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hbendillo
Columbia, SC
Reviews
Terror Firmer (1999)
This is the gratuitous sex and violence you've been looking for
I only rated five out of ten but that is relative. This is a 10 out of ten violent, sexually explicit and stupid movie that all those looking for such things want to see. Limbs removed, impaling, squashed heads, stabbings, slashings and gallons of fake blood. Main stupid plot line and stupid sub plot line. Actually both good and bad acting making the bad look very bad and the mediocre look great. Sex with monsters, sex with vegetables, sex in bathrooms, large breasts. Pure trashy entertainment to watch alone as in not for the whole family or close relatives. So plug it into the DVD player, grab the remote and use the rewind, slow motion and A-B repeat buttons liberally.
Gojira tai Hedora (1971)
MST3K Hall of Fame
This is the most laughable of any Godzilla movie I have ever seen. It is just one of those movies where you have to start doing the MST3K treatment to continue watching. You've got a monster smoking factory smoke stacks like a fine cigar. Pollution is its food and source of its power. Our hero, some scientist that discovers the true nature of the creature is confined to a bed most of the movie with a head wound. He is driven out to the site of the major battle in a station wagon and gives instructions for fighting the creature from his deathbed. The smog monster, Hedora, is a creation of some of the worst animation ever. The transition from this dripping,wet, muddy creature that walks and looks like a bunch of dirty rags to the flying rocket-propelled creature is hilarious. The 70's party scene with the singing go-go girl is cheese supreme. The final scenes where the authorities and Godzilla are trying to kill the creature is as inept and poorly directed as it gets. This is terrible, but worth watching if you are in the right frame of mind.
Horror House on Highway Five (1985)
Bad, Oh so very Bad
I only hope my VCR can recover. Lets rate the individual parts shall we:
Acting - BAD Story Line - BAD Dialoge - BAD Cinematography - BAD Effects - BAD
Well, you get the picture. No, don't get the picture. This movie was surprisingly made in 1985. It looks more like an early 70's movie. You would hope at least their would be some gratuitous nudity or some gory killing. But no. The killing scenes are comical and the women remain annoyingly unexposed. The Nixon mask thing could have been more comical if the directors and producers had any clue but alas, they do not.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Respectable, but...
I have always wanted to see a remake of this movie. I like the fact that the gore can be so much more with new movie effects. And I think you really do have to somewhat go over the top to make these remakes effective. The reason is because you cannot quite recapture the feeling of watching the original and having the story unfold before you. I definitely needed to see naked women getting butchered. If I am going to watch a remake, gratuity in all it's forms are necessary. I think they were a little too subtle about the relation between the barbecue and the people being butchered. If I recall it was pretty clear in the original that the barbecue had some "special" ingredients. This movie has definitely made me want to go back and watch the original again when I really wanted it to make me forget about old one and watch this one again. However, I give it grudging approval to be seen at least once.