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Modern Love: When the Doorman Is Your Main Man (2019)
Pro-life Patriarchy
What a strange story of all the possible (read: believable) stories to be had in NYC... This protagonist is a lonely, friendless, and pretty much spineless woman who is in medias res of a serious Stockholm syndrome with her oddly controlling and wordlessly creepy doorman who reminded me of the bartender Lloyd from The Shining. I just could not take any of it seriously enough to get emotionally involved. Neither was it irreverent enough to make me laugh, so it just came across as sad and cringe-worthy. I only got up tot he part where she (spoiler alert-ish) gets in a situation and he convinces her... then I thought it a better use of my time to trim my toenails. The patriarchy is alive and well at least in episode 1...
Trauma (2018)
The trauma is watching TRAUMA
This show was unbelievably bad. The actors managed with what they could but the writing... the script is completely STOOOPID! For perhaps half of the first episode you think it might improve, but alas, it only gets worse. The actors almost seem sad they have to perform their idiotic lines and behavior. I fast-forwarded through many an unbearable scene and kept doing so only out of morbid curiosity to see where in the world this absurd storyline was going. At the end I actually laughed becase it was just nonsense. A total waste of money, and talent and time for all involved in the making of it. This belongs in the dustbin of television history.
La La Land (2016)
Boring, Actually
I'm giving this film a three for the opening scene. The rest was room temperature unsalted oatmeal. I tried to like Ryan and Emma's characters but they were empty vessels, partly due to bad writing and partly due to their lack of commitment to the roles. Ryan looked like he was about to soil his undies at any moment, whether because he was righteously defending his bachelorhood, or jazz - his go to expression appeared to be constipated. Emma, whose face looked oddly proportioned in tight close-ups was a wisp of a character, ungrounded, and therefore unbelievable. The aspirational lecturing about jazz and watching "Rebel Without a Cause" came across as pedantic. Overall, it all felt tepid and safe and soft-shoe i.e. no passion. I was bored and felt time weigh heavily on this film. The music was bland as well, dreamy, goopy, overly-sweet, generic, and also boring. I can't say I would ever be inclined to recommend this film to anyone, for any reason. It just never got going. I actually can't believe it won as many awards at the Golden Globes as it did. Now I understand why Ryan had such a look of surprise - or was it constipation? Who cares...
The Hateful Eight (2015)
If you love violence and the N word watch this movie
I hated this movie. The gratuitous use of the N words and the blood-splattering aside, the plot is a drawing room drama with guns and the only remotely interesting character is Jennifer Jason Leigh's. There was such opportunity with these actors and the talent behind the camera, but alas, it was not meant to be. QT is like a teenager who only wants the thrill of a cranium exploding or using a forbidden word. There is not much here that holds one's attention. In fact, despite the richness of the set and excellent lighting, I was still bored by the repetitive dialogue that led nowhere significant and I ended up only noticing the use of the N word. If the inspiration for this film was in fact Agatha Christie's "And Then There Were None" then it is a miserable fail. The characters simply were not fully realized on a script level. The actors did their best, but could not rescue it from the hands of the naked Emperor-Director; and at three hours - tortured is how I felt by the end, especially with no plot twist worthy of the indulgent film. This is a big thumbs down for me.
Passengers (2016)
So Boring and Sexist and Bad, just BAD
The script is terrible. I don't understand how this film was pitched and chosen to be made. It makes no sense on so many levels and even so it is supremely boring! JL doesn't come into the film until we have already endured what feel like a 90 year journey in just 45 minutes. AND when she does she is not that likable, she's a bore. And this film will put anyone into a life-suspension chamber. Save your money and/or time. Skip it. I wish I could say more about it but there are no words. How can you ask for 2 hours of your life back?! I feel like Jennifer Lawrence's character, and scream "this is MURDER!" And poor Lawrence Fishburne - he tried to save the movie, I mean the ship and just ends up dying like 5 minutes later. And how pathetic that Andy Garcia actually showed up on the set to just stand there and look at a green screen. He should fire his agent. Sony Films should fire the entire film department. Only Jennifer is laughing all the way to the bank with her 20 million dollars.
