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The Invitation (2015)
Worst audio mixing I've heard in a long time
I'm not going to rate the rest of this film because it was so frustrating in other ways. I had to turn the audio up to hear the constant mumble-whispers and then it way down when it exploded during the scare scenes. I turned off all the fans in my home (it's summer), my turtle tank's water filter in the next room (basically every ambient noise that is present) and it was still terrible. Whisper whisper whisper BOOM! I can only imagine the sound editor did all the mixing and normalization with studio headphones and never had anyone test it in a real world audio environment. It's too bad because this film became such an intolerable experience for me as a result.
Don't Breathe (2016)
Good premise, terrible protagonists
This film has a solid premise for a horror thriller, and at times it's fun, but it also has major flaws. The characters are unlikable and 2 dimensional. A greedy thug, a whiny guy who spends the whole movie saying "gosh I don't think this is a good idea", and the female lead, who ends up being the hero of the film, is essentially worthless and literally watches as everyone around her does all the fighting and dying until the end when she's finally forced to take care of herself.
The villain (sort of) is by far the most interesting feature of this piece. His blindness, a result of an explosion during the Gulf War, is of course the crux of the film as once the former soldier realizes he has intruders in his home looking to take his inherited money, the tables turn and they have to sneak around hoping he won't hear them. Blind Man (seriously, that's the only name he is given) has some dark secrets to defend but there is also a rationality, albeit cold and brutal, to his actions, and he has an intriguing backstory that explains his motivations.
This film would have been considerably better with a little more love had been applied developing the characters we're supposed to like. One is left identifying with the villain more than the protagonists in this film, which would be fine if that were intentional, but it seems like an accident.
Super (2010)
Surprisingly enjoyable with a strong cast, good balance of humor and drama
So I like quirky, unusual (not-so)superhero films, and it's not exactly a prolific genre. I've posted before about Kick-Ass and Defendor. Super will be inevitably compared to the above by many, but it stands as its own film with a significantly different feel. Not as comic booky or teen-oriented as Kick-Ass, not as serious and ultimately tragic as Defendor, but with action, violence, and drama to rival either.
Rainn Wilson is perfectly cast for the role of the inept, possibly delusional loser-come-superhero, while Ellen Page is a great turn as a comic book store clerk who is way,way (and I mean way) too excited about becoming the sidekick. Liv Tyler spends most of the time whispering, confused, and high, I think they probably just carted her out of her trailer to the set and had her be herself. And Kevin Bacon makes a great villain team with the under-rated Michael Rooker.
The film maintains a rather desperate atmosphere with highlights of giddiness which sets up both compelling drama and natural-feeling humor, falling somewhere in the middle of its two most recent genre entries. Recommended.
Religulous (2008)
Hilarious film, plagued by bias
I laughed my ass off for most of this film- the only problems being whenever Jews vs Islam were portrayed. He harasses a Rabbi for believing that the Arab inhabitants of modern-day Israel deserved to keep their land before the Zionists arrived. He actually walks out of the interview because the Rabbi disagrees with him.
He harasses a Muslim woman, and claims that Islam considers non-believers inferior, or even worthy of death, when Judaic texts claim basically the same thing. He harasses the same woman for believing the texts should be intepreted in light of modern events and that perhaps the harsher passages should be reinterpreted- when Judaism has consistently done the same thing.
I as an atheist have no stake in this issue but I was disappointed that Bill showed little regard for reconsideration of what he obviously believed prior to this filming.
And seriously- two out of two didn't find this review useful? More like two people had an agenda that didn't agree with my review. Grow up people, I had one problem with this film and that was the way he treated that two particular interviewees and their viewpoints.
The Last Man (2008)
Really bad film.
So, the cinematography was not so bad. The makeup, acceptable for the budget, although not impressive. By far the worst element of the film a viewer will notice is the terrible voiceovers through the whole movie. The star actor speaks like he is legally retarded. A big first step toward cleaning up this film would be ditching the voiceovers, or at least re-recording them with someone who is not so annoying to listen to.
