graham_watkins Reviews

Blacklight (2022)

Action Film by Numbers

[2/10 · 25 March 2022]

The writers have clearly decided to produce a film that Liam Neeson would be good in, but boy have they failed. They've clearly sat down and chosen standard hooks you see in typical Liam Neeson films, and just thrown them in to another similar plot line, with the only difference being that his granddaughter is the one he feels is under threat in addition to his daughter.

This lazy film making in the extreme. The production and direction are so poor that they couldn't even copy the type of film they were hoping to produce. We know Liam Neeson is a great actor in the right film, so how they directors managed to make him seem wooden and contrived is a mystery, but it's not just the lead's acting that is wooden, it's most of the cast.

This is the worst Liam Neeson film I've ever seen.

The Wrong Husband (2019)

Straight to TV Daytime Film

[1/10 · 4 February 2021]

Who gets up one day and thinks 'you know what, I'm going to make a really bad film with wooden acting and incidental music so loud that you can't hear the actors speak?' Clearly that's what the director of The Wrong Husband, Ben Meyerson, thought; and boy did he delivered. You'd think when they check the film before releasing it someone would've said 'I think the mood music is too loud.' But no, that's how it was released. Then there's the tree-like acting. So wooden it's probably a fire hazard on hot days. The lead actress, Charlotte Graham, does a semi-decent job of playing her part, but the rest of the cast appear to have taken acting lessons from Pinocchio. Maybe the director's nickname is Geppetto? I managed to watch 18 minutes before I decided to go to the dentist for a root canal procedure that I suddenly decided I needed.

AVOID THIS FILM.

Hillbilly Elegy (2020)

If ambivalence and indifference was a film...

[3/10 · 29 November 2020]

I really don't know what to make of this film. I watched it to the end, which means it wasn't as bad as some I have watched, but I wouldn't bother watching it again. I get that it was a life story of someone who beat the odds and achieved more than someone in his position would ordinarily achieve, but as a story it is wasn't very engaging. Despite the acting being pretty good, the film didn't manage to keep my full attention while it was running. The film is OK, it's just a bit dull.

Accidentally Engaged (2016)

Plastic & Wooden Acting

[1/10 · 29 March 2020]

Another one of those films that I could only watch for 10 minutes. Think badly directed and acted made-for-TV movie and you'll already know what to expect. The acting was so painful I almost kept watching to see if it got any worse, because it definitely wasn't going to get any better. What more can I say other than don't waste your time and watch one of the million films out there that much, much better.

Glass Jaw (2018)

Another Movie Reviewed by Cast And Crew

[2/10 · 26 January 2020]

This is another movie where someone involved in making of the movie has told the cast and crew to review it on IMDB, and to get their friends to review it too. The early reviews are mostly top marks and then as reviews are added later, more and more low scores are posted. I realised something was up during the first 15 minutes when I was surprised the movie had a score of 7. 15 minutes is longer than it usually takes to spot a dud so I upper my score to two. The acting is wooden and the script is terrible with poor direction. Really bad, watch something else.

Aloft (2014)

Terrible, boring, dull

[1/10 · 27 February 2019]

It wasn't until I read the synopsis on IMDB did I work out what the story was about. I found the film impossible to concentrate on because it was so dull, there was no story and nothing of an value to watch. Why make this film? It seems a waste of time and effort. Watch something else, you will enjoy it much more.

The Bad Education Movie (2015)

Why? Why? Why? Why?

[1/10 · 28 May 2016]

Why do people make films like this? I am a fan of Jack Whitehall in small doses, but 90 minutes? No. I actually only watched the first 15 minutes, then turned it off, it was that predictable and terrible. It was possibly one of the worst films I thankfully didn't watch. I guessed it was about an mis-stood teacher who has an amazing connection with his students and gets them to over perform, like that film with Robin Williams and Matt Damon, only without the talent, quality acting or screen writing. What was that film called? It was way better. I am now watching The Intern with Anne Hathaway and Robert De Nero, and I'm over 15 minutes in and I have no plans to turn it off. Do yourself a favour watch something else, anything else. In fact watch Jack on TV, but not his stand up or his TV show, just watch when he's a guest.

The Perfect Wave (2014)

Incredibly bad

[1/10 · 8 January 2016]

This film is billed as a surf movie and a quest to find a perfect wave, but it isn't. It's a thinly veiled film about religion and finding god. The film starts in New Zealand, but miraculously somewhere in New Zealand where nobody has a Kiwi accent. The acting is so wooden I wouldn't have been surprised to see Pinocchio make an appearance. Some of the places in which the surfing films were done were spectacular, but that's the only good thing about the film. The surfing scenes in Cape Town are of a surfer in only board shorts, did the director swim in the sea around Cape Town? If he had he'd have known you need a wetsuit because it's so cold. The scene near the end when the film's hero is lying on the ground with his hands together praying for god to help him was the last scene I watched. I can see why the directors added surfing to a religion themed film; they know surfers will watch any film about surfing, but if you read the film reviews by surfers you'll see they failed, and failed spectacularly. Do yourself a favour, watch something else, don't waste your time watching this drivel.

Freetown (2015)

Dreary and boring

[2/10 · 21 August 2015]

I started watching this film with a bottle of wine and some pizza. I wasn't expecting a chick flick but I was expecting something entertaining. By the time I'd finished the pizza I had forgotten the film was playing so I tried again but this time the dog distracted me. It was an impossible film to concentrate on as the characters were shallow and the plot was almost non-existent, or maybe it was so slow its progress could be measured in glacier time. Other than the mud I can't remember much other that some God bothering. It really is a terrible and boring film. Do yourself a favour and stick pins in your eyes instead.

It Was You Charlie (2013)

Dreary, boring, dull

[2/10 · 9 January 2015]

I don't get why the cast and crew made or released this film, it was terrible. Nothing happened nor pretended to happen, it was just dull. Do yourself a favour and watch something else, like paint drying, it'll be more exciting and at least you'll know nothing will happen. The main character was supposed to be boring and that was achieved but why would you film a movie where the main character is supposed to be boring and more than lives up to expectation. You could equate the main character as a Mister Bean type but without the humour. This film gets put in the same pile as Being John Malcovich and Abducted as films I didn't finish because they were so poor. Do yourself a favour and watch something else.

Abducted (I) (2014)

Terrible film

[1/10 · 13 May 2014]

The acting was wooden, the plot was poor. 1h26 of my life I won't get back. I guess they were trying to make something like Taken but unfortunately failed way short of both Taken films. The difference being that Liam Neeson has screen presence and can work his character with much more ability. The whole premise of the film was to play on Mark Harris' boxing career and his name as a local hero and warrior, but the fight scenes were terrible. Mark Harris' acting was probably the worst in the whole film, but that was a tightly run contest. It's very rare of ex-sportsmen to make a successful job of acting, and I think only Vinnie Jones has got anywhere close. Do yourself a favour, watch something else instead.