Targe Reviews

Interstellar (2014)

Mathew and the Amazing Multi-Dimensional Bookshelf

[5/10 · 18 November 2014]

I looked forward to this space epic, and we planned for the IMAX experience to get the full vista of ooh aaah eye popping visuals this movie was promising.

What did we get instead?

Mathew Mcconnehay crying a lot.

A multi-dimensional bookshelf (!?!)

An evil Matt Daemon who pops out of nowhere and just as quickly blows himself up

The LUDICROUS notion that NASA would even entertain the idea of relocating Earth to a planet system dangerously close to a black hole.

The IMPOSSIBLE achievement of navigating the event horizon of a black hole, because, "This one is a SOFT black hole...." WTF????

This movie is remarkably similar to 2001, in that: - It is WAY TOO LONG and in serious need of editing. - It involves special things happening near the outer gaseous giant planets. 2001 was Jupiter, this movie, it's Saturn. - It involves the lead protagonist going into a surreal other dimension that possibly involves aliens, with crazy visuals that feel more like a drug trip than a real experience (for an excellent job on a far more realistic looking experience, that would be the end of Contact when she navigates the alien trans-galactic wormhole transit system) - It promises outstanding space visuals, and then gives us precious few, spending most of the time on dusty earth watching people cry. - It has an ominous robot who you are not quite sure of until the end. The robot however is RIDICULOUS, looking like a BLOK character and completely impractical. Perhaps they could have used a suped-up version of the new NASA robot, which is very cool?

Very disappointed with this flick, and with the writing for Mathew's character, who could have been much better. What the heck Matt Daemon was doing there, I have no idea.

Gentlemen Broncos (2009)

Brilliant satire on the pulp sci fi book industry

[9/10 · 16 May 2014]

This is an alt very indie feel movie, with extreme silliness as it's major plot line.

The movie pokes gentle fun at pulp sci fi authors and books, with lots of hilarious scenes having the actors depict characters in the main sci fi stories.

The Space Harpie Vixen Women, with laser-shooting tits, are probably the best, and a close second would be the jet powered stuffed deer stag mounts.

I say those things so you have an idea where this movie is going.

If you read the above and said, "Oh well, Space Harpie Vixens with laser titties, well that's just SILLY! HARRUMMMPHHH!!!!" then this is not the movie for you.

If, however, you find yourself wondering,

"Space Vixen Harpie Women with laser breasts.... hmmmmm, intriguing, one wonders, how do these Space-Going Amazons possibly breast feed their gentle young?" Then THIS is the movie for you, for THEY ANSWER THAT in the movie.

This is NOT a movie like Battlefield Earth. That movie was a total flying cowpie disaster engineered by a nutball LRon Hubbard. This movie is poking fun at itself, it does NOT take itself seriously, as B.E. did, being the holy secret of the Scientology religion and all I guess it had to... no this movie is poking fun of horrendously bad sci fi authors LIKE LRon Hubbard.

The acting is so incredibly bad it is BRILLIANT and Oscar WORTHY. The sets are so impossibly poorly made THEY ARE INCREDULOUS. The special effects are so ineptly cringe-worthy THEY ARE STUPENDOUS.

YOU MUST SEE THIS MOVIE. The fate of the Yeast Slaves Depends on it!

The Wolverine (2013)

A pleasant journey into wolverine character development

[8/10 · 26 September 2013]

Well, the wife liked it, and usually that's a big thumbs down from the guys, but for once, I have to agree with her! I really enjoyed this movie, from several angles.

I really liked the fleshing out of Logan's character, and think they pulled it off. I really enjoyed the Japanese setting, the on the run type movie very much like Bourne Identity, and liked the plot twist of Logan's sudden vulnerability. Super heroes are much more enjoyable when they are mortal, which is why I've always despised Superman...

The ninjas were, horrible, knowing full well what that is all about and being one, the modern ninja is the yakuza assassin, not the clown costume bozos in this movie who give bujinkan a bad name... Enough on that, yes I see you tracing my IP...

Perhaps the one flaw in this movie was the ending, which tried to 'sew a pig stomach explosion into a Gucchi bag'. Too many twists trying to weave together, too many characters suddenly acting COMPLETELY DIFFERENT at the end of the movie to fit a plot twist (GOD I HATE THAT TRICK!!) All in all though, a definite watch for all Wolverine fans, as I am, having named my son LOGAN and all ;)

Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

OK sequel which is on par for sequels

[7/10 · 26 September 2013]

I was a HUGE fan of the original Kick Ass, which blows your mind because you think it's a lame-ass super-hero wanna-be movie like Mystery Men (which is awesome btw) and suddenly, half way through the movie, this little girl shows up KICKING ASS like no tomorrow, and the movie suddenly turns into a KILL BILL movie.

