RealisticCritic Reviews

Boar (II) (2017)

Really wanted to like this more.

[3/10 · 16 March 2024]

So I was hoping this would be a good lower budget movie. I liked the look of the boar on the graphics. Nice, simple cover/poster/design.

It didn't start out bad. I also liked the look of the boar for the most part. Nathan Jones was a bright spot. A few other actors were decent. Some were not. I even thought some of the deaths were done well.

The overall direction and result was just too lacking and drawn out. It really didn't need to be 2 hours long. The fight scenes with the boar at the end weren't done well at all.

Other things that didn't make sense:

Some decisions made throughout. Not taking a vehicle in the beginning. Running into the middle of the bush vs running towards one of the vehicles closer by. No guns/ammo/weapons. It's the outback, they're gonna be more prepared, knowing about the boar or not.

Making people's actions more believable doesn't mean you can't still thwart their efforts. It's that sort of lazy storytelling that makes horror a genre riddled with a lot of disappointing films when so many of them could be so much better.

The boar drags the kid off but he's fine at the end? Everybody else got eaten/mauled/killed. The guy's guts are hanging out but he's still fighting like he's fine? The girl's leg is chomped on but it's not mangled and unusable or chewed off? Dude is stomped by a boar the size of an elephant (along with everything else he goes through) yet he's up and walking?

Not to mention what others pointed out. It's mowing people down like a runaway locomotive in some scenes, or snatching people in its mouth or with its tusks and mauling the hell outta them, then just standing and snorting/howling and snapping its jaws clumsily in others.

Plus, an oversized, hulking monstrosity like that "sneaking up on" people the way it does? With the branches and leaves all about? Gimme a break. Better to just have it stomp or run brazenly into the area.

Also the pub owner lady conveniently jumping over the rise, knowing exactly where she's going and what's going on, out of the blue, even though she hasn't seen the thing and dismissed its existence the entire movie. Please.

It's easy to make it more believable. Show her with a spotlight leaning out of the truck and then hearing the commotion. Show her getting out of the truck and going forward a bit to the top of the rise and finally observing what's going on and then running back to the truck to pull that off if that's the direction you're taking it.

See there? Just made the scene more believable. 🤦

And the ending. Killed the entire thing. The big, huge guy gets bashed around by the boar, but the women take it out. Ridiculous.

Why is it that with most horror movies the females are the ones "getting away" at the end 99% of the time, and also successfully standing up to the creatures, nasty villains, or supernatural entities? Where's the equality?

It's been the same trope for decades. Time to change things up.

This movie's pandering was simply too forced to be believable or likeable.

So, while some of this movie was decent, the last quarter to half of this movie deflated the promising first part of it.

White Men Can't Jump (2023)

Better than I expected.

[7/10 · 20 September 2023]

Let's get this out of the way. The original movie is one of my favorite movies of all time. I can re-watch that movie repeatedly, and I have.

As such, I was skeptical of a remake/redo. Especially in today's climate. However, as I was looking around for something to watch, I saw it in a Hulu list and decide to give it a try. I'm glad I did.

Was this as good as the original? Of course not. But, being a bit of a "purist" when it comes to certain movies, I still found this very entertaining, funny, and just plain good.

I loved the dynamic, I loved the humor, and I liked the revamped story. I found myself getting into it and smiling and laughing and quite a bit.

There are obvious "white boy" jokes, but they're not degrading or demeaning or hateful. There isn't an overlying "white people are evil" narrative found in so many things today.

I honestly enjoyed this movie, and if/when it comes out on dvd/blu ray I will not hesitate to add it to my collection. And I'll put it right next to my original.

Lore (2017–2018)

Narrator is fn atrocious

[4/10 · 1 May 2023]

I just started this series. Literally. I haven't even gotten halfway through the first episode.

I have no idea about the content, the subject matter, or the stories. If seems to be an interesting documentary series.

