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Kateo (2022)
A rip-off from a Russian movie - and a bad one at that.
This mostly korean-spoken movie is a rip-off from Hardcore Henry, a Russian POV non-stop action movie designed to have the look and feel of a shooter videogame.
You should really watch Hardcore Henry.....it's silly, but it remains true to its purpose, presenting the same threadbare plot and little regard to having a credible story FPS videogames usually have - all with the same breakneck speed action!
Carter, on the other hand, tries to build on the COV19 virus history and its many conspiracy theories (China did it! No, the US did it and planted it on China! Etc, etc...) by having a zombiefying virus originating on the so-called Democratic People's Republic of Korea and taking turns blaming the communist regime and the FBI.
Vital pieces of information keep popping up whenever needed, in one of the most undisguised deus ex machina displays ever seen.
This wouldn't be entertaining to a deranged teenager, let alone an adult audience.
Steer away from this train wreck....
Nisser (2021)
Childish story with more plot holes than you can count.
The concept is interesting (though by no means new to Nordic cinema), but the execution was awful.
Just to get the gist of it:
There's a fence across this Danish island. It was put there to separate humans from forest elves.
Electrified, it has one gate to it - always kept locked.
The islanders take a cow as sacrifice from time to time. The elves eat it alive.....
An obnoxiously stubborn adolescent girl goes to the island on Christmas vacation and finds a baby elf, somewhat hurt. She manages to get it back to the house they rented and she tends to the elf.
Naturally, the little elf's family isn't thrilled about it.
One of the islanders go take a cow there - and ends up being part of the menu.......
Another islander finds out about the baby, retrieves it and goes, by car, to the gate to give it back.
There's only one road.
He has one minute head start on the girl, that goes by bicycle.
She manages to get there before he does, without crossing him on the road......
Of course, the gate isn't locked and she gets in the reserve before the guy gets there.
I couldn't finish the season. Stupid doesn't come close to describing this crap.
The Silent Sea (2021)
Kill your brain and this series will be just fine!
Production is top-notch on this one. Some good actors too.
The concept is very promising: a Korean governmental lunar permanent research facility found something very important, potentially profitable but hard to manage and very lethal.
Things go awry and they bury everything for 5 years. Then a salvage crew is put together to retrieve samples of that something.
There are corporate spies infiltrated in the crew (very profitable, remember?) and some people in the crew have deep personal reasons to have joined.
Enter Netflix's monkeys with typewriters.
The Earth has, for some unexplained reason, LOST ALMOST ALL WATER. There are no more rivers, lakes and OCEANS.
Notwithstanding that, people keep on living, with governments supplying water rations. No wars, no riots. Just a merry cattle-like populace.
Seriously, the major writer selection criteria at Netflix must be the candidates' IQ. The lower, the better.....
So, the salvage crew goes up in a fancy shuttle. Which, naturally, metts with a critical failure that forces the team to separate from the side rockets before a stable moon orbit can be reached.
Then the shuttle's own rockets won't start (Korean space engineers must love this show...). Luckily, the trusters do, just so that they can level the shuttle for a crash landing.
Where do they end up?
At a huge crater rim, half in, half out the border.
Netflix should be ashamed.....
Well, they have to get out of the shuttle. Some are hanging on seatbelts to avoid falling to the tip of the shuttle (now severely tilted towards the fall).
The captain tries to lift a woman hanging. He has to truly exert himself.
Moon's gravity is about 16% of the Earth's. In other words, the woman would be weighing some 15 kg.
Hardly something that would need a boy to exert himself, let alone an astronaut.
Then they get out, just in time for the shuttle to fall. And gravity now seems ok....they walk in little jumpy steps.
The station is some 8 km away. On Earth, an average adult covers 6 km/h on foot. Given the gravity on the Moon, this should be at least doubled, so it would take them some 40 min - but it takes a couple of hours, during which they allow a seriously injured man to walk, instead of simply carrying the guy (low gravity.....).
Naturally, the air in their cannisters ends just as they get to the station. Very innovative take, Netflix!
The stations is a huge place. A lot larger than they knew.
They get in, turn on the power.....AND ARTIFICIAL GRAVITY!!!!
It's mind-boggling!
They have developed artificial gravity for a ground station (so, no rotating rings to use centripetal force as gravity), but they still use combustible fuels on the rockets.....
Ah, well.....ok, they have artificial gravity.