You can't do that twice, though, cause, we see it comin'.

So they did a sequel, and to give them credit, they tried reeeeel hurrrd, to do it, by doing character development between the two stars, and by dragging in Jim Frikken Carey, (who hated doing this movie btw, lame-ass) and still they fall flat, because there's no gag, no big surprise, nothing, other than Jimmy, to really distinguish this movie.

The one saving grace is watching the Female Zangeef (never played Street Fighter, did I spell that right?) Mother Russia, destroy Five freaking cop cars and ten cops! I'm sure cops were walking out in disgust all over the US Nation over it, but I have to say, it was pure carnal glee to me.

YOU-TUBE it. Seriously.

I'm not sure how they could have topped or even come close to KA1 though, as it was a one-gag wonder, so good marks for effort. Please do not have a KA3. Wait for her to GROW UP for gods sake! Like wait till she's 40! Have a Watchmen-style has-beens come back out of retirement show or something.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

Nothing like the original LOTRs

[7/10 · 26 September 2013]

Standing alone, this movie would have been fine.

But this is Lord of the Rings 4. And this is Peter Jackson. And his bar is impossibly high now.

And he blew it.

I went into this, I'm sure like a lot of you, expecting something amazing, something that would take the third LOTR movie, which is without a doubt, the greatest fantasy movie OF ALL TIME, and notch it up even higher, to ELEVEN as Spinal Tap would say.

What with even better special effects technology available, we were expecting the incredible, along with the token incredible acting of the same gang more or less from before.

Instead we get:

• Gandalf the Wooden. Acting due to Contract please and thank you. OH MUST I WEAR THIS CLOAK YET AGAIN??? Go play Magneto, your wizard days are up, McClellen.

• A crazy long in desperate need of a major edit dwarf keg smasher party at the beginning that has you wishing they served draft at the theatre so you could at least get smashed along with them and figure out what was so damn funny!

• A bizarre crazed wizard with bird poop on his head! Seriously!????? No, SErIOUSLY???!!!!!!!!!!!????????

• A very very badly cgi'ed goblin king dude, who looks so badly cgi'd, he had almost zero screen presence. FAKE!

• A silly roller-coaster ride (this is the next ride a Universal Studios, RIGHT???) goblin maze battle that had my head spinning and trying to keep up. Not exciting, just plain confusing and silly!

Horribly disappointed. Peter Jackson took the Golden Cheque and exited the building.

The Fields (2011)

Suspenseful and eerie and then... falls on it's face.

[6/10 · 26 September 2013]

This movie was scaring the crap out of me for the first 3/4 of the movie. Think Children of the Corn with the most creepy building atmospheric music you have ever heard, until you are cringing on the edge of the couch KNOWING you will have nightmares.

...And then it's all crap.

The movie has no monsters in it. No aliens in the corn, like Signs. No Children of the Corn psycho devil kids. There's maybe a hint of a loose gang of hippie chick Manson groupie wanna-bes.

The most that's done is windows are broken.

I was expecting a major climax, and no, no such thing. Instead, the maybe-psycho hangs himself, after throwing some rocks through windows. That's it, roll credits.

Cloris is adorable and easily the best character. Think Malcolm in the Middle Grandma with a wicked nasty biker mouth on her. HILARIOUS!!! That's the only point, plus the creepy music, to bother watching, which I did on Netflix.

Pacific Rim (2013)

Cringe-worthy 'live video game' not worth the money

[3/10 · 14 September 2013]

I knew we were in serious trouble when it took 2/3 of the movie for the giant robot pilots to realize equipping their rock-em sock-em robots with swords might be helpful against giant monsters made of meat and bone...

This movie is obviously a Japanese comic converted to an American movie. How strange then that there is one and only one Japanese character in the movie, a ridiculous scientist/robot pilot slash giggling schoolgirl because she has a crush on the lead character.

There have been countless movies now about giant robots, and for some reason the robots in this franchise show up with nearly no weaponry, save for a plasma cannon on their hand that they strangely always save for the final blows, when they could be using it blow pieces off the charging rhinocerous like beasts on their first charge.