But I can't get past this pos narrator. I mean, ffs. He sounds like a speech to text AI. He sounds like a fn robot. He hesitates at the wrong times, he talks like he's deliberately reading a script for the first time and they're just recording it anyway, he absolutely sucks.

He literally sounds like an elementary school kid who is reading his or her book report out loud with zero emotion, cadence, tone, etc.

You may have well just put a cassette tape of the narration into a mfing Teddy Ruxpin and let it play, because at least Teddy has inflection and pitch.

Ffs, I can't even accurately describe how utterly fn disgusting this dude's narration is it's so fn bad.

Maybe the series is ok, idk. This isn't about the overall series or subject matter, which is why I gave it a four, because maybe it's solid material. This is about the absolute mind numbingly ignorant decision to hire that fn narrator.

I'm actually offended because I know damn well I can do a better job, and I wish I'd been able to audition for it and get paid for it.

Honestly, idk who this dude sûcked off, or what kind of favors he did for the job, but I guarantee he did something other than just audition to get that narrator role. Fn hell.

Halloween Ends (2022)

Corey was not the problem

[1/10 · 8 February 2023]

I went into this hearing about how terrible it was. I had read all kinds of "it sucks" things, but I didn't read a lot of specifics.

So I start watching the movie, and I'm actually getting into it. I liked the build with Corey becoming more and more angry with the town and the people in it. I liked how it built to it looking like he was becoming a protégé of Michael's. I thought to myself "this is how it's going to continue", with somebody taking over the "Michael Myers" mantle.

I actually head over to Facebook to post a message wondering why people think it's such a bad movie. And then it happens. The ending.

Corey gets killed by "bad ass grandma". Then Michael shows up. And proceeds to throw this geriatric miracle of nature around the kitchen. Yet she, somehow, not only doesn't take any apparent damage, but also miraculously overpowers him (even though he was just chucking her across the room one handed) and then pins him to the counter top.

Then he gets a hand free to choke her out, only for good ole granddaughter to come back and knock his hand off her throat while squealing like a slaughtered pig.

Good God. Can we say fn ridiculous?? First it's the absurd notion that this grandmother is going toe to toe with a powerful freak of nature, but also the whole "men are the evil ones, girl power wins the day!" bulls**t.

Give me a fn break. Such a pathetic ending.

Not only that, but then it goes all abstract with the townspeople acting like they're in a trance while ritualistically grinding up the body of Michael in the junkyard. Please.

I actually liked the story of Corey being possibly "groomed" to take up the mantle of Michael. Unlike the other people on here whining about him being the focus of the movie, I thought it was a good way to introduce a successor. He meets the original and starts down his path of insanity. That works for me.

What doesn't work is the whole geriatric Mary Sue and her jolly little screeching sidekick. You could've had both of them and maybe that older buddy of hers and somebody else ganging up on Michael to take him out. That would be more believable. Plus, it doesn't "minimize the importance of the strong female character" if she needs a little help, or if a dude helps her out some. Ffs.

One more movie that had promise but fell flat because they have to sacrifice story and sensibility for pandering.

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

Concept ok but the movie is the drizzling s**ts.

[2/10 · 23 December 2022]

Come on. The cast and crew must be spamming these reviews if this dreck can get a 5.2 rating. Ffs.

I mean, the majority of the movie is a bunch of "edgy" dbags throwing out the F word every other word for a straight half hour plus, and talking about d**ks. Please.

Idk where society gets this idea that the more times you say F and act like a selfish ahole the cooler you are, but it's an ignorant mindset.

I'm not even going to get into annoying plot tropes and what not, it's just not worth it. Like the writer of this "film", I will write the minimum required to qualify for review length. That's it.

I honestly should have turned this off at the 30 minute mark, because this thing really didn't give me any vindication for not doing so.

This is actually a concept that should've worked. You remove the "supernatural" element that other horror movies have that rely on human/human like creatures taking unrealistic amounts of punishment by introducing the robotic element. That was actually a sound premise, hence the two vs a one.