Let's not be picky and enjoy the show. After all, what other horrid new blunder can the monkeys write in the story?
Wait for it.....
They find the substance they went looking for. It interacts with living tissue PRODUCING HUGE AMOUNTS OF WATER inside affected individuals without reducing their original mass and quickly killing them, leaving drowning signs on the body. Water from thin air, then....
Oh...dead bodies are unnafeccted by it.
Astounding......
The same substance, applied to plants, promote their accelerated growth instead of killing them.
Makes absolute sense....
Well, among the hundreds dead in the station (no, it wasn't evacuated....) they find an improbable survivor (FIVE YEARS alone in the station....) in the person of a girl of about 12 years of age.
She doesn't seem to be negatively affected by the substance, has hugely increased speed and strength (not to mention claw-like nails) and is hellbent in preventing the crew from retrieving any samples.
By the way: there's no food left in the station. The girl must have lived on happy memories....or on the strangely non decayed bodies of the original station crew....
Seriously.....how do they come up with this level of crap????
The girl turns out to be the 79th in an unknown number of clones. All preceding clones died as the substance turned them into water fountains.
Things evolve, spies are eliminated, crew members get killed, thousands of tons of water get released in the station, some of it gets out and instantly freezes (at least they didn't make the water flow outside....).
The station's structure is severely compromised and the team must get out.
Now we are down to 2 women medical doctors, the cloned girl and the captain. The girl has been lovingly tamed and poses no threat.
The man must die, so the women don't need to share the glory. As he was a nice guy throughout the series, he gets an honourable death, staving off death for the women and girl for a while.
But there are uncountable liters of water spurting non-stop from somewhere.
This water wants out - and no puny bulkhead will stop it!
So, it comes to pass that the water breaks through the last bulkhead just as the women and girl are getting their feet on lunar sands....and throws them far before freezing.
The pressure was enough to blow the bulkhead away, but not enough to crush the captain (paper bulkheads, no doubt....). He is mortally wounded, but alive outside the station.
As his suit fails, we see the girl approaching him. She is NO LONGER in her suit. She's exposed to the Moon's surface temperature, but she doesn't freeze at all! Even her eyes work normally!
Really, they should have made her pick everybody up and fly back to Earth. At least we could have ended it laughing.
The Midwife (2021)
Insufferable rubbish
In modern days an uncalled for midwife shows at a pregnant woman's door.
Instead of calling the police, she is let in. She offers a pill, the pregnant woman swallows it.
They are strapped for money, so they take in a lady tenant.
Shortly after, the woman miscarries.
She gets deeply depressed. The tenant starts an affair with her husband, obviously.
They plan to tell her, but she gets pregnant again, so they wait.
The midwife returns in the nick of time as the pregnant woman is about to hang herself on the garage door rail. An automated garage door, which the midwife causes to open from the outside....
In the scenes that follow the midwife induces a trance-state in the pregnant woman, in which she sees the remand and her husband together.
Suddenly, after some time and again uncalled for, the midwife returns. As her husband is allergic to peanuts, the midwife produces some, which the wife blends into a powder later used by the tenant to cook dinner.
Somehow her presence goes unnoticed during all this so, when she shows herself, she is welcomed and invited to dinner.
While eating a piece of pie she finds a baby death certificate, which the husband believes was there introduced by his crazed wife.
The midwife calls things into order - and she even grabs the man by the neck (one-handed, mind you) to stop him talking...
She then leaves the three in the living room and goes to investigate the attic, from where the wife said she heard noises in the night (and we see this, including one instance where the husband was right there by her side).
As she comes down from the attic, the husband starts coughing and quickly gets to foaming at the mouth. It seems allergic poisoning has the same effect as rabies or strychnine....
She sends the wife upstairs to get her medical bag, as a ruse to allow the "peanuts" to have their way with the husband. It works, as the guy dies in a matter of seconds.
The midwife takes advantage of the state of despair the tenant is in to inject her with a "sedative" - in fact a "slow acting poison", as she declares to the stupefied tenant.
The wife comes back and confront the slowly dying tenant, who denies any involvement with the now deceased husband.
The midwife offers to inject a second, faster dose of poison to finish the tenant off already....but, as she gets ready to inject the paralysed woman, something happens and she stabs herself in the neck with the needle, neatly getting all the poison herself and dying in less than 10 seconds.
The tenant takes the opportunity to say her last words: we were preparing the attic as a room for the new baby. And as she dies she lets drop a ribbon.