Another bizarre item is the robots are flown around by fleets of Chinook helicopters, which would never work in real life and even CGI'd looks completely fake and unrealistic. Most of the robots are nuclear powered, why not give them jets so they can fly themselves in?? The strange lack of equipment on these behemoth robots only get's stranger when we learn that some models come with a giant rocket on the elbow to assist in punching. *GROAN*.... perhaps just give the thing a flamethrower on it's arm??? Toppers have to go to the science team duo. Hello, Pacific Rim? It's Big Bang Theory, THEY WANT THEIR CHARACTERS BACK!!! The movie so obviously rips off Leonard and Sheldon from BBT, that at times you would swear it really is Leonard. The guy dresses like him, acts like him, and talks like him! The British Snob Sheldon character thankfully was not a spitting image of Sheldon, but darn close in mannerisms.

The movie staggers from one giant plot hole to the next, with acting that is horrific to behold.

Death at a Funeral (2007)

Really awful disgusting and inappropriate piece of trash

[6/10 · 18 April 2012]

An endless parade of bad acting, gross-out jokes, and a dwarf. Daddy is a gay. An old man just shat on my hand. You just gave my husband acid. Let's give the dwarf acid.

You get the picture.

This movie plods along like a corpse, with jokes delivered stale and up-snooted-ly Brit-issssh. Rowan Atkinson could have made something of this, yes even with the dwarf, but not this crew, who stumble from one badly written joke to the next, going through the motions and not quite getting it.

An embarrassment of celluloid, and thank god I watched it on nflix.

The Iron Lady (2011)

An embarrassment to the greatest leader since Churchill

[6/10 · 16 April 2012]

We have seen multiple versions of, say, Queen Victoria or Elizabeth, the Early Years, the Power Years, the End, etc...

This film was NOT "The Iron Lady".

This film was: "Maggie - The Dementia Years". barely 10 minutes are devoted to the Falklands War, her defining career moment.

No mention is made that she talked George Bush Senior into the first Gulf War (the 'no time for wobbly knees' comment) Half the film was devoted to her shuffling around her flat mumbling to her dead husband.

This was a quaint film about a lovely old lady suffering from Dementia. I don't know where Margaret Thatcher the Iconoclast was, the greatest leader in the UK since Churchill and a legend.

This film failed her legacy in a terrible way.

Reign Over Me (2007)

Unbelievable! Sandler can act!

[8/10 · 10 April 2012]

I was blown away by Adam Sandler actually pulling off solid acting! He didn't slip into any of his trademark SNL voices ONCE! This movie is the best 911 treatment I have seen so far, and really shows the greater impact victims of that day face, as they get bombarded with reminders in the media every day, especially in New York.

Don Cheadle is brilliant as the good-looking dentist with the patient who has a crush on him.

Don plays an old college chum of Sandler's character, who runs into him again a few years after his friend tragically lost his entire family during the 911 event. After trying and failing to get his friend help several times, he realizes the best way is just to be his friend.

A very strong performance from Sandler, who demonstrates he can actually act in a serious role. His anger and frustration comes across as believable, as he flies into uncontrolled rage whenever anyone mentions 911 or his family (or anything to do with his former life as a dentist).

Supporting roles are also strong, with the gorgeous Liv Tyler playing the one psychologist who makes any headway with Sandler's character, and Donald Sutherland playing the judge forced to choose if the troubled man should be institutionalized.

A good movie for couple night on the couch, and a treat to finally see Adam Sandler begin to mature as an actor.

Impostor (2001)

IMDb is being too kind - this is awful!

[5/10 · 4 April 2012]

I now have the pleasure of having witnessed Gary Sinese's worst movie and worst acting job! I didn't think he could act this bad, given his incredible performances in other works.

This tells the story of a distant future (set too close to our own date at 2075) where we are moving out to colonize other stars (having colonized most of our own solar system btw) and at the first stop (wouldn't ya know it!) we encounter a hostile alien race, that amazingly, is pretty much en par with us technologically other than their advanced biological engineering capabilities, leading to a brutal war with nasty alien battlecruisers dropping by every now and again to drop nukes on us, while we dogfight in space with the enemy in futuristic fighters (they blew about 3/4 of the special effects budget in the opening credits and first 5 minutes of the movie) So, obviously the planet Earth has gotten a bit paranoid and harsh through all this, especially when you throw in that the aliens can send 'biological robots' to impersonate us and conduct sabotage missions. To further stretch this plot device to spider silk thin believability, we are also led to believe that when they copy us, they get all of the person's memories, emotions, behaviors, forget they are even an assassin droid, and can morph into a deadly nuclear bomb in seconds when they are triggered, yet this is only detectable by very advanced medical testing.