But, once again, people insist on writing as if using a fn template instead of thinking outside the box and coming up with a truly unique story and plot. It's the same old same old bs.

Add that to the ungodly amount of cursing and general ignorant dialogue of the characters, and you have something that should have been left on the cutting room floor or turned away at every company's doorstep.

I didn't even post any spoilers because, frankly, there's no need. There's nothing in this movie that would be considered necessary knowledge to have about it.

Do yourself a favor and don't bother. I suffered through it so you don't have to. You're welcome.

The Nights Before Christmas (2019)

2 is for the concept

[2/10 · 23 December 2022]

This was terrible. The "top review" at the time I'm writing this is just false.

Especially around the middle with the "escape". First, the wanna be Harley Quinn Mrs. Claus claims to have eaten razor blades. Yet she's acting and speaking fine, no blood, etc. Yeah, totally believable reason to transport her.

Then the "breakout". This ruined the entire fn film. You mean to tell me this "most wanted, murderous Santa" who is subject of a manhunt, isn't known by every agent assigned to this case and especially assigned to transport "Mrs. Claus"? Bulls**t.

Even if this was somehow possible, who wouldn't be suspicious of somebody in a Santa suit, grimy and dirty, stopping the transport of a woman dressed as Mrs. Claus? Not only that, one holding a giant machete obviously cutting a rope for 5 minutes? Ffs, whoever wrote this was an imbecile.

Not to mention the part already referenced in other reviews where she kills a guy in front of an agent with a gun drawn and he doesn't just shoot her and be done with it. That's cause.

Then we get to the board meeting. A dirty, grimy, nasty looking Santa with an ax walks in and nobody is freaking out. Even after somebody is killed in front of them. Good God.

And the fed shooting the girl? Moronic. Nothing else to say about that. Ending was a load of trash.

I so wanted to enjoy this movie. I liked the concept. It actually started out ok but quickly devolved into a heaping pile of utter s**t. The only reason it got a 2 was for the concept and the ok beginning. That's it. If it wasn't for that, I'd have given it a one.

Anybody who rates this higher than a 3 and says it's worth a watch needs to seek professional help immediately.

American Horror Stories: Bloody Mary (2022) Season 2, Episode 5

Finally something without an agenda

[7/10 · 2 September 2022]

So, since I've been hammering the other episodes pretty heavily, I decided to rate one I thought was pretty decent.

I was initially going to rate it a 6, but then I increased it to a 7 simply because it was kind of refreshing.

They still had to have the obligatory "white male tells black female about her 'advantage'" trope in there, however, which was pretty unnecessary. Just have to include some kind of dig.

But overall, good take on the Bloody Mary legend and nice change up with the sister being the villain, the protagonist getting tricked, but also changing things up to where Mary actually isn't necessarily a "force of evil" either.

Overall a nice episode of a series (both versions) where I've been more disappointed than satisfied. Why do I keep going? Idk, maybe it's because I'm hopeful beyond hope at this point.

American Horror Stories: Milkmaids (2022) Season 2, Episode 4

More pandering bs

[1/10 · 2 September 2022]

Oh, come on. This show needs to be canceled already.

It's never even been that good in the first place, but good Lord it's just getting worse and worse.

How much more man hating, religion bashing Hollywood do we have to endure before people realize they're just a bunch of hypocrites committing the same actions they claim are heinous from other people?

Enough of that disgusting, divisive,double standard.

Not only that, we get the obvious ignorant Covid vaccine narrative pointing out that anybody who doesn't "believe in the science" and doesn't take their vaccine because the medically superior milkmaid tells them to is a backwards thinking religious freak.

Come tf on already.

American Horror Stories: Dollhouse (2022) Season 2, Episode 1

Why are people rating this convoluted drivel so highly?

[1/10 · 1 September 2022]

People raving about this episode like it's some kind of groundbreaking instant horror classic. Utterly absurd.

Yes, it starts out well. In fact, it's a great premise and execution for the most part. Until the ending. Which then ruined the entire episode for me.

