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Reviews
Tank (1984)
More serious than expected
Fair warning, this movie is not the "feel-good comedy" Netflix made me think it was. Ironically, I feel like the plot was ahead of it's time and labeled "comedic" because the corruption and subsequent extreme reaction seemed so absurd at the time. Doesn't really seem that absurd these days!
Overall, not a bad movie. The plot was more serious than I was anticipating, and it's filled with classic 80s cussing and casual racism. The plot made sense, acting was well done, and the cinematography and sound were well executed. I may have taken the movie a little too seriously, but I really only found two scenes actually "comedic" and it was more at the sheer absurdity than actual comedy. When you're talking abuse and police corruption, it's hard to find things funny.
I'd put the movie in the, "wasn't time wasted, but I won't watch again" category.
Cosmic Sin (2021)
You can tell they really tried...
It really isn't as horrible as a lot of people are saying. It's obvious this was done on a limited budget but most the time it feels like they knew how to work on a limited budget. Most of the CGI is passable considering current state of tech. The costumes have a good amount of detail but it looks like a bunch of cosplayers were hired out to make them, painfully obvious EVA foam and thermoplastic. The "futuristic" armor pieces are almost comically ill-fitting and awkward but have enough detail to make it tolerable. Combat is rather non-sensical, they clearly did whatever felt cool and didn't cost any extra and paid minimal attention to any kind of real tactics or gunplay. The story progression makes sense if only by a thread. Nothing wrong with the acting. Cinematography absolutely feels like it's done on a budget but it's done well enough. Foley is well done if not a little too clean sometimes. Music is quite possibly the highpoint, absolutely spot on.
Outcast (2014)
Not actually bad, but... also not good
It's definitely a mediocre move. It's obvious there was a lot of work put into sets, costumes, and locations - although I did find it funny how they couldn't really decide what "Asian" actually was... it was fantastical enough that it wasn't jarring though. It's a shame the director doesn't know how to shoot action scenes well. The choreography actually looked half decent but it was so hard to actually see much of it, too many cuts and changing angles. As for the actors, all the supporting cast I felt did really well. Cage is just... well... yea... Cage... can't be anything except himself apparently. Christensen on the other hand, I feel like has come a long way since Star Wars (I think Jumper is the only other movie I've seen with him...) For the plot, I think the only time I was just utterly confused was right at the end. The final confrontation didn't make a whole lot of sense. The classic "don't let their deaths be for nothing" tropes with a perfect defensive layout.... that wasn't used... instead of using the caves the few left just walk out for the finale like all the deaths meant nothing..........
So overall, not enough to make me stop watching, but nothing exceptional.
Army of One (2020)
How does this have such good ratings??
Of all the movies I have ever watched, this is the second movie I refuse to finish.
I actually got 50 minutes into it. I get that it's low budget but that's really no excuse for some of this ridiculousness.
Cinematography. Actually not bad. Good locations, well shot, mostly well lit despite the iffy fake night shots.
Sound. Was it so low budget that they couldn't afford more than one microphone?? Because it sure as heck sounded like it. Then into the Foley where there was either a complete lack of sounds (maybe the mic was a rental) or just wrong sounds that made no sense. If YouTube has taught me nothing else, you can download massive sound packs for little to no cost that would have added so much.
Acting/Writing. Cringey. Like, I literally physically cringed at the acting and writing. Holland and Singer were the only two who felt like they had any idea what they were doing.
Action. There is no way in heck you're throwing a guy onto a table leg and have it go totally through is chest. Sorry, that just doesn't happen. The martial arts groundwork wasn't half bad but looked awkward half the time. The gunplay, that is what did me in. At the 50min mark, a guy opens up with an automatic rifle (with a 4x scope) and misses 9/10 shots in a target rich area. I'm like, oh he must be a good distance away. Turns out no, the heroine turns around and throws an axe at him to kill him. My first time ever handling a firearm I was able to get a 20cm grouping at 20m with a pistol by the end of my session. It is next to impossible to miss from 10m away with a rifle. That's just plain inexcusable I'm sorry.
The Precipice (2018)
Minimum budget and missing plot
The only thing I thought was done well was the camera work.
I have absolutely no idea what the plot was supposed to be, the costumes looked fresh out of the laundry machine, the characters are running almost the entire movie and are never actually out of breath for more than a few seconds, the Foley team did a terrible job matching levels, and the the only suspense was created by playing edgy music while the two characters run for the whole movie. I also feel like there wasn't a single person in production who had ever laid hands on a firearm which makes zero sense considering the only characters in the movie are military.
The Wall (2017)
Even bare bones can dance
I very much enjoyed this movie. It's gritty, intense, psychological, with just enough political agenda to make it absolutely plausible. According to the trivia section, Nicholas Irving was the technical adviser and if that's true, he gave them enough to work with to make it seem very real (to an unprofessional eye) without being overwhelming with details.
I was surprised that John Cena had such a small role, but he did it so very well. Aaron was incredibly convincing with every single emotion. Laith, the longer the movie goes the more I loathed him. Even if I could never see him, the words were delivered so well that I could have been sitting beside him.
