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Reviews
Bullet Train (2022)
Unwatchable. Who are the people who enjoyed this movie?
If you want a litmus test to find out if someone has a poor sense of humor and no taste in movies, ask them if they like Bullet Train. If they say, yes, proceed with caution. If they say "loved it!!" with any enthusiasm....run.
It's honestly unwatchable. I can't really say much else because I couldn't watch it. I kept fast forwarding through it hoping for a scene or dialogue that might grab my attention and pull me in but I had to give up.
The most baffling part is that they made a Bullet Train 2....and sold tickets. I guess Brad Pitt's fans are willing to sit through anything if he's in it.
Save your brain cells. Skip it.
You People (2023)
Better than expected, a real joy of a film
Talk about a pleasant surprise, ignore the haters! You People is funny, awkward, heartwarming and real, and isn't afraid to address the elephant in the room. Jonah Hill does what he does best and Eddie Murphy lets him be the funny guy. It's rare to see Murphy so restrained and while both are excellent, Lauren London is the shining star of the film. She's a terrific actress, she rarely seems like she's even acting. I love the story line and the commentary about race...and the trying too hard way we often deal with it. But what I liked most of all was the balanced way the story is told and the message that it's never too late to learn and to change and that it's not just one side contributing to the madness. We all are guilty when we choose to see skin color more than the person underneath, and when we let that get in the way of love, life, family and friendship.
And did I mention it's funny as hell?
Elvis (2022)
Stay home and listen to Elvis on Spotify
This is the absolute worst movie I've seen in ages. Are people pretending to like this because Baz Luhrmann has a cool sounding name? The dude playing Elvis has a charisma level of about 2 and he's playing a man with a stratospheric amount of charisma and with this element missing the movie is unwatchable. This guy would have never been any sort of superstar and it's cringey that he's playing Elvis Presley.
Tom Hanks as Colonel Tom Parker...where do I even begin. It's just so awful, possibly the worst performance of his entire career.
The film is frantic at times and headache inducing. This movie tries to hard to be stylish without having any style at all.
I walked out.
HARD PASS.
Chris Rock: Tamborine (2018)
Sad stuff from one of the (former) greatest comedians of all time
Man, breaks my heart but this show stunk. My hero isn't funny anymore. He used to give everyone equal treatment, he spared nobody. Now he just seems to hate one group and it's not really funny that way. It's ironic that he complains about woke culture but seems to have fallen into it himself. Thumbs down. I was generous with the 3 because he's Chris Rock.
Dave Chappelle: The Closer (2021)
One of the greatest pieces of comedy in history
This is more than comedy, it's a timely statement about society today and if everyone would listen to him instead of wringing their hands and trying to seek revenge on him for hurting your feelings you might learn something. Your feelings are not Dave's fault. I don't think anyone has been this powerful in a comedy routine since George Carlin or Sam Kinison. There is a lot more going on here than laughs I can tell you that much (even though there are a ton of them). Just watch it start to finish. If you're not moved by the end, you're dead.
Nomadland (2020)
Frances McDormand "might" keep you from falling asleep
Slow paced, semi-touching movie that would be too boring to watch without Frances McDormand. She "is" the movie and she's fantastic as always but this movie will only appeal to her fans and those who like meandering films without any sort of plot. There is literally no structure at all, it feels as unstructured as the life of a nomad which I hope is the point. I should have seen this at the theatre because it's really hard to stay awake watching it at home. I think it took me about 5 attempts to finish it. Not that I wasn't enjoying certain aspects, particularly McDormand, but I would find it boring if I was actually in the van with her so watching it on film is not a good time for me. I really dislike this slow paced pretentious filmmaking of today that the critics love to rave about yet audiences need smelling salts to stay awake to watch. You can feel how hard it's trying to be high brow by using the lives of the low brow to accomplish it. I'm not saying it's bad, I enjoyed the quiet performance of McDormand, I think she's one of the greatest actors alive, but award winning direction? Best picture? I just don't get it.
