Zorknot Reviews

Ultraviolet (2006)

A high velocity technolucious joy

[9/10 · 6 March 2006]

There were a few things wrong with this movie don't get me wrong. At times it seemed a little bit rushed and some of the plot points were a little iffy, but there were just so many beautiful scenes jam packed into it that none of that really matters.

The action scenes are fast-paced and yet you can still see most of what's going on, unlike the current trend of shaking the camera around to make things seem more dramatic.

The acting for this sort of movie is usually over the top and this is not really an exception: the evil guys are dastardly sneering people pretty much all the way through, and the good guys all make one-liners. But in this movie you have Milla Jovovich, and she somehow makes it all believable. The editing is rushed in some places, particularly where there is supposed to be some emotional drama, but Jovavich makes up for this for the most part by being able to show her character's pain as well as her determination.

Not only Milla Jovovich but the actor who plays her aide and the child actor who plays Six are spot on. The evil people are cookie cutter villains but you can get behind the good guys even while you might be wondering in the back of your mind how moral they really are.

Finally, this is not just a good action movie, but an excellent scifi movie as well. There are so many interesting gadgets that they all seem to intertwine and help make a completely different world. For instance, early in the movie it's revealed that there is something called "flat space" technology that allows things to be stored in containers that appear too small to carry them. In a normal scifi movie this sort of thing would be used once and then tossed aside, or it would only be used by one character, but in this movie the technology is everywhere. Everybody uses it, and this changes the dynamics of the fighting immensely.

Besides the gadgets you can catch juicy little tidbits of history of the world if you pay attention. Nothing is explained in detail, but if you're like me and you like getting clues that don't break the flow of action but that nonetheless are intriguing than its...well...intriguing.

The editing is unfortunate, as it does tend to make some of the scenes seem like a commercial for a sports car or a running shoe, but if you can get past that it really is a wonderful little film, containing a lot of unexpected pleasures all while centered around the simple concept of Milla Jovavich kicking ass in a myriad of beautiful and violent ways.

No Such Thing (2001)

Delightfully dark and humorous tale of growth and discovery...somewhat disappointing ending.

[8/10 · 11 October 2005]

The best parts of this movie occur before Beatrice ever discovers the monster. She goes through so much on her way to find out what happened to her fiancé, terrorism, natural disaster, a terribly painful series of surgeries, and yet she perseveres with a philosophy which, for all its innocence, gives her incredible strength. That to me is the great thing about this movie, seeing her evolving from mousy coffee girl to an almost archetypal figure throughout the span of the movie.

The monster has his moments to be sure, but his perspective on humanity, while intriguing, can get long winded at times.

Dr. Artaud, the insane genius who is the one man capable of destroying the monster was an unexpected treat.

I might have given this a nine, except the ending wasn't very satisfying. It seems unfinished, and while I think there are times when that works, like with the recent Broken Flowers (2005) this isn't one of those times.

Battlefield Baseball (2003)

Battlefield Earth was better

[3/10 · 11 September 2005]

some movies can take a super low budget and make something great with it. This isn't one of them.

This is the worst I've seen of the recent glut of crappy martial arts spoofs. I was expecting Shaolin Soccer which, while not being perfect, was greatly entertaining. This was utter crap.

I get the feeling they created the plot for this with a couple hundred posted notes and a collection of darts.

the special effects were probably made by a team of fourth graders The jokes were groan worthy

It was a parody, but even so, the characters were so clichéd it wasn't funny.

There were some neat ideas in this and some mildly zany "death" scenes but overall the best thing about this movie was the ending, because it was finally over.

Kansen (2004)

Just when you thought it was safe to go to the hospital...

[6/10 · 11 September 2005]

I saw a Japanese live action movie called Infection a couple days ago. I give it 6.5 out of 10. It's about a hospital where the doctors and nurses make a mistake and try to cover it up while some strange disease is making them go insane. Very creepy, and it had some neat psychological bits that I liked. It was however, a little stupid. For instance they're in a hospital. It's night time. Do they turn on the lights? No. They run around chasing some diseased patient with flashlights. Then there are some rather clichéd characters, which aren't clichéd unless you've seen a lot of anime but still.

There's the young girl who's unsure of herself, there's the dark secret controller of everything who's too sure of himself (a la Gendo Ikari) and there's the well meaning guy who's just doing things for his family but doesn't ever get to see them. The good news on this count is that all these characters die gruesome and terrible deaths.

