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tomlaws
Reviews
Elvis (2022)
Unwatchable!
There's been plenty of great reviews on here as to why this thing is miserable, I want to know who the heck can tolerate this thing! Perhaps the HBO Max audience has a special kind mentalness that allows them to see movies in a way that normal sane people can't. So I only got one question for you punk, are you sane? Oh and I see the idiots at IMDb insist that this review have 600 characters... really? Do you think anybody has time to read 600 character reviews times the hundreds of people who review a given film? There's a reason Twitter originally limited themselves to 140 characters! 8 more wasted characters of your life and we're done.
The Hunger Games (2012)
Total waste of time
I'm not going to say this is the worst movie you'll ever see, but it is a complete last of time!!! Canned and predictable, no doubt the casting Director and the writer are completely wold but talentless. Even Woody Harrelson, who I am usually impressed with is a cardboard cut out of a person.
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Almost walked out
If you have the simple intellect to enjoy productions like 2 1/2 men and friends, you'll be right at home in this movie. All others are advised to avoid. If I hadn't paid eight dollars to watch it I had walked out after the first 20 minutes. The movie involves ridiculous scenarios including Tom having to pay for everybody's drink in a large bar because of some simple faux pas! Really? How is that even believable! Tom never really tries to entertain in this, and there's a crew of the most unlikely team pilots that he has the training that you've ever met. Anyone who's ever seen pilots interviewed in the news knows that these are high intellect professional individuals responsible for flying planes each equal to a lifetime salary of 40 people. They don't put idiots in charge of them!
12-30-2023 update; watching this on paramount app and realizing this absurdly written homage to cruise needs to be banned lest it lower the National I.q.
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
Walked out!!!
Definitely written by 14-year-olds for people who have the intellect of 14-year-olds.
Absolutely boring childish ridiculous banter, childish choices by the characters, the villains are all kind of squishy kind of wanna be good, kind a want to be bad. The noise level is ridiculous, I guess if you can't write a plat you can always blast their eardrums out for an endorphin rush.
Batman Forever (1995)
My favorite of the series
I don't understand the low rating unless it's from all the Furrys that think these are documentaries. Val Kilmer is absolutely the best Batman, the costumes wake up the senses and Jim Carry what is the first entertaining villain of the bunch.
Medicine Man (1992)
?
Romancing the Stone came out eight years earlier, the didn't need to be made. Syrupy sweet, one dimensional characters playing everything as obvious as can be.
Prometheus (2012)
Prometheus is pathetic
Prometheus is pathetic. Here we have yet another film who's art department special effects department and costuming departments were wasted on terrible dialogue and writing. The crew of the spaceship is incredibly unprofessional, definitely should've had a psychological screening before they boarded and their English skills are sloppy. I guess the director and writer and actors I've never seen NASA or SpaceX in action. Nobody but nobody has an attitude, they speak as close to the Queens English as possible and our pleasant to each other.
When we have to hear such poorly thought out details as "the company spent $1 trillion on this mission". Sorry but the odds of that mission costing such a round number as 1 trillion are about as likely as my hitting the lottery. Next we have one meat head whip off his helmet to test the air quality and within 20 seconds everybody else does too because you know, 20 seconds is plenty of time to figure out if somebody's gonna die from something mysterious.
Don't waste your time, and my apologies to all the hard work done by those who didn't direct, write or act in this film.
A Good Year (2006)
Nope!
Who knew Russell Crowe had such a limited range of acting ability. This picture is also poorly directed, none of the storyline is believable and neither is the character.
Annie Hall (1977)
Unwatchable
This thing will give your brain a Charlie horse that you need to rub away.
Bad Day at Black Rock (1955)
Is this Sunday school?
Seriously, I could and probably did write characters like these in my 4th grade short story's, they are either over the top dumb and evil or Jesus like with supernatural powers of deduction and god like fighting powers using magical far-East fighting skills.
Planet of the Humans (2019)
About time!
Green energy has always been a farce. Been watching this sideshow since I bought my first solar cells in 1975. Glad Moore is on the right side of science and reason for a change. I'm sure those already indoctrinated by the religion can't be Told any different.
