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Myrilandel
Reviews
The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Whoo hoo! Best movie ever
Ever since I've started seeing previews for this movie, I've been excited. Could it possibly be? Classic Simpsons humor brought to the big screen without mangling the characters that have become so real and interesting over the years? Well, I'm happy to say that this movie delivered, and then some. Hearty laughs were interspersed with genuine heartfelt moments (seriously, I got teary-eyed at one point), and the magic of the early seasons of the show was captured flawlessly. Homer wasn't just a food-monster with a few one-liners every so often, and all the other characters had similar depth. All this was achieved within a mere one and a half hours.
I applaud all my favorite Simpsons writers (yes, you too, Swartzwelder, much as you try to avoid the spotlight). This movie has waited decades to be made, but it was certainly worth the wait. I can't wait to see it again.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Satisfying Treat in a Lovely, Shiny Wrapper
First off, I would really like to emphasize that this movie is *not* a remake of the 1970's film. That's like saying Peter Jackson remade Ralph Bakshi's 1970's version of LOTR. It's instead a new, darker, and more cynical look at Roald Dahl's novel. Dahl's work is infamous for being darker than your average kiddy fare, so in that sense, Burton *was* being faithful to the source material.
Beyond that, I honestly don't care how faithfully Burton recreated the original book because what I saw on the screen was captivating, satisfying, and definitely enjoyable. The opening sequence, complemented perfectly by Elfman's quirky soundtrack, had me eager for the rest of the film.
The acting was great, including Depp's quirky and original take on Wonka and Highmore's heartbreakingly pure Charlie. I loved the overall look of the film, including the beautifully bright and colorful, yet still sterile, semi-dark, and slightly off-kilter, factory.
One major change that Burton made, which seems to be a point of contention for some, is the inclusion of a back story for Wonka which brings in Christopher Lee in a delightful cameo. While the flashbacks themselves could run a little long and make the action of the movie stutter a bit, I liked the overall story and how it influenced the eventual ending, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
The only complaint I really have is the lack of dialogue on the part of the children while they're in the factory. There were a few nice bits of memorable banter, but I left wishing they had had more screen time. This is especially true for Veruca, who was nowhere near whiny or demanding enough for my taste.
Overall, I enjoyed the movie, but wished there had been a little more to it. Still, I understand that it's difficult to pack so very much into a short span of time. While it may not be the richest treat, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" is a solid and delicious, if a bit small, piece of dark chocolate in a shiny and eye-catching wrapper.
Cursed (2005)
I thought it would be bad, and I said it would be bad...just another instance where they should have listened to me
OK, I saw this movie with dismally low expectations, so my opinion may be slightly biased (although I had similar expectations for Catwoman and left a not-quite-negative review for it). Still, "Cursed" fell short of even my floor-level expectations.
The main flaw, which I think others have pointed out in other reviews, was the movie's attempt to be "Scream 4: We Have Werewolves Now....ooooh." It tried to walk the line between horror flick and comedy-horror flick, but it didn't do either category justice. There was a scene were the werewolf flipped Ricci off, and I simply buried my head in my hands, embarrassed for everyone who made the movie, who watched the movie, and who would consider watching the movie in the future.
As for characters...um, were there any? All I saw were paper-thin clichés and teen stars who seemed to have gotten lost on their way to a reality show set. Even Ricci's character was incredibly flat, unbelievable, and more than slightly irritating. And I used to like Ricci, even forgiving her for her participation in "Bless the Child." Fool me once...
And it's been said in every review I'm sure, but Scott Baio? Why? I didn't think this movie could suffer any more, and then...
Some positive reviewers said to have a sense of humor about this movie. I assure you, I approached it from that angle, and it didn't make the view any better. The only lines that made me even think about chuckling came from Eisenberg, who was perhaps the biggest clichéd character of all.
For those lines, and because I liked the cute dog (:)), Cursed gets ** out of **********.
Catwoman (2004)
If you were expecting Citizen Kane, then you deserve to be disappointed...
Alright, so this movie wasn't a classic. It wasn't even all that great. Still, for someone who walked into the theater expecting a big pile of stinkiness, it was surprisingly entertaining. The action kept me interested, and Halle's performance made me think that she had a lot of fun with this role. I'm not even going to bother explaining anything to the comic book geeks who have already made their point more than clear, but for the rest of us just looking for an air conditioned, popcorn-filled night of pure action sequences and corny one-liners, this movie delivered. So lighten up. At least it didn't have a ridiculously over-the-top villain (*cough* Spiderman *cough*). Or Kirsten Dunst, for that matter (shudders). Top 100 material this is not, but it doesn't belong in the bottom 100 either.
Cold Creek Manor (2003)
I Can't Defend This Movie
I went into the theater with an open mind. I knew it wasn't a horror movie, but I thought a thriller/mystery might be interesting too. How wrong I was. My friend and I just made fun of it the whole way through.
