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winslowarizona
Reviews
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
Watchable, but don't expect Raiders.
To say that I was a victim of the hype the first time I saw this movie is an understatement. Like many, I have eagerly awaited the film for a long time and hung on every trailer released and little bits of extra info given out by crew/cast in interviews.
So I was bound to be disappointed. However, after seeing it for the first time, I was just plain annoyed. But why? Friends asked "is Harrison Ford too old for it now?" - No, not a bit of it. He carries off Indy with a more mature outlook and obviously many more adventures under his famous hat, but the swaggering confidence, likability and style he had in the other movies is 100% still there.
"Was the story no good?" - No, without giving spoilers, it's based on a plausible premise (as plausible as an Indy movie has ever been).
In essence I think the problem was a very small minority of the movie just made me go "oh, come ON!". Parts are just so unfeasibly far-fetched and other parts so predictable, that they merge to spoil the good in-between.
Aside, the script isn't brilliant and certainly not worthy of Hurt, Ford and Winstone. Karen Allen is as wooden as wood and Shia LaBeouf is the unlikeliest 'greaser' I've ever seen.
When I watched it for a second time last night it wasn't half as bad, but my mind was ready to gloss over the "oh, come on!" bits and I enjoyed the rest.
Besically, a movie spoilt by trying to cram too much in and lacing it all together with spider-web-thin dialogue.
Shame.
Epic Movie (2007)
Even worse than you think, in your wildest imagination, that it could be
Before making movies like this, studios should ask a panel of the general public whether they'd rather go to see this, or have the studio donate millions of dollars to worthwhile charities.
This movie has, in my opinion of course, no redeeming qualities. It is a spoof of other movies which, although not groundbreaking, at least tried to entertain above the waist. This movie is just a series of excuses for toilet humour, tired innuendo and the odd bikini clad babe. The script is plagiarised, diluted-with-sewer-water nonsense; the acting, even for this questionable cast, is plank-like at best; all in all a waste of your life and breath to watch. Not a single smirk passed my lips.
Seriously though, it is a travesty that this kind of thing still not only gets made, but gets general release, while so many other more worthy efforts go straight to DVD, or are never released at all.
Ocean's Twelve (2004)
Money for nothing
Money for stars, locations, director & effects. Money for script? Oops we spent it all. D'oh! Without spoiling the experience (and don't misunderstand me I really urge you NOT to go & see this film) the whole movie jogs along with confusing dialogue, wooden performances and no major 'heist' scenes for what is supposed to be a heist movie.
I'm sooooooo not a fan of Clooney, but in the first movie his chemistry with Pitt was excellent. In this movie both are dire. Throw in Julia Roberts and Catherine Z Jones to top up the wood-fest and you'd think they hired them all from a lumber-yard.
This film thought it was better than a plot, trying instead to throw so many 'stars' at us we wouldn't notice. It' didn't work on me or many others.
Utterly wasted time and money. Give the budget to charity next time, gents, and spare us all the pain.
Solaris (2002)
Just simply boring.
Watched this movie last night and it reminded me of the wee toy that used to dangle above my bed when I was a baby. Both are wooden and watching them made me yawn.
If you like very soothing soundtracks then this might become one of your favourite movies. If you like actors who have presence, dialogue that makes sense or a plot that is at all interesting then it most certainly won't.
My friend gave me this to watch 'cos he said he didn't understand it. That's because there's nothing to understand. It's a real excuse for sci-fi, and is really a supernatural love story set on a spaceship. The only problem with it is that to make a love story work you need to empathise with the characters and care about what happens to them. And in this movie you simply don't.
Make your own mind up by all means, but don't expect 2001 or you'll be even more disappointed than me.
Riders (2002)
Accents? What accents?
It's all basically been said before here; bad script, bad acting, implausible plot, nonsense dialogue. But what hasn't been mentioned, as far as I can see, is the really unbelievably bad accents attempted by both main bad guys. To be honest I'm not really sure what area of THE WORLD Bruce Payne is supposed to from, and Stephen Berkoff is actually one of the only entertaining things in the movie with his 'Elvis/JR Ewing/Dick Van Dyke' type southern preacher drawl. Why couldn't these guy's keep their brit accents?
They would probably have been too good for the rest of the movie, that's why.
In a perverse way I quite liked this movie though. Like watching a car crash; you don't want to look but you can't look away.
Still not as bad as The Avengers.
The Avengers (1998)
NOT the best movie ever.
Who paid money to see this? Come on, be honest.
Whether on video, dvd or at the cinema, you have my deepest sympathies.
I have a rule that if I pays my money, I WILL stay to the end of the show, but this film really, really tested me.
I found no redeeming qualities in this terrible movie, and I tried. Uma Thurman in various catsuits is outweighed by Sean Connery in a teddy bear suit. Some nice sets (if a little overdone) are far outweighed by Ralph Fiennes, who acts like he learned his trade in commercials for soap powder. Laughable action sequences and dialogue written by, I believe, an infinite number of monkeys at an infinite number of typewriters just round it off nicely.
Didn't anything make me smile I hear you ask.
One thing.
The end credits.