Speaking of which, this character is boring and uninspiring to watch. He looks like he just stumbled out of a local bar to strap on some vests and camouflage and try to shoot the neighbor's dog with a pellet gun. Meet him: prior to the contagion, a nerdy office worker with a large paunch, begging to finally play in the big game. By the end of the few months passage in the film, he is a silent ninja, capable of Navy Seal tactics. The infected can use guns, but apparently not against him. His slothlike movements and pudgy body are even less stealthy and graceful than one might expect, I guess it's lucky for him that he is facing a partially blind and disabled enemy.
Of course, this all comes to a head when it is revealed that he is not only infected, but he is the one man who is capable of being infected while still maintaining his human nature. He is asked to breed with several women who may be able to produce viable offspring, healthy like him- what does our hero do? cut their throats one by one in one of the most pathetically uninspiring and unnecessarily long scenes in movie history. You can tell the director budgeted a few hundred for "chicks with their throats cut" effects. There were poor attempts at homages to Omega Man, but they fell flat and seemed more like distractions from the utter unoriginality of this film's plot. I am honestly willing to forgive the CGI scenes, they were not terrible except for the actual flight crash scene- but it doesn't matter, because the scene that comes after the CGI is so bad that you will wish you hadn't watched the film.
Just let this one rest- a script with a hint of promise but a failure in every other way.
Mr. Gibb (2006)
Not so bad, but not great.
It wasn't awful, but this movie is pretty forgettable. With only a couple of exceptions, the characters came off as two dimensional, their actions made no sense and seemed totally unrealistic. The actors did a passable job with what they had. The dialogue had a few chuckles but largely felt short of witty, and it couldn't seem to commit to comedy and instead comes off as a not so compelling drama with a few comic moments. I will say the end was unexpected to me, but it didn't really make up for the flaws.
Of course, Hayden Panettierre is really hot, and if you enjoy looking at her this movie is probably worth seeing just for that.
Tooth and Nail (2007)
Not very good.
I'm astonished that some people are rating this movie a 9 or 10. It really just isn't that good. Sadly, it had all the tools to be successful, including an interesting premise, a wealth of experienced acting talent, a great filming location, and convincing effects (although this being 2008 you can't really give much credit for the latter anymore).
Unfortunately, they still managed to screw it up. The villains' actions didn't make much sense, neither did the protagonists', for that matter. They consistently made really stupid decisions, presumably to create tension and a "stalking killers" feel, except the killers weren't scary. The "twist" was predictable and lame. Dialog was passable, but nothing to write home about. I did feel the actors all delivered the best performance they could with what they had, but there just wasn't much to work with.
The script really needed a couple of critical rewrites before going into production, I actually laughed out loud at the cliché "dramatic face painting in preparation for war" scene near the end. The ending is frankly boring and unsatisfying. Instead of this movie, you could just watch Mad Max and Doomsday while completely hammered, then take the resulting mess of memories and remove anything entertaining or intriguing, it will be the same experience but far more fun.
Dard Divorce (2007)
Worst audio mixing I've heard in a long time
Everything the two reviews above me has said are correct. Outside of some excellent gore/torture scenes, it's just a bad film.
I just wanted to add that the sound mixing was really, really terrible. The music was nowhere near good enough to overwhelm the film which it began to do about halfway through. There were some scenes where the music was so loud I literally couldn't hear what the actors were saying.
Of course that wasn't such a bad thing because the dialogue was terrible. It sounded like it was written by someone with a very tenuous grasp of English, perhaps learned via Baywatch reruns. All in all, don't bother unless you love gore and torture films, because that's what most of this film is.
Beneath the Surface (2007)
Very impressive for an amateur film.
Despite this film's obviously low budget and amateur cast, it really was surprisingly good. The editing was quality if not edgy. The story came off as interesting and believable (for a zombie-revenge film) and lacked a lot of the stupid twists and successive inconsistencies of similar films.
The music was pop-rock/metal, obviously youth oriented- not exactly my cup of tea but it wasn't offensive, and given the cast of mostly adolescents it didn't feel out of place.
Although they won't be winning any Oscars for this, I never felt annoyed or contemptful of the acting- it was actually really good for the level of production attempted here and all the roles felt pretty comfortable to me.
Plot wasn't exactly complex, but also it wasn't over-reaching which is important for a production like this. Better to accomplish what you can do than fail at something you aren't really capable of.
So I give this film 6/10, because even though this exceeded my expectations, cmon, this is an amateur flick. Sure, it wasn't bad, even pretty good considering, but also nothing groundbreaking here.
