Change Your Image
shadow-moses
Reviews
Gunslinger Girl (2003)
I know it sounds wacky...
Yeah, I thought the same thing when the opening started rolling: girls barely into their double digits kicking ass, killing indiscriminately with a vast array of powerful fire arms. God, it seems anime has gone to far
But it's absolutely fantastic.
Give it half a chance and you will find it has amazing depth in its characters, beautiful and subtle production, and its not constant action. The majority is quite insights into the chaotic world of these girls. When it does give you action, it will raise the hairs on the back of your neck, it's breath taking.
If you're any kind of an anime fan, you will love this series.
Nick Anderson~
The Covenant (2006)
The Craft (but guys) + Dragon Ball Z = Suckage
Takes forever to get anywhere, the performances are over-the-top retarded, especially from the antagonist; once he reveals his evilness, his performance reminded me of an over-aggravated 6th grader in a playground fight.
There are a handful of cool spells revolving around spiders and cars. The TV ad showing the car explode and and reassemble is what got me into the theater, but these are spent before the third act, which is filled to the brim of Dragon Ball Z style flinging with power orbs from hands, only difference is DBZ did it better.
Girls and gay guys will like all the chiseled man-ass splashed across the screen every 2 minuets, everyone else will be pretty bored.
Nick Anderson
What the #$*! Do We (K)now!? (2004)
All you need is an open mind!
The ideas in What the Bleep just blow me away. I've actually read about some of this stuff in Scott Adam's book The Dilbert Future, where he talks about writing daily affirmations to effect the path your life takes. This film goes way beyond that with very interesting interviews with several scientists and philosophers who talk about Quantum Physics and philosophical ideas about the actually nature of reality. I see that there are a great many people who have given this film a '1' rating. I have to say I'm a little dismayed that so many people can't even *think* about these amazing ideas, give them a day in court. Oh well, that's what it means to be cutting edge I suppose.
Beyond all that, What the Bleep is very nicely shot and acted, starring the incredibly emotive Marlee Matlin. She's the main character in the narrative sections of the film that demonstrate the ideas presented in the interviews with the scientists and philosophers.
Nick Anderson~
Bad Taste (1987)
This is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen, EVER!
I would not categorize this as a "horror" film, but as an "unimaginably gory comedy". Three jokes in particular just cracked me up. I won't give anything away, but you'll know them when you see them: "Birds where all he ever identified with", the "little hammer" and that poor, poor sheep. Also the violence is very tongue in cheek as these supposed government agents slaughter these violent, zombie-like people. It is extremely gory but the gore is so very way up and over the top that it is hammer funny in your face (plus they do look pretty fake most of the time, which help the comedy). I was laughing at every disemboweling.
Bad Taste shows a tremendous amount of wit and talent. It's easy to see why it propelled the start of Peter Jackson's career.
Silent Hill (2006)
Very disappointing.
And I was so excited for this; from the trailer I thought Silent Hill was going to be fantastic, because it looked to actually follow the game!
Sadly, the film version was fully botched. First off the visuals are dead on; they look fantastic. Unfortunately there is absolutely no story to accompany these stunning visuals. And hey lets be honest, we go to movies for the stories. So now the (absent) story:
So why go to Silent Hill? Because your daughter sleepwalks at night, nearly off a 200-foot canyon screaming "Silent Hill" On your way to Silent Hill, evade the police for no reason and crash your car.
Once in Silent Hill, cut away constantly to your husband who is trying to find out about Silent Hill, but otherwise contributes nothing to our nothing story. In other words a complete waste of out time.
A two-hour running time for this film was a crime. Much better writing could have made a very interesting, moody, scary-as-hell film.
*sigh* Is it really impossible to make a good film based on a video game? Look at adaptations of books; why do they change it so much from the source material in adapting a video game, yet book adaptations are better when the actually follow the book, am I wrong? I say make a Silent Hill film that actually follows the story of Silent Hill! See? It's not that hard is it? No it isn't.
Nick~
Ultraviolet (2006)
Science fiction Ed Wood would have been proud of!
This film is really, really bad but to me so bad, its funny. I was laughing every few minuets at the threadbare plot, ludicrous dialog and largely incompetent special effects.