Despairing, the wife runs upstairs (yes, runs....and she's about as big with the child as possible...) and goes into the attic....that had been worked into a room for the baby.
The midwife reappears, out of thin air, to either kill the wife or to kill her and get the baby.
As she was about to complete the deed, a chain comes out of the baby's crib, gets the midwife by the neck and chokes her to (this time real) death.
As the wife goes check it out, she finds the tube with her miscarried and cremated child's ashes on the chains. Her dead baby saved her and the unborn sibling!!!
She leaves the attic and, lo and behold, sees her husband and the tenant coming up the stairs to meet and hug her, as all is well!
Crap of the basest sort. Not a single scare in 1,5h of wasted time.
Dune (2021)
Aptly done. That's it.
This movie draws heavily on David Lynch's version os the story.
Naturally , the story was deformed to align it to politically correct standards.
If you like the books, you're going to resent this. Frank Herbert created a vision of a desert-dwelling people, in all aspects similar to the Touareg. There are no women in leadership positions among the Fremen, though they are an integral part of society and by no means frail or defenceless. Throughout the story there are important, influent and even brutal women.
There was no real need to mangle it.
They changed so many relevant aspects of the story....many that die in the book (and in Lynch's version) are kept alive, with obvious repercussions.
Gurney Halleck and Lyet Kines (now a black woman and, thus, virtually untouchable...) survive the attack on Arrakis. Kines lectures Paul.
And they do die shortly after, in the most stupid and predictable way.
It's a freak show, actually...
Of course, fans of the books will see this movie. But the younger ones should watch the Lynch version beforehand (if they didn't already do it).
Midnight Mass (2021)
Vampire meh series
It never occurred to me that fishermen in general would be fatally stupid. But it seems this is exactly the case in this series.
An island, filled to the brim with churchgoers, gets targeted by an ancient vampire, acting through none less than the local priest (renewed, rejuvenated and indoctrinated).
A full island without a single soul that knows about vampires until too late in the game. Nobody sufficiently conscious of their surroundings to avoid attracting attention from the fiends in the night they knew things would go terribly wrong. And nobody with enough sense to not go to the very place where the creatures would openly be.
Acting is relatively good. The main character is very good.
But the writing is so poor it spoils everything else.
Perhaps good for a rainy day. Nothing more.
Locke & Key (2020)
Great concept, poor writing
Production is very detailed (though there are a few continuity mishaps),
The central idea is very good for a fantasy series, but the writers don't seem to have enough experience to be the ones developing it.
All situations end up being resolved in the most obvious and childish ways (characters fall in idiotic traps and never see a single step ahead), making for a frequently boring show.
Good for a rainy Sunday afternoon, I guess...
A Nuvem Rosa (2021)
Rip-off of a French movie
This movie is a rip-off of "Hold your breath"
( https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5092380/ ) . Same setting (a toxic gas is released, people have to stay home to avoid dying), same despair.
It is a shame that it is being portrayed as something original - even worse that some say this movie anticipated the pandemic.
Star Trek: Discovery: Unification III (2020)
Monkeys with typewriters
They did it again.
First Burnham was a better Vulcan than Spock. Logic to the core!
Now, she's completely driven by emotion....fiery, passionate, the works!
And, obviously, Spock became a great Vulcan because of her.
Men can't do anything good that doesn't spring from women. And women can't do anything bad that doesn't spring from men.
Stupidity at its best.
Lovecraft Country (2020)
Second time around!
Weeeeeell....this is a series based on a book that leverages on the whole "historical racism" theme - and uses Lovecraft's mythos as a backdrop (and quite badly at that...).
To avoid any discussions: any and all institutionalised racism is not only wrong but utterly stupid. One of the reasons we are still here as a race is that we MINGLE - so the gene pool never goes stale and leads us to a quick wipeout.
That being said, this series is nothing but an exploit on political correctness and all that comes dangling on that chain.
If you're into that sort of mind-numbing crap, you will have a banquet here. Otherwise, steer clear of it.
Brain damage ahead....
The Goldfinch (2019)
Very good movie!
Some people are dissatisfied that this movie isn't the book. Serves them well. Different medium, different approach.
I did not read the book - though now I just might.... - so I had no preconceptions about the movie.