It takes the hard to believe Cylon human replicants to a whole new level, and your left not believing any of it.

This of course, leads the ultra-fascist government to abduct and torture anyone who even hints of being an alien, (perhaps a simple "excuse me sir, would you please accompany us to the nearest lab where we can run some routine tests??" would be better than, "I heard you might be an alien! So we are going to drill out your chest to see! Hold still please!")

and our poor Gary soon finds himself in this boat. He reacts with horrible acting, to counter the villain torturer's horrible acting. The fight and chase scenes are amateur and hilariously bad. The plot is easily figured out except for the silly second-twist at the very end that really doesn't leave you feeling any better about the movie overall.

I would take a definite MISS on this, and if the idea of this intrigues you, I'd recommend re-watching Blade Runner and a few of the new Battlestar Galactica shows instead.

Battle of Britain (1969)

Brilliant job on a pivotal moment in history

[10/10 · 21 March 2012]

This is one of my all-time favorite movies, so far as historic war movies go, and that's usually due to it's faithfulness to history.

Reading the tidbits I see that they even re-staged actual events from the historic period in the movie, that is attention to detail! There are few errors in the movie, and some are simply due to not having historic aircraft available. The fact that they do have them at all is a thrilling treat for any WWII aviation buff. The Bf-109's look weird with their merlin engines but you get used to them, and it's good enough to have the main airframe in the movie.

The various tactics are all very well represented. Perhaps the biggest fault that is not represented is that due to an incredible change in planning and business process redesign, Great Britain actually was out-producing Germany in in industrial production by a factor of 3-1 by the end of the battle. They had more than enough planes, what they lacked was trained pilots. This is represented in the movie (but not the amazing work of Lord Beaverbrook to get production going full steam (his scenes were cut).

I was happy to see in Wikki that Air Marshall Dowding is now credited with saving Great Britain by his brilliant decisions just before and during the battle. At the time, Churchill disliked him and he was demoted and sidelined.

This is a very good movie to show in a classroom as a very good representation of actual history.

The Catechism Cataclysm (2011)

wtf???

[2/10 · 16 March 2012]

It's sad when the most memorable part of a movie is the closing credits song (in this case, "God will F*** you Up", Hilarious) Steve Little is Not an actor, and his attempts in this movie are truly cringe-worthy. You start snickering not because he's funny, but because like a bad traffic accident, you can't look away. It's always a bad sign when you come across as potentially having Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and his character manages it in this.

I caught this on Netflix, and that's the only reason I ever saw this train wreck of a movie, and trust me, you will not want to waste your time on it.

Gran Torino (2008)

A forgettable last movie for an aging Callahan

[6/10 · 10 February 2012]

I had high expectations when I finally got around to seeing this Clint Eastwood vehicle (ha ha). I am a huge Eastwood fan, especially his spaghetti Westerns ('What'd you say your name was, stranger? Clint: 'I didn't....') to his Dirty Harry movies, which we have all the lines memorized by heart, right?

I was disappointed instead. Clint does not play a very convincing bigot, and that's no surprise, since Clint has never really acted, he's just played himself, and the man personally is very liberal and not at all a bigot.

His 'I'm getting SOOOOO angry!' faces are hilarious, he looks like an aging Bruce Banner turning into the incredible Hulk or something, reminded me of a crocodile.

The 'evil' Asian gang also does not come across convincingly AT ALL. They are like 12 year old's with Uzis. I would expect far darker characters and acting. The fighting scenes are like playful wrestles. In the end, Clint is playing himself, or his version of an aging Dirty Harry near the end of his life.

His death scene sacrifice is hollow, as we all know how often people escape the courts these days, there's no justice in it. Better to have had us hate one or two of the gang members especially bad (maybe the ones who raped Clint's neighbor) and have him actually kill them.

Really, to have the legendary Dirty Harry and High Plains Drifter fade out without getting to kill a single person in the movie was VERY DISAPPOINTING. Sorry if I am so jaded and evil and nasty and low brow, but THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT, not some biopic of Clint's career fading to black.

...And the end sequence with Clint 'trying' to sing? OMFG.... I am sorry I had to hear that once in my life...

Foolproof (2003)

A good Canadian movie!

[8/10 · 1 February 2012]

Being Canadian I am extremely embarrassed by most Canadian movies and was cringing when this one started.

What you get instead is a tight, well written and reasonably well acted (Ryan Reynolds... NOT) heist movie, as a group of three friends who devise intricate robbery plans for a hobby are suddenly force-recruited by the criminal elite of Toronto (don't laugh - we got mafia too) to pull off their latest crime scenario for real.

