smitty008 Reviews

Piranha II: The Spawning (1982)

It is what it is

[6/10 · 15 April 2021]

This movie really isn't that much worse than Jaws from a few years earlier, and I'd say it's as good as Jaws 2. The plot is almost the same as the original killer fish movie, with a fairly nice looking gal (Tricia O'Neil) in place of a fairly not nice looking guy (Roy Scheider). Most of the rest of the characters can be set up with a parallel in Jaws, and there is more nudity and more gore in "Piranha II" than in "Jaws".

Piranha II has the distinct problem of being an almost exact knock off of Jaws, though. I'd say it's low rating is due to this fact and not much else. The acting was adequate, the plot has been done before, the cinematography was OK. It did lack an adequate score - almost like they wanted to do something similar to Jaws, but it was more annoying than anything else.

I wouldn't say "Rush out to see it", but it's worth an hour and a half if you can find it for free.

Medias Res (2017)

What are we rating this against?

[3/10 · 22 September 2020]

This would make (and probably did) a pretty good community college project film. If I'm rating it on those terms, it gets an 'A'. It's going to get rated on the same scale as I would rate a Hollywood blockbuster or a 1940s film noir.

The plot was plodding, the character development was non-existent, 80% of the way through the movie new characters are introduced, the acting was either bad or worse depending on who was doing the acting, the screenplay was dull, in other words I have very few good things to say about this movie and I wonder what's up with the other 18 reviewers who took the time to do this before me.

The only really good thing about this movie was it's camera work. Other than some questionable shots from inside vehicles, I thought most of the shots were well done given the material the shooter had to work with. It was a little dark at times, but I'm pretty sure that was the tone of the film and probably should have been done that way.

Old Enough (1984)

Coulda Been a Contender

[5/10 · 15 April 2020]

This movie had all the elements it would take to become one of the defining movies of a generation. It had the right characters, the right setting, and the right themes. Classism, racism, religion, coming of age (on multiple fronts), deep family dynamics, urban violence, and adultery were all touched on and even a minor plot turn could have explored any number of them. However . . .

it seems that the film makers deliberately missed out on this opportunity. The viewer can almost feel the hand wringing and pearl clutching amongst the powers that were as even the mildest of controversial themes was approached. The "bad girl" wasn't all that bad, and the "good girl" was naive almost to the point of imbecility. This is no fault of the performers - the acting was very good (with the possible exception of the brother (played by Neill Barry), who was a little wooden - hey, ya can't win 'em all). Even for the '80s it was just too mild.

I can see how the milquetoast WASP crowd might find this movie enjoyable, but for anyone with pulse it's a pretty dull exploration of a potentially deep movie. I think it could be remade today with a little more depth and a little more internal exploration of a great bunch of characters and people would rave.

Mixed Nuts (1994)

Almost Too Clever For Its Own Good

[7/10 · 22 January 2020]

An all-star cast does a wonderful job of keeping this movie moving along. The story could use some work, but this movie is more about the writing than the story. Without an inside tip from the trivia section , I'd have probably totally missed that point (I'd like to think I'd have figured it out, but I'm also a realist :-). Without understanding the connections each character has this isn't a great movie (and I'm sure that's the source of it's box office and rating struggles), but it's more than worth checking out if you're into game playing to try to figure it out during the movie or checking out the hints and seeing it with a new appreciation.

The Arena (I) (2001)

Editor Wanted

[4/10 · 5 December 2019]

I came into this movie expecting two things - a lot of nudity and not much of a plot. Neither one came to fruition. The story was surprisingly easy to follow and pretty much made sense. A group of slaves gets sent to the frontier of the Roman Empire; some are pressed into gladiator duty. The local governor is trying to assimilate the local populace into the Empire so he organizes "quality" gladiator fights for the entertainment of the people. He figures what could be more entertaining than watching some slave girls duel. They get trained and then they fight. It's not a great story, but it works.

The lead actresses are indeed Playboy material. However, they aren't particularly good actresses and there wasn't enough screen time for their assets. As such, these ladies were miscast. They could have found some girls who could actually look like they were fighters and it would have made this a little better.

The real killer in this movie is the cinematography. The color filters are straight up annoying. The emphasis on close-ups - while I'm sure used to cover up the cheap sets - made it hard to watch. And the average shot length on this must have been two seconds. A drunk monkey with an iPhone could have shot a better movie.

This story had potential. It was horribly undone by poor acting, awful editing, and fight scenes scripted by 10 year olds.

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013)

Not to my liking

[4/10 · 19 November 2019]

This movie uses the age old formula of trying to take the best features out of successful movies and make one glorious movie. To my knowledge that recipe has never worked and it doesn't work here. The list of works sampled in this one is long, but I'll give it a try; I saw elements of Harry Potter, Star Wars, The Hunger Games, Ghostbusters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Twilight, X-Men, some eighties vampire movie that I don't remember the name of, and throw in a dose of Days of our Lives to top it off. The whole movie was like watching little kids pretend to be superheroes and inventing powers as needed to get out of whatever situation they happened to be in.