At first I really enjoyed the movie, the director made even the mundane scenes of a hospital extremely creepy and disturbing. But then the characters started doing really stupid things. That and there were long scenes where nothing was going on except someone walking down a hall or looking out a window. I eventually used the fast forward button for these scenes and the movie improved dramatically. The ending had its requisite twist, but it was a creepy one. Basically the Directing was awesome in this, their should have been more editing, the acting was passable, and the writing alternates between being clever and being horror movie stupid. It's better than most of the J-horror I've seen recently, but its not anything to put on your bedroom ceiling or anything.

Tomie: Another Face (1999 Video)

Low budget horror

[7/10 · 11 October 2004]

If you like lots of special effects, fast paced story lines, and lots of startle moments, this is NOT the movie for you. If you've seen the first Tomie this is a lower budget version of that with a sort of made for TV feel. I kind of liked it a little better than the first. I felt I understood what was going on more and it was more spooky somehow. But the people I watched it with didn't like it so much. They felt that nothing really happened.

If you have by any chance seen Boogiepop and Others, this movie is incredibly similar to that. It's separated into different stories,there are very few effects until the very end, and the cinematography is strangely off, but at the same time there's more of an emphasis on the story and the more you pay attention the more you get out of it.

You'll probably never see this in a theater. It's a scary movie that's not all that scary, an intellectual horror movie that isn't hard to understand, it can work on several levels or not at all. Me, I like odd movies and I don't mind a few imperfections, especially when they add to the oddness, but if you aren't quite the weirdophile I am you may want to steer clear of this.

Madadayo (1993)

An Interesting Character

[8/10 · 4 October 2004]

Madadayo is about a Japanese professor of German who has an incredibly fertile imagination and can tell humorous stories about almost anything. His students' love for him is what drives the movie, from the beginning, which was reminiscent of the end of Dead Poet's Society and had me veclempt before I knew what hit me, to when they scour the war ravaged city looking for the Professor's cat. The professor's stories are funny, but maybe something is lost in the translation. A lot of the time he seemed to be just whining about the war and how bad off he is which took away from my enjoyment of the movie. Perhaps in Japanese the war references are pulled off more subtly, for the most part the movie does a good job of not shoving the viewer's face in it (which makes you care about it all the more) but sometimes I found myself asking why the students liked the guy so much. Then again perhaps it's a good thing that my opinions on the character changed so much. Overall it goes as a collection of stories about the professor and the simplicity of the themes creates a satisfying emotional impact. I rated this one an 8/10.

Lost in Translation (2003)

funny, sad, good.

[10/10 · 1 November 2003]

I felt it made the Japanese a little too clownish, and I didn't like how it left the girl's story line hanging a bit, but these are small and actually made the movie better in a way.

Overall, it was a beautiful story and really even as it lampooned the culture, the movie also celebrated it.

Alienation and coming to understanding, that's what I felt in the movie and the subtle way it made it's points was exquisite.

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

surprisingly bad

[4/10 · 1 November 2003]

I wasn't really hoping for much when I went to see this. After Mst3king the heck out of JasonX with some friends though, I was hoping for a similar experience here.

Unfortunately the movie took itself way too seriously. Do I care about Jason's problems? I'm sorry no. There are a legion Ft13th movies that cover that anyway. At at then end of the day, he's an undead serial killer, I'm just not going to get that sympathetic.

Freddy was by far the most interesting aspect of the movie with the hallucinations and what not, but unfortunately they were few and far between and by the end of the movie, it had degenerated into a bad episode of celebrity deathmatch...only not funny.

Cyber Ninja (1988)

Cheesy special effects, but an intriguing story.

[8/10 · 1 November 2003]

I liked this. Granted, the Godzilla-like sfx are laughable at times...but I kind of like that part about it too. Regardless of what a previous review has said, this IS a little like Star Wars. The original three movies especially. However it is also like Godzilla, Krull, Tron,Dune and any number of science fiction movies made in the eighties. you have your laser blasts, your enemies wearing strange costumes, your princess that needs saving etc. What's cool about this movie is that it's from Japan and so its ALSO like anime and you have all these shinto symbols and what not. The first scene of the movie looks an awful lot like the movie Ran, (the samurai version of King Lear)and if you take away the scifi elements its stylistically extremely similar. In fact, one of the actors worked in both movies!

Anyway, maybe this movie isn't for everybody, but if you like Godzilla movies, or eighties scifi, or if you've ever enjoyed an episode of mystery science theater 3000, you'll probably like this movie.

Grave of the Fireflies (1988)

main character was lazy

[3/10 · 1 November 2003]

Throughout the film the kid's given opportunity after opportunity to get money for food...to work instead of living off his relatives and instead he just loafs around like a bum. Sure he's a kid, and its sad, but mostly the movie just made me angry at the main character for what he was doing to his sister through his laziness.