Naturally, with the intelligence in the group you know they will turn the tables, but the fun is trying to figure out how they do it, which the movie does a reasonable job of keeping hidden until the end.

There are some predictable gaffs along the way, like the excruciatingly long time they take to get under some security lasers when they have already shown they are skilled enough to have just turned them off, and the fact that if your going to fake your own death, you really need to know ahead of time how the bad guy is going to do it so you can plan it! How exactly did they know he was going to drop the elevator on them? He wouldn't have told Rob ahead of time as he might tell them! All in all very well written, look for some great acting from Kristin Booth as the super sexy ninja-girl and William House as the sinister mobster crime boss trapping them in the plan.

Do NOT watch Ryan Reynolds, this guy should go back to modelling.

Deception (2008)

Deception deceives you into thinking it's good

[6/10 · 1 February 2012]

This movie is a classic case of weak story supported by strong actors.

The entire plot is given away by the title, and perhaps the movie should have been more accurately called 'The List', giving it a sinister, secret cult like feel along the lines of Eyes Wide Shut.

What we get instead is an EXTREMELY predictable storyline with few surprises and plodding dialogue.

You can never have a truly awful movie with the likes of Ewan McGregor and Hugh Jackman front and centre, but their talents are wasted on a truly bad script.

Michelle Williams is serviceable as the extremely predictable 'girl for hire' seductress.

You see the ending coming from 50 miles out, as the movie pulls the ridiculous device of playing 'this is the end of the movie' music for the next 20 minutes after you think the main hero is dead.

To top it all off, after realizing his personality is essentially dead, by placing his forged passport on the body of the villain, and having no future to return to in the US, the hero walks away from 20 million CASH with the pretty call girl in tow, RIDICULOUS.

The movie could have been far superior if he had instead transferred another 50 million to another bank in the same city that night, walked there with the girl at the end of the movie after killing the villain, and withdrawn the larger sum under the false identity he was travelling under! NOW they can walk off into the sunset! Maybe some playful dialogue, like "How do you feel about a really big boat???" "Response: Looks like my ship has come in!" There! BOOM!!! MUCH BETTER MOVIE!!!

Cropsey (2009)

A very creepy documentary, very well filmed!

[8/10 · 25 January 2012]

This doc is worth it just to see Heraldo Rivera as a student reporter, lol! This movie explores a dark urban legend that very much appears to have been true - that a deranged lunatic did indeed lurk in the ruins of an abandoned mental asylum and abduct young mentally challenged children in order to 'put them out of their misery' on Staten Island, New York.

The film-makers make no pretense about going for the 'scare-factor jugular' and deliberately film the terrifying abandoned asylum at night, from creepy camera angles, and all with what sounds like a modified version of the shark attack theme from JAWS playing in the background.

Some reviewers may choose to crucify them for that, but I don't, by doing that they turn a somewhat dry documentary into the Blair Witch Project of documentaries, and creeped me RIGHT OUT THE DOOR, which was really fun and unexpected.

The purpose of reviewing this film should not be a voice opinion on whether Rand did the crimes or not, but many reviewers are doing just that, so I'll weigh in too.

I am happy to say (and much to my surprise) 'New York's Finest' actually got their man this time around. It's a shame they couldn't nail him for murder, and surprising they couldn't, given that:

1. He ADMITTED to kidnapping Jennifer Schweiger, and wanting to end the suffering of all mentally challenged children!!! A child who turns up murdered and buried in a shallow grave near one of his campsites!

2. He is placed, REPEATEDLY near the crime scenes, near the victims prior to their abduction, his car is reported, he is reported hanging around or working near victims. He apparently abducted an ENTIRE BUS OF KIDS from a playground for goddsakes!!!

3. His BIZARRE behavior (catatonic, wild-eyed, drooling monstrousity) after viewing the Heraldo documentary on conditions at the asylum where he worked, and his subsequent comment to police that 'we the staff were victims too'

All of this and further details in the doc Should have easily been enough to convict him. The film-makers make a convincing case that is not tight enough for a unanimous jury decision, partly based imo on fear of false conviction due to the fact that in this case, 'he just looks too much like a serial killer, maybe we are making a mistake based on his appearance??'

This is an excellent doc for those that like crime scene investigation thrillers, and don't mind being a little freaked out. Make sure to watch this with the lights down low on a windy stormy night, like I did!