Inherent Vice (2014)
Stab yourself boring and meandering
I'm not a huge Paul Thomas Anderson fan but even when I'm not crazy about one of his films I can find something to be entertained by, whether it's the acting, the visuals, or just checking out the setting. But I do like a couple of his films a lot. Never a love but strong likes. I can appreciate really slow paced films but there has to be some point to the pace or something that builds. Inherent Vice is just slow, pointless, meandering and meaningless. The characters are unbelievably annoying and unnatural. Anderson even managed to make Joaquin Phoenix look like a terrible actor. I can't even describe how bad this film is. It screams of trying too hard while nor achieving anything at all. I think PTA fans are almost as bad as Tarantino fans, they like anything he makes just because he made it and can't bring themselves to criticize it. This is just a bad film and in a just world it would not have a rating over 5 (being very generous).
Minari (2020)
I mean it's okay but certainly not Oscar material
Very slow, lovely at times, decent movie being handed Oscars because that's what we do today. Okay cinematography, okay acting, some good, some bad. Nodded off multiple times. And no, it's not because I like dumb action films. Depressing ending. So disappointed in this film. I guess when there is a pandemic and not many films being released you can't be picky.
The Trial of the Chicago 7 (2020)
Have the Oscars sunk this low?
This movie is just CRINGE! It's so bad, soap opera level directing and just terrible acting even from actors who are usually good. Who are the people giving this a good rating? Do they watch anything but Lifetime movies? I'm baffled. Just ridiculously bad.
The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)
Laughably bad and considered good by brainwashed Scorsese fans
This film is abysmal. It's just so bad I have no words. The only good part in it is a cameo by Bowie. The New York accents are laughable. It's like a bad late night D movie.
Cape Fear (1991)
What was I thinking in 1991?
When this movie came out I loved it so much I saw it multiple times. I loved the campiness and retro movie style with the blaring dramatic music and overacting. But when I watch it now, it's actually laughably bad. I was so into DeNiro at the time I think I was in denial about how bad his acting was. It was Razzie worthy. Seriously, the accent is appalling, worst southern accent in the history of movies. Same with Scorsese, I was obsessed with his films and I think I couldn't admit to myself how bad this was. I found some dark humor in the Max Cady dialogue at the time which added to my enjoyment but now I don't even find the same humor in it. Juliette Lewis is the best thing about the film, her acting is fantastic and she is a joy to watch. But everything else about this movie is just freaking terrible. It may be one of those so bad it's good kind of films though.
Mean Streets (1973)
Meandering, pointless piece of crap
Low budget and it shows. Just because we like Scorsese, DeNiro and Harvey Keitel does not make this a good movie. It's horrible. The sound and lighting is horrific, the story....what story? The music is overpowering and trying way too hard, it's bordering on ridiculous. I can't believe people actually give this 8, 9 and 10s lol. I'm being generous with the 3 because it feels blasphemous to give it anything lower because I'm a fan of these guys. But really it's a 1 tops.
We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011)
Pretentious crap, film school level directing
Lynne Ramsay has to be one of the most overrated directors in the history of cinema. I think because she is female cinephiles feel they have to pretend she's putting out good work. She's not. It's crap. I watched the entire film because I love anything psychological and a friend recommended this to me but I don't even know where to begin on why this is bad. No, it has nothing to do with the theme or any violence. It's just so poorly directed it feels like a B movie in the 90s. The acting outside of Tilda Swinton is really bad. Not because anyone is a bad actor, I love John C Reilly, it's just the directing. And what is up with the Asian son without any explanation? Are we supposed to assume she cheated? Or are we so PC now that children can just pop out as any race and we aren't supposed to even question it? Talk about a distraction. Slow paced, distracting music (is she trying to copy Tarantino? What is even happening here?) I expected the ending to be traumatizing but it was so poorly done there was ZERO emotional impact. This film had so much potential but Ramsay ruined it. Please stop pretending this lady makes good films. I will never watch another one. I gave it a 4 to be nice and because of Swinton.