A solid enjoyable film in the teen zombie genre, minus a lot of the cheese you typically find, despite the fact that it looks like a college-level film. Give it a try if you're the type that likes to watch up and coming filmmakers, because these guys impressed me.
Hank and Mike (2008)
Hilarious, twisted, offbeat humor
I liked this comedy a lot more than I expected to when I got my hands on the screener. A film about two easter bunnies getting fired could go wrong in a lot of ways. But I found myself laughing out loud even though I was watching by myself which is rare.
There's some humor to be had in just watching guys in grubby easter bunny suits smoke, drink and screw their way through the film, but they also got a hold of Chris Klein for the role of Hubris the executive. He has perfect delivery and look for this market-gibberish-spewing near-con man, and his drunken karaoke performance of some The Burning Hells song I can't remember had me rolling.
Thomas Michael comes across very well as the sarcastic substance-abusing womanizer and Paolo Mancini serves very well in his role as the increasingly fed-up straight man who can only take so much before the inevitable explosion.
Mantegna was strangely in the background considering he is probably the most accomplished actor in the film, but I guess there wasn't much of a role for him really.
The bunny suits make for a lot of sight gags, especially the roid-raging bodybuilder who seems oddly at home in pink fur, and the scenes of them doing basic hygiene in costume.
Overall I thought it was one of the funnier comedies of the year but perhaps I just like bunny suits and hard living.
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007)
Marisa Tomei looks great for a 40 something
I gave this movie a 10/10. Why? Cause I've had a crush on Marisa Tomei since My Cousin Vinnie and now that I finally see her topless, she does not disappoint AT ALL (unlike Meg Ryan in In The Cut) and clearly takes very good care of herself. I think it also helps that she has natural small and perky boobs that have held up really well. So ya, if you're a red-blooded human being, see this movie for the nekked Tomei. I command thee.
Oh ya, and PSHoffman and Ethan Hawke deliver excellent and nuanced performances that I mostly missed because I was daydreaming about Marisa Tomei's nipples.
Dying God (2008)
softcore porno, with a killer monster plot and a couple of real actors
I think if I had come into this knowing it was basically a porn studio, with porn actors, and porno cinematography creating this film, I might have passed itup. I saw Henricksen and Moran in the cast and somehow I imagined that Misty Mundae must have made the leap to real movies after The Rage and her Masters of Horror episode.
Nope. This movie features plenty of softcore scenes, nudity at every possible opportunity. They obviously had a lot of porn props and actors because there are stank hos dildos and cheesy bondage leather all over the place. To be honest I like porn and naked people but it doesn't add anything to the plot, and I've never liked porno that tries to have a plot, so they get a big fail from me. I think perhaps they thought all the sex would add to the "dark and decadent" aspect of the film but it just seems forced.
The high point of the film is the wheel-chair mounted concealable harpoon gun, that was truly original. Also the titties were good. The monster suit looks like it was recycled from a late 90's sci-fi series, and although it apparently rapes its victims to death and has a giant penis in the one illustration we see, no such deadly phallus is ever seen on the monster. Obviously even monsters like to exaggerate the size of their member.
Overall, Henriksen must have been hardup for cash because this is a new low even for him. Only see this if you are trapped in a porn store or something, cause that's probably going to be this film's primary outlet.
Funny Games (2007)
Super examination of...
...Naomi Watts in her underwear. Her figure makes this worth watching at least once. Her lingerie is sexy, but believably modest for a mom, with a anglo-flesh-colored bra and white panties that hug her curves nicely. She obviously takes very good care of herself and is both fit and perfectly-shaven.
Even thought she cries a lot before getting nekked, she has the type of delicate beauty that is only enhanced by reddened eyes. Somehow her hair stays basically perfect even when she is staggering around all tied up. There is at least a good thirty seconds of her just sitting there on the couch so even if you're watching this with other people, you won't need to come up with some excuse to pause this shot and perv out- there's plenty of time.
The kid who gets to hug her nearly-naked chest probably brags about it at school all the time.
You can fast forward through the rest, or don't, if you like to watch people get tortured by douchy rich kids.
10/10!!!!!! (or 5/10 if you don't appreciate Watts' bod)