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Reviews
X-Men: The Dark Phoenix, Part IV: The Fate of the Phoenix (1994)
One of the most iconic X-Men arcs
Even the movies' biggest defenders will admit that they never quite managed to adapt the Dark Phoenix saga, something the animated series did pretty successfully. We start off with a subplot involving the Hellfire Club (renamed to The Inner Circle in this version) who try to seduce Jean and make the Phoenix inside her discover the pleasures of evil. Jean then destroys an entire solar system that I strongly suspect wasn't uninhabited in the original comic, which once again attracts the attention of the Shi'ar empire. The final episode coming down to a brawl between the X-Men and the imperial guard is a bit underwhelming but the ending with all the X-Men sacrificing a bit of their power to save Jean is pretty touching, though I strongly suspect it won't have much of an impact in the future.
X-Men: The Phoenix Saga - Part IV The Starjammers (1994)
Cosmic nonsense
This whole arc has been a disappointment, especially considering it's one of the most iconic arcs in the X-Men canon. I've never been a fan of the cosmic stuff in Marvel, all f these stories about cosmic empires and universal crystals feel far removed from reality, to the point where it's hard to care about what's happening. While some more successful adaptation still managed to make them feel grounded with good character work (such as the Guardians of the Galaxy movies) here the focus is squarely on the sci-fi pulp, to the point where it doesn't really feel much like X-Men anymore. Sadly what I love about this franchise just isn't present in this story arc.
X-Men: Reunion - Part Two (1994)
Goofy as hell
I've been finding the Savage Lands storyline to be the weakest part of the season and this two-parter is exclusively about it. Why are there dinosaurs and an off-brand Conan the Barbarian in my X-Men cartoon? I know the old X-Men comics can be pulpy but this is so far removed from what I like about the series it doesn't even feel like X-Men anymore. Siniter's motivation also desperately needs some fleshing out, is his whole deal just wanting Scott and Jean to bang? Why does he even bother intervening then, just look at them, surely they'll "mix their DNA" if you just leave them alone. Wolverine is also pretty much the only character who actually does anything in this episode while others are all held captive. Very boring.
X-Men: Beauty & The Beast (1994)
Peak X-Men
I can't believe I almost skipped this episode, it perfectly encapsulates everything that makes the X-Men great. Hank's character is given a lot of depth, we learn that he's so hyperfixated on work at least partially because it allows him not to think about his alienation from the society. This along with his relationship with the blind girl is great and adds a lot of depth and nuance to his character. The rescue sequence in the end is pretty cool and I enjoyed the revelation that Sabertooth is Creed's father, that actually makes a lot of sense. This is easily the best episode of the show so far.
X-Men: A Rogue's Tale (1994)
More interesting than I expected it to be.
Damn, the actress who voices Rogue can scream. She really gets to showcase her acting abilities in this episode. Rogue's backstory of being raised by Mystique and absorbing Ms Marvel's powers (who in this version isn't Muslim, in fact she seems to be closer to Captain Marvel) is pretty interesting and so is the sense of guilt she's left with. Kinda scummy of Professor X to erase her memories like that. The final battle with Ms Marvel's vengeful conciosuness is good, her being willing to destroy her body just to have her revenge on Rogue is really cool. Unfortunately there's some boring action and the story doesn't really get going until the second half of the episode.
X-Men: X-Ternally Yours (1993)
What the hell did I just watch?
Absolutely incomprehensible. Two separate cults worship the same being called the X-Ternal and have to regularly offer it a tithe because reasons The nature of the being is never explained and neither is the difference between the two cults. A thieves guild and an assassins guild? What is this, an Elder Scrolls game? Gambit has to return to his home swamps to save his brother and is forced to marry a woman from his past. The already convoluted story is made even harder to follow by the fact that everyone speaks with an absolutely horrible fake European accent. Rogue and Bella Donna have a catfight over who gets to stay with Gambit. A very weird and confusing episode.
X-Men: Red Dawn (1993)
"Our country is through with empires"
A reference to the 1991 August coup? In my children's cartoon? It's more likely than you think. A pretty solid episode focused mainly on Colossus who returns to Russia when a bunch of Soviet generals try to retake the power by unleashing a Soviet supersoldier. Omega Red is a pretty cool villain even though he suffers from the same problem as all the villains of this how, which is being defeated to quickly. Colossus had to leave Russia because of one destroyed tractor, damn. After watching Deadpool I thought Colossus was always in his metallic form but here he spends more time looking like a regular human.
X-Men: Till Death Do Us Part Part Two (1993)
A solid start to the new season
Scott and Jean marry and Wolvie takes out his jealousy on some poor robots. Senator Kelly's former supporters turn into a totally-not-nazi hate group that stage a false flag attack that they use as an excuse to incite riots and witch hubts. Morph has gone bad and does comically evil laugh. Mister Sinister has a really cool design. Not sure how he got to the island where Scott and Jean are. If he wants to control the world with Jean and Scott's offspring perhaps he shouldn't have interrupted them when they were on that boat alone. These two just can't catch a break. Overall a pretty good two-parter, if the whole season is like that I might actually finish it.