The focal point is artfully worthless - a million-dollar 500 year old painting - to the actual story being told: the drama of a kid holding on to to an idol of a pivotal moment in his life. Everything develops and is woven around this, from haziness to frightful eye-opening to unsteady bliss to final redemption.
The main characters got very talented actors to play them (albeit perhaps not very experienced) and the supporting cast was superb.
All things considered, very entertaining and a bit insightful! Worth your time!
Ragnarok (2020)
Great concept! At Amazon it could've been a great series, but....
....it is on Netflix...so it is basically Nordic mythology dressed as Twilight...
Ok, spoilers....
The Giants won the war and remained on Midgard among the humans. The gods are supposedly dead, certainly never seen again.
Giants now are not that tall, but financially they excel. THEY are the ones destroying the environment!
Yes....it is that crap.
Simplistic to the extreme.
All Giants are white and heterosexual. It amazes me they included 2 females...but, then again, the women served their purpose: to show that even among Giants, no male can best a female in combat. There are 2 such encounters, both age-compatible, both won by the females.
Oh! there is one physical dispute between the elder woman and the series' hero...he loses, naturally.
Giants are cunning, brutal....but can't seem to circumvent high school kids......
And such a nice high school! Every ethnicity represented, etc, etc
The rebel girl, who knew all the dirt, had hard evidence - but was unable to compile it and send it outside of the little hamlet they live in - clicks in with the hero. She's a closet lesbian, but he respects that. She dies. And gets replaced my a muslim girl (no burqa) that is at once outspoken, decided and aggressive! Good for her!
Giants spent millenia hiding their true selves from humanity - but they keep an unlocked room filled to the brim with memorabilia. And they regularly invite humans over.
They are immortal, so the ones we see are the ones that fought the war with the gods. One would expect them to have matured. At first it so seems, but as the season drew to a close and the script writers needed to wrap it up, so they went the Netflix way: stuck their feet in their mouths and typed happily away!
So it comes to pass that they go to open conflict in an urban environment. With almost all the works: people going through brick walls and freak lightning falling on them...
Truly a pity - this could have been so good!
Doctor Sleep (2019)
Apt sequel to 'The Shining'!
I must confess I had awful expectations regarding this movie.
The Shining is to date one of the best books by Stephen King and by far the best adaptation to the big screen any of his works ever had - so the sequel was bound to come short of it, given King isn't anywhere as good as he once was and that the times now forbid certain scenes to be shown...
The movie turned out ok despite all that!
The 'empty ones' are a conceivable addition to the environment (though they should have been less conspicuous, of course), the big shiner black girl was a nice touch.
Danny being a recovering alcoholic was perhaps a bit too forceful - and they didn't truly need it to bring them all back to the Outlook Hotel.
The box usage becomes clear long before they decide to go there, too. The idea itself was a good one, though.
Overall a very enjoyable movie!
Color Out of Space (2019)
Certainly one of the best Lovecraft renditions to date
Lovecraft mythos has been almost always plagued by low to pitiful budgets and with wild modifications to the author's original design.
Not here.
Albeit the being ported to present days, the right ambiance was created, the wonder at the otherworldly is present and the incredible distortions of reality are shown.
Definitely worth your while.
V-Wars (2019)
Ooops, Netflix did it again....
They let the monkeys play with the typewriters once more!
Unsurprisingly, what came out is unimaginative, predictable and boring. Also, beyond stupid.
The spoilers are above. Below are just a couple examples....
1 - Tech works when convenient. The military can see INSIDE a house from a satellite and identify heat signatures. They know some creatures are warmer than others - and they want to catch the warm ones. So, they send in soldiers WITHOUT A SINGLE INFRARED GOGGLES!!!! Well, the female character needed to escape and the monkeys can't be expected to find a credible way to do that....
2 - Decreasing incubation periods. As with virtually every crappy infection-based movie/series, the first ones infected take painful DAYS to turn. After that, the next ones get barely a scratch and are ready to go on a killing spree!
3 - Unbelievable characters. Even pre-infection, as it is now the norm across series, women can't be challenged by men (unless the women beat the men - that's ok). 19-year-old girls, faced with unspeakable horrors simply shrug them off as fleas and keep on rambling.
4 - Urges happen when convenient. The recently turned can't hold the hunger back. Unless that would make the 19 year old girl die and not be a main character.
Do yourself a favour: find something else to watch.
Wu Assassins (2019)
Leave it to Netflix....