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Proof that people are sheep
One of the worst movies ever made and one of the worst performances in the history of film by Brad Pitt. The fact that Christophe Waltz is phenomenal in his part does not create a greate film. He's a fantastic actor but that's where all
compliments for this abysmal piece of self indulgent crap ends. I'm not sure if Tarantino is just making fun of his fans or what. This movie is horrible and the fact that it's rated so high on IMDB just shows how people follow along with what they believe is "supposed" to be good. I'm still dumbfounded by how bad Brad Pitt is. Did he win the Razzie for this? If not, WHO...was worse? Worst Tarantino film of all time. Really it's been all downhill since Pulp Fiction.
Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019)
I liked it but don't get the "masterpiece" thing
I enjoyed it but I am baffled by the 10 star reviews. The acting was good and it was an original story. But the days of good film critics seem long gone. They rave on anything slow and pretentious and it's getting old and boring. I miss Roger Ebert.
Bombshell (2019)
Terrible directing...REALLY bad
The story is interesting, Ailes was a creep and deserved to be exposed, but this movie is horribly executed. Truly cringe worthy. Even Charlize Theron, one of the best actors on earth seems ridiculous. It's a too over the top impersonation. But the way the movie starts gives you a warning of what is to come. I think they were going for a "To Die For" sort of feel and it all went horrible wrong. I was interested enough in the story to be moderately entertained watching it, I just had to block out all the cringe. John Lithgow is terrific though as is Margot Robbie. Theron looks so much like Meghan Kelly it's freaky but I would have preferred more realistic acting. Surely Kelly is human-like sometimes. And Nicole Kidman and that ridiculous makeup job don't even get me started. When actresses who are as talented as Nicole Kidman and Charlize Theron seem bad, that's the fault of the director. I couldn't wait for this movie but what a disappointment.
Roma (2018)
After watching this I'm convinced movie critics of today are worthless
What happened to movies? Why are so many award winners movies today so horribly boring or stupid? Because critics are all mostly judging films for political reasons and nothing else. This is one of the most pointless and boring films that has ever been made but I can only assume critics felt they couldn't criticize anything "Mexican" so here we are, another pointless, eye crossing bore of a film getting rave reviews and awards. I'm moderately liberal but the far left (extreme) are mostly the ones doing film reviews today and they all parrot each other on everything and once a couple of reviews come out everyone else follows, give or take a few. Other than some nice cinematography, Roma is completely and totally pointless. It's like a documentary where a camera follows someone of no interest for a year. That's it. There is nothing else. Okay I'm going back to sleep now goodnight.
Snowpiercer (2013)
The worst movie I can recall ever seeing
The fact that this has an 84% critic score shows how worthless critics are today. Are they all high? Snowpiercer is so bad you will not believe your eyes. The story is preposterous, the acting horrific, music dreadful and the lighting is so bad and the camera work is laughable at times. It's worse than a B movie, this film is truly utterly ridiculous. Hard to believe someone who directed a film this bad actually won an Oscar. No words.
Rocketman (2019)
Rocketman is ridiculous! Horrible! Including Taron Egerton!
How was this guy nominated for awards? And he won a Golden Globe! He's horrible. Just because someone sings and wears costumes it doesn't make them a good actor. First of all, he has ZERO charisma, an expressionless face, and is only an average singer with a lackluster voice. He seems NOTHING like Elton John, not his voice, his looks, mannerisms, literally nothing. At first I thought maybe I just need to adjust to him playing Elton John but no the movie went off and I still never felt like I was watching Elton John. I could have maybe accepted that if there was some good acting but this guy is one of the most bland actors I've ever seen. But the scenes where he's supposed to be angry are truly cringe worthy. I see he is on a British television show so I can only assume he has fans that think he's good simply because he's their favorite TV show star or something. Okay, enough about the horribly miscast actor who is getting accolades for simply playing Elton John poorly. Don't. Get. It.
