jstlucas Reviews

Deadstream (2022)

This video is what would happen if Carpetbagger stayed in a haunted house.

[5/10 · 1 December 2022]

Ok, the male lead probably screamed more than anyone I've seen lately.

The movie starts off ok with great promise, but eventually evolves into a Halloween movie scream fest that was 25 minutes too long. Honestly, this movie would have been great at an hour run time, but the ending just drags on and on and on... Yes, reading the comments to the stream provided a lot of fun. "Who else thinks that Crissy is still hot?" etc.

My reference to Carpetbagger references a u tube personality that screams like a weenie every time something even remotely scary happens. Hopefully Shudder gets some other movies like this that are better.

Se7en (1995)

My wife wants to see the head!!!

[7/10 · 27 April 2022]

Without saying WHO the head is of, we were watching this the other night when a head in a box is delivered, and someone opens the box but we can't see inside it. My wife is yelling (honestly) "SHOW US THE HEAD!!!". She was so disappointed that we didn't see the head that 3 days later she's still talking about it, so I downgraded my better rating to account for me having to put up with a movie that didn't SHOW US THE HEAD!!!

I suppose today it would be CGI'd in but they could have put something in the box to see and I wouldn't have to listen to my wife talking about it days later!!!

Shut In (I) (2022)

I need the recipe for Nana's Apple Butter

[7/10 · 27 February 2022]

I know there's a million recipes on the web, but for a brief instant they show a recipe card that I MUST know what's on it.

The film is ok, low budget, some parts are not quite believable as far as construction, but when I told my wife about it, she didn't know, or care. We didn't consider it a waste of time at all and the "slowness" of the story developing wasn't a problem at all.

Reaptown (2020)

The reviewers who gave this a 10 must have watched a different movie

[2/10 · 18 April 2021]

Oh golly, some people got access to a train yard and made a 77 minute movie, of which 70 minutes is someone running around the train yard at night w. A flashlight.

We kept thinking that something was going to happen, given the creepy person at the beginning of the film, but honestly it was a complete letdown.

After it ended, we said "what the heck, what's this ending all about?" The ending is incomplete, incoherent, and will make you say "couldn't I have just soaked in a tub of ice water for an hour and gotten more out of that?" Avoid at all costs. 2 stars because I used to work for a railroad and I like trains.

The Secret of Convict Lake (1951)

Slow developing

[5/10 · 6 March 2021]

Having just watched a couple other westerns in previous nights, we were expecting something more, I guess, given the high ratings for the film. Even though we saw some reviews that said "1st half is slow but picks up", I'd have to disagree and say that the first 98% of the film is slow. The set used is clearly a stage and it's too bad they didn't film outdoors somewhere. We both almost fell asleep watching this, the only thing keeping us awake is that there are some good actors in this. So don't watch this expecting a lot of action or a seat of your pants thriller.

Red Dot (2021)

I've seen worse, I've seen better.

[5/10 · 21 February 2021]

"However my sympathy does go out to poor Boris he deserved better." Yes, yes, yes!!! My wife is triggered by people killing dogs in movies, people are fine, dogs are not. I had her look away when we knew they'd show poor Boris.

Otherwise, a couple of self-entitled people that we just thought were stupid, got what was coming to them. At first you think "well, what they did was dumb but they don't deserve to be hunted", then near the end you find out what "really" happened and we thought "good, they got what they deserved", absolutely no sympathy for the main two characters.

As a complete aside, why is it that foreign movies dubbed into English can't have their dubbed English words and the subtitles actually match??? Do they have two random people, one translating Swedish into English speech, and another translating Swedish into English words? While they are "close" most of the time, there are times you just want to scream about the bad match.

Playhouse (2020)

Someone wake me up when it's over

[2/10 · 3 December 2020]

Reading the other reviews, I wonder if I watched a different movie. My wife and I thought the castle itself was really neat, but the story line itself just crawls, slowly, slowly. We thought something was going to happen and then saw there was only 20 minutes left in the film, by then we were just waiting for it to end. It wouldn't have been bad if the story had some suspense to it, and we just really could not care less what happened to ANYONE in the film so no investment in characters.