X-Men: The Final Decision (1993)
Not bad as far as the show goes
The problem is that Bishop is really, really stupid. His amnesia feels unnecessary and is mostly there to create drama. The Pyro/Avalanche duo is starting to get really grating. Mystique doing the assassination under the guise of someone else is actually cool, I wish they movie had done it. Also apparently Rogue is Mystique's daughter, wtf? The Sentinels go full Skynet. Kinda sucks that the whole thing is reduced to simplistic "rise of the machines". Magnito comes to help the X-Men for the first time, which is nice. Overall the first season has been a disappointment, a few episodes were good but most of them were bland and forgettable.
X-Men: Come the Apocalypse (1993)
Double cheeked up Rogue my beloved.
Really liked the idea of Apocalypse tricking mutants into joining his army with the promise of a cure. The Horsemen look super goofy on their colorful robot ponies. I sincerely hope they weren't supposed to look intimidating. The horsemen are also all no-name mutants we don't know or care about. Apocalypse himself doesn't feel particularly threatening and gets defeated fairly quickly. In the end he's yet another generic villain of the week who appeared after little buildup and was defeated 10 minutes later. This seems to be a problem with the show in general, the stories don't get any time to breathe at all. Not the worst episode but pretty underwhelming.
X-Men: The Cure (1993)
Too many subplots
The opening recap has some narration that wasn't in the previous episodes. They thought we wouldn't notice but we did. Jean casually reveals that she's been kissing Rogue. The plane is flying sideways. This episode also introduces Mystique and Apocalypse as well as a bunch of other mutants. The pace is so breakneck we don't really get to know any of them. Rogue also changes her mind about wanting to be a mutant pretty quickly. The opening scene was pretty unnecessary and so were Pyro and Avalanche. The episode already has a lot of ground to cover, it would be better to focus on the central conflict instead of overstuffing it with characters that have little to do with the story.
X-Men: The Unstoppable Juggernaut (1993)
"Don't you know who I am?"
Apparently no one except Professor X lives in the X-Mansion? What happened to all the children who study there? The exact nature of Juggernaut's powers and motivations is left unclear, I'm pretty sure he's supposed to be a mutant. This version of Colossus can transform into a regular human, his introduction scene where the construction workers try to kill him because he's "terkin err jebs" is neat. In the end he single-handedly rebuilds the X-Mansion like it's nothing. Also Wolverine learns the value of teamwork I guess. Not a terrible episode by any means but I just wish the antagonist was more fleshed out.
X-Men: Slave Island (1993)
The not-so-great escape.
Jubilee lockpicks a control panel. Turns out the anti-mutant guys from earlier episodes escaped to Genosha and are building an army of sentinels there. Cable is a freedom fighter for some reason, I guess they looked at his design and went "huh, he must be a mercenary". His role in the episode is also very minor, he could've been removed and nothing would change. Storm is getting seriously annoying with her "you must not harm humans" thing. The whole plan to use mutants as cheap workforce doesn't seem all that sound in retrospect. We don't learn much about the leader of Genosha, who I assume is colonel Stryker even though they don't say his name. Another cool concept for an episode that ends up underdeveloped.
X-Men: Cold Vengeance (1993)
A really weird episode.
Not even surprised that Wolverine's idea of a vacation is skiing in the middle of nowhere in the Arctic, he's totally the kind of man who would do that. Wolvie is having so much fun helping the Inuits, using his powers to help the local people. A local young man feels jealous of his awesomeness and decides to help Sabertooth and dooms his whole village. Sabertooth's plan is cartoonishly evil, tying people to an exploding bridge is just one step away from tying damsels to train tracks. Good job wrecking an indigenous community, Wolverine, surely their unique culture and lifestyle will be preserved once they move to the city. We still don't know enough about Wolverine and Sabertooth's backstories to really care so the whole episode falls kinda flat, still nice to see Wolvie's warmer side.
X-Men: Captive Hearts (1993)
Melodrama, here we go.
So that's where the Wolverine staring at the photo meme comes from. How did Callisto get her hands on the clips from the show? The concept of the community of mutants so deformed the can't blend into the normal society is interesting but unfortunately the episode doesn't focus on it, instead it's mostly about Storm dealing with her claustrophobia and the Wolverine/Jean/Scott love triangle. The underground mutants have some pretty interesting powers even though they mostly look goofy. Didn't expect this to end with a lightsaber duel but here we are. Funny how Storm didn't consult Xavier before inviting a gang of stinky hobo mutants to the mansion, imagine how surprised he would be if they accepted.