The film....dear God, one of the worst and most annoying movies I have ever seen. The way it's edited is so "trying too hard" and it's so over edited that it's distracting. No shot seems to last more than one second during conversations it's just back and forth and back and forth constantly. I mean leave the camera on someone for a couple of seconds, jeez! The score is bland and TV movie style, the supporting actors are annoying and mostly have an amateur feel. You feel like you're watching a cheesy made for TV movie or a bad play. It's emotionless and totally unbelievable.
This is truly one of the worst put together, worst acted films I have seen all year, maybe ever, and there isn't a single part that I can say I enjoyed. And I love Elton John's music. But you won't even get that here. This Taron Egerton does all the singing instead of lip syncing which is a huge mistake. He has a bland vocal style, like a commercial jingle singer or something, no charisma at all, no range, lackluster and boring. It would have been better if he had lip synced because at least something about the film would have been enjoyable. Just putting on glasses and costumes does not make someone Elton John. They needed a more charismatic actor or someone who looked like him or could sing like him...something! Even the little kid who plays young Elton is terrible. I can't get over how bad this film is.
How did Taron Egerton win a Golden Globe? So many much better performances this year. Stop rewarding people for simply showing up and singing. Thank goodness The Academy has better sense than to nominate him for an Oscar. Horrible, horrible film.
Little Women (2019)
Yet another overrated snoozer
Just how many times is this story going to be retold? We've read it. We've seen it. Over and over. Enough already. But if you MUST do it again, do it better. Bring something new to the table.
How is this film getting all these nominations? Because it's a period piece based on a classic and beloved novel? So it's automatically considered good? Enough!
And there are people actually complaining because the director didn't get nominated for an Oscar and are turning it into some sort of misogynistic conspiracy. (Insert eyeroll) The film isn't either but again, period piece & beloved novel so it gets included.
I don't understand the Oscar nominations for best actress and supporting actress. Based on what? These roles are about as challenging as an after school special. Choices must be slim
pickings this year. I like these actresses but they just didn't do anything here. And I blame that on the director. I blame a lot on the director here. Ladybird was great and so was Ronan but here she's just bland.
I'm so annoyed by the accolades for this film. Why, because they are wearing fancy clothes? Boring, pretentious and been there done that at least a dozen times. Zzzzzzzz.
1917 (2019)
Most boring film I've ever seen and I like slow movies
Terribly boring, you don't care about the characters, acting is poor, dialogue is so boring and the actors seem fake, nothing about this movie seems real other than the dead horses. Cinematography is bleak and just plain ugly. One of the most overrated films ever BY FAR I think people just think you are supposed to like war movies or something. The one shot trick does not make a good film. People in the theater were sighing, shuffling, then chatting, one man fell sound asleep. People seemed to go to the bathroom constantly, trying to kill time I guess. I finally just started checking my email. Painfully boring film, cold and emotionless, even with the cliched loud dramatic music. I hated this movie with a passion.
Midsommar (2019)
The weirdest most unsettling film I have ever seen
I don't even know where to begin but if you like weird stuff you have hit the motherload here. It's a strange combination of things. First, the cinematography is spellbinding. It's visually spectacular. It's very bright, joyful and serene. Then there is a very unsettling score that actually makes me feel anxious and frightened. It's not like horror film music or anything like that, I can only describe it as tense and there is this aspect to it that makes it feel like your ears are ringing or almost like bagpipes. The cinematography is very wide and spacious but the music feels almost claustrophobic. It's so hard to explain.
