be creepy, right? Here, it was not. Unfortunately, due to bad acting, shallow characters, and poor explanation of events, there was much to be desired.
The character develop was very poor. What did I expect though, given that this is your typical 'five friends' type of horror movie. None of the characters were likable; save for Yuri, who, while displacing a tough, military exterior, was still a man, who was clearly (and naturally) deeply affected by the horrific accident that befell Pripyat.
The plot was a good concept that was poorly executed. On the other hand, the camera work was decent, using a mixture of 'lost footage' and steady cam work. I have very few complaints about the setting, other than, I wish some of the scenes had been brighter. It would've been nice to see more detail in the set work.
Another good point about the movie (which is one of the reasons why I didn't give it less than five stars) was the lack of nudity, sex, and excessive profanity. You don't see that too much nowadays. I was appreciative that I was allowed to enjoy the movie without interruptions of vulgarity.
My only final point is that I was thoroughly disappointed in the ending. It seemed as though the director was just trying to hurry it up, so he slapped some ideas together and ta-da! There was little explanation about who the "doctors" in the hazmat suits were and what was going on with the mental patients. The director either wanted us to be the judge of that or he felt more inclined to blame it on "the commies". Either way, it was a big let-do that made me wish I had just turned it off soon.
Satan's Little Helper (2004)
A cult classic
If you love corny slash films, you're going to love this! I spotted this beauty at Blockbusters long ago and decided to give the poor thing a benefit of the doubt. How terrible could it be, right? Yes, indeed, it is terrible. It's a low-budget, corny horror movie, far worse than Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but not as bad as Silent Night Deadly Night 2. Despite all of this, it's a great movie, full of originality, creativity, and lots of laughs. The characters are oddly likable and the classic suburban setting brings back wonderful memories to those who traipsed through the neighborhoods on Halloween night, pillow case full of candy in hand.
This is definitely a must-see film for those who love to curl up on the couch on All Hallows Eve, laughing at all of the low-budget blood splatters and screams that make movies like these wonderful.
The Messengers (2007)
Generic as can be
I vaguely remember watching this movie when it first came out, but decided to give it another go today. Maybe it's because I'm older now or maybe I'm just spoiled on good movies, but quite honestly, I wasn't even able to finish this movie. It was that terrible.
To put it bluntly, it was incredibly generic. The acting is hardly believable and seems very dulled down. The plot was nothing original; just your basic, mediocre ghost story that we've all seen a couple hundred times. The only positive points that I can see are the setting and the general atmosphere, due to the setting, not the acting.
I wouldn't waste your time on this movie unless you're new to horror or are scared very easily. The well-traveled horror movie fan will be sorely disappointed and bored by this movie.
American Horror Story (2011)
If you love horror, you'll love this
I don't put my trust in shows that fall under the horror genre. More often than not, they end up either being "Giant Crab vs. Python/Shark Mutant" or your typical "five friends" horror movie, full of sex, but lacking in plot and depth.
Have no fear though. American Horror Story is a little raunchy, yes, but it makes up for it by being incredibly deep, full of twists and turns, having an eerie, suspenseful atmosphere, and full of great acting! This is the only TV show that has ever caught my attention so wonderfully. Every week, as I waited for the next episode, I felt like a little kid, waiting for Christmas morning to come.
There's no flaw that I can nitpick about. I think American Horror Story is the most *perfect* horror TV show out there. I don't think anything can top it. Overall, it's just a great, well-though-out TV show that doesn't disappoint.
Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)
Another great installment in the Paranormal Activity series
Like Paranormal Activity 1, this movie is full of jumps and an eerie atmosphere. The scares are subtle, so you must rely on your own imagination and ability to delve into the plot. You have to be able to put yourself in the shoes of the characters, which is easy enough, because the characters are very likable and the acting very convincing.
The plot takes a curious turn by explaining what happened before the events that took place in the first movie. You get to meet new characters, as well as build upon the characters that you already know and like. Unfortunately, Martine did not get the time that she deserved. She was thrown out much too quickly, in my opinion. I think embracing her character would've added so much to the movie.
The only other flaw I see is the directors inability to explain in depth why the poltergeist/demon was after Hunter. Daniel's daughter spoke briefly about it, but nothing was ever thoroughly explained. Martine's ritual "treatment" was not thoroughly explained either. I was left feeling satisfied in my fright, but did not have all of my questions answered.
If you want a good scare, and are willing to give yourself over to the plot, this is the movie to watch. Don't let negative reviews steer you away. Give it a try yourself. I don't think you'll be disappointed.
Paranormal Activity (2007)
Imagination Needed
A lot of people don't like this movie. In fact, a lot of people downright HATE this movie. I heard all of the same complaints when The Blairwitch Project first came out, one of the first in this 'lost footage' genre. I believe, in order to enjoy films like these, you have to let go and let yourself be absorbed into the movie. You can't possibly enjoy something if all you do is nitpick the entire film.
That being said, this is a great movie, in my opinion. When it first came out, the concept was still very fresh and very exciting. This is one of those movies where you have to allow your imagination to create the right atmosphere. The movie - that is, the script, scenery, and minor effects - will do the rest for you. If horror movies are your thing, this is *the movie* to watch.