This film has some of the creepiest camera work outside of Blair Witch, and the cameraman should go on to do very well in Hollywood! I'd be grabbing him up if I was a horror director. The film-makers themselves have also done an amazing job, both with setting and sound editing, and they have BALLS OF STEEL for creeping around that asylum at night!

WELL DONE TO THE NYPD!!! You couldn't get death, but at least you got this monster out of circulation!

The X Files: I Want to Believe (2008)

The 'Last Seinfeld Episode' of X-Files

[2/10 · 24 January 2012]

This movie was abysmal. Some of the Next Gen. Trek films have felt like a 2 hour TV episode. This was a 2 hour xfiles TV episode that SUCKED.

The episode topic is LUDICROUS (yes, and I'm comparing it to the likes of 'fluke man' and 'murderous rats' episodes when I say this...) A crazy medical surgery team of Russkies, complete with crazy nurses, has set up shop IN A TRAILER IN VIRGINIA, to do mad lab experiments on people akin to Frankenstein's monster limb and head grafting.

The stupidity boggles the mind, as does the stereotyping and insults to Russians everywhere. I'm guessing they deliberately chose to make them always jabber in Russian with no sub-titles to make them more 'monsterous'. PATHETIC!

So, the whole plot for an XFiles movie now trashed, when all we really wanted was to see Mulder get his Close Encounters ride in a flying saucer like he always gee PLEASE! mom? wanted the whole series, I mean COME ON, how can they finally have an xfiles movie WITH NO FREAKING ALIENS IN IT????

Wow, how RANDOM, dude!

Yeah, RANDOMLY SUCKING!!!! So they have already blown the story, and then they get these two stand-ins for Mulder and Scully WHO HAVE COMPLETELY FREAKING FORGOTTEN HOW TO ACT. They are HORRIBLE!!! They are supposedly now in love. The love scenes are absolutely CRINGE-WORTHY!!! This movie was horrific! And I LOVED the XFiles! I have never seen Gillian Anderson look so matronly and UN-sexy. Thanks for ruining that for me. Dave D. is wooden as all get out and not even trying to act. He doesn't get to carry a gun now cause he's retired, so we get to see him carrying a freaking WRENCH, which he quickly loses, as a lame CRAZY IVAN DOC get's the jump on him.

I could go on, but I think I've already blown my texting limit. I think you get the message.

Eagle Eye (2008)

A so-so modern-day version of the terminator scenario

[6/10 · 4 January 2012]

For those not in the lingo, the terminator scenario is a term that refers to an apocalypse scenario where computers/robots take over the world.

In this modern day take off on the infamous 'skynet' of terminator movies, unwilling civilians are enlisted by a military research computer gone haywire. The computer has the near god-like ability to jack into any electronic device that exists, including the completely ridiculous, like isolated plug in LED signs on the windows of stores. It is these lapses in credibility that sting most in this film, other than Shea's questionable acting ability.

At the heart of the show is the real star - a very HAL-looking crazy robot with a sexy female voice that lives in a huge sphere of gold orbs deep in a secret underground military base. She can jack into anything electronic and instantly see what's going on, and if she doesn't like it, reach out and take control of many devices, from construction cranes to fully armed and fueled combat drones that, you know, just happen to be parked and waiting in a nearby airforce hangar, in the US.

The action flies fast and furious, and the whole thing comes off feeling like a Universal Studios ride, with cringe-worthy Shea LeBouf riding shotgun, obeying the evil robot woman's every command while trying to figure it all out for himself.

Billy Bob Thorton does a serviceable job trying to salvage acting by playing the mystified FBI anti-terrorism agent who runs along behind in the path of carnage left by this single-minded mad-bot, who is convinced she must decapitate the state government for their part in authorizing illegal bombings in far away lands (sigh, if only it were true...) The bizarre methods used by the computer to kill people is often beyond credulity, when she can just jack a predator drone whenever she wants, one wonders why she bothers with other toys, but you have to make this an exciting thrill ride, not a real movie, right? An OK rental if you like crash-em up car chases and/or have a thing for Shea LeBouf.

Bad Santa (2003)

Hilarious dark Christmas comedy

[10/10 · 20 December 2011]

I watched this again last night from my library of timeless Christmas classics. It is one of my top 5 Christmas movies, and always leaves me in stitches.

I don't know which actor steals the show, the acting in this movies is top-notch. It's a constant war between:

Billy Bob Thorton as the alcoholic safe cracker mall santa who despises children and frequently pisses himself, swearing a blue streak and prowling the mall for sex with the customers.

