cattread Reviews

A Secret Promise (2011)

Ah, come on, it's fun!

[8/10 · 18 April 2024]

Yes, yes, an easy movie to mock. But I watch a lot of rom coms while I work out because my husband cannot be cajoled into trying even the best of them anymore. This one was a hoot and a half. I can see why they keep trying to rebrand it. There really should be a separate rating scale for romantic fluff. Is it an 8 compared to When Harry Met Sally? No, of course not. But it deserves more than a 5.3.

True, the leads don't have much chemistry, but they are very likeable and cute as heck. I've given up on Hallmark movies because the leading actors do nothing for me, the dialogue is leaden, and the plots are all the same. Here we have a cute, even touching, premise, and I laughed out loud several times. I particularly enjoyed the male lead's easygoing personality, kindness, and ability to roll with the punches. Try watching Hallmark movies for a while, and you'll see that this movie--whatever it's called now!--is a cut above the rest, even with all the plot holes.

Ticket to Paradise (2022)

No Romantic Chemistry

[6/10 · 17 February 2023]

I adore both George Clooney and Julia Roberts, and I had high hopes for this movie (high hopes: always a mistake). My main objection was that no one would believe they were in love. No one. They could barely stand to kiss each other. But they obviously really like each other in a back-slapping kind of way. I'd love to see them in a buddy movie with the two of them picking up random hot strangers. A "Thelma and Louise" without the tragic ending. There was also no chemistry between Julia and Lucas Bravo, who was sadly misused and given ridiculous dialogue. As if it is just understood that pilots are dunderheads. Really? Sort of reminded me of "Something's Gotta Give," where Diane Keaton chose paunchy, crotchety Jack Nicholson over sweet, brilliant Keanu Reeves at his most beautiful. Only in movies do women have these kinds of choices and make the wrong ones. Thank you, male writers and directors. George, I love ya, but you're mugging too much. And Julia, I love you too, but you've turned into a cold fish onscreen, and you need to urge your screenwriters to let you be your warm, charming self. And what's with the wardrobe of onesies? You looked as if you're garbed for a hazardous waste removal gig. Or Romper Room, with that black poufy-sleeved shorts onesie. (You did look lovely in the dress you wore at the wedding.) Mostly enjoyed the supporting cast and hope to see Maxime Bouttier as the young hunk who tempts the older woman away from the age-appropriate man and gets to stay with her this time. Also on the positive side, Bali is definitely on my bucket list now. I know this review sounds like a 5, but it gets an extra point for scenery and not dragging too much. I kind of enjoyed it. Low expectations are best.

The English: Cherished (2022) Season 1, Episode 6

Haunting

[9/10 · 14 November 2022]

An unusual Western more in line with "Deadwood" than anything else I can think of. Or maybe "The Ballard of Buster Scruggs." What makes it work so well are the performances, all superb. Not too long for us. But devastating. Can't stop thinking about it. Very violent and graphic at times--elements I normally avoid; only, with this story, they are warranted. It's difficult to describe what it's about without giving away too much. Mostly it's about two wounded people who find an almost cosmic connection, and it's about survival in a harsh world where almost everyone wants to rob, maim, and kill you, especially if you're a Native American. Beautiful cinematography. The last scene will break your heart.

It lost one star for me because I'm more of a "News of the World" type watcher who craves uplifting endings. This ending does have uplifting aspects.

Another Earth (2011)

Luminous Brit!

[8/10 · 20 October 2022]

My husband and I agreed that Brit Marling carries this movie. With her incandescent beauty and empathy, she reminds me of Vanessa Redgrave. Her riveting performance, the music, and the cinematography are all fantastic. The other performances are also quite good, though I'd have preferred another actor for the composer. Because Brit's character is always on screen, the slower pace worked for us. We could just watch her forever. It's hard to believe this is an independent film.

If you're looking for a believable story line, then you might end up rolling your eyes at the ending. Romantics will rejoice.

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954)

Got the Bends Watching This

[3/10 · 3 August 2022]

... but the frogmen, apparently, did not. In 1954, no one knew about decompression sickness? Or they were being faithful to the book. Dunno, haven't read it. I'm sure it's much better than the movie. The cinematography is beautiful, and the outdated special effects were not a problem for me. The acting and pacing were.

This is a stunningly bad movie, amazingly draggy. The main culprit is Kirk Douglas's Ned, who seems to have waltzed in from another film set, a musical comedy maybe or a really cheesy pirate movie. His character is so unappealing that it totally unbalances the film, and his acting is embarrassingly--not entertainingly--bad. Talk about chewing the scenery. He knows only one song, and we're supposed to believe that he is so charming that Peter Lorre follows him around like a puppy dog and Nemo's pet seal forsakes his master to play circus with him. A seal that remains mysteriously wet.

Nice voice, though. Who knew Kirk could sing?

Paul Lukas as the professor also appears to have wandered in from another film, maybe a drawing room comedy.