.....to ruin an interesting concept
Wu Assassin had it all to be a very interesting sino-american story, mixing the thriller genre Americans do so well with KungFu sequences - like a more serious Lethal Weapon, if you will!
Buuuuuuuut you GOTTA pour the SJW agenda into everything, dontcha, Netflix?
Usually they wait until Season 2 to spoil the whole thing. Lately, though - and Wu Assassin is a prime example of that trend - they are going all in with it.
You have the immigrant, mixed ethnicity hero that happens to be a man. As a man, he can't successfully hit a woman. By the way, the bad guys can't either. Unless the bad guy is a woman. Then it is ok. Especially if the bad girl is not white. Then it is double ok.
You get the usual (and consistent) strong bodied men playing the fighters. And the unbelievable skinny models playing the girl fighters.
So, to hell with suspension of disbelief ! Let's have a twig beat up 10 muscled thugs armed to their teeth! She'll come out barely scratched - they will spend months in traction....
Meanwhile, our male MAGICAL hero, which one episode before beat a rock boulder to dust with his fists be beaten by a guy capable of summoning strong fire from his hands. The enemy doesn't even get a bloody nose. And he also doesn't turn the hero to cinder - the hero, though amazingly unable to avoid his punches and kicks, has absolutely no problem avoiding the fireworks.
Of course, all changes when the female hero appears. She gets things in order just enough for them to escape. Mysteriously, the enemy, mostly unscathed, allows them to go.
Netflix is letting crackhead monkeys write the scripts. We pay for that crap....
Ófærð (2015)
Amazing First Season.....then there was the second...
The first season was great.
Good, solid plot. Beautiful scenery. "Real people" as actors and actresses, in convincing real life situations.
Plot twists keeping you on your toes!
Great ending, no easy ways out, people had to face the consequences of their choices.
A real breath of fresh air, without the usual Political Correctness agenda being pushed.
Then came the second season......
All of a sudden, a xenophobic group of pig-headed farmers start acting out and, in the middle of it, there's a gay interracial couple of construction workers, one local, the other a man from Ghana.
Obviously, they are afraid. Even between them there is the question of the black being more oppressed and the inevitable talk about it.
Then there is the fact that the main male character, whose boss in Season 1 was also a man, now has a woman boss. She seems corrupt - because she is associated with capitalists.....
Netflix is getting expertly apt at destroying their good series from Season 02 on by letting SJW dictate their narrative into the scripts, pasteurising everything into an homogeneous indistinct crap....
Legends of Tomorrow (2016)
Leave SJW to write scripts.....
Season 01 was weak.
Season 02 was absolutely stupid. From the looks of it, the proverbial monkeys with typewriters were left to create the story.
Absolutely no regard to continuity or to coherence or to consistency.
In a time travel narrative writers have more latitude to create new characters and fit them into history, of course - but to make untrained people manage weapons expertly is childish.
Even worse, existing characters remain absolutely oblivious of their own abilities and powers whenever that suits the idiotic storyline.
Of course, the liberties taken with History are a chapter in themselves - from women acting as knights in Arthurian myth, black men and women easily accepted as equals in slavery times, and so on.
Not to mention the "moral imperatives" characters follow in spite of obvious life threatening circumstances in which actions cannot possibly a yield any positive outcome.
There's a distinct possibility that at least one Teletubbies episode is more intelligent than this whole series....
Real Cases of Shadow People: The Sarah McCormick Story (2019)
Shadow people made this film
Spoiler: this movie sucks, bigtime
No, really: it is only a movie because someone recorded it in this format. If a student presented this as a graduation project it would be the last of a would-be career in filmmaking!
You can start watching at 01:17h. Everything before this can be summed up as road trip images, farting in a tent (yes, you read it right....they spend over 15 min on farting) and "interviews" that add nothing.
So, one could say this is a 30 min recording. Even as a short, it sucks.
Not even simple technical aspects were properly taken care of (such as battery indicators on GoPro screens always showing 4/5 of power - even though they supposedly were filming for hours).
The only creepy scene (sooooooooo done that not even kids get scared by it anymore) happens 4 min before the blissful end.
Oh! As the camera falls to the floor, it freezes the last image: the ceiling.
Fade to black
1st Summoning (2018)
Who gave the kids a camera?
Hello, sir or madam!
Do you by any chance have a bad case of insomnia?
This thing will cure it!
Predictable to the last scene, with a budget so low it could have been a student's college last assignment, this so-called movie is an absolute waste of time.
