Change Your Image
Jan_
Reviews
Nimed marmortahvlil (2002)
One great Estonian movie, perhaps even one and a half
Ladies and gents, the most overrated Estonian movie of all times. Yes - it is at times warm and touching, it boasts splendid cinematography, it lacks the daft, aggressive jingoism painfully present in most patriotic flicks (read: American ones) and is not exaggerated like the aforementioned usually tend to be.
So "Names In Marble" is not a bad movie per se. Having said that, there are things that add up to a heavy reduction in its overall value.
I personally found it irritating how Elmo Nüganen had chosen to ignore Albert Kivikas' novel and write an insipid and even quite cheesy plot riddled with holes. Nüganen obviously failed to decide whether to make a pompous war epic or a minimal, realistic drama. So he chose both. I don't know what my fellow countrymen sought in the movie; I myself found the overdramatized battle scenes (rip-offs from Saving Private Ryan, mind you) to be painfully out of place. As well as the romantic sub-plot which didn't exist in the novel in the first place. But since action and/or romance are the things that mainly appeal to an average moviegoer, you'd simply _have_ to include both - and ruin excellent script material in the process. Quite sad.
The acting is OK, but just that. No, there is nothing tearjerking in this movie, sorry to say so. Yes, the subject matter is extremely personal to us Estonians, but I found the novel a thousand times more touching and thought-provoking than this "blockbuster". And if you think that this is the very defining moment in Estonian cinematography, think again.
Oh, well. Without further ado: if you're an Estonian or a non-Estonian pathologically fascinated with local culture, and haven't yet seen the movie - go and see it, although be warned: you haven't missed anything. Otherwise do this: look up Olli Saarela's "Rukajärven tie", a splendid recent addition to a fine series of Finnish war dramas ("Talvisota", "Tuntematon sotilas"). Because while "Names in Marble's" only significant value stems from its patriotic sting, "Rukajärven tie" is actually a cinematic achievement in the best sense of the term.
Air Force One (1997)
Et tu, Wolfgang?
Normally, I never bother going to the movies to see flicks of this type; hell, why should I as it is obvious that they'll appear on TV sooner or later. Come to think of it, I had to wait 6 years to see this...
What we have here is a Petersen movie. Das Boot, In The Line Of Fire, anybody? Piloted by a heavyweight cast of Hollywood stars including Ford, Close, Oldman, etc., etc. I mean, you cannot go wrong with that lineup? ...or can you?
Yes! After having watched ~30 minutes of this, I was struck by the sinister urge of writing the most abusive review ever. Folks - this is a movie from the year 1997, A.D. Anachronism of this sort belongs to the 70s/80s, not to the nineties; the worst kind of clichés and stereotypes displayed here instantly force you to recall flicks such as Red Heat, Rocky IV, the Bond movies that dealt with the Soviet regime, you name it. OK, so these had the excuse of being spawned to an era of political tensions. But how about this? A script that pits the US President (WTF?) against a gang of vicious Russian terrorists (Christ!)?
Remarkably enough, none of the actors manages to deliver a good performance. I felt sorry for Ford, he looked like Leslie Nielsen. Was _this_character_ really what he discussed about with Bill Clinton at the dinner table? Oldman is even worse and that really made me sad, as I have always considered him one of the best actors around. My condolences to the people who sat at any of the movie theaters in Russia, forced to watch (and listen) Oldman reading out his manifesto (nonsense supposed to be "ultranationalist`) with one of the most horrendous "Russian" accents heard since Dolph Lundgren opened his trap in Rocky IV. ("Yoo vill ceess yoor military eskort...") Worse still, due to the thick English accent, the Russian that Gary and his henchmen speak does not even remotely sound Russian. Do NOT tell me that there weren't any real Russian actors available for the job. (And what's with that bloke who played the silly Soviet scientist in MacGyver running around and suddenly being a hardcore terrorist?) Heavy miscastings/performances and blatantly stereotypical characters sum up the worst silver screen ridiculing of Russians I've ever witnessed :)
Glenn Close is truly annoying (yet another unpleasant surprise), she really could have dropped that metallic, aggressive voice of hers. Oh, and every scene that involves the West Wing following the President's progress deserves extra "credit" for the worst overdramatization EVER. The feeling that someone would suddenly spring up and gasp the "He's a MADMAN!" line from Spy Hard was constantly almost palpable.
The plot has nothing to it, really. There is no tension, no entertainment value, nothing. Hijackers shooting hostages - for heaven's sake, by now we have probably all seen Die Hard or Under Siege, why repeat all that? The rest consists mainly of the underperforming Oldman, ranting in his Anglorussian and the overperforming Ford, sneaking about and nailing one dead-stupid baddie after another, spouting daft Stallonean one-liners here and there("I'm counting on you, red, white and blue" or "Get off my plane!"). The movie gradually gets cornier towards the end and the plot acquires even more laughable dimensions. (My favourite being the dreadful "Parachuting Scene" that probably defies every law of physics available and provides the viewer with some hearty laughs as the happily smiling staff people float across the blue screen). I lost count on how many "brave US patriots" (including the effete William H. Macy) willingly took a bullet for the superhuman President Ford in this movie. Why, God, why? And if there actually was any political message concealed here, one more complex than "Do NOT mess with the US - yes, especially you, reds" then I surrender, it was beyond me.
Gah, I could rant and rave on forever, but what's the point? What I can say is that if you have somehow managed to miss the overacted, atrocious uberpatriotic piece of garbage that is Air Force One, consider yourself lucky. Clearly, this is THE stupidest picture given the green light to. Well done, Hollywood, congrats, Wolfgang. 1/10 (1 point for the unparalleled amusement value).
Enemy at the Gates (2001)
Somewhat disappointing
When I saw this movie I was disappointed to see that the Western world is still unable to let go of some deeply-rooted stereotypes. The storyline was totally predictable. The Soviet sniper simply had to be the hero and the German sniper, of course, an embodiment of crude evil who has no mercy for little kids or anything. I am by no means a supporter of the Nazi regime, however, it just hurts me to see the Soviets get away as heroes. But without considering the aforementioned, Enemy At The Gates wasn`t altogether that bad. I really liked its visual aspect and the actors were also worth their salt. (5/10)
What's the Worst That Could Happen? (2001)
A disappointment from start to finish
I was hoping for at least a couple of funny moments when I headed to the movie theatre. But alas! it turned out to be far worse than I had expected. Not only that it`s anything but funny, it`s also utterly boring, containing lots of dumb and lame jokes etc., etc. However, people around me laughed like drains, so I suppose that What`s The Worst That Could Happen does appeal to a known kind of audience. Nevertheless I strongly recommend seeing any other comedy but this one.