Then there's Tony Cox, a little person who is probably the best in the biz, playing the evil santa elf who masterminds mall robberies every year while pretending to be so nice to the kids and parents. His constant bitching at his inept partner is non-stop gut busting fun. Later, when he's thrown into the boxing ring with 'the kid' by Billy in order to teach him some moves, you will be rofling guaranteed.

Then there's John Ritter, in one of his final roles. He plays the mall manager wet drip to perfection, playing the exact opposite of Jack Tripper better than he ever did Jack. His wincing face as his head of security (played to perfection by Bernie Mac) describes sexual activity of a dirty nature is comedic perfection.

Bernie Mac is also at the top of his game, playing the corrupt sheriff head of mall security perfectly. He steals the scene when he confronts the diabolic duo of santa and elf in a local restaurant, demanding half in as many different tones of voice and accents as he can. See him call John Ritter's character 'Jack' in total deadpan. Priceless!

Supporting roles are also nothing to ignore here.Lauren Graham is perfect as the boozy local bartender with a thing for guys in santa suits. Brett Kelly, in his first major role, is perfect as the fat picked on kid who can't stop asking stupid questions. Even Lauren Tom is awesome, as the cold selfish Asian mail order whore who prowls the mall before each heist sizing up the best brand items and listing her favourites for her little man husband.

If you enjoy dark humour, billy bob at the top of his boozer game, and lots of fowl language, you will howl over this Christmas treat.

The Book of Eli (2010)

A thoughtful twist on Mad Max marred by heavy Christian message

[8/10 · 16 December 2011]

Overall, if you are a fan of the post-apocalypse, Mad Max Road Warrior type movies, you will not be disappointed by this piece, which has Denzel Washington as a kind of modern blind swordsman wandering his way to the coast to deliver a precious book (THE book btw) to a secret base that is trying to preserve culture and knowledge.

The movie is marred by some problems these type have. Denzel is like a demi-god, unstoppable, unlike the grizzled Mel Gibson in Road Warrior, who has already been ran over by a motorbike in the previous movie and endures further slings and arrows in the series. Mel is human, painfully so, and we grimace and share every broken bone, every festering bullet wound, every lump on his forehead. Denzel otoh, appears to be super-human, moving far faster than everyone else around him, and taking bullets like they were paintballs. There is never any explanation how this supposedly blind (OH YEAH HE'S BLIND TOO!!!!) fellow is supposedly so over the top skilled. We also don't find out the reason for the fall of humanity either until midway through. I prefer the beginning of movie voice-over so your not muttering WTF??? through the whole movie. This was done well in the Mad Max mythos and there was no reason to change it.

Another point is that they never explain why everyone in the world decided to burn their bible. Hell, there's a million of them alone in Las Vegas if you go into every hotel room. Very improbable. That the Christian bible is going to be the savior of humanity or it's enslaver, depending on who it ends up with, is also a rather grandiose statement in itself. Not being a devout Christian I found that rather uncomfortable, but I guess they had to pick one book, and Accounting for Dummies would not have worked as well.

As is often the problem with these movies, the villain just doesn't measure up to a god-like knife wielding archangel mo'fo from heaven, and he is forgettable and should have died much earlier than he does in the movie.

All that being said, this movie is definitely original, combining elements of Road Warrior, Fahrenheit 451, and Omega Man and Blind Swordsman in a well written and tightly acted job that get's fair marks.

Hesher (2010)

Dark and hard to stomach tear jerker

[7/10 · 13 December 2011]

Hesher is billed the wrong way, I suspect because nobody would see it if they revealed this movie is just not funny, at all. There are perhaps 3 scenes for a chuckle and one for a laugh out loud, the rest of the time you will be cringing, hoping to god in hell you didn't just hear what you just thought you heard omg omg I want to hurl type experience.

That being said, your in for some very good acting. Hesher is played to the hilt by Joe Gordon-Levitt. You cannot believe this guy has ever been anything else other than a loser metal-head doper. He eats up the role and dominates the movie.

Natalie Portman does an amazing job of NOT upstaging the lead, and plays a down on her luck grocery clerk to the maxx, which is definitely a +1 on her acting chops list. I'm glad to see her branching out from Queen Amidala and 'Thor Groupie' roles.

This is one to see if you don't mind listening to a lil' MotorHead, you want good acting and raunchy dialog, and you've never seen a metalhead dope fiend toke up a bong with an old lady (but always wanted to).