The story and cinematography are simple, but very well laid out in such a way that you're never left wanting. Even in such a stark landscape, there are enough details that you're always searching for some small piece that may be important. I have to say, I almost wish it ended differently... but it's a nice change, and it makes a certain amount of sense.
Gantz: O (2016)
This is when backstory becomes dreadfully important
I was surfing Netflix and came across this title and decided to watch it because the stills looked good and it had a good rating. Should have read the reviews...
The CGI is absolutely incredible, I'm honestly blown away. The industry has always had trouble getting humans right, but that being said the work in this one is just... photo-realistic level. The monsters are absolutely bizarre (reminds me of RIPD a little), beautifully rendered, but bizarre designs. The combat is pretty well done, although they really should have done more of it. And let's not forget the jiggly boobs, because what is anime without them am I right?
Aaannnd that's just about all the good I have to say about it. The plot is inexplicable without the backstory that I'm oblivious to, and the dialogue is atrociously bad. Still a better love story than Twilight.
Black Road (2016)
So bad it hurts
I'm the kind of guy who will just throw a movie on while I'm playing a video game or whatnot so I can live with a lot of bad things in a movie, but this one is so bad it hurt. I barely made it 15 minutes in before I had to stop it. The CG looks like terrible, flat and terrible renders. The acting is... well also flat and and inexpressive. The cinematography is perfect, as long as the scene is boring and there is nothing better to look at than an actor walking across the shot. Sound fx, sounds like it was grabbed off the internet - they somehow managed to fit 200 wildly applauding people into a shabby nightclub for example. Unless you're really bored and don't mind a very sub-par movie just don't bother with this one.
Everly (2014)
Brainless sexy bloodbath with a dash of humour
I'd put this movie on the same list as things like, Smoking Aces or Shoot em Up. The effects really aren't too bad, some pretty decent gore effects and more than copious amounts of blood, but all the gun play was surprisingly well done. Throw in a few unexpectedly touching moments, some rather clever lines, and you have a rather enjoyable movie. As long as you don't expect any kind of real plot at least. The most impressive thing about the movie is that 95% of it is all done in the same room, and not many movies can pull that off without having it get boring, but this one did.
As I said in the summary, it's a brainless bloodbath with a strong, sexy female lead. If you don't mind the gore and you just want something to watch, this one isn't a total waste of time.
Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014)
Watch the original
As far as movies go, meh. I have no idea what the purpose of this film was supposed to be other than just another Hollywood flick. I found the plot rather flimsy and whimsical and while I can understand "a different point of view", this wasn't one. The story was rewritten to focus on humanity and it's failures and recast God as a vengeful bitter child, completely forgetting the reason why there was a story in the first place. Instead of a story about the Israelites rediscovering their faith and putting their trust back in their creator, you get a confused exiled man being encouraged by a vengeful entity to go on a personal vendetta for something he knows nothing about. Oh wait, we don't want to offend any religious folk, so lets throw in just enough religion to make it confusing and misleading.
You're far better off watching the original "The Ten Commandments" from 1956. Very long movie but it doesn't leave you scratching your head at the end.
Legend of the Seeker (2008)
hang on, gouging my eyes out
I tried. I really did. I watched the complete first episode and read the books all over again just to make sure i wasn't hallucinating about how frickin amazing the books are. The acting drove me up the wall and the CGI looks like it was done with photoshop. I was reading the great reviews here and I can't believe people actually think it's good. Like don't get me wrong, I can totally not compare it to the books and still think it's a terrible show. Every now and then I'll wonder what they did with a certain character so I'll TRY to watch an episode and tear my hair out after 2 minutes. Like honestly, if you think this show is good, you have very low standards.
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)
In a word, cliché
If you want your classic fantasy movie, this is it. It's got a simple farmer, bad guys who ruin his life, good guys beat bad guys. It's nothing special. The plot is rather predictable and is not new at all, even the "twists" are predictable. There is really only two good actors in the entire movie, the cgi is half decent but in the wide-shots it's easy to tell. Props are basic but still well done. It's obvious that the director was attempting to imitate any number of movies, Lord of the Rings especially, but in the same respect, it's hard not to imitate one movie or another these days.
I know I just said a bunch of... negative things about this movie, but I think it is still a half decent flick. If you watch it expecting a Lord of the Rings epic tale, you are going to be very disappointed - but then again there aren't many movies of that quality. Watch this movie and take it at face value. Don't try to look any deeper then what you see, because there really isn't anything more. Enjoy it for what it is. A nice little fantasy tale where the good prevails over evil.
Btw if you were curious, I would say that you could watch this as a family or let your kids watch it, assuming they are not to young of course. There is nothing that is all to scary and the fighting sequences are gore free, you see maybe three people impaled on swords and a few lit on fire and a few others shot with arrows. There is nothing graphic, it's more of a "ouch that would hurt" kind of thing. Some of it even bordering on the ridiculous.