The Saint (1997)
I'm confused
This was a thoroughly enjoyable movie but gets an unusually low rating, I suppose it's because people might be comparing it to the original? Well for those of us that never saw the original this is a good time and Elizabeth shoe is gorgeous and Val Kilmer does his typical excellent job at pulling off a great character. You are still my favorite Batman too.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Pitiful
Why, oh why did I not trust my gut instinct and avoid this mess? Disney, give it up already. if your looking to fill a post holiday evening with some entertainment, I recommend you choose the lesser of two boredoms, go for a walk and count the number of leaves that still cling to the trees. You may not be more entertained buy at least you won't be disgusted by this money grabbing, movie by committee.
The Mighty Quinn (1989)
So bad yet...
Amateurs get a camera. This is one of those movies that's so awkwardly bad that it's almost entertaining to watch, ALMOST!!! The acting, videography, and script all have that awkwardmess about them like when you listen to a 12 year olds attempts at playing the piano.
In the Loop (2009)
Bad
Weak acting, weak writing and photography. I sense a bit of elitism to mask the shortcomings, like; "if you don't think this is brilliant, YOU are the problem"
Baby Driver (2017)
Starts our dumb, slowly gets worse.
If your going to commit a crime do you drive a car or wear outfits that are easy to spot? If the police arn't chasing you do you drive like a maniac so they notice you? If you don't know the answer to these questions, you've found your Citizen Kane.
We Were Soldiers (2002)
Know who you are
Know who you are before you see this "film". If Winston Churchill's observation; "The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter." leaves you smiling a knowing smile, you'll not like this poorly constructed manna for the masses.
Dream Big: Engineering Our World (2017)
8th grade level
8th grade level content. 10 minutes in and we're still getting narration at 35 words per minute. Contrast that to Carl Sagan's Cosmos with 75 words per minute and words of a more difficult to comprehend nature. "Where's the Beef?"
Demetri Martin: The Overthinker (2018)
Great jokes
Good funny jokes and defiantly worthy of the time but the last comedian doing that type of show was Rodney Dangerfield. Now a great stand up routine needs a little more cohesion.
Iliza: Elder Millennial (2018)
Canned
Sounded like most of the audience reaction is really just a laugh-track. If that's the case, why waste the effort to make this a special?
The Green Hornet (2011)
Not just bad...
I've never rated a movie a "1" before so this is by far the worst movie I've ever seen. This movie isn't just bad, it's as if Seth Rogan, was paid to throw the whole thing. If that was his goal, he succeeded. That this bomb has a 5.8 rating says a lot about the mental acuity of the typical viewer.
The Big Short (2015)
Work of fiction
So misleading a tale about what caused the housing meltdown I consider it a work of fiction.
How can the the writer as well as the nation that lived during this time period be so clueless
as to not remember the evens that happened? Does anyone watch the news or hear what our politicians are meddling in any more?
When I was moving to a new home in 2005, I noticed 9 out of 10 homes I was looking at were vacant. I knew then we were heading for a serious meltdown in home prices.
I stopped at a new housing project and the sales team were all bragging about the money
they were making buying the spec homes and flipping them. I was hearing from friends that worked
in downtown Detroit about the massive numbers of fraudulent home sales where home "buyers" would
buy a house that should have been torn down, apply for a loan and split the proceeds of the fraud
with the seller, appraiser and loan taker. Why would any bank buy such worthless junk? They wouldn't.President Bush ordered FreddieMac to buy as many poor/minority owned/low FICO score home loans as possible. At the peak of the bubble, FreddieMac owned 6 trillion dollars of these.
Google the following and read the facts;
"...The President set a goal to increase the number of minority homeowners by 5.5 million families
by the end of the decade. Through his home-ownership challenge, the President called on the private
sector to help in this effort. More than two dozen companies and organizations have made commitments to increase minority home- ownership - including pledges to provide more than $1.1 trillion in mortgage purchases for minority home buyers this decade..."
Two and a Half Men (2003)
I get it!
Do you have an exceptionally high tolerance for the same droning sound over and over? (Mennnn!)
When I first heard this was Americas number one sitcom you really got me Ashton, but I get it, we're all being punk'ed right? (Mennnn!)No way do we have that many millions of adults that still laugh at 5th grader sex jokes right? (Mennnn!) Even 5th graders would have gotten sick of the same insipid jokes by now right? (Mennnn!)
Yes, we've all been Punk'ed because the other alternative is to horrible to contemplate; that we really were/are dumb enough to vote for Bush/Clinton/Bush/Bush/Obama. (Mennnn!)