Jason Bourne (2016)
2 Stars out of 10
I only got throughout this film because I was able to fast-forward searching for meaningful dialogue with actors actually acting. As some reviewers have noted, the hand-held, jittery, zooming in and out camera technique was a distraction rather than what the film-maker and camera-person may have thought would give immediacy (my guess) to a film that is ALL action already anyway. Add to that a cast of characters that are mere outlines, including and especially Alicia Vikander with her forced deadpan expression. The most soulful character played by Julia Stiles is sadly not used beyond being the catalyst for the film's so called "plot." Everything was also a cliché' or ridiculous. This older Jason Bourne is tired and sad, somewhat emasculated. By the end I was hoping that they would kill him, like a racehorse with a broken leg, put out of his misery.
I, Anna (2012)
Noir Shmoir
Super slow start & middle and with predictable end. I only got through it because I was working on an art project whilst "watching/listening"... I can watch anything with Rampling, but this nearly disproved that theory. More than anything the film with its sluggish pace and obviousness of plot twists. The cop was like Peter Falk playing Columbo. It was comic how he seemed to be stumbling around. In fact, overall the photography was terrific. It was the script that made it the story cumbersome, self-indulgent and obvious. If only the camera didn't love Rampling's face so much, her expressive eyes... I would have stopped after 10 minutes.
Margin Call (2011)
Boring Zzzzzz
A waste of time. Such a great cast, but what a BORING story. The writing is snooze-inducing, and the direction, well - a failure. My mind was drifting about half-way through when I realized I didn't care about any of the characters and that there really is no tension in this film. It is literally a set of characters in search of a plot. The "impending" thing that is about to happen and the collusion between the employees of the firm becomes a murky pond of motivation. The actors barely seem able to get their boring lines out. And when Penn Badgely's character is in the bathroom stall crying, I nearly laughed. I cannot recommend this unless it is for a class called "missed opportunities in film."
Etz O Palestina (1962)
Racist Propaganda
Knowing what we know now about the complex issues of Palestinian and Israeli rule in this land - the title alone is problematic. The film itself, however, reads like pure propaganda for Israeli occupation of these lands that were to be shared. Ironically, at times it feels more like a Reifenstahl film extolling the "superior Germanic race." Though made in the 60's it often feels like the 40's newsreel style compilation of clips.
Were it as beautiful as "I Am Cuba" - also a propaganda film sponsored by Communist Russia on behalf of the Cuban government, it would at least have some redeeming quality. The footage can be interesting historically, but such a lopsided presentation perpetuates the depiction of the historical Israel's non-Jewish residents of Palestine as simple-minded camel-herders whose children bathe in the same water with cattle. In this respect it was painful to sit through as with any film we now know to be racist.
Grace and Frankie (2015)
This Show Should be Called Horrible People
This show barely merits the time it is taking to write these few words. It is a joke, and one that is not funny at that. It was a chain of cliché's wrapped around the decaying careers of previously good actors. The writing is complete drivel. Not one character has any redeeming quality. It is (accidentally) a show about being in being self-centered and in a state of self-absorption. In that respect it is fascinating especially seeing how many people seem to have loved it. What did they love? Mean Jane Fonda? Dim-witted Lily Tomlin? Narcissistic Martin Sheen? Sad Sam Waterston? All hate- worthy. And the topic of sexuality is written in such a flippant, unrealistic manner, we can only assume that at some level it is actually mean-spirited.
Expelled (2014)
Don't Let you Kids See This Trash
I let my nephews (7 and 10) choose this movie and despite the high school theme I let them. What a horrible message is embedded in this badly written and badly acted meaningless script... This "uber-cool" kid is certainly a criminal in training - as is his brother - the offspring of clueless parents whose best efforts are easily upended.
What a monstrously insensitive character is portrayed at the center of "Expelled" - a psychopath to be sure. In his wake of senseless evil and destruction no one is left unharmed - and yet at the end somehow he is redeemed. I would say to anyone who is even considering watching this - don't waste a second of your life or your kids lives on this trash.
Piaf: Her Story, Her Songs (2003)
Better to See Videos of the Real Piaf
If you love Piaf, do not bother renting this. It is ruthless self-promotion by a bad impersonator of the "Little Sparrow". Raquel Bitton's versions of Piaf's songs are a struggle of mockery and mime. She forces her voice into its most narrow confines to eek out sounds that just barely approach the original.
To make matters worse, the full orchestra, rather than just a piano, drowns out any chance of intimacy. Bitton uses Piaf's legacy to mold her own career and it is heart-breaking to watch. The only silver lining is the anecdotal information between songs - so if you see it have your finger ready on the FF button!