Lilly Collins looks like she should be acting in soap operas and not as the lead character of an action/adventure flick, Jamie Campbell Bower's character is exactly like you'd expect a guy named Jamie Campbell Bower to be, and any time Robert Sheehan was on screen I seemed to be annoyed with his character.

Additionally, I hadn't even heard of this book series prior to watching the movie. Please, Mr. Producer Man/Ms. Producer Woman, don't assume I'm walking into your movie with any knowledge at all as to what's going on. And don't expect me to be reading the book while watching the movie to get whatever reference you are trying to push. I spent a lot of time wondering what the heck was going on and why these people always seemed to be making decisions that were highly counter-intuitive.

All in all, I wouldn't classify it as a complete waste of time, but darned close. I rated it a '4', which on my scale means I made it through the whole movie, didn't like it, and I don't understand why anyone else would like it either.

Summer Stock (1950)

Mostly Disappointing

[5/10 · 12 September 2019]

My general feeling on the relatively high rating of this movie is that its getting a little bit of a break due to Judy Garland's well known drug problems at the time of shooting. The story is weak, the acting is weak, the editing is weak, and the musical numbers, while pretty good, do nothing to add to the story. It's not funny enough to be a comedy, and not serious enough to be a drama.

River Phoenix did some of his best work strung out on heroin, Dock Ellis once threw a no hitter for the Pirates while tripping on acid; drugs in and of themselves are no excuse - there have been many great performances rendered under the influence. This just wasn't one of them. Shooting the movie took some time because of Garland's dependence. She'd clean up for a while and put on weight, then start using again and trim down as a side effect. These transitions are evident while watching the picture, but her performance was consistently shaky regardless of where she was in her addiction cycle.

That being said, the dancing by both Garland and Gene Kelly is out of this world. I would think that dancing would be one of the first of Garland's skills to deteriorate, but she was wonderful in those numbers. And Kelly's tap dancing is truly a lost art. It wasn't enough to save the flick, but worth watching because of it.

Old Gringo (1989)

Not bad, but too cluttered

[6/10 · 10 September 2019]

Old Gringo is perhaps not as bad as has been made out by other reviewers, but it is not without its problems. The basic plot (generic war movie) is sufficient, but casting three headliners and trying to make sure they all get their stories and screen time in hollows out all three characters. All three characters were actually worthy of being portrayed as the lead, but it seems that none of the trio actually was. The movie would actually have been better with slightly lesser actors in two of the roles and more emphasis on just one of them.

I'm sure being a "Fonda Film" there was some thinly veiled commentary about something or another, but I either didn't catch it or didn't care enough to pay attention. I'd say it's an OK watch if you can find it for free, but maybe not worth paying for.

Gift of Gab (1934)

Not a good movie, but an interesting look into the 1930s

[5/10 · 6 September 2019]

As a movie, this story staggers all over itself. It's a pretty mundane rags-to-riches-to somewhere in the middle story. The acting isn't real crisp, the plot is choppy at times, and the comedy is just not very funny.

The movie is redeemed, however, by the presence of many live musical performances of stars from the '30s. Many of these performances are of immense historical proportions in terms of music. Lots of people will want to see this because of the presence of Bela Legosi and Boris Karloff on screen together, but their participation in the movie is very short and rather disappointing.

If you're looking for an entertaining movie it's probably best to skip this one. If you have some interest in stars of the '30s, it's one you should catch.

Where the Hell's That Gold?!!? (1988 TV Movie)

Better than I expected

[7/10 · 30 August 2019]

Looking at the previous reviews for this movie, I figured I'd be disappointed. I was pleasantly surprised. There's a good mix of action and comedy throughout the movie, Elam and Nelson make a good team, and Delta Burke looks and acts as well as I've ever seen her. Willie's acting is a bit wooden, but I find that it usually is. For a made for TV movie, it's really well done.

Robin Hood: The Rebellion (2018)

An effort was made

[4/10 · 29 August 2019]

I will say that the acting in this film was commendable for the most part (at least by the gents, acting by the ladies in this one is poor IMO). The general plot was not terrible, but the script they had to deal with was pretty bad. Unnecessarily talky with no pacing whatsoever. Both the heroes and the villains are generally impotent - it's kind of like watching two winless football teams play the last game of the season against one another. There are unrealistic fight scenes and people who should have died from their battle wounds almost immediately come back to life with no ill effects. The score is unrelenting and does little to enhance the film. And for god's sake, why can't anyone at least attempt to wipe the blood from their face?

Probably not worth the time, but I've seen worse.

Steal (2002)

How? Why? What in the World is Going on?

[5/10 · 26 May 2019]

Not the worst movie I've ever seen, but it might be the first one that I think is both too short and too long at the same time. These four robbery specialists manage to rob like four banks in ten days with minimal planning and the most impeccable timing in the history of the bank heist genre. At the same time, there is no back story on anyone (which in all honesty makes getting plot twists in a little easier), characters appear seemingly out of nowhere and then disappear again, plans are rewritten by the leader of the gang without informing anyone, and rules for the heists are broken pretty much as soon as they are stated.

I dunno, you'd probably do better picking something else to watch.