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Reviews
The Alien Factor (1978)
The Dohler Family Home Movie
From start to stop, this movie never ceased to hold my attention... because of all the campy things that butt up against one another. This movie has some of the roughest cuts between scenes that I have ever seen. The kicker was watching the credits and seeing all the Dohlers and Cosentinos that were involved in the production... making it clear that this was a true family/friend movie production.
But it's not all bad; I think this movie may have had a chance if it weren't for the one thing that everyone lacked: PASSION. There were only a couple moments where people seemed to have any emotional connection to their characters. I LOVE the cars in the movie... especially that VW Squareback at the beginning.
What struck me as the most hysterical is the big brown alien; it is clear that this was a man in a suit on stilts... if not, it what else would those awkward bulges be on the back of the legs? And of course, what is with that music? very weird music. Especially when the two men were walking up a hill to look at the crash wreckage and those three instruments were seemingly playing at random.
Definitely a movie for those who like the old style movies that are full of obvious problems.
The Willies (1990)
I either give it a two thumbs up... or a two thumbs down...
This is one of those movies that's so campy you can't help but laugh at it, but at the same time, the kid-audience orientation of the movie almost justifies some of the campyness... like, the acting is definitely on par for what a kid-tailored movie would look like, but there are so many weird little faux pas that make me also think it's just a movie that's so bad it'd good. There are a lot of things you see that may be interesting as a thought, but when executed in filming are not so great (like that weird plastic spider hanging down in the fly kid's basement while he is working... it's obviously fake, but has no purpose anyway).
Ankle Biters (2002)
This goes up there with The Fat Spy for hokeyness...
As soon as I bought this for 2 bucks and noticed the tape was yellow, I suspected I was in for a ride. Little did I know that I would be spending over an hour laughing at this movie, and everything wrong with it. It looks like it was filmed with a handy-cam, and the only microphone used was the one ON the camera. I mean, the whole idea is just stupid: ankle-biting-blood-sucking dwarf vampires??? (that line was straight off the back of the box, by the way) Either the lines are too loud or too quiet to be heard. Some lines, like the Old Guy's opening line in the first scene with the sword, have a mixture of too quiet/too loud, because the 'actor' turned their body. Some of the lines just sound funny, like when the girl is telling the police that midgets are stabbing her brother with a sword.
Most of the lines were terribly performed, and there are many things the directors left in the movie that are ridiculous. One example of this is when the police show up at the car garage... not only are they both screaming opposite commands simultaneously, ("freeze! hands up!" and "get on the floor") but when they pull into the garage, the car bottoms out hardcore... you'd think the directors would have at least taken the audio out since the only relevant sound was the police siren.
Many of the attack scenes follow a similar format: midgets show up, the victims say "where'd you come from", they show their teeth, they bite the victim's ankles, the victim dies. Very redundant and anticlimactic after a while.
Point blank, I make better movies than this with my 8MM camera... I give it a 2 for effort.
Oh, and I love how the main character's name is Drexel... and so is the Editor's. (any correlation, perhaps?)
Bad Taste (1987)
Terrible, Distasteful Movie
Being a B-Movie enthusiast (and having bought this for 2 dollars) I was intrigued by the cover and plot synopsis, ready for something so bad it's great. The problem is this movie is one of those so bad I never want to see it again kinds of movies. The acting fell into the category of stupid, but not good enough to just look like bad acting. For me, the plot was a little hard to follow.
Although most of the gore looked really fake, it was distastefully disgusting at times... it was TOO much. It seemed as though the creators really wanted to make something scary, but only ended up making something that leaves the viewer cringing at times.
The one thing I really like is the vehicle they drive around; very unique! This seems to be one of those movies that you find a masterpiece or a disaster, and I lean towards the disaster side for this one. It's probably best to watch and figure for yourself.
Laser Mission (1989)
Dónde Estamos?
Laser Mission in and of itself has everything required of a B-movie: bad acting, a plot of small significance, and that overall feeling that "this movie should have ended an hour ago." Perhaps the most hysterical part of the movie is its lack of a distinct location. The movie itself claims all the happenings are in Cuba. When Michael Gold arrives at the customs window he even cracks a joke, saying "Where can I get a good Cuban cigar?" However, later in the movie when Alyssa and Gold are driving the hippie van after their big chase scene, Gold speaks of driving to a border. Cuba... is an ISLAND. Islands don't border anything. Secondly, I don't recall Alyssa and Gold in a plane ever, so how would they get to Africa to drive into Namibia? Add to that all the KGB running around trying to thwart Gold, and the absurdly German-sounding Eckhardt, and you start to really get lost wondering where these people are and what they are doing there. Also, the sign that says "Murto ou vivo" in the hotel is Portuguese.
As far as the acting, I love some parts, like the Cuban camp Gold parachutes into, with Manuel and Roberta. Their accents resemble that of people doing Spanish movies for their classes on YouTube. I also like them in the chase scene: Manuel- "Sergeant? You are no sergeant! You are a woman!" Roberta- "Loco! I have ALWAYS been a woman!" It also cracks me up when Alyssa is driving the hippie van in the chase scene and she is making faces and driving like she's driving a Maserati; one of those "My car and I ARE gorgeous" looks.
Anyway, the video is definitely worth the 50 cents you pay for it... at least for me it was because it was a double-feature $1 DVD with another train-wreck... Abraxas.
Killers from Space (1954)
Impossible to take seriously...but oh so good
As soon as the first pair of hazy, faded eyes appear to Doug in a vision, it is apparent that the movie doesn't have much production value. This is furthered when Doug is brought to the aliens' underground lair and you see what they actually LOOK like. I gotta applaud Graves on his acting, because I would not have been able to act in the same situation AND withhold my laughter. Perhaps what made me laugh most about the movie was the scene where Doug is running around the 'zoo' that the aliens constructed in their lair. If you look hard enough at all the camera views of him running around between the different animals, it becomes clear that they only had a small section of 'cave' to film with, because he rounds the same corner about 10 times. Definitely good for anyone who enjoys the campyness of 50's horror filmography.
The Fat Spy (1966)
If you like movies with a purpose, The Fat Spy ISN'T for you...
This movie is a must-see for any B movie connoisseur. The combination of sub-par dance choreography, word bubbles, and breaking into song presents a wide range of filmography faux pas that is sure to get at least a couple laughs out of anyone who watches. The movie itself seems to have three or four separate story lines, the only connection being everyone's search for the Fountain of Youth on the island; and at one point, the movie jumps back and forth between them so quickly that it's almost difficult to keep up; in fact a plot is practically nonexistent. It's basically one of those movies that you can't pick just one moment to describe because every scene leaves the viewer thinking "Did that REALLY just happen?" If you have 75 minutes of time AND an iron constitution, you're qualified to handle this particular train wreck.