Your Highness (2011)

A Raunchy Princess Bride

[13 December 2011]

To quote Zooey Deschanel of course ;) This film is in some ways amazing and in others utterly childish. Some of the film shots and backdrop scenes are reminiscent of Lord of the Rings, showing surprising production quality, with all the filming in Ireland it had a magical feel to it beyond the ad libbed toilet language spewed by the actors.

Meanwhile, the casting is deplorable and rough, and the decision to ad lib most lines turned it into a Saturday Night Live sketch.

Danny McBride is no acting tour de force, and his clumsy comedic big screen debut is something of a fizzle here. This would have been a top notch vehicle for Jack Black, for example, easily comparing to and equaling his hilarious performance in Year 1. Instead, we get a McBride 'best buds of the director from film school' last minute stnad in let down. (one wonders if it was Jack Black this film was actually written for and he was the one who turned it down?) He is colossally upstaged (unsurprisingly) by Natalie Portman as the rogue warrior on the revenge trail, and even by the elvish Zooey Deschanel, who plays the damsel in distress to a tee, despite some truly pornographic language she is forced to utter with a straight face.

Overall this is worth the rental if you enjoy comedic takes on sword and sorcery films. This is no Princess Bride but it's easy to see the heavy influence of that film here.

Everything Must Go (2010)

Wil Ferrel really needs to stay with his day job

[2/10 · 7 December 2011]

WHICH IS BEING FUNNY.

I haven't seen him play George Bush yet, but after this yawn-fest, I just might dodge. This movie was B-O-R-I-N-G, and I'm not saying that because I was expecting Wil to be FUNNY, which is what he is good at, and I blame that on the reviews and the sell on this movie.

I know you don't have much to work with when the entire freaking movie takes place ON SOME GUY'S LAWN. They should have called this 'Alcoholic has Garage Sale and Camps Out'.

And please, when an alchie runs out of booze, your telling me he's NOT going to break into his house, a house that is half his? And when your now ex-wife forges your signature and locks you out of 45k in your bank account, your not going to go BALLISTIC and show them right then and there his signature was forged?

This movie is cringe-worthy, horrible. Wil is flat as a pancake. He was playing Wil Ferrel, hung over, when he's not on set on his day off, on a Sunday. That is NOT acting. His next door neighbour, again, horrible, boring, not acting, not worth watching. The chubby black kid who wants to learn baseball was the ONLY saving grace, and THAT'S NOT SAYIN' MUCH!

Perhaps the thing that peesis me off the most is that I bought this movie at a going-out-of-business Rogers Video sale (howz that for irony?) so I paid 2 bucks more for it than I would have to rent it. ...

DAMN!!!

Hanna (2011)

A complete surprise 'Bourne Identity' type film - incredible!

[10/10 · 6 December 2011]

I will be very disappointed if that young Irish actress Ronan does not claim best actress award or at least a nom for Oscars this year.

Much like Ron Howard's daughter in The Village, this young girl completely steals the show, leaving Cate Blanchett and Eric Bana feeling flat footed and outclassed by the amazing young talent.

Everything about this film is amazing - from the stark and fairy-tale like beginning in a mysterious northern forest (part of the fun of this movie is just figuring out where the heck the characters are - as a dazed and confused young assassin hanna wanders into a strange desert market, it takes us a few minutes to realize she is in ........ :)) The music is top-notch, a constant pulsing rave style that keeps your nerves on edge and ready for the next twist.

Ronan's fight scenes are another top-notch, easily on par with those in the Bourne Identity, which this film feels very much like in delivery.

Perhaps a little miscast and poor choices in villainy are the only places this movie falters. Cate Blanchett as the aging CIA assassin boss just doesn't pull off here - she comes across as a somewhat dowdy older Gillian Anderson Scully xfiles character, as she is nearly the spitting image of her in the very fake red wig. She never comes across as a threat to Hanna, cowering in fear when Hanna's father tries to kill her, yet trying to be deadly in the final scene against Hanna herself.

The villain, a crazed sex-twisted neo-nazi, is farcical and one wonders what the director was thinking. A team of neo-nazi assassin thugs are hardly the unobtrusive counter-hit men the CIA would dispatch, and really, do those even exist?? But Ronan is really the shining center piece in this completely new take on the tired old 'femme nikita' role, as a child assassin kept completely isolated from the modern world until her release, we share her terror and frustration over ordinary things like electricity as she tries to keep her killer nature a secret, while openly yearning for love, acceptance, and a real family.

I HIGHLY recommend this movie to all who loved the Bourne Identity. I think this is better.