Which is the problem with a lot of the AHS stuff. It complicates and convolutes things that don't need to be convoluted. They always start out ok, and then devolve into overdone nonsense. Damn near EVERY FREAKING TIME.

I'm sorry, but when you have twists for the sake of twists, it goes from being a twist to being a fn headache and a mess.

There was ZERO reason to have the woman turn out to be a witch. None. It didn't need that, and honestly it RUINED what was, up until that point, a decent story. "Oh, surprise, you're a witch, we're witches, boom, you're saved". Please.

As I read on, people are ranting about the callback to Coven. Which I honestly didn't get because that season sucked. That was one the THE WORST seasons of the show. I fact, I skipped it altogether because witches are most of the time boring to me, until a friend insisted I watch it.

I wish I hadn't. Slogged on waaaaaay too long, it felt like it would never end, and was just a horrible season and story all around. If you liked Coven, you have mental issues.

I keep giving these stupid shows a chance, thinking that MAYBE something decent will be done again like they did with Freakshow and a story or two other. But, more often than not, I'm left discouraged and ticked off I wasted yet that much more time watching this overrated garbage.

Bad City (2014)

Great goofy parody flick

[10/10 · 26 July 2022]

I had to give this 10 stars. It's just hilariously silly. If you're a fan of parodies, you'll love this. If you remember the 70s cop movies, you'll love this even more.

The whole thing is way over exaggerated, but that's the point. It's meant to be off the wall. But it's done in a very successful way. Some movies are horrible at this type of movie; this one isn't.

A hilarious watch from start to finish, even though the ending bit was just a little too far out even for this movie. Even so, it's definitely a watcher and a hidden gem on Tubi (at the time of this review, of course). Not to mention a keeper if it's ever released on dvd. I can't find it, but if it truly isn't, it should be.

Another one to look for is Special Unit. I might not have found this one if not for watching that and getting the similar style movies next search, as Tubi does. Make an evening of it and watch both, and you'll definitely be happy you did.

Goliath (2016–2021)

What is wrong with the writers of this show?

[1/10 · 22 July 2022]

Let me start by saying anybody who rated this show highly, or said season one was so "great", are brain dead, as well as disgusting individuals.

Also, the person who compared it to Bosch should be sued for false advertisement and gross misinformation. That person has ZERO clue whatsoever Iwhat he or she is talking about.

But, back to the main point. Why is there so much female entitlement in this show?? My God, it really is beyond absurd.

Not only does the one woman scream at, demean, and verbally abuse the male (Thornton) the entire first season (not watching any more of this headache inducing garbage) but every woman blames him for everything.

Everybody forgets there is a young child hurting and grieving because his father was murdered, and he and his mother are being wronged by an evil, vile, corrupt corporation, yet 95% of the women in this show don't care one bit! Not even the murdered aunt's friend, who keeps whining about "settling" for the money because "she wants it!"

This same character screams about it being "her case" constantly, then turns around and screams at him because "he started this" and he needs to "fix this, fix that, do this, do that" even though he's ALREADY DOING PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING COMPARED TO HER.

Even his own kid tries to get him to drop the case, simply because it's "upsetting her mother". Who cares about the hurt kid and his mother and a father being murdered. Heaven forbid he fights for these people, it's all about her and her mother, right?? Good God.

Wtf were the writers smoking?? Do they consider this "strong, powerful" women? Abusive, selfish, greedy, hateful people who care nothing about anybody else but themselves, even the supposedly "good" characters?

About the only decent ones are the aunt, the mom (towards the end), the hooker, and the big woman sorting the papers.

Come on. Enough is enough. Strong is strong, disgusting is disgusting. And barely any female character in this series is "strong". They're simply disgusting.

These "writers" should NEVER write again.

Carnival Row (2019–2023)

How tf does this get 7.8??

[1/10 · 22 July 2022]

This is simply cliche garbage. Human evil. Men evil. White evil. Except the one cûck who lets a woman fae emasculate and degrade him. Until he's found to be "one of them", of course. Then he's sympathetic and persecuted, too.