Knock Knock (I) (2015)

How did the girls spy on Evan?

[5/10 · 20 November 2020]

The girls knew the guy played "monster" with his kids. Did the movie ever explain HOW they were spying on him? Cameras? Hacked accounts? What?

Love and Monsters (2020)

Didn't expect much, was very glad it was way better than I expected.

[8/10 · 9 November 2020]

Ok, I wanted to watch a cheesy movie while my wife was putting together a jigsaw puzzle. "oh, this has monsters" so it can't be too bad, maybe it'll be ok to watch. Well, the monsters were done well, the story is ok, and Joel (who has a tendency to freeze helplessly) is helped along by a couple of surface dwellers who teach him some of the tricks to stay alive. And he picks up a dog along the way. I'd recommend this to folks for an escape movie.

Host (II) (2020)

Fast forward through the first 9 minutes

[7/10 · 21 September 2020]

Not a bad movie. However, the incessant nonsense babbling for the first 9 minutes or so of this movie just dragged on and on and contributed so little to the movie. Ok, it shows a boyfriend who has a very minor part and some "interference" noise that is important throughout the movie, but that could have been done in a minute. Once the medium comes on, that's fine.

The Haunting of Margam Castle (2020)

Did someone bet the director he couldn't make a film for $100?

[2/10 · 20 September 2020]

Oh Lord this is a waste of time. Absolutely NOTHING original in this film. The acting was bad, no emotion, like they were reading from a teleprompter. I'm not sure what the first minute of the movie was about, I guess a kid scared by "Disney's Halloween Treat" would have been scared by it, but it was like a psychotic dream of someone's. The ending? Who even cared? Nothing original there either. Go watch a wall of paint dry instead of watching this movie. The reason I gave it two stars was, the castle itself was nice.

Slow West (2015)

Guided by scent?

[7/10 · 20 September 2020]

We like westerns. This one is not bad. You have a 16 y.o. kid who's in puppy love with an older woman who says he's like her younger brother that she never had! Ouch!!! So one-way love, he loves her, she doesn't really love him. He somehow manages to know where she and father (The Hound) are hiding out in the American West despite the fact that she never told him where she was, and with a giant bounty (for those days) on the girls head and yet trained bounty hunters can't find her or dad. But some Scottish kid can just travel thousands of miles to find her across the sea and across America to go directly to her? Honestly, though, that's really the only nit-picky thing wrong about this film. It's nice to see a western landscape that's completely unfamiliar since it was filmed in New Zealand instead of the Alabama Hills or other American locations.

Centigrade (2020)

Wife wished it was something else

[6/10 · 13 September 2020]

Ok, my wife was hoping that it was something like "human centipede" except that maybe someone crossed a centipede and a tardigrade (she loves tardigrades!). We watched it anyway, it was ok, slow, nothing really exciting happens, but in the end we felt that we didn't waste our time watching it. Wouldn't watch it again unless they add killer wolves to the mix.

Alfred the Doll (2019)

total waste of time

[2/10 · 31 August 2019]

Watched this before the bad reviews starting coming in and the rating was higher. We kept thinking that something was going to happen to explain what the heck was going on, why is this doll killing people, but it's not! The Arthur doll was ok and sort of creepy. The "effects" such as blood were extremely bad, did they just find red paint and pretend it's blood? We were 45 minutes into it and said "let's stop" but then saw there wasn't much time left (1/2 hour) and thought we'd soldier through it. Oh well, I've seen worse in the past and will probably see worse in the future, but definitely cannot recommend this to anyone.

Insidious (I) (2010)

My wife loves this movie

[6 August 2011]

My wife hates vampires, werewolves, attacking aliens, and zombies (except for the resident evil movies, she liked the strong female lead). But she likes ghosts, demons, and stuff about alternate realities. This movie hit the spot for her unlike so many others out there. It scared the stuffing out of her so much that she couldn't go to sleep for hours. The "only" thing she didn't like was the long "Tiptoe through the tulips" view of the red-faced guy, it could have been shorter without losing anything. This movie dealt with astral projection and dead people, and she couldn't get enough of it. Excellent rental for a buck.