4 morons go out to film a documentary (yeeeees, it is one of THOSE movies) on a mysterious place that supposedly disappeared with a few people over the years.
One has a broken foot. But he hops along.
The girl is dating the director, but has a thing on the side with the last guy - whom, by the way, is madly in love with her....
They go, find townspeople so obviously in with the cult they could be wearing badges, find the priest that take as if he had a lobotomy gone wrong, steal stuff from him, get the first signs that things are going south fast, keep pushing it forward, end up all dead. Well, not all. One survives. For a reason.
Avoid at all cost.
Star Trek: Discovery: Brother (2019)
From so-so to straight bad
The first ST:D season was....different.
A few wildly extrapolated science concepts such as the universal fungus and the humongous tardigrade were actually nice and in keeping with ST canon.
The female protagonism was balanced (though calling the main female character 'Michael' was just a bit overboard). CGI was amazing. The story itself, as usual for contemporary series, had a season-encompassing arc.
Not great, not enthralling. But good.
Enter 'Brother'.
Female protagonism was increased to the point that its feminist inspiration is so obvious it might as well come with subtitles indicating the 'male sin' to be decried. In one scene, a guy tries to 'mansplain' to the lead character and has his pod crushed by asteroids, naturally dying in the process.....
On top of that, in almost all action scenes men are mere background props.
Oh! And the captain is often defied by Michael - and accepts it gracefully, of course. After all, nothing more natural than having your underlings undermine your authority in public and taking it with a smile on your face....
Then comes the Imperial measurement system.....why is it there? TODAY there is no nation (USA included) that still uses it in science - why in hell would a space civilization encompassing several alien races use it still?
Finally, Spock. Or was it Spock really? Ok, it would be expected that a halfling would have problems growing up in Vulcan - and ST:TOS lets us see that throughout its 3 seasons. But a child that is already doing the things they showed Michael doing (yes....younger than the Michael they presented in 'Brother'....but if I start with the plot holes we will be here forever....) should be beyond infantile tantrums. Later on, he actively avoids having any contact with his father and foster sister even in the face of war.....
2036 Origin Unknown (2018)
Bad, so bad.....
This movie should not have been done.
There isn't a single original idea in it. Though that never stopped a creative person from writing a great story, this is not the case of this movie.
It is a collection of special (d)effects, badly done and even worse researched (there is a scene depicting Mars where one can see blue areas surrounded by the usual rusty terrain....).
The script is almost nonexistent - as is the cast, virtually composed of 2 white women, a black man and the computer. There are some 6 or 8 extras that play the soldiers, too.
No attention is paid to consistency. A Mars mission launched from Earth goes awfully wrong. In six years there is an unmanned space station in Martian orbit, controlled from Earth (actually a simulation from nee-HAL, as we "learn" later on).
In trying to emulate 2001: A Space Odissey they ended up simply copying HAL and the Monolith. And turning them into a sort of god.
Crappy movie, really.
Tomb Raider (2018)
Simply stupid, even for a clearly teenage movie.
The plot seems to have been written by monkeys with a severe case of the munchies......they can't keep track of their own story!
The new character (it is a braaaaand new Lara Croft....) is a very young woman, obviously just out of her teens.
Daddy has disappeared and supposedly passed away when she was in high school, so she simply ditches college, abandons the humongous mansion she used to live in and rejects daddy's money - she now makes a living as a delivery girl on a bike in London.
Somehow she manages to be clean, with new clothes and a shiny bike....but ok...
So, she never went to college. But she practices MMA! And cites Shakespeare from memory to her biker colleagues! A fully-fledged self-taught scholar while living on a delivery girl's wages.....eat your heart out, Batman.....
Then comes the day she needs to sign her dad's death certificate and take possession of his estate. She also gets a coded apparatus which, solved in seconds right there in front of the CEO and of the lawyer, presents her with the means to access Daddy's hidden life.
She goes to the mansion, into the vault and finds out dad has been searching for an ancient Japanese witch queen, whose powers could destroy the world. (An actually quite decent IDEA for a Tomb Raider plot - but that's all they got)
Well, she doesn't do as Daddy asked in a prerecorded video message and not only keeps all the notes about the said witch queen but starts on a trip to retrace his steps taking the most important notebook he left along. This is our bright young lady!
She finds transport. The transport founders. She manages to save the notebook. As she gets to shore on the accursed island she sought to reach, teh bad guys capture her. And the notebook.