James Mason's Captain Nemo comes off as noble and wise in contrast. I didn't find him particularly stiff. He's a zealot, and they don't have to be loose-limbed. He has invented this amazing machine and has foreseen what man will do to the earth. (Though he does kill giant sea turtles, which is troubling.) Ham-fisted knuckle dragger that he is, Ned figures he must foil his evil plans. Then he saves his life from a hilariously harmless-looking squid but regrets it.

Okay, I confess, I was so bored that I dozed off and woke up as Ned and Peter Lorre's Conseil are escaping the very clean and colorful natives, whose language sounds suspiciously like "ooga booga." Ned is so strong that he easily out-rows them.

So maybe the movie suddenly got really good during my nap. My husband was asleep too, so he can't enlighten me.

I still love Forbidden Planet and The Time Machine. Not all '50s sci-fi ages this badly. I'm glad that others are still loving this movie, and I don't mean to spoil your fun. But I was appalled. I had this cool Viewmaster version of 20,000 Leagues that thrilled me as a child--3D scenes from the movie. Maybe my expectations were too high.

The Northman (2022)

Brutish But Not Short

[6/10 · 30 April 2022]

While the credits were rolling, I turned to my shell-shocked husband and said, "It's Götterdämmerung without the music!" That numbingly long Gesamtkunstwerk was his first and only opera when I met him (personally, I love the Ring Cycle!) but you might understand why he had vowed at that point to never see another opera.

I chose this movie for my first time back in a theater since Covid wreaked havoc on us all thinking that it would be a cheesy Viking epic with a lot of shots of Alexander Sarsgaard naked or semi-clothed. Well, I got that, though it was definitely a vanity-free performance in that all that muscled splendor was not presented in the Hollywood perfect hair/makeup/flattering lighting mode of True Blood. The performances were all of the scenery chewing kind, which doesn't mean they were bad. My husband needs subtitles these days, but I told him he wasn't missing much. It's the same story (kind of) as Hamlet, but the dialogue isn't Shakespeare.

I don't think I've ever seen a more violent film. If you were sitting near me, I apologize for all the laughing, but honestly, it was so over the top I couldn't help myself. That said, I am still thinking about this movie, scratching my head about it but also remembering in flashbacks both the violence and the terrible beauty of the landscapes and the visions.

So I didn't hate it. But most women would. It felt overlong. The "music" was hard on the ears but appropriate to the bleak cinematography and brutal action. With gods like that, you can understand why people turned to Christianity or just decided to forgo religion entirely.

The Little Hours (2017)

Comedy is in the Eye of the Beholder!

[9/10 · 2 January 2021]

9 stars for entertainment value and partly to be contrary. The script and the acting did feel a little lazy at times. I'm looking at you, Fred and George. The three nuns are a blast, and Dave Franco is totally game and very easy on the eyes. It's a Mel Brooks sort of humor. A drag show type of humor. If that's not your thing, or you think the Catholic Church should be off-limits, then skip it. But don't try to stop the rest of us from enjoying this nonstop romp of sexy silliness.

Holly's Holiday (2011 TV Movie)

Way Better than I Expected!!

[9/10 · 30 December 2020]

My partner has a low tolerance for romance, so I try to spare him by watching the stuff I know he'll hate while I work out in the backyard casita. I was just about to conclude that he had a point about Hallmark movies when I stumbled across this one. Having no expectations other than the premise, I was charmed. All the actors are having a wonderful time, and I loved the way Beau devolved--Ryan McPartlin's performance is hilarious. The leads are enormously appealing and the supporting characters all had their moments. Especially Gabrielle Dennis. Way more slapstick than I'm used to in a Hallmark movie, and I loved that it had one foot (well, maybe a few toes) in reality. Quite a funny script! I wish I could find more like this. Can't tell you how many rom coms I've given up on in the first fifteen minutes. I'm not sure why people are so down on this movie. As another reviewer said so eloquently, just go with it.

The Escort (2015)

Enjoyably implausible

[7/10 · 15 April 2020]

And I thought my generation was wild... hmm. I didn't believe a moment of it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't fun. (Maybe I just didn't want to believe it.) It obviously wants to be the Pretty Woman of its time, since it references the movie-can't remember the quote, but the two leads both loved it. (Makes you think.... Oi. I hope impressionable children didn't actually decide to become escorts or go at it like bunnies using sex apps because of Pretty Woman.) There were several "so bad it's good" aspects: (1) every woman pleasant-looking Mitch hooks up could be a Playboy centerfold. (2) How did the actress interviewing Natalie for business school keep a straight face? And why did she need an MBA to start a business that was already established? (Trying not to give too much away.) (3) The obscure magazine Mitch is writing the spec piece for is available absolutely everywhere and is read by everyone of all ages. Even if it's a stand-in for Vanity Fair or Rolling Stone, really? Bruce Campbell as the father is the best thing in it, although he seems to be in another, lighter movie. Also nice work by Rumer Willis. In general, the movie takes itself awfully seriously and doesn't quite understand who its audience is (not that I really do, either-people looking for light entertainment on Prime, I guess). At the danger of sounding like the grumpy older woman that I am, this generation has managed to take a lot of the steam out of sex. If you're looking for a turn-on, this won't be your thing. It's fun because it's silly, and the two very cute leads have a nice rapport and some clever dialogue.