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Reviews
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Assinine - save your money
As a fan of horror and gore, B-movies, and Rob Zombie, I walked in to see this biased that I would like it no matter what. I was wrong. This was one of the worst movies ever made. Not scary, and actually annoying to watch.
That annoying hot chick's laugh throughout the film, the cranky grandfather spitting food, the tow truck driver in a bear suit, Dr. Satan's underground lair, Agatha Crispies cereal, Betty boop lip sync, the Merman sculpture, all the victims dressed in bunny suits. . . let me try and get all of this into a format that makes sense.
I am dumbfounded at how ridiculous this movie was. I cannot adequately describe what I did not like about it, since there was SOOO much. It was written for s***, it blatantly stole ideas from like 8 different movies, including Goonies, Texas Chainsaw, HellRaiser, and Natural Born Killers. The throw-back cheesey low budget special effects, Captain Spaulding clown guy getting robbed in the beginning -why? Nothing fit together with any thing else. The camerawork, sometimes shot in the negative, sometimes like an old fuzzy television, was distracting (that may be a good thing).
This was so bad, and I do not mean "so bad that it is good." I mean horrible. It was a major disappointment, and I regret seeing it.
Hot Moves (1984)
Hot Moves - Hilarious - if you are 14
The move was obviously made with the Porky's genre in mind. Unfortunately it was retardedly funny, and the naked women every 15 minutes sucked you in. Total guilty pleasure. I would not rent it, but if it was real late night pay-cable (on a commercial channel this movie would be horrendous), I might watch it again - as long as no one else knew.