X-Men: Deadly Reunions (1993)
Best episode so far.
Props for the surreal sequence in Sabertooth's mind. Professor X working as a therapist is not what I expected but it makes sense given his psychic powers. Magneto wrecking a chemical plant strangely feels more impactful than him trying to launch a nuke despite the stakes being objectively lower. The moment where Rogue absorbs Cyclops' powers is pretty cool. Charles hits Magneto with the power of PTSD by making him remember the not-Holocaust. The mutantphobic senator mentioning the Mutant Registration Act provides a nice bit of continuity. Xavier's optimism backfires against him, which is nice and gives complexity to his character. Overall the best episode so far in terms of character development.
X-Men: Enter Magneto (1992)
"Why we gotta trash your old enemy but go easy on mine?"
The Beast doesn't seem to be as smart as he thinks he is. He's charged with breaking and entering into a facility owned by a private company and his only defense is that this company might have been doing some shady stuff. Then the first thing his lawyer does is call the persecutor racist. Cyclops says "kill", I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to do that in a children's show. Sabertooth is introduced but not much information on him is given. I don't know, maybe letting a notorious psycho into your school is a bad idea. Magneto's rampage becomes a lot less impactful once you realize no one actually dies during it. Also apparently he's not a Holocaust survivor in this? What a copout, I always wanted to see Auschwitz get trashed in a saturday morning cartoon.
X-Men: Night Of The Sentinels Part II (1992)
A decent pilot
Does a pretty good job at introducing the members of the team. The second half of the second part feels rushed though, the president refusing to continue funding the Mutant Registration Agency right after the attack felt random as hell. Loved the Wolverine going to the bar to play pool after Morph's death, not to drink alcohol, no sir, no alcohol in this children's show. Jubilee is also absent for pretty much the entirety of the second episode despite being presented as the main character. The voice acting is spotty and the sound mixing is even worse but I guess that's to be expected from a 90s animated series.
One Piece (2023)
One piece has never been more real than this
Whether or not this is a good thing is up for debate. I really wanted to enjoy it because of it sincere tone but unfortunately I just couldn't get past all the amateurish cinematography. There are way too many awkward closeups and the whole show looks bland and washed out, which is bizarre considering how colorful the designs are. The acting is hit or miss, the actor who plays Zorro in particular sticks out like a sore thumb, my man has negative chemistry with every other member of the cast. A lot of relationships feel rushed (Usopp just becomes friends with Luffy after exactly one conversation) and there's a lot of generic shonen melodrama. Nami was the only character about whose tragic backstory I cared even a little. Overall this is one watchable and inoffensive piece of content that you can have a good time watching and then forget about its existence.
Star Trek: The Next Generation: Family (1990)
It's about FAMILY
After almost a year long break it's back to TNG, baby. While the second half of Best of Both Worlds made me bounce off hard this episode reminds me about what I liked about the show in the first place. We find out that Picard has an older brother who's a traditionalist and who's a bit of a prick to him although he still loves him. He has to choose between staying in Earth and working with his friend and returning to the Enterprise. Considering there are three more seasons to go we all know what he's gonna choose. Wesley listens to the message from his father and Word learns to accept support from his family. Some sweet character development in this one.
Fallout (2024)
"Everybody wants to save the world, they just disagree on how."
What a pleasant surprise. I don't think I've seen a videogame adaptation that just gets the source material like this one. The tone, the world, the characters, this isn't just a show based on Fallout, this IS Fallout. The writing, however, can be hit or miss. The show definitely sticks closer to Bethesda's style of writing with its reliance on flashy high-concept setpieces with little depth to them. It makes the show enjoyable, if a bit repetitive, but ultimately a bit shallow. It also does that annoying thing a lot of bad shows do where there's no sense of geography and the characters just sort of teleport to wherever they need to be. The third episode is undeniably the show's lowest point as the show briefly turns into an unfunny sitcom where nothing happens. I wish we could see more of Hank in the beginning to see what kind of person he is. The characters in general feel somewhat underdeveloped, which is disappointing given how much the show focuses on them. Lucy's arc is sweet even though she comes across as a bit too childish at times, The Ghoul is charismatic as hell and watching his transformation from an idealist who believes in the American dream into a bitter and cynical nihilist is fascinating. Maximus is a great character to represent the Brotherhood because of how much he doesn't fit their ideals. He's a sociopath but instead of being a calculating manipulator he's an incompetent buffoon who's bad at pretty much everything he does, what a fascinating character. Ther whole thing feels a bit like a hyper-violent saturday morning cartoon. The show, however, has plenty of great moments, such as the whole Vault 4 subplot which nicely subverts your expectations, feels like a sidequest in New Vegas. In the second half after a couple of filler episodes the show finally decides to become good again and the ending is just firing on all cilinders. The snake oil salesman might be one of my favorite background characters ever. Can't wait for season 2.