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phonyjoe
Reviews
Troll 2 (1990)
GIRLS? ahahahahahaha
Wow. A friend brought this to my house and four of us watched and gawked and laughed until we cried. If you're entertained by hilariously bad movies, viewing Troll 2 is mandatory. The acting is simply amazing. There aren't actors this bad. Anywhere. I think that the cast was pulling a prank on the director during every take and then he just ran out of film before they could tell him that they were kidding. This movie is about a family that is trading houses with another family that they've never met. ***Spoilers. As if it matters...*** The town that they go to is called "Nilbog", which is "Goblin" spelled backwards. Everybody in the town is a goblin. Sheriff "Gene Freak" is the best character in the history of cinema, and when one character asks him where the girls in the town are, he laughs so hard he seems to be choking and yells "GIRLS? ahahahahaha!" as he suddenly drives away. I can't explain why it's funnier than any other thing I've ever seen on video, but it is. Watching this movie is as cathartic as stabbing cantellope with a steak knife. Go watch it now. It's available on DVD (why?) and can be found in almost any used book/cd/movie store.
Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe (1990)
Hilarious
This film is so awful - anyone with a good sense of humor MUST see it. I laughed more in this movie than any intentional comedy I've seen in years. Atrocious dialogue. Strange, creepy scenarios featuring Jesse Ventura and a mute little boy that were supposed to be emotional and touching but seemed to accidentally imply some kind of molestation. Random lines about the "comater" and the "anti-life equation," which are never explained. Attempted humor that is so not funny it's hilarious. Extremely painful soundtrack. A desperate Jim Belushi cameo with a progression of dialogue that ends up making no sense.
Everyone must see this movie. Show your friends. Besides Joseph Merhi's "Mayhem," this is the funniest terrible movie I've ever seen.