In the opening we hear Violet in voice-over explaining this world of the future, Hemophages, and a big wad of back story on herself. It's really annoying to hear the main character explain herself before we even meet her in the film. It's also completely redundant because five minuets later the facts about her past are told again within the action! So, now lets talk about the Hemophages; Humanity has discovered a virus that makes people so strong that they can rip guns in half and beat armored soldiers senseless with the gun parts, and senses so sharp combined with muscles so quick that they can dodge bullets! So then what's all the fear over this virus? Is it deadly? Violet shows some slightly negative effects and says she's dying, but how? What negative effects is this virus causing in the bodies of the Hemophages? If the answers to these questions were in the film, I missed them. Then I started to notice the vampire teeth the Hemophages have and a few mentions of them as vampires. What? Vampires? They are vampires?? Well other then the teeth they have no likeness to traditional vampires, so this revelation serves only to confuse. Why the hell does this virus make people grow big incisors? This vampire thing goes nowhere and is completely unnecessary.
The special effects; When we see the big CG cityscape the camera moves in a very jerky fashion, as if they couldn't lock down the computer created graphics with the image of the actual actors. It's very jarring. At least the animation is cutting edge, if this was 1993. Nothing like seeing plastic landscapes.
Now, despite all this I very much liked one aspect of Ultraviolet. The technological concepts in the movie are very interesting. In the opening, the Hemophages have swords that seem to come out of their chests. This is mentioned to be Multi-Dimensional weapons. Very cool! The idea is the material of the weapons is stored in dimensions beyond our known space. Violet has small bracelets that produce many guns and ammo in a flash, seemingly out of nowhere. She also has a brooch that seems to have a tiny star inside which when activated, allows Violet to walk on walls and ceilings. Personal artificial gravity, cool. These concepts are based on our current theories of quantum physics (Star Trek eat your heart out!) Beyond this, the film is a festival of stupidity and empty-headed action. So unless you're a MSTy like me and/or an Ed Wood fan, you will hate this film.
Thanks for reading,
Nick Anderson~
Underworld: Evolution (2006)
Not as good as the first
I liked the first Underworld. Cheesy as it was, I sill enjoyed the story and action sequences(I would give it a 7/10). The sequel however has a big bag of problems. First off, did they really need all the back story stuff? And I don't mean the Midievil opening, that was *mostly* pretty cool (Some of the werewolf-attacking-vampires-on-horseback shots looked like crap, more on the special effects later.) Move on to Marcus, the first vampire ever who was in stasis along side Victor, whom was released and killed in the first movie. Marcus has wings that give Marcus apparent VTOL (Vertical Takeoff and Landing) capability while also stabbing people with their tips too. Marcus can also drink someone's blood and gain all their memories which we see as quick flashes. Get use to this for you will see it quite a bit as Len Wiseman uses this expositional crutch Ad Nausium (although this might not be entirely his fault, I can see the studio saying "make sure this will make sense to a fresh audience!"). So we are flashing through shots from the first movie which I don't remember and I'm gaining next to nothing here, so its only an annoying waste of time, GET TO BECKINSALE KICKING ASS! This is the only thing the movie does absolutely right and we get so little of it, very annoying.
So, those wings on Marcus, they total suck, seeing him float alongside a truck Selene and her Hybrid friend are trying to get away in just pulled me right out of the film. The physics of what I'm seeing make no sense: How can you be supported by beating wings on your back while floating in a static manner (no bobbing) in an upright position?? Compare this to Lord of the Rings, to the Fell Beast or the Egeles, who have great weight and wind resistance characteristics, you buy it because its completely convincing. On the other side of that scale is Marucs flying around. The sad thing is this problem could have been easily solved if Wiseman had taken a page from the first Alien movie: Less is More. Four seconds of great looking establishing shots that show Marcus flying and threatening our hero's far outweigh the thirty some odd seconds of totally unbuyable crap. Then the rest is close ups of him where special effects can be less intensive. I understand and respect what this film is trying to do here, but if you can't do it right then don't do it that way.
There is more silliness involving a revelation about the true origin of vampires and werewolves, but I can't go into detail with out using spoilers, so I won't. Just know that its mostly disappointing and the whole thing with Selene's past gets really sappy and annoying. All this subtracts into the negative against the kick ass fighting Selene and Michael portray. I say stick with the first film, where you get plenty of killer action, this sequel amplifies the weaknesses while diminishing the strengths of its predecessor.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)
Nothing like rodents acting!
