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10/10
The Best Vacation Movie Period. (Warning: Spoilers)
6 October 2002
Warning: Spoilers
It doesn't matter if you watch this movie on Christmas Eve, the Fourth of July or whenever, it is an absolutely hilarious film! This time around, instead of going to some exotic location for a vacation, Clark Griswold decides to "have a fun, old-fashioned family Christmas" at home. So he invites his parents, his wife Ellen's parents and his uncle Lewis and aunt Bethany, who is well past senile, and later gets a "surprise" visit from his cousin Eddie and his family in a rusted "Tenement on wheels" RV.

Well, the holiday goes about as haphazard as you'd might expect, pretty much not unlike a holiday any of us ever had. From Clark's gallant attempt to have a house decorated with 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights (and nearly killing his yuppie neighbors in the process when the lights flash on and off), to exploding turkeys and burnt Christmas trees and destroyed rooms courtesy of Eddie's dog Snotz(sp?) and a squirrel, until it finally culminates in Clark receiving an envelope from his company. He expects it to be his Christmas bonus (which would pay for the swimming pool he wants to put in), instead it's a Jelly-of-the-Month-Club enrollment, which sends Clark into a hilarious, classic tirade that has to be heard to be appreciated. Basically, he wants his boss brought to his house so he can bitch him out. Naturally, Eddie obliges, bringing out the local SWAT team, who add just a little more chaos to this holiday. Eventually, Clark's boss realizes the folly of his ways, and adds 20% to what he earned that year, surely enough to get the pool and fly the whole family in for the dedication.

If there was a rating higher than 10, I'd give it. Do whatever you have to do, within the law, to GET THIS MOVIE!
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8/10
Good, but criminally short.
1 September 2002
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie, while a very good film, just felt a bit rushed to be great. Basically, it's not unlike your average MST3K episode, Dr. Forrester sends a bad film up to the Satellite of Love for Mike, Tom Servo, and Crow to riff their way through, in this case the Universal classic from the 1950s, This Island Earth. Forrester hopes that the movie will be so nauseatingly bad that he can unleash it on the public and rule the world. However, Mike and the Bots contain the one attribute that every person should have, a good sense of humor to get through any crappy film subjected to them. This time is no exception. Basically, if you love the show, you'll love the movie. Criminally short at 73 minutes, however. Maybe if they stuck an educational short in at the beginning as a warmup, it could've gotten a 10 from me. As it is, an 8 is what I give it.
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The Final Sacrifice (1990 Video)
1/10
The worst film ever to come out of Canada? Maybe. (Some spoilers if you actually want to watch this)
31 August 2002
Warning: Spoilers
Where to begin? First, you have this cult of masked wrestlers from the old Stampede territory, led by a verrrrry slllllow talllllking leader killing a man, presumably as a sacrifice, searching for some underground city somewhere in Southwestern Alberta. Seven years later, the father's son, a skinny geek who couldn't even get a date from a blow-up girl, rummages through the attic and finds a map and other assorted notes from trying to find this city. Well, the masked Stampeders invade the kid's house, and he averts the cult on his ten-speed bike (while the bad guys are driving a PICKUP TRUCK?!). He soon meets up with a drunken, mullet wearing guy named ZAP ROWSDOWER! They outrun the Stampede cult despite being in a truck that seems to be one mile away from complete and utter collapse. Soon after, the truck conveniently dies near the site of the underground city. Our two heroes end up in the ramshackle shack of a Yosemite Sam-sounding hermit who used to be the partner of the geek's father. We also find out that Rowsodwer was one of the guys that killed the geek's father, and he has the tattoo on his arm that our cult masked men from Stampede also have. Anyway, there's the big climax scene at the end where the kid and Rowsdower kill the leader (with a bullet to the ass, I guess), the Stampede wrestlers head back to the Corral, Rowsdower's tattoo disappears after he doused some whiskey on it, and the underground city rumbles back up to the surface. But before we can see what's in the city, we're suddenly looking at Rowsdower's truck driving back home (or wherever it was going). End of movie.

A word of advice: Don't ever watch this movie, not even the MST3K version. No matter how cool somebody might think you'd be for viewing it. It's just not worth the two hours you'll lose watching this atrocity on film. Take up needlepoint instead.

PS: If there's any old Stampede Wrestling fans reading this and think I was making fun of their territory with the masked cult guys, I wasn't. They just looked like a bunch of masked wrestlers in tank tops.
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Scooby-Doo (2002)
7/10
A pleasant surprise
18 August 2002
First of all, I admit that I am a Scooby-Doo fan. I really wasn't expecting much from this live action movie rendition of Scooby Doo, but ended up being pleasantly surprised with it. The plot is about on par with your average Scooby episode, but that's part of the charm of it. The characters were all pretty much true to form, with my main problem being the ugly Scooby they had. He just didn't look anything like the Scooby we all know and love. Sure, some of the jokes were a little crude, but it can be overlooked if you remember the show for what it was. Basically, if you're a Scooby fan, you'll probably enjoy it. If not, well, then you probably won't. 7/10
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