I mean, right from the start we get a female fae breaking into somebody's house and threatening to murder him for lying and leaving her.

Turn the genders around and the guy would be an abusive, psychotic, stalker freak who needs to leave her alone because her choices are hers to make. But a woman scorned is perfectly accepted acting like a murderous nutcase.

That's just one, small example. There are so many other ignorant tropes of the guy being wrong no matter what it's deplorable.

Ffs, can we have simple good people doing good things? Other shows do that. Why tf do we have to push a divisive, hateful, inaccurate, ignorant narrative that's simply false and misleading?

The people who push this narrative of hate poorly and unconvincingly masquerading as "acceptance and tolerance" needs to fn end. This show is one of the worst examples of it and, quite frankly, didn't deserve any other seasons, much less one at all.

Disgusting and pathetic nonsense.

SafeWord (2011)

Bunch of schlock jibberish

[1/10 · 17 March 2022]

This could have been a good movie. But it turned into one of the biggest wastes of time. Started out promising, then devolved into a steaming pile of convoluted bs.

Don't bother. Not worth it whatsoever, except for the nudity of the two main females. Might as well just Google the cast and check out the pics. Will save you plenty of time and headache.

Blood Hook (1986)

Horrid. Not worth the time (especially at 2 fn hrs).

[1/10 · 17 March 2022]

"We found this ring"! Don't even mention the body parts in the fridge. "Sheriff won't do anything without a body"! Except those are actual body parts.

Whoever wrote the script should be embarrassed.

The actors should be ashamed.

The people who claim to "like" this movie and rate it anything over a 2 should be slapped repeatedly until they either repent or are in a body cast.

We Need to Do Something (2021)

I can't believe the reviews over a 2

[1/10 · 16 December 2021]

What is wrong with people? This was a ridiculous, absurd, horrid movie. I started out actually laughing out loud and saying "wtf" multiple times because it was simply unbelievable that somebody could write something this terrible, much less get paid to film it and then release it.

Who would even green light this kind of trash?

Absurd situations, terrible "story", ridiculous tropes, lesbian teens "just because", the cliche "male evil" narrative, it was enough to make a person vomit.

This was an absolute waste of time, film, and money (to make; I didn't pay for it other than the $1 a month for the Black Friday Hulu special). I wish I could rewind time so I could spare myself the displeasure and nausea.

Like I said, anybody rating this over a 2 (allowing for the smallest of variables) has got to be seriously delusional or unable to identify with even the tiniest fraction of reality.

The Dead Don't Die (2019)

Pretentious reviewers need to stop

[1/10 · 27 November 2021]

The high reviews of this movie are utterly pretentious, ridiculous, unnecessary, nonsensical, and completely wrong. This movie is utter garbage.

It isn't "clever", it isn't "deep", it isn't some kind of satirical or artistic triumph, it just sucks. And yes, I got what it was doing, before the "intellectual" crowd tries to tell me I "just didn't get it" (which usually translates into you saw through our bs rhetoric as we tried to act lofty so we have to attempt to discredit your opinion).

It is plodding. It is boring. The actors sound like they're mindlessly reading the script while sitting on the crapper. At the very least you can say they got an easy payday or addition to their resume. Because I could do just as well, if not better, than the big name actors in this. Especially Chloe Sevigny, who's always been an emotionless, colossal bore. Murray has always been that way for the most part, but at least he showed signs of life at a younger age.

My advice? Skip this. I was wrapping presents so I turned it on after watching Ready or Not (which was a much more enjoyable film, I recommend finding it instead), but if I'd gotten done before the end I would have just turned it off. It became more background noise than anything.

This movie deserves the one star I'm giving it. In fact, if they actually allowed zero stars, it would have absolutely earned that instead.

Like I said, it's not clever, it's not "avante garde", it's not anything but a huge waste of time. And for the reviewers giving it anything above three stars? You are full of you know what as well as yourselves.