She escapes the bad guys in a loooong sequence where she runs, falls into the water rapids, manages to grab a decaying plane before the waterfall - only to fall plane and all. But she grabbed a parachute moments before falling! It opens! All ragged, but sort of working. She falls through a forest! Lands with a metal scrap deep into her liver!
A tough cookie like her wouldn't let a tiny thing like that stop her from fighting one of the bad guys that managed to get to the same spot as her, ON FOOT ACROSS THE JUNGLE AND DOWN A VERY HIGH CLIFF, just seconds after she arrives..... She kills the guy. Yes. With a deep perforation to her liver, against a fresh enemy. Chuck Norris, beware!
Then she sees DADDY! Of course, he isn't dead. She follows him to his cave - midway up the cliff, which she climbs unaided, all the while bleeding....
Next day, after a chat, she decides to take on the enemy (about 10 heavily armed men) with only a handmade bow and arrows (strangely industrial looking but, at this point, who cares?).
She has to go all the way back to their camp - which she does RUNNING through a jungle she doesn't know and WITH A HOLE IN HER LIVER.
After that there is not much else to say....oh! Yes! The witch queen was in fact not a demon, but a martyr!
Can't have a woman as a demon now, can we?
She was an asymptomatic virus carrier. The virus consumes the flesh of the infected IN SECONDS AFTER CONTACT.
Seriously.....
Superstition (2017)
Crappy Supernatural rip-off
Not a single original idea in this show. It's all been done (better, by the way) in other shows and movies. There is even one episode when they glaringly joke about it.
They tried to do a black actors version of Supernatural. Oh, and the creator/producer/main actor had the also very original idea of bringing his own daughter to co-star it.
The script is ludicrous. Coherence is kept at a minimum, apparently by design.....
They have a house. With a library/magical armory. They use an old car (kept in mint condition). Eventually they get a hellspawn as an ally. And one of them becomes voluntarily semi-possessed to save his family from doom (even if the solution he needed was obvious). Perhaps they should use the same character names Supernatural uses....
The house is warded against evil. Has been so for ages. Evil can not pass through the wards. Obviously, it can't access the wards either - otherwise the Enemy would have put an end to those and then entered. Then, on the last episode, the possessed moron deals away with all the wards....
This show is as awful as they come. I hope there is no second season.
A Quiet Place (2018)
People can't write dystopian catastrophe scenarios anymore....
Beautiful scenery and atmosphere. Yup, that's pretty much it about this movie.
There are now unbelievably fast monsters on Earth. They are blind, but have bat-like abilities to avoid standing obstacles in their hunting path. They have idiosyncratic hearing: typical sounds a hunting creature would search for are easily ignored, but accidental ones are heard from a kilometer away. Oh, they have idiosyncratic natural armour too: enough to wipe out the military but just fragile enough to allow them to be killed with a headshot when the "plot" would benefit from it....
So, the world is in shambles, monsters roam the fields but, mom, what's for dinner? Why, dear, we have bread! 'Cause the friendly monsters do not impede heavy machinery to work the earth to keep producing wheat, corn....and processing them into flour, naturally! They are only concerned when you sneeze. THEN it's hunting time!!!
A good thing is that dad, a farmer, can turn himself around into a hearing aid technician to repair his deaf daughter's faulty one. Such a capable daddy! It is a pity that, with all that newly found knowledge, he doesn't think of making a soundproof area in their home - and there is a subterranean room just asking for that.....also, a few traps with sound wouldn't be bad....right, daddy? After all, for some reason, there is still electricity to spare....and natural armour doesn't keep THAT away...but, alas...another idiosyncrasy....they have electricity BUT use plenty of candles and oil lamps....buuuuut can't figure out an explosive trap....
The river provides a sound mask....so why not create a louder sound mask and be able to again talk freely? Better yet, drive the monsters insane with targeted sound?
Oh, honourable mention: as of late, girls are always brave rebels and boys can only be sweet/frightened/dumb/plain stupid.
And then we come to the nail on the stairway...once it gets up, NOBODY thinks of putting it back down or pulling it off. It is allowed to stay there and wreak havoc, as it eventually does....
Well, anyway...you've been warned....only watch it if you have the attention span of a 5 year old. Then perhaps you won't notice all the holes and stupidity. But, then again, you wouldn't have read all the way through my little diatribe...