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pkr2000
Reviews
Gladiatress (2004)
There are worse films
Hadn't heard anything about this film but spotted that it had most of the cast from Smack The Pony so thought it might be worth a watch. I felt it wasn't as funny as the their series, which I think is just OK. The story ans script are very poor. I watched some of the extras and they talk about how quickly the guy wrote it, well it shows. Not to mention that I don't believe the port of Deal is between Ramsgate and Sandwich, but then again I don't think they were going for accuracy ;) However, despite all that I thought it was entertaining. I think it boils down to the fact that those girls just make me laugh, just them standing in a muddy field amuses me!?? Would I recommend it? Well probably not, I think you'd be better off getting an old Blackadder out, same type of jokes but at least they were original 15 years ago.
Troy (2004)
It still needs to be a good film
First things first, the film says it's based on Homer's tale so I won't even bother going into the that, and is that really how you pronounce the names - I doubt it. What bothered me more was just how poor the film was. The only reason it got a 3 was some of the later battle scenes were fun to watch. But, and it's a big ole' but. The acting was terrible. We (yes more than just me) were so close to turning it off, we were was so bored. I couldn't care less about the characters, they were all so two dimensional. OK so they didn't spend three days introducing themselves and their family history like Homer intended, but there is no excuse in taking out the boring bits and replacing them with the most dull acting. Normally I quite enjoy a Brad Pitt film, but this is him at his worst. I really would not recommend paying money to see this film, a real turkey.
Ghosts of Mars (2001)
hmm that junk mail look interesting...
I actually found myself flicking through some cheesy junk mail mag' 'cause I was so bored of this film. Any redeeming features? Non that I could see, well apart from seeing it until the end like you might look at a car crash...just to see how bad it actually is. Even the soundtrack managed to detract from an already terrible film. Literally terrible.
The acting was poor but I doubt anyone could have done much with this. It reminded me of Mad Max but without the fun. It was trying so hard to recapture the, whose next of "The Thing", but I couldn't have cared less about any of them. In fact it was like watching someone play a very boring adventure game. You never felt in the least bit scared, when something does jump out at you it looks like what it is, a person whose spent too long at the face painting tent.
I've seen better SciFi home movies posted on the web, by 10year olds. See it, if only to be aghast at the true nature of horror, sitting and watching this horrific attempt at a film. Go out and hire the Martian Chronicles, oh lets face it a collection of Marvin the Martian would money better spent.
Wrong Turn (2003)
What no heroes?
I enjoyed Wrong Turn for a being a decent nonsense horror. Yeah the story isn't exactly new but then you can always say that. What I really liked about the film was the lack of heroes and cheesy lines. There was some realism about how the characters reacted to their situation - although the situation was beyond belief ;) No "I'll be back/stick around/he's 'armless now" type gags just a feeling of "oh !***! let's get out of here". I liked it, refreshing.
On the downside is the plot itself. Minor issues that I can forgive but it would've have taken some small changes to make it more convincing.
*** SPOILER **** The huge amount of cars parked in the open! Why! That would surely be spotted from the air, esp. when there must be 100s of missing persons. How hard would it have been to just have them in the forest? And what about all the missing persons? The only way you could've explained that away was to have the local police in on it...keeping it in the family. But in the land of horror these are all minor points and don't really detract from a good solid film.
Stigmata (1999)
A good poke at organised religion
I really enjoyed this film. I must say that I can't understand who would have made this film. You wouldn't make it to do well at the box office. It's not a horror film. It's not a who-done-it. It's a simple way to poke a stick at organised religion. The bottom line for me is it tells how its not a sin to believe in God and NOT go to church.
The film tells the story in a sort of Exorcist vs Ghost style. The acting and script are fine. It's entertaining and worth a watch so long as you're not expecting Freddy vs Jason (?). I've bought the DVD so I can't give it a better rating than that.