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Reviews
Escape from New York (1981)
Who's The Duke Now?
Kurt Russell grunts his way into uber-Clint territory after having a
bomb implanted in his neck and being forced onto a plane that's
destined to crash land into the Twin Towers. Hey, it is the future! Well, actually, it's the past, but, that's another film. Russell and his permanent migraine squint have just twelve hours
to rescue Donald Pleasance's stranded Pres from the clutches of
Isaac Hayes' 'Duke', overlord of the lawless wasteland which
Manhattan has become. Lee Van Cleef, Ernest Borgnine, Harry Dean Stanton and genius
director John Carpenter's missus, Adrienne Barbeau, also say 'Hi',
while the action is played out to yet another of the auteur's own
minimalist synth soundtracks.
Salem's Lot (1979)
Back Shamen, Back Holy Man, Back Priest!
Ex Starsky & Hutch hombre David Soul makes crosses out of
lollipop sticks with which to ward off genuinely scary looking
vampires in creepy little New England town while James Mason
wanders around the even creepier big old house on the hill with
the smug superiority being best mates with the prince of darkness
brings.
Or is it just because he's English?
Hotline (1982)
Barber, Barber, Shave A Pig!
Wonder Woman Lynda Carter swaps her hotpants for a hotline in this unintentionally hilarious made-for-TV hokum about a Samaritans style crisis helpline gal attracting the unwanted attentions of the fabulously monickered serial killer, The Barber (so-called because of his penchant for hacking off his victims locks), who delights in feeding her cryptic nursery rhyme style riddles when planning his next murder. Predictably, the too-clever-by-half loon makes the mistake of targeting Ms Carter as that next corpse-to-be and the result is seldom in doubt thereafter.
Bad Lieutenant (1992)
Police Activity!
Abel Ferrara's heavyweight portrait of sin and redemption,
featuring a truly astonishing performance by Harvey Keitel as a
seriously out-of-control New York police officer, consumed by a
black hole of addiction and vice, gambling tens of thousands of
dollars on The World Series to pay off mountainous debts and
feed a spectrum of drug habits until the brutal rape of a nun
unexpectedly instills the morally corrupt lieutenant with a glimmer
of humanity.
Rocky IV (1985)
Jeeez! That Soviet technology sucks!
Undoubtably one of the most laughable films ever made, a hearty slice of shameless Reaganite propaganda, with Stallone's decrepit midget of a heayweight boxer thawing out the Cold War and establishing world peace by travelling to Moscow to knock seven shades of s**t out of towering superhuman Soviet stud Dolph Lundgren thereby avenging the death of buddy and one-time rival Apollo Creed. The sight of a Mikhail Gorbachev-a-like standing to initiate a rapturous ovation for Rocky's common-man-of-the-people "Why can't we all just get along?" heartfelt plea to the Soviet nation, the Stars & Stripes subtley draped over his shoulders, is surely one of the most unintentionally hilarious moments in celluloid history!
What this all really said of course was, "Hey Ruskies?! Join us.....or die!"
The Omega Man (1971)
It's A Family Affair!
There was a time when Chuck Heston was synonymous with
some of cinema's most chillingly vital futureshock offerings, this
along with Planet Of The Apes and Soylent Green being one of
them, but in hindsight, considering what an NRA militiaman's wet
dream it is - last upstanding citizen on earth armed to the teeth
with a gluttony of automatic weaponary left free to roam the
lawless post-apocalyptic streets of LA cleansing them of the
socially deviant - it may also represent the moment which
convinced him that only guns were gonna save our ass from such
a prophetic eventuality. Happiness, it would seem, is a warm gun after all!
Cocaine: One Man's Seduction (1983)
Who's This?!
McCloud ditches stetson and tin flute for funky '80's leather-Jackson-jacket as old Mr Charles begins to burn a hole in his fashion sense as well as pocket. A tour-de-force performance by Dennis Weaver as dead-beat real estate loser Eddie Gant, transformed into a Caddy-driving high-roller thanks to Bolivia's finest export until inevitable excess leads to a pathetic, whimpering finale, a hospitalised Weaver unable to look his family in the eye whilst bubbling, "I'm so ashamed. I'm so ashamed!" Marvelous!
Day of the Dead (1985)
Bad Boy Bubby!
Criminally overlooked final instalment to Romero's zombie trilogy, focussing on a bickering group of dwindling military and scientific personel clashing over a conflict of interests in an underground nuclear bunker following the apocalyptic collapse of civilisation above. The intensifying sense of claustrophobia and isolation builds to breaking point and enevitable horror ensues but, despite a relatively upbeat ending, the overall mood, infused by a sparse synthesised soundtrack, is depressingly bleak.
Rocky IV (1985)
Jeeez! That Soviet technology sucks!
Undoubtably one of the most laughable films ever made, a hearty slice of shameless Reaganite propaganda, with Stallone's decrepit midget of a heayweight boxer thawing out the Cold War and establishing world peace by travelling to Moscow to knock seven shades of s**t out of towering superhuman Soviet stud Dolph Lundgren thereby avenging the death of buddy and one-time rival Apollo Creed. The sight of a Mikhail Gorbachev-a-like standing to initiate a rapturous ovation for Rocky's common-man-of-the-people "Why can't we all just get along?" heartfelt plea to the Soviet nation, the Stars & Stripes subtley draped over his shoulders, is surely one of the most unintentionally hilarious moments in celluloid history!
What this all really said of course was, "Hey Ruskies?! Join us.....or die!"
Repo Man (1984)
Looking for the joke with a microscope!
Just the best white trash, punk rock, sci-fi movie of all-time, a deliberately nonsensical '50s B-movie style plot played out in a dysfunctional, suburban LA of no prospects, dead-end jobs and petty crime with a superb rock'n'roll soundtrack featuring the likes of Iggy Pop, Black Flag, The Plugz and The Circle Jerks. And if that ain't enough, it's even got Harry Dean Stanton spouting truly memorable lines like, "Ordinary f***ing people. I hate 'em!"
Intense!