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herbiehusker13
Reviews
Anatomy of a Love Seen (2014)
Circle after Circle
Follow me, won't you please, on a visual representation of this movie. You're in for quite a treat.
First look at me. I'm staring off into space. I'm contemplating something-- you don't know what-- but please, look at me staring off into space.
Now find an open space nearby and walk in circles for two or three minutes. Tight, little circles. Over and over and over. This is the plot, ceaselessly turning itself over, never moving, never advancing, never containing motion.
Now look back at me. I'm still looking into space. Watch me for a minute or two.
Now go and walk back in circles for ten minutes.
Hey look- a nipple!
Now look back at me. Yup, I'm still staring.
Is the movie still going on on? Dear God, really? Okay then... let's continue.
Walking in circles, aimless staring. Walking in circles, aimless starting.
Don't get me wrong. I appreciate character development (that's clearly what they were focusing on here) as much as the next person. I can understand a directors desire to focus on a relationship or two and examine them deeply and complexly. But you HAVE to, you HAVE to mix that with scene and plot movement. Not to do so in a 80 minute piece is abusive to the audience. Do not watch this movie. Do not waste your time.
Now look back at me...I'm still staring off into space.
Now go walk in circles.
Wake the Witch (2010)
Worst ever?
Since the dawn of cinema, certain movies have proved themselves to be masterpieces, worthy not only of repeated viewing, but of the highest praise from all who watch. Sadly, Wake the Witch falls nowhere near this category. In fact, to locate it in the same zip code; neigh, the same hemisphere as that type of distinction would be a gross injustice. To truly understand the depth of the worthlessness of this movie requires one to not only sit through the entire mind-numbing 114 minutes of wasted film, but to also attempt to pay attention for that span of time. Such a task proves impossible for even the most enthusiastic of terrible-movie-enthusiasts.
It is one thing for a movie to not reveal its main plot for over an hour. It's an entirely other thing to do so when that plot is pointless, convoluted, and the hour-plus of waiting contains no action. Not only that, but to subject the audience to the added torture of watching the the female lead enter forests, get chased by zombie Abercrombie models, creep through houses, and get hit on by a borderline pedophile time after time after time is simply criminal. The one redeeming quality of this movie is that viewers in Lincoln could recognize some of the filming locations- small comfort, though, considering that if one tried to explain what plot points happened at these locations there would really be no answer besides "I don't know." That this movie is the worst I may ever see is a given, and to say that it is a waste of time is an understatement. Jesus Christ himself would be hard pressed to love anything about this movie other than the fact that it ends.
To sum it up concisely, Wake the Witch sucks.