60 Days In (2016– )

Ashleigh/Zac and Ryan.

[8/10 · 2 December 2020]

I'm writing this simply to address a comment I saw. First off, the show is interesting even if some of the participants are frustratingly annoying.

Ryan definitely gets undeserved hate. Why? Because he's intelligent, literate, well spoken, and self confident? Please. People are jealous. Period. He's level headed, focused, and determined. So he's sure of himself. He doesn't do it in a cocky way or a brash, hateful way. It's direct and to the point.

On to the comment. Feels bad for Ashleigh and condemns Zac. Really? You're ignorant. She was instigating everything. He tried to get her mind off of things. He tried to have a conversation. He'd already been through it. She just wanted to be hateful because he wasn't babying her. Because she's an attention wh---.

I guarantee that's why she went on the show. She was jealous Zac got "famous" and got positive accolades. He got attention. She wanted some. It's painfully obvious. Then to devalue his experience in war and say her "ordeal" was worse?? F that. She's an idiot. And I can't believe, unless she ate some humble pie and begged for forgiveness, that he stuck with that self centered b word.

She berated him. She was nasty when he tried to have a simple, light hearted conversation. Obviously he tried more than they showed because at some point he mentioned emails. She didn't care. She even hated on him for trying to get a good job and career started for the family and doing a promotional thing (which was probably in his contract) for the show.

People who put Zac down and don't point out her selfish, hateful attitude are probably as bad as she is. Sit down.

Killer Sofa (2019)

This deserves a better rating

[10/10 · 24 March 2020]

Sorry, but this deserves better. Is it silly? Ridiculous? Outlandish? Yes. And that's what it's supposed to be. I went in expecting nothing less.

But to be honest? The actors did well. Much better than your standard, American B movie ones. The recliner was hilarious. It was even made to look menacing, and it actually pulled the look off well.

What did it for me was a scene at the end. It was classic. Gold. I laughed out loud for at least two minutes. Only because it took a classic dramatic movie moment and turned it into an obvious, comedic scene. It was simple, it was well done, and it made my night.

I won't spoil it, but it's 1 hour, 6 minutes in if you don't want to watch the whole movie. All I will say is wait for the "matches" bit. *Pah!

Overall, this was just what I needed it to be. Light hearted, silly comedy. It was up there for me with movies like Black Sheep (also a New Zealand film), Buck Wild, Zombeavers, Jack Frost (mutant killer snowman), and the like. If Gingerdead Man was made like this, then I probably would've liked it too.

The only thing I wasn't that big on was the ending. It was a bit convoluted for my taste. And since I'm talking about a movie with a killer recliner, that's saying something.

I would absolutely (and probably will) watch this again. It is what it is, and sometimes that's perfectly fine.

Scarecrows (2017)

I really wanted to like this

[3/10 · 24 March 2020]

I really did. But I just finished it and there were things that just killed it for me.

There were some good things. The premise is fine. The beginning started out.... ok. Then for some reason, stranded with no food and water (yet walking through a cornfield and just coming from a "lagoon"... *facepalm), and one guy hurt, the gf of the hurt guy decides to go down on the other girl's bf.

Then it takes its dark turn. The guy playing the killer worked. He had the look and the demeanor. Reminded me of WWE's Undertaker, actually. The setting, lighting, mood, fine. The guy's kid was a good character and the actor played him well.

But the main protagonist character. Ugh. The way she was written. She's in hiding, but jumps out and tells the guy to stop. Sure. I can almost buy that one. But then later the kid tells her to run. She stands there.

Then she's free and running through the cornfield (but didn't think to try to take the car). Ok. But does she just keep going, hoping to get away and bring back some help? No, gotta stop at every scarecrow to see if they're her friends. Never mind even if she frees them she can't get them away. What's she gonna do, carry them? They're also too weak to make it on their own.