Of course, we all must agree that it was very slow-paced. Normally this is ok, but this movie pushed the limits of acceptable slowness. The stupid bar scene felt like it lasted 20 minutes!
Now we come to the fun part: plot holes. There are so many, I was surprised the film still stayed in one piece. **MAJOR SPOILERS** The family has one alarm clock, yet they can afford to completely renovate a country estate. The events leading up to the move were utterly contrite and I felt that the audience was rushed into the move. How in the world can anyone, even a psycho killer, kill a horse and drag it into a pool without making any noise? Why the hell did they stick that completely useless sex scene in the middle? Let's not forget the photos; I didn't even know what they were of until someone explained it to me after the movie. And what was The Devil's Throat anyway? A mine shaft? A well? And how did they know that the board that said "EVIL" was it? The retainer in the driveway meant nothing. It didn't necessarily mean he killed her; I thought that he just ripped the thing out, taking some teeth with it. When Dale pushed her into the Throat, why didn't he just hide and push the other guy in too?
Then, as if all this wasn't bad enough, the ending was one of the worst in movie history. **SPOILERS AGAIN** Why the heck would they still want to live in that house? How come he's just standing and staring off into space? Why in the world would his girlfriend leave a flower on his grave, especially after he killed, or tried to kill, her sister? Also, this movie is slow enough; it didn't need the slow motion shots at the end.
Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, and if you liked it, good for you. Still, the flaws in this movie are too numerous and obvious to dismiss. 0 out of ****
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
Well...
I absolutely adored FOTR, even with my impossibly high standards due to my reading the entire series twice. Jackson not only was faithful to the plot but also created a movie that was enjoyable on its own. Then, the sequel came to theaters. After hearing many rumors of how the plot was going to be altered, I admit, I was apprehensive as I sat down in front of that large screen. My fears were soon justified. Yes, the visuals were stunning. Yes, the CGI was beyond anything I could have imagined. Still, the character development was noticeably lacking. Legolas got a little more screen time than in the first movie, but nothing significant, and poor Gimli was reduced to comic relief.
Then, Jackson made really unnecessary additions to the plot. Between Aragorn's repeated fantasies about Arwen, and the incident where he almost perished after falling from a cliff, not to mention the kidnapping of Sam and Frodo by Faramir, who was supposed to be wiser than his late brother, I was wondering if the book had been so boring that they had to create an entirely new plot. There were also numerous plot holes. Why were Merry and Pippin brought before the newly-revived Gandalf, and then in the next scene it was like it never happened? Even with elvish abilities, why did it take such a short time for the Lothlorien elves to arrive at Helm's Deep? For that matter, why were they there in the first place? I realize that artistic license must be taken to bring any book to the big screen, but the unnecessary changes only served to hurt the movie as a movie, book aside. I'm hoping that the final film of the trilogy will return to the original plot and give the characters the depth they deserve.
The Ring (2002)
Good, but...
I just recently went to the theater to see "The Ring". While I can't really say that I was disappointed, I just can't understand why everyone thought this movie was so terrifying. True, it did have its moments, and there are a couple of images in it that I don't think I'll ever get out of my head, but this film struck me as more of a dark mystery than true horror. I even got a little bored in the middle as the main characters struggled to develop the plot, which was creepy, but not so much that I couldn't sleep at night. If you have nothing else to do and feel like watching a movie that actually makes you think, then you'll enjoy "The Ring". I give it 3 out of 4 stars for a great plot and some really scary images.
Children of the Corn (1984)
Not a scare-fest, but still a classic!
I admit, when I first saw this movie, fear was the farthest thing from my mind, but by the end, it didn't really matter. Who doesn't love a really well-done, campy horror movie on a Saturday afternoon? I thought the story behind the movie was very original and the cult leaders were exceptionally creepy. Even though the main characters were decidedly flat, they were still interesting enough to get me through the movie. I admit, the ending was a little disappointing, but if you enjoy an unconventional horror movie with memorable characters, just enough gore, and decent acting, rent this movie or catch it on the Sci-fi channel and you won't be disappointed.
The Last Unicorn (1982)
Words cannot describe how I feel about this movie...
I grew up with this movie, and I must have seen it about 10,000 times, but I could watch it 10,000 more. I know almost every line, song and dialogue, by heart. The music is incredible, the animation is breathtaking, and the voice acting is impressive. I read the book about ten years after I first fell in love with the movie and was surprised at how well it was adapted to film, which just goes to show that all screenplays for films based on books should be written by their authors. I'm a little apprehensive about the new live-action movie, even though Peter S. Beagle is working on this one as well, because nothing could ever touch the original. This has always been my favorite movie and will continue to be so for years to come!