Chronicles of Narnia is a fantastic film. The children are very well cast, each has very distinctive and believable differences and characteristics (plus I couldn't help but adore little Lucy, her cuteness is lethal!) Narnia itself is very well done. Through great sets, locations and special effects it gives the strong feeling of an unearthly fantasy land.
My single favorite aspect of this film was this: animals giving realistic acting! When the children meet the beaver couple, the performance those beavers, and all the other animated animals is totally believable. Their facial expressions and body language are very natural and believable. After seeing this I can't help but feel a Redwall film is not far away.
The only problem I have with this film regards the lead-up to battle scene. I do not remember how it was done in the book, but I feel the film could have benefited from a few minuets of army-gathering and arming. Peter Jackson said the build up of armies adds tension and anticipation to the film and I have to agree, here it feels like "ok kids, heres your armies, have fun!" Other then this, I loved this film.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)
Fantastic film, Straight out of the book!
I love the Harry Potter series, it's a very imaginative story that dose not dumb- down whatsoever. This becomes all the more true as the series goes on and Gobblet is a dark turning point in it. The film follows right along, recreating the images I saw in my mind as I read the book.
One great thing about Gobblet is this is where the children begin to mature. This installment has a charming school dance, which brings to light a dual aspect in Harry Potter, he has faced countless deadly situations and came out alive, but is absolutely terrified of the prospects of romance. The dance is very cute and plays out in a realistic way.
The dark climax of the film is very well done and satisfying. If you've read the book it will not disappoint, Newell held nothing back. If you haven't read the series then I think you will be surprised by the intensity of the climax. In either case see this film, it's fantastic.
Doom (2005)
Worst film I have ever went to the theater for, bar none! (Spoilers)
Good god this film is awful! As an avid video game fan who began with Doom on 486 PCs I was utterly let down by this film because other then the literal meaning of the title (your 6-10 dollars is Doomed, not to mention the 90 of life you will never get back) this film has no viable connection to the game I played as a youth.
First off, IT'S SO BORING!!! After an hour of boredom it dawned on me that I made a huge mistake in seeing this film. So what makes it so boring? NO ACTION, that's what. These slimy jerk-off characters grope around in the dark and see almost nothing. Then a guy runs in to some clawed hand and gets thrashed, more nothing, the end. No hordes of monsters, no bloody battles through crazy hellish surroundings, nothing. When I think Doom, I think constant battle in hell! Well none of that in this film
Now the reason I held the slightest hope for this film was because of stuff I saw in the trailer: the first person shooter gimmick and the BFG. The first person stuff was kinda cool; it was the only enjoyable 45 seconds in the entire film.
Now the BFG, it's fired twice:
Once into an empty toilet stall,
And then into a wall.
That's it.
Yes, I know Rock was trying to hit living targets but so what! This is what he HIT! It wasn't used to get our hero's our of some insane situation where they're surrounded by swarms of monsters and NOTHING else will get them out alive EXCEPT the BFG (you know, like in that game Doom?). Hmm, maybe that toilet had a gun I didn't see, and Mean Scary Toilet Eyes. I don't know.
Why the hell can't the plot be like the game? A portal to hell is open for no real reason, causing chaos all around our heros with monsters everywhere and they have to fight their way out. Cool! What's wrong with that? Infections?? If I want to see Infections I'll watch 28 Days Later. I wanted to see Doom dammit! Hey, how bout' some Demonic Possessions or something like that? Screw infections!
Then we get to end where the movie turns from stupid/boring to utterly retarded. They go back to Earth and the Rock says they have to kill all the unarmed civilians because of these stupid ass infections. Boy that was my favorite part of the game! I remember how tough the final boss was, you know, that room full of unarmed civilians? Wow, that was so much fun! Civilians? Really? YOU KILL LOTS OF UGLY MONSTERS IN DOOM, NOT CIVILIANS!!!
Yeah, great, so the Rock is the 'Final Boss' Well who cares! Screw the Rock and screw this wretched film. You want to see a movie based on Doom? Well it already exists. Its called Aliens, watch that instead. Or Event Horizon, that has more Hell in it then Doom! (On the screen anyway. In Doom it's the audience who's in hell.)
Mystic River (2003)
Fantastic Detective Film.
Mystic River is fantastic because it's not entirely about getting to the bottom of the case. It's also a very human story about broken childhood and blind revenge.
Loved it, absolutely loved it.