Then the ending. This is what utterly killed it. She crawls (even though one leg is still fine. Could've hopped, could've pushed with her good leg. But nope, slow crawl) to a parked car that has a guy getting "serviced" by his gf. She's right at the door. She's reaching up to try to open the door. Fiddling with the door handle. Doesn't work, gets dragged back away.

You're right there. Pound on the side of the door. Seriously. Who wouldn't just pound away to get the people's attention? Ugh.

That's just off the top of my head. Sorry, but this sucks because of those stupid, cliche tropes. Cmon. Not to mention not much in the way of back story. A tiny summary from the kid, but no details of the incident.

I gave it a three because of atmosphere, the mood, the concept itself, the creepiness of the killer which was pretty much what I'd expect a creepy farmer/redneck to look like, and the actor who played the kid's performance. That's about it.

American Fright Fest (2018)

10 star ratings are ridiculous and wrong

[1/10 · 22 March 2019]

I like all kinds of movies. They don't have to be cinematic masterpieces or high budget films for me to enjoy them.

That being said, this was horrible. These 10 star "rave" reviews have to be fake. If somebody actually did like this boring, plodding mess it should still only rate a 6, maybe 7, tops.

Nothing was interesting, yet I stuck it out until the end thinking maybe it was a reverse horror flick, in that the body of the movie was bad and the ending would somewhat redeem it (as opposed to the more prominent opposite). Nope.

The only thing I could think of that was remotely positive was Pancho Moler's performance. I mean, I like Dylan Walsh, but even his character didn't interest me.

No, this was lame, predictable (which generally isn't bad in itself but didn't help this movie's case), and pointless to watch. The ending was just as bad as the rest of the film, and felt like it was going to continue for a couple more minutes yet just stopped. I couldn't even handle watching it straight through, I had to break it up between two nights of viewing.

So don't believe the 10 star ratings. If, by some miraculous universal paradox you did find this entertaining, then it still wouldn't be worth a 10. I absolutely hate coming on here and seeing those kinds of pandering reviews since they ruin any kind of fair representation. Which is usually when I decide to add my own.

That's why this is here. To let you know that this boring sludge fest is nowhere near close to being a "perfect horror masterpiece" no matter what your tastes are.

Into the Dark: Flesh & Blood (2018) Season 1, Episode 2

Expected Something More

[6/10 · 11 December 2018]

First, let me say it wasn't a bad thriller. What I was looking for, though, was something a bit deeper, with a twist, like I experienced with Pooka (my first introduction to Into the Dark, which really impressed me and wasn't what I was expecting).

I was expecting to see an ending where the things occurring in the movie were happening in her mind, yet in reality were completely opposite and she wound up being the killer, having repressed her memories until the current regression into violence.

Instead we get a cut and dry, predictable, by the numbers story. Was the acting good? Sure. Was it suspenseful? I'll say yes. But it could have been that much more.

I noticed that two out of three of these Into the Dark episodes make it a point to have the obligatory female come through in the end. In The Body, you have a completely disgusting character who is perfectly fine with serving up her friends to a killer, yet she's somehow the "hero" who emerges. Now in this one you have more of the same.

Would it be so terrible to have an ending where the female is the antagonist and winds up getting her comeuppance at the end? I guess it would be protested as "viewing women in a negative light" even though they are just as easily capable of terrible things.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it's a very prevalent narrative these days which really does stifle and hinder true creativity and progression.

So, yes, the movie was good. Not denying that at all. Just went in with higher hopes.

House on Willow Street (2016)

Piece of utter garbage

[1/10 · 23 December 2017]

How this got a 5 * rating is far beyond me. This was a piece of rancid garbage.

I didn't realize this was going to be a possession movie, which I'm not a big fan of anyway, but I have seen decent ones. This was not even close to decent.

So she can manipulate objects and kill people with them, yet can't manipulate the shackles holding her? Ok, maybe I can buy that in some weird way. But the other stuff? I can suspend belief with the best of them, but ffs.