Anyway, it's about a cult in Sweden and I won't really tell you much about it but just know they are getting their freak on. My biggest issue with the film are the main characters who play the Americans. Outside of the female lead, the acting is a bit corny. It feels like a bad teen movie. It's a huge contrast compared to the Swedish characters but maybe the director wanted this on purpose not sure.
This is not my normal kind of movie but I found myself watching it twice in one day.
Irrational Man (2015)
An example of the importance of casting
Joaquin Phoenix, one of the greatest actors of his generation - maybe of all time - is completely unbelievable as his character from the first frame. And it continued until the last. How do you make a great film when the central character is so miscast? You can't. And all the "really, this is a great film!" piano music won't change it.
This is not a great film. It's not even a good one. Emma Stone and Parker Posey liven things up enough to make it watchable but that's all it ever reaches. Just being watchable. And great directors should never make just watchable films.
I watch films like this and wonder, why? Why was this made? With all of Woody Allen's success, what would make him want to release this? I don't get it.
This is Joaquin Phoenix's worst performance that I have seen to date. I didn't even think he was capable of a bad performance. I mean, outside of I'm Still Here. But he was so miscast in this part I think even he didn't know what to do with it. But it's Woody Allen, who turns down Woody Allen?
The film was pleasant to watch, I wasn't cringing or rolling my eyes or anything. But if you're looking for a good Woody Allen film to watch, this ain't it.
Her (2013)
Being able to relate to a film makes all the difference in the world
I saw this film when it came out and found it rather boring and too far fetched and left sort of rolling my eyes. There were parts I enjoyed and as always watching Joaquin Phoenix is worth the price of admission. But I would have given it a 5-6 as a rating overall in 2013.
Fast forward 6-7 years.
I watched it again, this time after falling in love with someone online. Not flirting, I mean fell in love. And this film covers almost all of those feelings entirely (embellished of course) but it's exactly what it's like but in sci-fi fantasy form.
If this wasn't written by someone who has fallen in love online I would be completely shocked.
When you have an online relationship, the person is able to show you what you want to see. And if they don't you can create the person you want in your mind. Either way, you end up with an idealized version of everything you've ever wanted in someone. But that person doesn't exist. They only exist in your phone or computer. Sure you may see photos and videos and hear their lovely voice, but they aren't real. They are a fantasy. And when you finally meet, it feels like the surrogate who was sent over by Samantha. Who is this stranger? How can someone you know so well seem so different and like you don't know them at all?
Then everything becomes weird and awkward because you realize that the person you love is in your phone and the real person feels like a stranger. And all your friends who haven't gone through it think you are crazy. Or they pretend to go along with it and act as if it's "normal". And maybe it has become normal today. Which makes Her even more relevant.
This film isn't really about falling in love with an operating system. It's about falling in love with someone who might as well be. It's about being so hurt and becoming so detached that you can no longer have real relationships. Even if the person is right in front of you and not online. We create a fantasy image of a romantic partners in the beginning and they are never really that person. Not ever. Eventually we find out who they really are (and they do also) and everything changes. Or we move onto another fantasy that thrills us more once the excitement of the fantasy wears off. Or we stop even trying.
This film is staggeringly brilliant now that I understand it. It's not sci-fi at all, it's a gigantic dose of reality. Watch this film with your mind instead of your eyes. Then you will see.
Jojo Rabbit (2019)
I'm glad I went to see this despite my initial horror
I can't really describe how fantastic this film is! And to think I judged it so harshly without even seeing it. The irony is that the film teaches us to stop doing exactly that. Judging without knowing. Hating without seeing. A beautiful lesson of love and learning and growing and acceptance. I laughed and cried and sat there until the credits ended. And I needed to pee. Absolutely one of the best feel good movies I've ever seen, beautifully acted, brilliantly directed, phenomenal script, I just can't praise it enough. The ONLY film I have seen this year that I could accept winning best picture instead of Joker. And if you only knew how much I love Joker you would know what a compliment that it for JoJo Rabbit. Incredible film, don't miss it!