The possessed girl can hoist grown men off the ground, yet has problems taking out the one female at the end. She can stop bullets and send them back at a person, but is beaten to incapacitation with a wrench. Sure. She takes out the other people pretty quickly with her demon tongue, yet at the end when she and the two other possessed guys have the last gal incapacitated at the van, they stand there for about 2 minutes just writhing around and swirling their tongues until they're stopped by some other random spirit (yes, I know who it is. But that made zero sense as well). "But it's in slow motion so it's dramatic!" Yeah, right.....

Not only that, but she could've taken them out long before they even got to the building they were holding her in. Or like another user said, she had plenty of souls to pick from in the first place when they tried the exorcism.

The acting is ridiculous, as is the fact that the main female kidnaps somebody, for personal reasons and gain (which the reason is shown to be unwarranted and wrong), acts all hardcore, then suddenly we're supposed to forget all that and sympathize with her as she turns into the cliche, screaming mess you'd find in any other horror movie.

Speaking of cliches, the whole "possessed person doing the quick neck bend to the side with the sound of the bones cracking" is ridiculously played out and overused anymore. In this one it's painfully obvious it was simply jumping on a fn bandwagon.

There are many other migraine inducing elements in this movie, but I won't mention them all. I'll just say that either the reviews are padded by friends and family of the people involved with the movie, or there are some extremely sad, pathetic, and brain dead people watching it. Maybe a little bit of both.

In short, a horrible, terrible movie.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)

People saying they "like" it are only doing so to come across as different and "unique". Please.

[1/10 · 25 February 2017]

This movie is bad. Not good bad, just bad. I think the people saying they like this movie are simply saying so because they want to appear special or unique.

Renee Zellweger's acting comes across as both decent and bad. She seems to be doing well and then suddenly it's like she had a change of heart, or doesn't want to be there anymore, and will just deadpan a few lines before deciding to pick the pace back up a bit.

McConnehey isn't bad as the resident nutcase leader, but the character itself is just ridiculous.

It's full of nonsense parts (more so than your usual horror movie "cluelessness" from the characters) of which the ending is the biggest condensation of said nonsense. The whole "conspiracy theory" explanation is poorly implemented and is just the icing on the cake of absurdity.

Don't get me wrong here. I like a movie that is absurd for the sake of being absurd, or movies that are accidentally good, funny, etc. This is none of those.

I am avoiding spoilers by not being specific and just want to give an overall description of the film. It is not clever, it is not witty, it is not good (not even by accident). Everything falls flat in this.

Like I said, the number of people giving the "10 out of 10" ratings are either a select few with multiple accounts, people desperate to find a meaning or something that simply is not there, people trying to concoct these "deep meanings" in order to seem "complex" and/or make themselves feel better, or any combination thereof.

Lady Death (2004 Video)

For all the naysayers

[6/10 · 3 January 2011]

First of all, the critics of this movie are really over-exaggerating. Just because everybody isn't an anime geek that drools over animated (i.e. NOT REAL) females that are nothing more than lines drawn on a page doesn't make this a horrible movie. It's funny, I think I even heard Ralph Bakshi mentioned in one review. Yeah, the guy that did Wizards. sigh. Anyway, I didn't mind the story of a "heroine" in hell wanting to take out Lucifer. Gave it a more "casual watcher" appeal than to see a bunch of evil killing machines wanting to outdo each other. It wasn't spectacular by any means, but it's a cartoon for pete's sake. Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to offend the fanboys. I mean "animated feature". Whatever. Cremator was a cool character and they gave as much of a story to the main parts without overdoing it. Not something I would watch over and over but wasn't a waste of the time I spent watching it. I did wonder if things died in hell, did they just come back to hell? That was an anomaly I think you have to suspend disbelief about so you don't get a headache. Another thing was that they could have had a much better ending battle. But it was a basic animated movie with more violence than what you'd want a kid to be watching, so I didn't expect the moon and emmys. And for all of you freakshows that want "nudity" and "realism", here's an idea. Watch a movie with real people in it and quit complaining that you don't get to see "cartoon porn".